Dust Coated Monsters
by Dommy who's a dummy
Summary: In another life, things may have been different. Very AU. Some characters make appearances but they are OOC. Also, I don't like John Paul. Never did. This fic does not paint him in a good light. It's not very kind to Danny Lomax either. Complete. Written and updated on here & AO3.
1. Truth It Fell So Heavy

' _In another life, Steven._ ' Ste shot up in his bed covered in sweat and gasping for a breath. His eyes frantically went around the room as the thick Irish accent echoed in his brain.

"Fuck." Ste whispered and ran a hand over his face. He looked to the right to see Leah and Lucas sleeping soundly in the bed next to him. The sweat soaked into his side of the sheets. The kids made a pillow fort between him and them the night before so they could whisper secrets to each other and pretend their daddy was a knight protecting their small dream castle.

Ste smiled and pulled the blankets over them more but it was useless. The night heat was barely tolerable. England rarely had summer but when it did, it was scorching. Even when the sun was gone. The windows were open around the flat however there wasn't any wind to create a draft. Ste got out of the bedroom and tip toed into the kitchen. Drowning a glass of tap water cooled him for a moment but the sweat stuck to his skin unpleasantly.

There was no point in taking a shower when he had to get up in four hours and take another one.

"In another life..." He muttered looking at the empty glass. The dreams were getting more and more frequent lately. The man in them was gorgeous beyond belief and Ste longed for him with every dream. He longed for the ridiculous porn stache. The piercing blue eyes. The Irish accent that just made Ste's insides melt. He longed for this stranger. He longed for any kind of physical contact with a man. It's been years since Ste even had a quickie in the club toilets.

Ste sighed and put the glass on the drying rack. No point in washing it when it would be used by the same occupant in the morning.

He quickly went into the bathroom taking a piss, wiping some of the sweat off with a damp towel before returning to wet sheets and his children.

They didn't know if he was gay or straight. They were too little to understand sexuality so Ste and Amy decided to make it as simple as it could be for them. They just knew daddy and mummy were not together. Mummy lived in London with auntie Anne and Phoenix and daddy lived in Chester by himself. They spent summer, Christmas and Easter with daddy and the rest of the time they lived with mummy.  
If one were to ask Leah what she thought about this arrangement, she would roll her head around five times like she's seen on the telly, and say she would like daddy to find an auntie or an uncle to live with so he wouldn't be alone when Leah and Lucas went back to London.

If one were to ask Lucas what he thought, he would look serious for a moment before smiling brightly and looking under the bed or the closet for furry monsters he could be friends with like he's in that movie. Most of the monsters he found however turned out to be dust, dirt and Ste's clothes.

Ste smiled at his two babies and slowly let the sound of their little breaths lull him back to sleep. The Irish man reappearing again.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Ste! How could you do that?!" Amy's voice berated him over the speakerphone as he rushed around the small flat making sandwiches for the kids. "Lucas is a vegetarian! Don't feed him duck! He doesn't like that!" Ste rolled his eyes and glanced at the bathroom where the kids were brushing their teeth slowly. They hated doing it. Leah always refused claiming her teeth will fall out anyways with Lucas right on her heel agreeing to every word his big sister was saying.

"Amy. He's five. Just 'cause you're a vegetarian doesn't mean he is. I would appreciate if your Mitzeee stopped putting ideas in his head, yeah." Amy growled ' _Anne_ ' over the phone. "And he asked me for duck. He wanted to eat the relatives of the one who came at him when you took him to the pond." Amy went so silent for a moment that Ste had to check if she didn't disconnect.

"Oh." The kids bumbled out happily from the bathroom, grabbed their sandwiches and sat in the small living room eating their breakfast in front of the telly. Ste picked up the phone and took it off speaker so he could talk with Amy more privately. "How is everything with you anyways?" Ste laughed.

"Done with cussing me out, Ames?" He could imagine her blushing on the other side. "Things are good. Tony agreed to give me more hours when the kids are gone. The four at the moment are enough. The babysitting duty is finally split. Danny and Mike had like a proper meet about it at The Dog."

"Really? I can't imagine it. Me dad sitting down with yours and working out a schedule? Please tell me there were timetables."

"With rulers and everything." Amy cackled on the other side. "Mike gets them every Monday and Friday. Danny does Tuesdays and Wednesdays. And Leela does Thursdays."

"Leela Lomax? Your sister? How'd you manage that?"

"She offered. Apparently now that the kids can communicate they are worth her Majesty's time."

"What about the weekend? Or when you go clubbing or something?" Ste stilled and watched his kids for a moment.

"That's done, Ames. You know that."

"Ste, come on. You can't stop your life because of some dream man." His grip tightened on the phone and he took three deep breaths to calm down.

"That is not why and you know it. You wanna talk to the kids?" The kids were safe. Amy was treading on dangerous ground and Ste needed to get back to safety. In his own mind. He barely heard her agreement but he held out the phone to his children and called them over. Lucas happily bounced over putting his plate on the table, wiping his hands on Ste's trousers and grabbed the phone. Both him and Leah talked with Amy about random things Ste didn't pay attention to. He grabbed the bed sheets and stuffed them in the washing machine quickly whilst setting out clothes for the kids. They only arrived two days ago but Ste was already back in the daddy routine he managed to create over the years.

After the kids were done talking with Amy, they passed the phone back to Ste and went to put on the clothes. Leah telling Lucas he should wear one of her bracelets to show solidarity. Ste suspected Mitzeee taught her that.

"Alright, Ames?"

"Yeah. They seem good. I'll call during the weekend. The three of us are going to Wales for a couple of days."

"Fancy,"

"Shut up." Ste smiled, the earlier tension disappearing immediately. They spoke for a few more minutes before Amy had to go and deal with Phoenix. Leah and Lucas came back into the room fully dressed and ready to leave excited to go and see their grandpa Danny and grandma Sam.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tony was in a good mood today which always worked out well for Ste. However this good mood was actually a piss take. Tony's restaurant got hired to do catering for someone's birthday by their family and Ste was the best chef Tony had so majority of the work fell on his shoulders.

"Why do I gotta do it?" Ste whinged following Tony out of the kitchen.

"Ste, you know why."

"No, I really don't. Make someone else do it. If I do it, I gotta create a whole menu and actually talk to those people."

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to go outside your comfort zone." Tony said. "But you don't have to talk to them. They left their requirements on the sheet."

"Oh because that's not inconvenient." Ste frowned. "Wait, who are these people anyways?" Tony mumbled something and walked behind the bar not looking at the younger man. "Tony. Are you hiding something from the best chef you have ever had?"

"You're not the best-"

"Then have someone else do it." Tony took a deep breath. His good mood diminishing slowly.

"It's for John Paul." Ste froze instantly before nodding.

"Wow. Didn't know the McQueens would doll out any money."

"Ste."

"It's fine." Ste walked back into the kitchen and took the requirement sheet before starting to compose a menu. Soon he wasn't alone in the kitchen as Doug Carter walked in whistling happily.

"Morning, Ste." He grumbled a reply looking at his work. "Such a gorgeous day outside and we have to be in here. What a shame, don't you think?"

"I'm only here till 12, mate."

"Ah, yes. The kids are back." Doug smiled. "You should bring them over sometime. Annoys Noah but Leanne and Texas adore them."

"Maybe." Ste replied non-comittedly and went with the menu to Tony. "What d'you think?" Tony's eyes roamed it over before the older man nodded.

"Looks good. Great job, Ste."

"Ta. When do we need it for?" Tony stared at him for a moment. "Yeah, I know when his birthday is. I mean the food. Should I start now or what?"

"You can start now on the sauces. We'll freeze those. Handle the meat on the day."

"Alright." He turned around to walk back into the kitchen but Tony's voice stopped him. "What?"

"This isn't personal. The pay from this will let you take the kids to a theme park or something."

"I know, Tony. And I promise I won't poison them." He gave a small smile to his boss before walking back in the kitchen and pulling out a bunch of pots. Doug tried to make conversation as usual but Ste ignored him as much as possible. It wasn't that Doug was a horrible person or anything like that. Ste just kept to himself. He only had a handful of people he was close now. That he could trust. It also didn't help the fact that he suspected that Doug liked him. The American proclaimed himself a heterosexual too often for it to be believable. Constantly having to reassure himself that he was straight. Especially around Ste.

And Ste was not interested in anything or anyone. Except the dream man. However he knew the man didn't exist so there was no point in hoping for him to stroll into the village. A village that didn't host any Irish stached gorgeous males with blue eyes.

The time flew by as the hours went on and Ste lost himself in the art of cooking. There were only three things in the world that mattered to him now. Leah, Lucas and cooking. He loved to create something delicious out of several ingredients that were nothing by themselves but together they made a masterpiece. This was Ste's art.

He heard his name being called and smiled as the voices of his children sounded through. The two blonde rascals stood in the doorway grinning at him. They weren't allowed in the kitchen because of several health hazards and the sharp objects.

"Hey guys!" Doug yelled and came over to hug them. They returned the hug reluctantly. "You came to see your dad at work?" Lucas nodded turning shy.

"Go back outside, I'll be right there." He pulled out several labels and started writing on them before finding plastic containers.

"Daddy, can you make us burgers?" Leah asked pulling out those puppy dog eyes. Ste sighed. "And for grandad too? Please?"

"With chips, daddy?" Lucas joined in on the crusade. Both of them sticking out their bottom lip like Ste did when he wanted something.

"Okay. Just this once." It wouldn't be only once and everyone knew it. "Chicken burgers, okay?" The kids jumped up and down and bounced out of the kitchen back to the restaurant.

"I can make it, if you want." Doug offered. "Not particulary busy."

"It's fine." Ste put the containers in one of the fridges and the pots in the dishwasher. "I make it differently."

"Right. Hey, you know Leanne's birthday party is next week. It'd be nice if you'd be there. I'm sure she'd appreciate it."

"Maybe. Thanks for the invite." They worked in silence around each other before the door opened again and Lynsey Nolan walked in.

"Afternoon, boys." Her accent reminding Ste of his dreams for a moment. "Ste, I saw the kids out there. You must be happy to have them back." She spoke as she put on her chef whites.

"You've no idea." He smiled at her. Lynsey worked part time at the restaurant and part time at the hospital. Ste didn't know why and she refused to tell anyone. The reason he liked her was because like him, she kept people at bay. No one really knew who Lynsey Nolan was.

"Must be nice. Still can't believe you're a dad, you know. So young. And your own dad looks young as well. Good genes in yer family." He smirked at her.

"You wanna be my new stepmum, Lyns? I think Sam would have something to say about that."

"She'd fit right in though." Doug laughed trying to join the conversation but instead created an awkward silence. Ste grabbed a big plate where he stuffed the four burgers and a mountain of chips before going out. Danny, Leah, Lucas and Tony were sitting at a table near the bar so Tony could keep an eye on things. The two men lost on conversation started when Ste put the plate on the table and grabbed a spare chair. The kids attacking the food with a well rehearsed ' _Thank you, daddy!_ '.

"Cheers, Ste." Danny smiled continuing on the conversation with Tony who munched on the chips. There were plenty to go around. Ste looked at his kids and asked what they did today.

"We went to the park but when Peri woke up we made a kite. Mine is purple and Lucas made a brown one." Leah started not eating until she finished her sentence. Lucas had other ideas.

"She shaid we will fly them when itsh wind." The boy spoke with food flying out of his mouth. "Daddy, why ish it sho hot? Auntie Anne shaysh itsh becaushe Phoenixsh doeshn't eat leeksh but that'sh dumb."

"Uh..." Ste thought about an answer whilst munching on his burger. "Dunno, really. Maybe we're closer to the sun or somethin'."

"The sun is a star, Lucas." Leah said proudly.

"Is Marsh a shtar then too?"

"No. It's a planet."

"Why?"

"Because aliens live on it. They found water on Mars which means that there was life on it. That's what Rosie says and her mum works for the science people." Lucas' eyes widened like saucers as Leah told him what Rosie said. Ste smiled from his food at his kids.

He missed them so much. He dreaded the days when they would grow up and want to spend more time with their friends instead of him. Danny interrupted his self-pitying train of thought by asking him a question.

"What?"

"Where your head at, boy?" Tony laughed and got up to serve a new customer who just walked in. Ste glared at his retreating form but there was no heat behind it.

"I was asking if you three wanna come by tonight." Danny said amused by his son.

"Oh. Right. You not sick of us yet, dad?"

"Getting there." The older man smirked. "What do you say? Tegan will order pizza." The kids perked up at the sound of pizza.

"Please, daddy. Can we?" Leah asked clapping her hands together.

"Your mum will rip me a new one because I'm only feeding you two fast food."

"Blame it on grandad." Lucas suggested earning a laugh from the older man.

"Come on. I'll even invite Mike. Your sisters miss you as well. You've been cacooning yourself in that flat for weeks. The only time I see you is when the kids are here or if I drag myself to this place. And Tony ain't really that interesting." Tony yelled an ' _I heard that!_ ' from the other side of the room.

"Alright. But yeah. Invite Mike too. He missed them as much as me." Leah burped loudly and bowed her head a little when Lucas clapped. Ste shook his head and grinned. Only his two little blond devils could make him feel this content with his life.

-.-.-.-.-

"Oh my gosh, Mum." Leela said excitedly. "We're getting new neighbours." Ste looked at his sister for a moment before going back to playing chess with Peri.

"Leela. Do I look like someone who cares?" Sam asked not even bothering to look her way.

"What? Mum! What if they are murderers? You gotta run like a background check on them or something." Sam and Danny exchanged glances.

"Nah." They both said. Leela made a frustrated sound before dropping herself on the couch next to her daughter.

"You wanna know, don't you?" She asked the young girl in a small voice nudging her. Ste snorted.

"Leela, I love you, you gave birth to me but you are literally the only person in this household who is interested in gossip." Tegan laughed from the kitchen where her and Leah were making pancakes. Lucas was playing cards with Mike, Danny and Sam at the table.

"Why are you all so bloody boring?"

"'Cause you're so fascinating, innit?" Ste replied. Leela threw her hands up in frustration before narrowing her eyes at him.

"D'you know what else I heard?"

"You hear a lot of things." Peri spoke.

"Shush. I heard that the McQueens are throwing John Paul a very big party and Tony's is catering it." Everyone went silent at that and looked at Ste who stared firmly at the game board in front of him.

"You actually heard something right, then." Ste have her a tight smile. "Your move." Peri quickly made a move but everyone else was still silent. "What?"

"Ste, are you sure that's...a good idea?" Sam asked. Always the first one to speak one and be the most frank. Ste liked that about her. When Danny's eyes were on him frozen in fear.

"Just business." He shrugged. "Besides, I don't plan on seeing him. Just making the food." Sam shook her head but went back to the game. His father followed her lead after a moment. Lucas abandoned it though and hobbled over to Ste sitting down next to him across from Leela and Peri.

"Daddy, who's John Paul?" Ste looked at his little boy and sighed.

"He was a friend of mine."

"Not anymore?"

"No, not since you were three."

"Why?" Leela kept quiet but Ste could see her interested in the answer.

"I hurt him. And he hurt me. I'll explain it better when you're older, okay?" Lucas considered it for a moment before hugging Ste around his waist.

"As long as me and Leah are here, no one will get hurt." Ste smiled and kissed his son's head before the boy bounced away to bother Leah and Tegan in the kitchen.

"Why couldn't you be as cute as him?" Leela asked Peri accusingly.

"'Cause you insisted I call you Leela instead of mum." Peri replied continuing on with the game whilst Leela pouted in a very similar fashion to Ste's.


	2. Where Loyalties Don't Matter

The dreams were getting more and more vivid as the days went on and Ste had to ask the kids to sleep in their room because he started waking up with a raging erection. Just from one single line repeated over and over again.

He thought about telling Amy about the dreams but she only knew about the first one and still teased him about it.

Even so, she was his best friend.

Although the memory of her cackling did put him off.

The Lomaxes kept on contacting him because of the kids but Ste didn't exactly feel comfortable sharing with his sisters, niece or his parental figures that he almost came purely because of a simple fucking sentence.

Doug did manage to coerce him into coming over to his place with the kids over the weekend though. It was a particularly hot day where you barely want to move out of bed never mind go to someone else's house. But the promise of ice cream managed to convince the kids it would be worth it. It was Texas who buzzed them in and opened the door with a big smile.

"Hi guys! You remember me?" She asked the kids. Lucas looked at her shyly trying to place her but Leah nodded confidently. "I'm Texas. Come in, come in. Me and Leanne planned loads of fun games for us all to play."

"Really?" Ste asked unimpressed as she ushered them in. Noah and Doug were arguing in whispers over something in the kitchen but stopped immediately when they saw the Hays. Doug smiling brightly and Noah attempt to smile turning into a grimace.

"Hi Ste." Noah said. "Hi kids."

"Hey Ste. Hey little Hays. We've got so much fun stuff to do today." Doug grinned.

"I want to paint your face." Leah said carelessly wiping the sweat of her forehead. Doug froze momentarily.

"Uh...I don't think we have any face paint honey."

"Make up." Lucas explained. "She means with make up." Ste nearly burst out laughing at the American's face. He looked to Ste for help as Leah stared on unimpressed.

"How about you put make up on my face?" Texas intervened. "And you can braid Leanne's hair too."

"No." Leah shook her head. "Him. You're too pretty for make up." Ste held back a snicker and crouched down to his daughter's level. They had a staring contest for five seconds before Leah sighed dramatically. "Fine. I'll just do Lucas' face instead."

"Yay!" Lucas bounced up and down hapilly at that.

"You are very comfortable being your sister's doll, aren't you?" Noah asked that grimace still on his face.

"Hey!" Leah shouted startling everyone. "Lucas is my little brother. You are not allowed to talk to him like that."

"Leah." Ste nudged her. "We're in Noah's home. Be polite."

"Only if he will." Ste sighed and looked at the man who held his hands up in surrender.

"Maybe it'll be just easier if I leave." He said and walked back up to his room leaving Lucas and Leah beaming at Ste. Lucas walked up to Texas playing shy and tugging at her skirt.

"Can I be your husband today?" He asked quietly earning a laugh from her.

"I suppose."

"Yay!" Leah yelled startling everyone again. "You're married! Now you can hold hands. Auntie Anne says we're not allowed to hold strangers hands unless we're married. Yay Lucas!" She threw something imaginary in the air as Lucas took Texas' hand. Doug came over from the kitchen with a cold can of Coke and handed it to Ste who nodded a thanks but passed it to Lucas instead with instructions to drink slowly.

"How about you, Leah? Are you married?" She shook her head.

"I like to keep my options open." Ste choked on air and spluttered for a moment before forming a coherent thought.

"Who taught you that?!" Leah looked confused and shrugged.

"Auntie Anne." Ste repressed the urge to swear as he got another Coke for Leah. "She teaches me a lot. I'll teach you Doug but I want to play first. Do you have monopoly?" Texas nodded and pulled out a box from the pile of games. Ste smiled as Lucas sat next to her and waited patiently to hold her hand again. Ste sat on one side of Leah whilst Doug sat on her right and the little girl sorted everything out. Leanne came downstairs at some point to play as well but Leah somehow convinced her to go and buy ice cream for everyone.

She yelled loudly when Lucas and Texas gave each other money and bought property together because it was against the rules. Lucas just yelled back that it was okay because they were married. Ste has never seen his daughter act so aggressively in all her life.

"Heard there's gonna be a new neighbour." He asked casually trying to make some conversation when Leah pouted.

"Yeah." Doug said smiling at him. "It's a family of five. A brother, his two kids, a sister and her husband. We've already met the sister and the husband. The brother isn't getting here till next week I think."

"How are they gonna handle you lot? My own family barely tolerates the parties you throw."

"Tell that to Leela." Texas smirked. "She's the one who starts them over here with Leanne and hides if any Lomax comes by to turn the music down. Speaking of, I haven't seen them for two days. Everything alright, Ste?"

"Yeah. Danny took Sam to the city for some romantic getaway or somethin'. Leela and Tegan are crashing Leela's ex's wedding and Peri is at a friend's for the week."

"Well don't they have busy lives." Texas said to Lucas.

"They do." He nodded back at her in all seriousness. "D'you know if their kids are my age? It would be fun to play with someone other than Leah."

"No idea, buddy." Doug replied. "But you can come over here and play with us any time you want to. Noah especially." He grinned as he heard thumping from the ceiling. "See, he loves you guys."

Ste shook his head as he landed in jail again. Monopoly really was a bitch sometimes.

-.-.-.-.-

"I saw a car!" Leela stormed into the restaurant's kitchen straight away as Ste was busy. The McQueen party was only days away and he felt like they would bash on his food straight away.

"Huh?" He asked confused looking over the menu again. "Leela, I don't really have time for you."

"Ste! My little lovely brother who I share blood with! Listen." She hissed at him before her eyes snapped to Doug behind Ste. "America, don't you got some frying to do or whatever? Private conversation." Ste rolled his eyes as he stammered out an apology. "Good boy. Steeee."

"WHAAAT?" He hissed back at her.

"Pay attention to me." He put the paperwork down for a moment before bulging his eyes at her so she knew she had his full attention. "You know how I saw a car I loved at Cam's wedding?"

"Cam?"

"Peri's dad."

"The ex. Right. You see a lot of cars, Leela."

"No but listen! I saw a newer version of my baby here! In the village!" Ste rolled his eyes. "It's meant to be. I am meant to get that car. What if it belongs to some rich businessman who falls in love with me at first sight?"

"Tell you what, you can ring me when it happens but for now I'm gonna get back to work."

"Ste!"

"Leela!" She crossed her arms and pouted. "Alright, since you here, be my taste monkey."

"Me?!" She shrieked. "Have you seen how much effort I put into this dress?"

"Yeah, last night you ate entire chicken chow mein all by yourself. Just...come on." He forced her to stand by the pans tying up her hair quickly in a hair net. The McQueens would love anything that would give them a discount. Doug was on the other side of the kitchen with the other cooker serving customers however there was barely any in the morning. Which gave Ste plenty of time to work on brand new dishes. Leela whinged at first but the moment the food hit her taste buds, Ste had to practically drag her away to stop her from wolfing everything down.

"I like the shrimp noodles the best. The sauce is spicy instead of sweet. But I thought Theresa was allergic to shellfish."

"Yeah but they specially requested it. Why, I've no idea. Pretty sure they'll just chuck it all."

"Maybe, but at least you'll get paid."

"Yeah, I suppose." He frowned.

"Hey." Leela nudged him. "Are you trying to impress him? He's not in your life anymore. Hasn't been for years."

"But he's been in dad's." Ste muttered and a shadow fell over his sister's face.

"Not anymore though. We all make mistakes. The McQueens are nature's mistake."

"Carmel's not so bad." Leela scoffed.

"Forget about them lot. You are an amazing chef. Your food is fantastic. They will either eat or not. Doesn't matter. And you will find someone better than that fuck. If I can find my car soulmate in Hollyoaks, then you definitely can find yours. Maybe he's hiding? Or maybe it's Doug." The man mentioned let out a strangled noise followed by a very high pitched laugh. "Or maybe not." Leela smiled at Ste. "The food is great. My fav is definitely the shrimp noodles though. You should cook for us like this sometimes."

"Next weekend?"

"Definitely." She sat on Ste's hair and stared at him for a little while before Ste realised she had something else on her mind. "D'you think I should move out?"

"What's brought this on?"

"Well it's just that Peri is growing up really well with Dad and Mum as her parents so I'm not really needed-"

"Stop right there, yeah?" Ste interrupted and put his hands on her shoulders. "Peri will always need you. You may not have been the one who raised her but you are a part of her. You are a sister at times. A mum when she requires it. She will always need you. Look at my Leah and Lucas, yeah? Amy and bloody Mitzeee are like the perfect parents but they still need me. They still need to come to my tiny council flat, sleep in that tiny little bed, spend most of their time just sitting around and watching crappy telly with me. They still need that. And Peri still needs you." She gave him a watery smile.

"Fucking hell, for a druggie with serious anger issues you are one sweet bastard."

"Ta." He beamed at her and hugged her tight. "You're not so awful either. Though you are a bit of slag, aren't ya?"

"Hey." She shoved him playfully. Doug cleared his throat from the other side of the kitchen. "You need something, US of Lame?"

"One, that is really mean and two, Ste, your food is overheating."

"Shit!" Ste jumped to his pans whilst Leela cackled. "Shut it." He muttered at her which just made her cackle more.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste groaned as the letters stopped making sense to him. Mike took him and the kids into town and they were currently in a book store. Usually his dyslexia didn't give him such a headache and he could get by with it on daily basis but today was a difficult day.

The McQueens didn't like the menu he created for them and threatened to not pay Tony until he came up with something ' _normal people eat_. Three fridges broke down over night whilst the restaurant was full of people because of a dentists convention near by so Lynsey came in earlier to help out. Doug was on the fryer, Lynsey cooked and Ste worked on deserts for about an hour before a pipe burst through the ceiling covering them in water filled with piss and other bodily excrements. The fryer and the cooker somehow caught fire nearly burning Doug in the process. Ste's phone ran out of credit when he wanted to ring Amy for some sense of comfort. Nancy came by with a notepad already interrogating everyone for a news article. Darren Osbourne laughed his arse off when he saw the Tony crew cleaning up. Tony said the restaurant had to be closed for a week at least.

Then the worst happened.

Leah got in an accident. Some dickhead on a motorcycle nearly crashed into her. Thankfully he avoided her to cause much damage but the little girl was thrown to the ground where her small teeth split through her bottom lip and she had to get stitches.

Ste nearly had a heart attack when he got to A&E after Mike called him still covered in the water from the pipe. He couldn't find them at first which gave him another dreaded fear on top. But Mike called out to him from one of the plastic chairs with Lucas sitting beside him and Leah with her head up, an ice bag covering half of her face. Ste asked if they were seen by anyone yet and when Mike said they had to wait, Ste nearly ripped a nurses' head off. Mike tried to placate him but it was no use. Ste demanded his daughter be seen immediately not giving a damn about anyone else. The room was basically empty anyways. The nurse told him that he should keep his anger in check as it wouldn't do any good and it was only scaring his children.

Which reminded Ste of what his counsellor in anger management taught him. He apologised to the nurse and asked when they would be seen. She softened a little after that and promised someone would be with them shortly. Ste kept on asking Leah things before he remembered she couldn't really talk so he just settled on running his hand through her hair that was now hanging freely unlike this morning when she demanded he tied it up on the tightest ponytail he could muster.

"Ste?" Mike brought him back into the present. "You alright?" The twenty-one year old sighed and nodded rubbing his eyes.

"Been a long day." He muttered. After the hospital, they went back to Ste's where he took a quick shower and then Mike suggested they go into town where Leah could get something special for being such a brave girl. She had eleven stitches which would be taken off in ten day, but there was talk of plastic surgery which Ste said no to straight away rubbing Leah's back. "Can I borrow your phone? I should probably call Amy." Mike nodded and passed him the small device whilst Leah pointed to a book with race cars on it that Lucas was too shy to stare at. Ste walked to a more secluded part of the bookstore and dialled the number. He got her voice mail.

"Hey, Ames. Listen. Don't freak out, yeah? Leah was in an accident today. Don't worry. She's alright. There was a bike or somethin' and she fell on the ground and her teeth went through her mouth and she's got stitches but..." Ste took a deep breath. "But she's fine. Your dad took us to buy her something to make her feel better. My phone ran out of credit so I'm calling from his. She's alright, Amy. Just a little bit shaken up, innit. Give us a ring later on. Love you. Bye." He looked at his little girl with stitches on her mouth. She couldn't really smile or speak much. Her lip was numbed back in the hospital. Lucas trying to talk for her when he felt confident enough to.

Leah may not have been Ste's blood but he loved her just as much as Lucas. Both of them were his and Amy's kids. No one could ever change that. When Ste met Amy, he was barely in high school and she was already two months pregnant by a guy who was not interested in being a father. She helped him get away from Terry and Pauline and in the process the two got close. Mike wasn't exactly happy, especially when Ste got Amy pregnant again not soon after. But Ste remembered the moment when he held little baby Leah in his arms. It was the first time he ever felt something he's never felt before. Terry and Pauline took everything from him, ripped him apart, made him hide who he was.

He barely finished high school. Went to Youth Offenders for joyriding before he had his first pimple. He lashed out at anyone and everyone. Amy almost being a victim to his aggression. Ste knew he could have killed her but somehow he never laid a finger on her. He was grateful for that every single day.

When he held Leah though. He felt love. Pure, untainted love for this precious new life. It was beautiful. And it made him want to be a better man. Lucas enforced that want. The two were why Ste went into anger management. They were the reason he let Danny Lomax and his family into his life. They were the reason that he asked Tony Hutchinson to help him find a job.

Leah came up to him and tugged on his hand till he bent down to her level. She was frowning and pouting a little.

"What's the matter, sweetie?"

"I don't want a book anymore."

"How come?"

"'Cause you look angry looking at them." Ste felt his jaw hit the floor. "I don't want you to be angry, Daddy. I'm sorry I got hurt." She hugged him tightly and Ste felt his body shake as a couple of tears fell from his face.

"Leah." He whispered and patted her hair. "You never have to be sorry, especially if you get hurt. Because it wasn't your fault. And when I get angry it isn't your fault." She sniffled into his shoulder. "Were you scared of me? At the hospital?"

"A little." She admitted in a small voice and Ste closed his eyes in regret.

"I'm really sorry about that. You should have never had to see me like that." They stayed like that for a couple more moments before Leah nudged him that she was ready to break the hug. Ste looked at her and smiled. "D'you really not want a book?" She hesitated before smiling slightly.

"No but Lucas does. Can I get a new make-up set?" Ste laughed and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go." They found Mike and Lucas not far with little Lucas looking in awe at race cars. He looked up at Ste when they came.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy!" He rushed over to Ste bouncing up and down excitedly.

"What, what, what, what?" Lucas grinned and show him a Bentley in a book.

"I want to make cars." Ste looked over at Mike who shrugged in a ' _What can you do?_ ' fashion. "Beetleys. Like this one."

"They're called Bentleys, Lucas." Ste smiled.

"Bentleys. I'm gonna make Bentleys! Can I get it?" He made big eyes. "Please, daddy? Please?" Ste agreed because his kids could basically manipulate him into buying them a castle if they wanted. Leah got a small make-up kit and when the kids saw a huge black teddy bear on sale, Ste got that for them too. With Mike laughing that it wouldn't fit in the boot of the car.

The day turned out to not be so bad.

-A/N-

Hey guys. so I don't know if anyone is reading this story but I'm more active on AO3 so the updates come faster on there

Tumblr & AO3: dominikadecember

COME AT ME PEEPS!


	3. Something About Something

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY HOLLYOAKS CHARACTERS AND TRUTH BE TOLD, I seriously wouldn't ever fucking want to. I love them but it's so much pressure.**

"Warren Fox is selling the Loft to some new people." Darren Osbourne told Ste who was buying some ingredients at PriceSlice to cook over at Tony's flat. The kids were with Danny whilst Tony tried to make the reparations at his restaurant go as quickly as possible, the insurance paying out a huge amount for it because Tony's new girlfriend, Cindy Cunningham, was a snake that was beneficial for the situation.

"Fascinating." Ste muttered paying for his stuff but Darren clearly didn't take a hint.

"I wonder who the new owners are gonna be."

"Probably your dad, Darren." Ste replied not caring and leaving the shop. Darren laughed behind him and shouted ' _Good one, Ste!_ ' as the Hay moved further and further away. Lynsey was at Tony's lounging with the man. "Doug not here yet?" He asked. The two shook their head. "So, we gonna start this work meeting or what?"

"Aren't I supposed to say that?" Tony said with a smirk on his face. "I'm the boss, right? We'll wait for Doug. How's Leah?"

"Good. She's still a bit stressed but other than that she's alright. Plus she thinks she looks dead cool with the stitches."

"She with Danny today?" Lynsey asked and Ste nodded. "Must be nice. They have so much family that love them. Kinda jealous. Is it weird I'm jealous of a five and a six year old?"

"Nah." Tony shook his head. "It's not weird. I would love to be spoiled like Ste does the little ones."

"Oi! I don't spoil them!"

"You can't say no to them, kid." Ste thought for a moment.

"Fair point. How come you never talk about your family, Lynsey?" She shrugged and laid down on the couch.

"Don't have one to talk about. Foster kid. Bounced about for a couple of years back in Ireland." Ste raised his eyebrows. "So I don't see the point in talking about it." She smiled at them. "This place is the first one I have friend like people." Tony and Ste exchanged a glance.

"You're talking about us right? I'll be offended if you have friend like people outside of the restaurant." Ste cracked causing the other two to laugh.

It felt good. Strangely comfortable and even though Ste loved his kids, hanging out with adults who weren't his family felt fun. Of course, that feeling didn't last very long. Doug burst into the flat with a huge grin that seemed to widen when his eyes landed on Ste who tried to hide in his seat.

"Hi guys." Doug said. "How are you all doing on this wonderful day?"

"Ecstatic." Tony muttered closing his eyes but the smile still on his face. "Cindy is down at the restaurant making sure everything is going smoothly. With some really good luck we should open by next Monday." Doug sat himself down on the chair closest next to Ste.

"What about the McQueen party? It's on Sunday." Lynsey asked.

"That's the thing." Tony looked at Ste. "Since the restaurant is shut down and unusable we're gonna have to do the food at our homes and then heat it up at the venue kitchen." Ste frowned.

"Why can't we just cook it there?"

"Because the venue kitchen consists of a industrial fridge, industrial freezer and a grill. That used to be a two piece with an oven but the oven broke down." Ste groaned.

"Fucking McQueens! Why did you take this job anyways?"

"Money." Tony replied.

"It's no problem." Doug said happily. "We can do it. As long as we work together. Right gang?" The three workers just stared at him. "Where's your positivity people?"

"It went down with the kitchen." Lynsey muttered turning back to the ceiling.

"Who has a bloomin' party on a Sunday anyway?" Ste whinged. "The next day you meant to go back to work not nurse a bloody hangover." His phone pinged and he saw a picture message Danny send him of Leah and Lucas sleeping on a bean bag. "Oh no! I forgot about the kids. Gotta organise a sitter, don't I?"

"Relax, Ste. Sunday is still days away. Why don't you ask Leanne or Texas?" Doug suggested but Ste wasn't so sure. The kids didn't know them well enough. "What about your family?" Ste shook his head.

"The parents and Peri are going down to London on Friday. Mike is also out of town."

"And Tegan and Leela are helping out in the kitchen." Tony finished. "I think Texas and Leanne are your best options." Ste chewed on his lip and looked away from his boss at Doug.

"Can I borrow their numbers off ya?" The American boy nodded immediately and passed the phone to Ste.

"Yeah, of course. Here." Ste typed the numbers into his phone and send them a group message asking if they were free on Sunday.

"Ta." Ste passed the phone back to Doug.

"So Ste. You've finally done the menus?" Tony asked after a moment. Ste nodded and pulled out the four papers from his back pocket.

"Lynsey, can you do the starters? They're the easiest to do. Doug can do the sandwiches and I was hoping you'd let me do the main here, Tone." The boss raised his eyebrows at that. "I just don't have the fancy equipment at home that you do here."

"No problem, what about the desserts?"

"Those I can do at home. Maybe even get Lucas and Leah to help out a bit."

"So what do you want me to make?" Ste grinned. "Come on!"

"Out of all of us you have the best social skills especially when it comes to the McQueens." He explained and Lynsey snickered but Doug looked confused.

"What's happening?" Tony sighed frustrated and wandered into the kitchen to get a drink with Lynsey shouting he should get her one too.

"Tony is on host duty. We deal with the food, the caterers and that's it. But there has to be one person in charge that makes sure both the staff and the party is happy. It's the worst job." She explained. "'Cause you have to deal with both sides whining. Not even working at the hospital is as stressful as that. I pulled the short straw once and took on the job thinking it would be easy. Worst career choice ever."

"So why would Tony be the best choice here?" Doug asked even more confused looking at Tony who had his back to them drinking beer. But it was clearly visible from the tension in the shoulders that this was a conversation he would have rather not to listen. Ste leaned over and spoke in a hush tone to Doug.

"Because him and Theresa McQueen are very beneficial friends." Doug's eyes widened in shock as Lynsey giggled from her place on the couch.

"I have not and will not ever do anything with that girl, you got it Ste?" Tony said coming back to them and putting a glass of ice tea on top of Lynsey's head. She took it from him immediately but placed it on the floor not bothered to sit up. "I am not a cradle robber." Ste rolled his eyes and leaned back in the chair.

"Alright, fine. But she proper fancies you. And everyone knows it. But out of all of us, you are the best at dealing with that lot. Doug would get eaten alive. Lynsey would murder Mercedes and I cannot even look in John Paul's direction. Face it mate." Ste stood up and walked to the kitchen with the earlier ingredients. "You're our shining star when it comes to that family."

"Well, don't I feel fucking special." Tony murmured.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste found his father and his children in the park. Texas agreed to babysit them during the McQueen party whilst Leanne said she was terrified of little Leah to ever be in the same room with her. He smirked at that.

The rest of the meeting at Tony's went by with Ste making food for the lot and the four of them just talking rubbish. Even Doug was tolerable.

Leah ran up to him holding something in her palms.

"Look, daddy. It's a froggie." She smiled happily as Ste indeed saw a small frog leap out of her hands. She made a small shrieking laugh and ran after it. Her stitches not stopping her. Ste shook his head and told her not to go too far before sitting down next to his father on the bench who put his arm on his shoulder reassuringly.

"You alright?" Danny asked with warmth filling his voice.

"Mm." Ste hummed and let himself lean back into his father's touch. "Just bored, really. I don't have much to do 'cause of the restaurant. And the kids get bored too 'cause I ain't that entertaining, am I?" He blew out a deep breath feeling himself deflate.

"It's not just that, is it?" Danny asked quietly. "It's John Paul." Ste leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Ste, you live in the same village."

"I've avoided him for years. I can avoid him for a few more."

"Ste."

"What? What do you want me to say?" He snapped anger bubbling under his nails.

"I know you're disappointed in me."

"Dad. I really don't want to have this conversation, alright?" Danny was silent for a moment before quietly agreeing. Leah and Lucas were leaping after the frogs before Lucas was knocked over with a football. A teenager ran up quickly with big eyes apologising continuously.

"I didn't see him. Oh my God, is he alright? I'm so sorry. I'm seriously so sorry." Ste tuned the teenager out and leaned over to his son who was laying face down on the grass. He shook him but Lucas wasn't responding. Yet Ste knew his son wasn't hurt because he didn't have that panic inside his chest whenever one of the kids would get hurt. Ste smirked and one handedly flipped his son over. The teenager stopping mid apology when Lucas started giggling.

"Again!" The little boy clapped his hands from the ground laughing. Ste passed the ball to the teenager.

"Don't worry about it." He smiled at him and got a smile back even though the teenage boy was still looking over at laughing Lucas with worry.

"Declan! You gonna use kids as footballs now?!" Someone yelled from the other side of the park. Ste looked over to see a tall man with a kid not much older than Leah laughing their arses off across the green. The tall man set off a feeling of familiarity in Ste's chest.

"That your dad?" The teenager called Declan nodded. "Bit of a prick, ain't he?" Danny snickered next to him and Declan finally smiled relieved rolling his eyes.

"You've no idea. Sorry again, eh..."

"Ste. This here on the ground is Lucas. The one that is sitting putting grass on you is Leah and this is me dad, Danny."

"Nice to meet you guys." His dad yelled his name again and Declan rolled his eyes one more time. "I'll see you lot around. Maybe next time, Lucas can kick the ball instead of being hit by it." He ran off yelling something to his family and only then Ste realised something.

"Where's that accent from you think?" He asked Danny trying to confirm his suspicions.

"Ireland." Danny replied confidently as Leah started throwing grass at laughing Lucas' face. Ste's eyes widened as he watched Declan with his little brother and his dad. He squinted trying to see the older man clearly and yup. There it was. A horseshoe, porno style stache.

"Shit." The chances of this man being Ste's dream guy were slim but it still had Ste's heart beating hard in his chest.

"What is it?" Danny asked concerned but Ste shook his head. It probably wasn't him. And even if, so what? This real man was probably straight anyways. And Ste promised himself that he wasn't going to get involved with anyone ever again.

He gave his father a tight smile and sat down on the grass to help Leah bury Lucas under grass. Pushing the thoughts of the dream man and the mysterious father across the park into the back of his mind.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"The new neighbours are coming to dinner so you gotta cook for us." Leela ordered as Ste walked into the household with Leah and Lucas hanging on each hand making Ste realise he needed to work on his upper body strength. Mike was already there laughing with Sam and Danny. It was now a new tradition. Having family dinners every Tuesday and Friday where Ste somehow ended up cooking for everyone by himself. Tegan and Peri tried to help at first but he got frustrated with them because they were doing everything wrong and he told them to get the hell out.

So it wasn't _that_ much of a wonder that he ended up doing the entire meal alone.

"What? Why are they coming over?"

"Peri invited them." Leela spread her lips into the widest and most evil grin he has ever seen on her. "I think she has a crush on one of them." She whispered very conspiratorial like and received a remote thrown at her head.

"Think she heard?" Ste asked smirking.

"Ow." Leela mumbled rubbing her head. "Make salmon. They like salmon."

"D'you have salmon?"

"Plenty for everyone to go around."

"Alright. What about Peri though?"

"What about her?"

"She doesn't like fish." Leela opened her mouth slightly shocked by this revelation and looked at her daughter who was spinning Lucas in circles.

"Really? I didn't know that." She hummed for a moment. "We've got some veggies, I think. You know what? Why am I telling you this? Go and see for yourself. You're the chef." Ste grumbled but indeed went I to the kitchen and started pulling out several items from the fridge and the freezer. Within minutes the house started to smell deliciously. Salmon for everyone and veggie chilli for the kids. Leah and Lucas would only eat what their big cousin liked when they were together.

Tegan came downstairs after a while. Lately she hasn't been feeling well. Often sick and dizzy so Sam suggested her daughter stayed off from work a while till she felt better. But she wanted to be downstairs for when Leela made an idiot out of herself. Which the younger Lomax took offense to for a second before the bell rang.

Ste cringed. The dinner was still about twenty minutes away. Who were these people that they had to show up early? Nobody besides him moved. All staring at the door hypnotised.

"Someone get it! It's not like I've got a hand to spare." He rolled his eyes at his family. It's like they have never met people before. Leah bravely stood up and opened the door. Ste could hear new voices and he felt the entire world stop on its' axis when he hear the accent. He hid behind a wall breathing heavily and peeked out to make sure he wasn't imagining it through the staircase.

That Declan was here with his father, brother and what Ste assumed to be his aunt and uncle. The woman had a slightly different accent from them whilst her husband was speaking proper posh English.

"Something smells delish!" The woman spoke cheerfully. She was dressed in bright pink colours, a skirt that seemed to be made for a teenager instead of a grown woman and had curly blonde hair. She moved to the side and Ste had no choice but to focus on her brother. He was tall, pale and had that stupid mustache that Ste was sure would leave a bright red patch of irritated skin behind.

But his eyes.

"Fuck." Ste breathed out in a barely audible fashion whilst his heart was threatening to break free out of his rib cage. The man's eyes were ice blue. The kind of ice that would penetrate your body with its' sharp end and then melt warmly into the hole it created. They were gorgeous. The man was attractive overall but those eyes were something that Ste knew he wouldn't be able to ignore.

Not to mention that he's been dreaming of the man for the past two months. He was brought back into reality and realised that time slowed down for him, making the man still in his memory whilst in reality it was mere seconds from when the new family came in.

"Oh, my brother is making us dinner. He's good with food." He saw Tegan reply with a smile. Leah shook her head.

"Daddy is great with food. He's a chef. You were at the park." Declan laughed uncomfortably and nodded.

"Uh, yeah. Hi again." Ste still staring at the happening in front of him swore as the chilli started sizzling and jumped to it.

"Shit on it." He muttered as Leela cackled.

"Come in, come in. Ignore the Mancunian. He's prissy about everything." Ste now fully concentrated on the food in front of him just flipped her off. "This is Leah and Lucas. That's Mike, their grandad on their mum's side. In the kitchen being a drama queen is Ste."

"That's an unusual name. Does it run in the family?" The husband of the pink woman asked amusement laced in his voice. "I'm Nate, this here is my lovely Cheryl. That's Brendan. Don't let his mustache scare you." Ste assumed that part was said to his kids. "And that's Padraig but we call him Paddy. Seems you already know Declan."

"Yeah! He hit me with his ball!" Lucas shouted happily and bounced into the kitchen. "Daddy, can I have a biscuit before dinner?" Ste shook his head.

"No, grandpa Danny already fed you and your sister too much sugar." He told his son not looking at the boy to not be sucked in by that puppy dog expression.

"I resent that." Danny said from his place in the living room earning a pat on his arm from Sam. "At least they didn't end up in the hospital. I'm the good grandad."

"Oi, what you say Lomax? You trying to tarnish my name 'cause I beat ya at gin?" Mike laughed. Lucas tugged at Ste's hand and after he turned the stove off, Ste bent down to his son's level ignoring the conversation between the two older men.

"Daddy, if you let me have a biscuit now, I'll tell mummy I like you more." Lucas whispered and Ste couldn't help but snicker at that. The kid really was his son.

"Go and play with your sister until dinner is served. Maybe I'll let you have a biscuit for dessert." Lucas clapped his hands and kissed Ste's cheek before returning to the living room. The twenty-one year old turned back to the food ignoring everyone. Leela was in full swing playing hostess and embarrassing Peri who was talking with Declan about something with passion. The teenage boy seemed to be interested in what she was saying as well, Ste concluded looking over with the corner of his eye. When the food was finally ready to be served, Ste called for Leela to help him put the stuff out on the table which she moaned about obviously. Cheryl also got up to help.

"Ste, is it?" She smiled at him so brightly, he couldn't not smile back. "Nice to meet ya. M'Cheryl Brady. I didn't change me name. Like it too much. Not that I don't like Nate's. Heard your wee boy and our Declan already got into a big of a scuffle. Sorry about that, love." She spoke in the bubbliest voice he has ever heard. Ste passed the plates to Leela who grinned at him behind Cheryl's back. "It smells incredible. You have got to teach me how to make some stuff. I'm a right nut in the kitchen. My poor Nate has lived on more take out than home cooked meals since we've been married." Ste smiled and passed Leela the salmon pieces which he placed on a large dish.

"How long you two been married?" Ste asked finding he was genuinely interested in the woman. Leela grabbed the green beans and potatoes whilst he put the chilli on three separate plates for the kids.

"Four years now." Cheryl said proudly. "Can't believe it really. It feels like we only met yesterday and I hated his guts." Ste raised his eyebrows at that. "Oh, he was a pompous arse when we first met. And I may have been a bit judgmental. It's a long story. I won't bore ya, love. The food looks so gorgeous and I'm starvin'. I should warn ya thought about my brother." Ste froze. She knew, she knew Ste felt something about the man. The man he hasn't even met yet. "He will inhale the food and probably ask for seconds. Bren is an animal like that." Ste let out a nervous chuckle.

"S'good thing I met loads then." Everyone started sitting themselves at the table that was bigger than usual. Ste put a plate of chilli in front of Peri before bringing two over for Leah and Lucas avoiding looking in Cheryl's family direction but the youngest Brady grabbed his attention.

"Can I have that too? I don't really like fish." The boy scrunched up his face and looked bashful at the same time. Ste smiled at him, nodded and went to grab another plate.

"Don't even try it." He warned Leela who was opening her mouth up to pipe up with the same request and put the plate in front of Paddy. Conversations starting around the table in between everyone.

"What?" She made innocent eyes as he sat down next to her. "I weren't gonna say nothing." Leah was sitting on the other side of Ste, Lucas beside her. "Just seems you're a bit rude to not have said hello to our guests who have been here for like half an hour." Ste frowned at her wondering what she was playing at. He looked at the Bradys, his eyes only lingering on the man for a second before moving onto his son. They weren't sat right across from him.

"Nice to meet you all." He said shortly and smiled at Declan. "You alright?" The boy nodded and tucked into the food. "Happy?" He muttered in Leela's ear and she snickered into her green beans with Tegan on the other side of her rolling her eyes.

"So, Ste." He heard Nate and looked up at him curiously. "You're a chef?"

"Not really, I don't actually got the qualifications but I work at a restaurant and do what a chef does."

"That's interesting. Makes sense why the food is so good." Ste blushed and turned back to his food.

"Ta. Leela's idea to be honest." He said to get the attention back on her. She snapped her head up and narrowed her eyes at him. "She's really into seafood at the moment." He said feeling playful. "Must be something in the water." Leela stabbed her plate so hard that her fork scratched on the surface making everyone flinch. "Careful, sis. Might do some damage."

"Oh, Ste." She threw her head back and cackled before hissing in his face. "The only damage I'm gonna do is to your face."

"Children, play nice." Sam said fondly and went back into conversation with Danny and Mike. Leela and Ste rolled their eyes in unison and she turned to the Brady's whilst Leah asked Ste to help her eat because of the stitches. He moved his plate away and grabbed her spoon blowing on the hot meal.

"So, Brendan. How come your missus didn't come with you lot to our lovely little village?" Leela asked and Ste tried not to pay attention but the man's voice was hypnotic. He didn't dare to look away from his daughter as the thick, deep, Irish velvet coated his ears.

"Eileen passed a couple years back." The man said and an awkward silent moment passed from the Lomax who wouldn't let awkwardness knock her down.

"Oh, sorry to hear that. So you've been raising the boys on your own?" The man hummed in agreement and Ste nearly dropped the spoon at the sound. Leah looked at him frowning before asking for another spoonful. "That's so brave. I couldn't do that. Peri's mine but my parents adopted her because I wasn't able to really raise her. I can barely even take care of myself now, you know."

"Maybe you could take some tips from your brother." Ste stopped at the words. "He seems to have single parenting down. Steven, right?" Ste took a deep breath and turned to face the man, passing the spoon back to Leah who seemed to be okay to continue by herself. The ice blue eyes were dead set on him and he felt heat rushing through his blood. He was sure his face was red like tomato soup. He begged himself to not say anything stupid.

"It's Ste, actually. Short for Steven, yeah, but I like to be called Ste." The man's lip twitched as if he found Ste's answer amusing but didn't really care enough to show that.

"So where's your missus then?" He asked as if he were challenging Ste.

"The kids' mum lives in London. They're only here for holidays." He knew what Brendan was asking but he still wasn't sure if the man was interested in him, hitting on him or just being polite.

"So you two aren't together? That's a shame. A lot of kids grow up like that these days, don't they? Travelling from one broken home to another. One parent in both houses." Ste narrowed his eyes at the man's words.

"They've actually got two parents back there. And a whole family takes care of them here. Not just me." Brendan's lip twitched again and Leela took that as a moment to intervene.

"So you planning on kids, Cheryl?" She asked the other Brady. Ste broke the eye contact with Brendan and looked over at Lucas who asked for his biscuit as he was done with the meal. Ste's jaw dropped as Brendan asked the same of him. He didn't even see the man eat but his plate was empty.

"Not right now." Both Cheryl and Nate answered Leela at the same time.

"Maybe you should have seconds, Mr Brady." Ste said smiling sweetly at Brendan.

"We've got other priorities at the moment, I've just bought the club with Bren." Cheryl continued on.

"Please, Steven. Call me Brendan." Brendan smirked, pissing Ste off. "And I'd love seconds." Ste pushed the dishes towards the man and got up motioning for Lucas to do the same.

"Oh, I heard about that!" Leela said excited. "Finally someone decent in charge. Warren Fox is honestly good at one thing which is looking like a homeless person. He should have never owned a club."

"Enjoy." He muttered and felt the man's eyes follow him into the kitchen. Ste put Lucas' empty dish in the dishwasher after rinsing it out whilst the boy climbed onto the counter and waited patiently for his biscuit. Ste passed him a glass of milk to hold and looked for some digestives he knew Sam hid from everyone. "These okay?" He asked Lucas who nodded. "Alright, you can have your biscuit but only if you promise to go to sleep when I tell you to. Okay?" Lucas bit his lip.

"I promise, daddy."

"Okay." He took Lucas down and put two digestives on a plate for him to take with his milk. The little boy rushed back to table and Ste followed ready to get back to his now lukewarm meal. He didn't look at anyone, ignored everyone and just ate happy in his own little world. That is until his sister nudged him with her bony elbow. "You what?" She pointed at Brendan who was staring at him again. "You say something? I weren't listening." Brendan smirked again as Leela cuffed Ste on the back of his head and turned to talk to Tegan. "Ow."

"I was just saying that a young lad like you must have girls after him. Especially one with kids. That's got to be a turn on for them, don't it?" Ste sighed and put his fork down before turning his eyes back on the man.

"Don't really matter much to me if they do."

"And why is that, Steven?" Brendan's voice was low and his eyes dark with something Ste hasn't seen in a long time.

"I'm gay." The Brady clan went silent and their eyes turned on Ste but he wouldn't look away from Brendan who had an unreadable expression on his face. "And Amy's married to a woman as well. She's the stepmum to her kid too." Brendan's eyes were on him and Ste felt like he was penetrating through his soul.

"So..." Declan started slowly his eyes glancing between his dad and Ste. "Gay. How d'you two feel about that?" He asked the kids. Lucas ignored him for his biscuit but Leah sat up straight and crossed her arms.

"There's nothing wrong with it." She said in a defiant tone. Ste had to tear himself away from Brendan to look at his little girl. "Mummy and auntie Anne love each other and they love us. Daddy loves us and he will find someone to love as well. If you think that's wrong, then I no longer want to be friends with you." She got off her chair and marched past everyone who were stunned into silence upstairs. The loud slam of the door startled Lucas enough into following his big sister and sticking his tongue out at Declan and Paddy. Ste stared at the stairs and didn't risk looking at anyone. Tegan was the first to break the tense silence.

"The food is lovely, Ste." She smiled at him reassuringly but he didn't see it. His eyes still on the staircase.

"Ta, Teegs." He stood up from the table ignoring Leela's hand on his wrist trying to stop him. "I'm just gonna check in on them." He jumped two stairs at a time, anxiety building in his chest about his kids being upset again. Because of him.

Again.

He failed them.

Again.

He opened Peri's bedroom which was the kids' favourite room in the house. Leah was laying down on the teenager's bed and Lucas was humming to himself brushing his hair with Peri's brush. He came into the room and closed the door quietly before sitting down next to Leah on the bed.

"Leah..."He started not really knowing what to say. He searched for the words in his head but came up blank. She sat up and looked at him.

"I'm not sorry. And I won't apologise." Ste shook his head and smiled at her.

"Thank you." She blinked surprised at him.

"For what, daddy?" He couldn't stop the tears that were coming up.

"For being an amazing human being. I wish I had the courage to be as amazing as you." Lucas came over to them and wiped Ste's tears away.

"Don't worry, daddy. Leah will teach you. She teaches me." Lucas smiled at her and she smiled as best as she could back at him. He passed her the hairbrush. "Can you brush my hair? I don't do it as good as you." She took the hairbrush from her little brother and brushed it all the while talking about how to do it properly.

Ste just smiled watching them.

-A/N

Thank you so much for reading, following and thank you NickyM1 for the lovely review. Thank you so much.

This story is updated on AO3 as well & you can find me on tumblr: DominikaDecember for both

Thank you! ^.^


	4. Personal Madness

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hollyoaks characters. Thank you for the lovely review. Made me feel so happy. Enjoy!**

Ste was with the kids in PriceSlice trying to get them to put back sweets and simultaneously talking on the phone to their mum.

"No, Leah. We've got enough chocolate buttons at home. Amy, I ain't saying that it's normal. I'm saying that it's very not normal." He could hear Phoenix fussing on the other side of the phone call.

"You expect the McQueens to be normal? Are you an idiot? Baby, just let Mummy Amy feed you." She pleaded with the child.

"I don't know what I expect anymore, Ames. Lucas Hay, I saw that. Put it back." He readjusted the basket in his hand so he could take out the jelly babies Lucas sneaked in there. His son pouted. "Don't give me that look. And don't sulk. You already got enough sweets from your grandparents." Ste tuned back into his conversation with Amy. "D'you know what? I honestly just wanna go up to John Paul and throw the food at his head."

"Do it." She suggested. Ste heard someone cough behind him and he moved out of the way. "Dammit! Phoenix just shat all over me. Again. I swear, Anne feeds him laxatives or something."

"Maybe he just hates your guts." Ste teased grabbing a bag of walnuts. "Leah, stop hitting Lucas with the banana."

"Haha. You are hilarious. I gotta go take care of this. Tell the kids I love them, alright?" Ste looked at his children.

"Kids, mummy loves ya." The two blonde children shouted they loved her back. "D'you hear that?" Amy laughed on the other side.

"Yeah. I miss my babies. Right. I'll talk to you later, yeah? Love you."

"Love you, Ames. Stop being a shit dispenser." She laughed mockingly and ended the call. Ste put his phone in his back pocket as he looked over his basket. "Did you put ham in here, Lucas?"

"Yeah, you need it for work don't you daddy?"

"But how..." Ste was stunned for a moment. "Thank you." He smiled at his son who smiled back.

"Can I have the jelly babies then?"

"Nice try. No." Ste answered and walked to the check out. Frankie smiling at the kids that were spinning in circles. "How's it going, Frankie?"

"Alright. Quiet for the moment. But it'll pick up in the afternoon." Ste hummed in acknowledgement. "How's Amy doing?"

"Good. She's actually got a job at a really good school recently. We're thinking of getting our lot to apply there too."

"It must be difficult for you, though. Because you're not there so your opinion doesn't matter as much." Nancy's voice rang behind him. Ste rolled his eyes and turned to find her with Cheryl Brady hovering uncertainly in the background. Ste glanced at her before focusing back on Nancy. "And the restaurant still not being opened back up, you must be feeling pretty useless at the moment." He heard Frankie give out a tired sigh.

"Not that it's any of your business but Amy and I decide on these things together. Even though I'm not in London. And as for useless, you really should think twice before calling someone that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that I don't go around writing lies about everyone to get ahead in my career. Have you actually ever wrote a true article or is that just a bit too honest for you." He paid Frankie for his groceries and ushered his kids put of the shop.

"At least I don't hit my partners." Nancy said after him and Ste felt as if someone threw a bucket of ice cold water at him. He didn't have a reply to that. Because Nancy was right. Ste was a monster. He didn't deserve to be in Leah and Lucas' lives. They would be better off without him. He started walking home not turning around. Leah and Lucas next to him holding hands with each other as Ste's were holding the bags. The kids were silent. They didn't know why daddy was upset but they knew it would be better to wait to cheer him up. They didn't like the stupid lady who made their daddy sad.

When they got to the house, Ste still was silent so the kids were playing in their room quietly with Leah prodding her stitches from time to time.

"Does it hurt?" Lucas asked curiously as he poured imaginary tea for princess huge teddy that didn't have a name yet but was really good to fall asleep on. Leah shrugged.

"Hurt more when I fell. Now it's just itchy." She put on a winter hat on her head. "Why is everyone so horrible to daddy? I don't understand."

"I don't know. We should do something to make him happy."

"Like what?" Lucas thought about it for a moment.

"Cake?" Leah shook her head.

"No. Daddy makes food." She hummed for a moment before her eyes widened. "Lucas!" She whispered and gestured him over to her. When he was close enough she whispered in his ear. "We should make daddy a book." Lucas looked at her with wide eyes. "Peri and her friend made each other books. We should make daddy a book that says how much we love him. I think that we need scrap though."

"What's scrap?"

"I don't know." Leah frowned. "We'll ask Peri, yeah? And make daddy a book of scrap." She smiled.

All the while Ste was working aggressively on deserts for the party in the kitchen oblivious to his children's plan.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Your children are plotting something." Leela said when Ste came to pick them up. Tegan was on the couch and nodded at him.

"They have been really suspicious today. Looking at Peri's scrapbooks." She stood up and went into the kitchen to grab a banana. "If I didn't know better, I'd say they were planning to create a shrine for it."

"Dramatic much? They're probably just keen on it 'cause it's something new, innit? You still on leave from work? Maybe you should go doctors?" He asked his oldest sister.

"Way ahead of you." She grinned. "Got an appointment booked for next Monday."

"Good. We don't want you to be getting proper ill, yeah." She smiled at him gratefully. He dropped himself beside the other Lomax. "You're the one sister I actually like." The remark earned him a slap on the arm from Leela. "So aggressive. Where are my kids then?" She pointed upstairs.

"Telling you. They're plotting something. How was your day at work anyways? Man, what I wouldn't give to have my work place explode so I wouldn't have to do my job but still get paid."

"I still do my four hours each day, Leela. Just do them at Tony's or mine. All of us are still working. Doug and Lynsey too. D'you know how annoying it is to not have a proper kitchen to cook in? And d'you know how frustrating it is to share Tony's pretty decent kitchen with three other people?" Leela kept quiet. "Especially when one of those people is constantly in my space asking me if I need any help with stupid puppy dog eyes. And why do you gotta say you're straight all the bloody time? Fucking Scotland knows you are!" Hr breathed heavily.

"Doug?" Tegan asked.

"Where'd you get that from?" Leela retorted sarcastically. "Ste, I think you need to talk to him."

"What's the point?" He sighed frustrated. "It'll end up badly any way you can imagine." The kids ran downstairs before anyone had a chance to reply.

"Daddy! You're here! Can we go to the park?" Leah asked with big eyes. "I need leaves."

"And I want pictures. Can we take pictures, daddy?"

"Sure." Ste laughed. "I'll see you lot tomorrow." He said to his sisters and walked out of the door with the two little ones in front.

"Oh. Hello." He heard behind him when he started to walk to the stairs. He turned to see Declan and Paddy standing awkwardly outside of their own door. "Hi. I mean hi." Declan said and blushed. "Umm...Listen Ste. Sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to come off as..."

"Rude?" Leah suggested crossing her arms and glaring at the boy. Lucas mimicking her actions. Ste touched their shoulders to calm them down a little.

"Don't worry about it." He said to the teenager. "I get you may be uncomfortable but I'm not ashamed of who I am." Ste started to turn away but Declan stopped him again.

"How about a clean slate? Me and Paddy were just gonna go and kick the ball a bit at the park. You guys could too. If you don't hate us too much." Ste looked at his children who lit up all of the sudden.

"Yeah. Our daddy is really good at football." Lucas said proudly running up to Paddy and grabbed the boys hand before bouncing down the stairs telling stories about Ste.

"Well, I guess that's decided then." He smiled awkwardly at the teenager who grinned and they walked in awkward silence behind the two boys. Leah refusing to even look in Declan's direction. When they got to the green, Ste couldn't stand the silence anymore. "So you going into college or sixth form?"

"Yeah." Declan answered with strain in his voice. "Year 12 in September. Hollyoaks sixth form."

"You better watch out for Mr Blake then. He's a right old git." Ste scrunched up his face in disgust as memories of the man flodded his mind. "Was always on me case 'cause I done a sentence in Youth Offenders. But I only did it like when I was 13. And me stepdad and me mum were horrid. With role models like them, I was bound to not turn out stellar."

"I think you're pretty decent." Declan supplied but Ste laughed bitterly.

"You don't know me very well. That's why. But trust me, better to stay away from Blake. Makes your life easier."

"Noted." Declan smiled without any tension or awkwardness in it. He had some resemblance to his father but Paddy looked more like Brendan Brady even at a young age. "I get a bit into fights though so he probably will send spies to follow me." Ste smirked at that. Blake probably would. "Now, you gonna show me your football skills, old man or what?"

"Old? I ought to kick your arse for that. Come on then." Whilst Ste, Lucas, Declan and Paddy were running around having a some what friendly game of football, Leah was on the hunt for the perfect leaf to put in the book of scrap. Peri's book of scrap had a leaf and even though little Leah had no idea why, her and her brother agreed they needed one as well. She was currently climbing a particularly tall tree when she heard her name being called by Ste. He walked to the tree and his jaw dropped. "What on earth are you playing at, Leah?"

"Daddy, I'm on a mission. Go away." Ste shook his head and started to climb the tree. "No! What are you doing?! No! Go away!"

"Oi. You're harassing your own daughter now, Steven?" Ste fell on his behind as the husky voice spoke too close to his neck for comfort. He looked up from the ground at Brendan leaning on the tree holding a very amused expression. Leah looked down at her daddy. He didn't seem to be hurt. She nodded and climbed further up.

"You need something or you just lurk besides trees and give people heart attacks?" Ste snapped annoyed and stood up trying to get the grass off his clothes. He was especially self conscious when he swiped at his bum looking at Brendan who raised one eyebrow only.

He looked like a villain.

Or a really stereotypical porn star. Ste wasn't sure which one he liked more.

"You're a cheeky laddie, ain't ya?" Brendan murmured so lowly Ste wasn't even sure he heard him.

"Piss off, Brady." He looked up to see Leah near the top of the tree grabbing onto a leaf. "Leah! Come down now! You want more stitches?" She ignored him though and continued on with the leaf. Ste sighed and let his head fall forward. "Leah, please come down." He heard the older man in front of him huff a chuckle. Ste snapped his head up and glared as Brendan put on an innocent expression. "Can I help you with somethin', Mr Brady?"

"Me? Sweet of you to ask, Steven, but I'm just watching my boys kick the ball around and you failing to get your daughter to listen to you. I'm perfectly content right here." He finished with a smug smirk Ste either wanted to smack or kiss away.

"What? You don't got a problem with me hanging around your boys though I'm gay now? Not scared I'll infect them?" Brendan shook his head his expression changing.

"It's your lifestyle, Steven." Ste rolled his eyes at the word. He's heard it too many times since he came out. "Declan seems to like you enough. And I'm positive your family would murder me and bury me in my club's basement if I had a problem. With Samantha in charge." Brendan grinned at him. "Plus you are one interesting fellow, Steven." Ste felt like a million tiny spasms went through his body when Brendan said that. He had a difficult time breathing out.

"Ta." He said softly. "I could say the same about you, to be fair. Mysterious stranger coming all the way from Dublin with his family in tow." Brendan quickly got into Ste's personal space. His eyes burning into Ste's.

"Never said I was from Dublin." He spoke dangerously low. Ste recognised that tone. It was the same he's used before he lashed out. And he knew it would happen here if he didn't placate Brendan. However, the proximity was giving Ste a headache because he was drinking all of Brendan in. Reality seemed so much better than his dreams. So clear, so focused, so sharp.

"Cheryl's mentioned it." Ste's voice was barely above a whisper but his hands clenched at his side ready to hit back.

"Funny. Never heard it in your conversation." Ste took a step back feeling angry with himself for letting Brendan have this pulling effect on him.

"Funny. You're not around her all the time." Ste replied and turned back to look at Leah who was very slowly climbing down. He felt Brendan's eyes on the back of his skull sending shivers down his spine but he refused to turn. Especially when he heard John Paul's voice address him. "Fuck everything." He hissed into the tree and turned to the teacher with a big, fake smile.

"You need something?" John Paul glanced nervously at Brendan however the man was looking in between him and Ste curiously before realisation dawned upon him.

"I just...I wanted to say thanks." Ste frowned confused.

"For what?"

"Doing the menu for the party. I know my family were being a bit difficult." Ste held his snort back."But it looks great. Honestly, Ste. Great job."

"It's just that. A job." Ste said the fake smile still in placement. "You gonna run along now or you want somethin' else?"

"Don't be like that." John Paul moaned and took a step forward towards Ste. "We can be civil, can't we?" Thankfully that was when Leah got down the tree, a leaf in her hand. She ran up to John Paul, looked him over and kicked his shin before running off to join the boys with the football.

"Leah!" Ste shouted after her trying to sound outraged more than pleased. He turned back to the man who was glaring in her direction. "Sorry about that but let's face it. You had that coming. Have a good birthday." Ste followed his daughter and told himself that he definitely did not feel a warm feeling spread down his chest when Brendan Brady was laughing his arse off behind him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"How long has it been?" Tony asked.

"Years." Ste muttered. He recalled yesterday's events to the man. Only the two in the kitchen because Ste came in early. He managed to convince Mike to come over and take care of the kids before his usually scheduled time. "I mean, I've seen him once or twice around the village but when he stood there...I got a proper look and he...he looked good. Real taken care of and all. I don't... I don't miss him specifically." Tony gave Ste plenty of space to say what the twenty one year old was thinking. "He was horrible to me, always making fun of me dyslexia. He cheated on me with me own dad. And I wasn't any better either. Hitting him when I should have talked or walked away." Ste felt his hands shake and he had to sit down. Tony passing him a beer. "When we were good though...it wasn't good. It was like..." Ste drank the beer and looked for the words in the liquid with his tongue. "Like we was always waiting, you know. For a fight, I think. That's what it turned to most of the time time anyways. I think he wanted a massive romance like he had with Craig. I could never offer him that. I think I'm just one of those people not meant to be in love. I'm just too damaged to be with anyone anymore." He finished sombrely. "It's better that I'm not with anyone. For everyone's safety." Tony stayed silent as Ste stated off into the distance.

"What a bunch of bollocks." Tony finally said startling Ste to look at him. "Ste, just because it didn't work out with John Paul McQueen it doesn't mean that you are doomed. We all go through difficult relationships but don't let your failures define you."

"All I've got is failures." Ste mumbled and felt a slap in the back of his head. "What was that for?!" He cried out rubbing his head.

"You've got two kids who adore you more than anyone I've ever seen! You calling them failures?!" Ste shook his head with wide eyes. "What about your job, eh?! You've got a real talent in the kitchen! You saying that's a failure too?"

"No, of course not." Ste said immediately.

"You have so much in your life. Don't ignore that just because of some wanker whose family gets off on causing other people miserable." Tony went back to cooking and after a moment of silence, Ste felt brave enough to do the same.

"Tone?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime. You can do better than John Paul anyways." Brendan Brady flashed in Ste's mind. "What about Doug?"

"Wha?!" Ste looked at Tony like he was deranged. "He's straight, Tone." Tony shrugged.

"That boy is not straight. He wants to get into your pants so badly it's not funny anymore."

"Well, I don't wan to get into his. I don't even like him all that much!" Tony smirked.

"Then you should probably tell him that. Because he'll end up jumping you in the kitchen one day and you won't have enough time to react." Ste rolled his eyes.

"Doug is just...Doug. Yeah, he's annoying but it doesn't mean anything, right? So shut it." Tony mimed zipping his mouth shut but the smirk still there present on his face which turned into a full grown grin when Lynsey and Doug walked in through the door. Lynsey knocking everyone out of her way and putting a massive pot in Tony's fridge as Doug made puppy dog eyes at Ste who was ignoring him to glare at Tony. Who was whistling innocently until Cindy rang him to get his butt over to the restaurant. "Everything all right?" Ste asked as the man looked to be in the rush.

"Yeah. The new cooker arrived apparently and they want to connect it to the gas line but they're still working on the ceiling and the pipe. I gotta go and sort that out. Lock up when you lot are done." The three employees chorused a bye to their boss before returning to work. Well, Ste worked. Lynsey threw herself on the couch and turned on the TV whilst Doug hovered awkwardly around the kitchen. Ste did his best to ignore the American as Lynsey cackled about something on the telly. He gave him a tense smile at one point with Doug smiling back but he didn't say anything. When the twenty one year old was done with the food, he put it aside to cool and walked past Doug to sit next to Lynsey.

"Jezza? Really?" She grinned not looking at him.

"Every time I see the people on there with their problems, I just feel ten times better about myself."

"Yeah, same here." Doug said and sat next to Ste on the couch his elbow touching Ste's making him cringe. "Just looking at Jeremy Kyle's face gives me a confidence boost." Neither Lynsey or Ste responded to that. "So...um...Leanne's birthday is tomorrow. It would be nice if you came." He looked at Ste before glancing at Lynsey on the other side of the twenty one year old. "Both of you. Invite as many people as you want. It's gonna be a massive blow out."

"Working the night shift at the hospital." Lynsey replied immediately. "But thank you for the after thought invite." Doug chuckled nervously before his blue eyes landed on Ste who resisted the urge to run off.

"I've got me kids."

"Bring them." Doug smiled interrupting Ste. "They'll have so much fun. And Texas adores them." Ste heard Lynsey snicker beside him.

"No. I don't want them around alcohol. We're doing a movie night anyways." He smiled at the thought. "Proper night in with ice cream and me onesie."

"You've got a oneseie?" Lynsey asked sounding incredulous.

"Yeah, it's real nice as well. Mitzeee got it for me for my birthday. 100% cotton. The kids have matching ones like mine too."

"Isn't it a bit hot for a onesie?" Doug sounded bitter.

"Well, we'll be eating ice cream so we'll get cold, innit." Ste replied in the nicest tone he could muster. Judging by Lynsey's second snicker, he didn't succeed.

"I just think that maybe you're sheltering them a bit."

"They're five and six, Doug."

"They need go get out into the world." Doug continued on as if he didn't hear Ste. "It's important for children to integrate with different environments." Ste looked at Lynsey who was very entertained. He turned back to Doug.

"What are you saying?"

"Just that maybe they should experience something other than their family on daily basis." Ste blinked at him as Lynsey got up muttering something about having a break from drama.

"Doug, do you have a problem with how I'm raising my kids?" Ste asked in a low voice feeling anger at his fingertips.

"No. You're a great dad. But the attachment you three have seems very unhealthy. I mean maybe they are missing out on some great friendships because of it. Maybe you are. You haven't even been in a relationship since John Paul." Doug kept on talking and Ste felt that urge to run away again. Screaming this time. "You are so absorbed in your kid's lives that you don't even realise that there could be potential relationships sitting next to you." Ste looked for Lynsey to help him out of this conversation but she suddenly disappeared. "And the constant ignoring, the constant rebuffing it can hurt." Doug stared at him with big blue watery eyes and Ste couldn't help but compare him to a really ugly dog. "D'you know how much it hurts, Ste? You won't even acknowledge my existence sometimes."

"Doug." Ste swallowed trying to find the right words. "I...You always say you're straight."

"Oh come on, Ste. You and I both know better than that. You know how I feel about you." Doug's voice was breaking with each word. Ste shook his head.

"No. I've no idea."

"Don't lie. From the moment we started working together I've felt it. There's a spark between us but for some reason, you chose not to act on it."

"Doug." Ste stood up quickly. "I had no idea you felt this way about me. I've had suspicions you weren't straight but I didn't know that...I didn't know you fancied me. I'm sorry for hurting your feelings but you should not have brought my Leah and Lucas into this." Ste took a deep breath. "And I'm sorry but I'm just not interested. And it's not because of the kids, yeah? So don't go around blaming them. I don't think of you in that way and I definitely am not in a place for a relationship." Doug started weeping obnoxiously and loudly. "I'm really sorry, Doug."

"I came out for you!" Doug's words were muffled through the tears. Ste looked around not sure what to say, Lynsey still offside.

"I never asked you to do that." Ste replied carefully.

"So it was all in my head?" Doug asked quietly before he started crying even harder and ran out of the flat. Lynsey's head came through the door.

"Tony owes me 10 quid." She said and threw herself back on the couch. "But you handled that very diplomatically. I salute you."

"I'm not really sure I should be congratulated on that."

"Is something burning?"

"Shit!" Ste jumped to the kitchen as Lynsey cackled.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Leela somehow got wind of what happened and she brought it up at the family dinner to which the Brady's were invited to again.

"I was just walking home from work when I hear this high pitched noise from next door." Everyone was listening to the story mesmerised. Except for Ste who was staring at his plate feeling guilty. "I burst in through the door because that's what I do. I burst. And on the couch there's little Dougie crying his poor American heart out because my brother rejected him." She looked at Ste proudly. "You are my hero. What did you say to him to make him react like that? Tell me word by word so I can use it in the future." He looked at her surprised.

"Who do you have to reject?"

"I have admirers, Ste." She said outraged. "Some that need to be rejected as coldly as you rejected Doug."

"I didn't...! Can we stop talking about this please?" He didn't miss the way Brendan smirked all the way through this conversation. "Mike is thinking about early retirement. Let's talk about that." Everyone looked at Mike who blushed.

"I'm just thinking about it." He mumbled. "Nothing's definite."

"What's brought this on?" Sam asked.

"I don't know. Amy's gone. And the kids, I love the kids but I just feel-"

"Like you're having a midlife crisis?" Leela supplied. "It's perfectly normal for you to feel unsatisfied with your life especially at your age."

"Thank you." Mike said in a monotone voice. "That makes me feel so much better."

"It should. But retirement is not nearly as interesting as Ste's adventures. Yesterday you and John Paul spoke. Today, it was Doug declaring his love for you. What's next? Are you gonna turn another straight guy gay?"

"Leela, drop it."

"No way. You have been boring for far too long. The first time in years you become someone I can admit to liking and you wanna bury it."

"Yeah 'cause I hurt someone's feelings. That's not nice, interesting or cool. I'm tired of hurting people." Ste admitted to the table and sighed. An awkward silence fell upon everyone as the Lomaxes and Mike knew what Ste was talking about whilst the Bradys and Leah and Lucas were confused.

"So, I'm pregnant." Tegan broke the silence.

"Oh, congratulations." Cheryl said immediately whilst the Lomaxes and Ste stared at Tegan in shock. "How far along are ya, love?"

"Nine weeks. I haven't seen the doctor yet but it makes sense. And I've taken four home pregnancy tests."

"How I mean how how?" Danny was stammering. "How? Who? What? But how?"

"Oh my God!" Leela screeched and whispered something into Tegan's ear to which Tegan blushed. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"Honey, you need to go to the doctor's." Sam said softly. "Pregnancy tests are not reliable."

"I know mum. But it just feels right. I've had the symptoms, four different pregnancy tests say the same thing and I just...I just feel like I am."

"Have you told the father yet?" Sam asked still using the soft voice.

"Who is the father?!" Danny shouted frustrated. Tegan looked at Leela with pleading eyes.

"That's not important." She quickly came to her big sister's rescue. "What's important is that there's gonna be another baby in the family! Let's celebrate! Kids, you've ever had champagne?"

"Leela you can't-"

"It's non-alcoholic, mum. I had it saved to celebrate my new hairdo but we can serve it now." She jumped up and went into the kitchen before coming back with two bottles of a champagne like drink. "Glasses. Mum, where's your fine crystals?"

"No." Sam replied sternly. "Use the normal glasses."

"Eugh. Fine." She poured the liquid into each glass and passed them around the table. "Everyone. Let's raise a toast to the new baby and let's hope it turns out as fabulous as me."

"Does she not realise I'm sitting right here?" Peri asked Ste raising her glass. Everyone clinked their glasses with people closest to them muttering their congratulations. Lucas tugged on Ste's arm.

"Can I have a biscuit?" The boy smiled sweetly.

-.-.-.-.-

Sunday came all too soon for Ste's liking. The venue for the party was just outside of Hollyoaks but with the food, they needed at least two cars. Ste got in with Lynsey whilst Doug took a lift from Tony. It was awkward between the two boys. Doug wouldn't even look at him and gave one word answers.

Ste felt guilty.

On Saturday him and the kids spend an entire day just together. They watched movies, ate ice cream that every one of them threw up at night one by one. Amy rang and then Mitzeee. The woman was awful but she loved the kids. They were hers too.

Leah and Lucas still acted suspicious but were absolutely delighted when Texas showed up to babysit. Ste suspected they would coerce her into helping them out with their secret project. He was worried about her reaction towards him seeing as she was Doug's friend but Texas told him she didn't care what happened between them as she wasn't a part of it. However she warned Ste that Leanne was on a war path.

Apparently at her birthday party, Leanne and Doug got drunk together and destroyed all of Noah's pillows thinking they were Ste's body parts.

Ste sat quietly in the car. His sisters and the rest of the waiting staff would come in in an hour when the food was more or less ready. He thought about how on Friday, Brendan Brady didn't say one word to him. He thought about the dreams he hadn't had since the man came into his life.

What the hell did those dreams mean? And why did they stop?

He thought about John Paul. Ste didn't miss the man but he missed the companionship that came with the relationship.

He imagined a relationship with Doug. The American's jumpers lying around the flat. And the man himself would offer Ste unconditional love. He'd be a good dad to Lucas and Leah. But Ste couldn't see himself falling for him. Their relationship would be nothing more than friendship. Ste didn't feel anything remotely resembling what he felt for his previous partners towards Doug.

Hell, he even felt passion with Amy.

Doug was nice. But that was it.

John Paul was a lot of things but with him Ste felt so much. That was a real relationship.

John Paul was like a Lamborghini whilst Doug was just a small Corsa.

But Brendan. Ste smiled to himself.

Brendan was like a slick Mercedes that sped through the night only leaving a glimpse of headlights in your peripheral vision as evidence of it existence. So dangerously fast you weren't sure if you imagined it.

"You're looking absolutely knackered." Lynsey startled him out of his thoughts. He sat up straight and smiled apologetically at her. "I'd say get some sleep but we're here." She pointed straight ahead at Doug and Tony getting out of the car. Lynsey parked right behind them.

"Great." Ste muttered and got out quickly. Tony instructed them to follow him with the food which they all managed to carry and not drop. The kitchen was small and the four of them didn't fit in. Tony ordered Doug of out the kitchen at first and after a while Ste got into a routine which made him forget all about mustached men, Americans and who the food was for. Lynsey caught onto how Ste was working and it felt incredible how smoothly the two coexisted in that small space. Soon however Lynsey swapped with Doug which was a bit more difficult because of the awkwardness at first. However soon Ste realised having Doug not speak and just do what was ordered worked in his favour.

He didn't even notice when the waiting staff arrived, too lost in his work. Leela tried to get his attention but Ste ignored her completely. Lost in his art.

He worked his arse off and cursed if anyone sent the food back. Luckily no one did. After an hour or so he heard it though. The birthday song. He was in the middle of lighting all the candles on the birthday cake when it happened. Tegan came through for the cake as Ste froze when he heard John Paul laughing. Myra McQueen started an epic speech about how wonderful her son was. How he finally had his life on track. How he struggled so hard and he finally found someone good for him. After everything he was put through by those awful men.

Someone to show him how much of a good man John Paul was.

Doug was still in the kitchen and he noticed Ste's reaction. The twenty one year old felt tears prick at his eyes and his hands started shaking with fury. He looked at the cake that Tegan was still waiting on.

He didn't even notice before. John Paul's name was written in the icing.

Myra kept on talking outside but Ste heard it muffled as he saw that fucking cake. He punched it. Right through the middle. Through the fucking letters. It felt good. To lash out.

He punched the mixture with his other hand. And then with the right one again. With the left, with the right, with the left, with the right. Putting more and more strength into each throw even though the cake was destroyed already but Ste just kept hitting. His jaw clenched, without any sound he just kept on beating the cake into defeat. He felt someone throw him hard against the wall. Tony's face came into view. He was saying something but it was still muffled. He saw Tegan standing behind Tony with a hand over her mouth and Doug staring wide eyed at him.

"Ste! Ste!" Tony's voice became clearer and Ste blinked at the man. "Doug, there's another cake, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." The American replied unsurely.

"Get it the fuck out there!" He shouted but his eyes and hands still on Ste who was unsure of what just happened. He saw Doug get another cake out and quickly light any left over candles passing the dessert over to Tegan. She hurriedly left the kitchen along with Doug who only glanced at Ste still wide eyed. Tony took a step back and manhandled Ste to sit at an empty counter. "What happened? Just now, what was that?"

"I..." Ste looked at the kitchen. The destroyed cake evidence shaming Ste. "I don't..." He started breathing heavily feeling like there was a lack of air in the room.

"Ste. Ste!" Tony's arm dug into his shoulder. "Stay with me! Look at me. You're okay. Stop breathing for a moment." Ste did as instructed. "Now breathe out slowly." He felt as he was breathing out his panic at the moment. "Slowly breathe in." Ste followed Tony's ordered with the man's grip loosening but still on his shoulder. "What happened?" Ste shook his head.

"I just...I heard Myra McQueen giving her speech. And I felt..." Ste's fists balled up. "I just wanted to hurt him." He spat out. "He cheated on me with me dad. For a whole year. I hit him once. I know it doesn't even compare to evening out the odds but he hurt me too. Why is he the one moving on? Why does he get to have a perfectly normal life? I'm scared everyday that I will lose control and hurt another person and he's just..." Ste shut his eyes to stop the tears threatening to come again. "He just walks around like...like he has nothing to apologise for." He whispered the words, his voice laced with hurt and bitterness. "Why am I the only one apologising?" He heard Tony take a deep breath.

"Ste. I'm gonna say this once so please listen carefully. " Ste opened his eyes and stared sombrely at the older man. "The only one asking you to still apologise, is you. John Paul has moved on but you are the one who is stopping yourself from doing the same. But reacting like this is not good. I think you should call that counsellor you had when you did anger management." Ste shook his head. "Yes. Listen to me. This was a set back. A small set back but it should be dealt with. You couldn't even hear me or Tegan." Ste put his head in his hands.

"I feel so scared, Tony. I don't know what to do." Tony gave him a tight hug letting Ste hide his face in his chest.

"I think tonight you should just hug your kids, tell them you love them and go on from there." Ste nodded and pulled away.

"You know what Tony? I think you're gonna make a pretty great dad one day." Tony blushed at the compliment.

"Thanks. Now get cleaning. I want these pots back in my car spotless." Ste smiled as Tony ruffled his hair and left the kitchen. No one came back for a while after that. Ste stopped himself from thinking. Worked on auto pilot as he scrubbed the pans clean. So clean his hands started turning red and his skin peeled but Ste didn't stop. The boiling water was beating at his already damaged hands but Ste felt guilty. Guilty for lashing out and he felt like he needed to be punished for it.

Terry taught him that. Terry taught him that Ste was a broken car. And when broken cars don't work properly, they get sent off to the skip. Ste really should remember that.


	5. Don't Rush The Magic

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hollyoaks characters.**

 **Special thank you to NickyM1 & the guest who left me really lovely reviews that warmed my heart.**

 **Also, warning. There is explicit pornographic content ahead. YAY I GET TO PUT THE RATING UP! I did not plan to write porn but it's like a writing format for me now. A fic for me nowdays needs some porn to appease me. Other than that, I hope you enjoy and on with the Stendan!**

 **P.S. This story is unbeta'd and written on my phone so I'm betting there are a lot of spelling mistakes. Sorry about that.**

Lucas and Leah were sitting in their grandad's living room gluing things to the black paper of their scrapbook. Texas taught them what it was called and she even found them one in her bag that she said they could use. Lucas stared at her with admiration in his eyes. They didn't have many pictures of them with their dad so they just drew lots.

As Leah stuck her leaf in the scrapbook she hummed a little tune with Lucas joining her in the song immediately.

"D'you think daddy will like this?" Leah asked her little brother pointing to the leaf. Lucas looked at the green and nodded. "Good." Lucas was in the middle of cutting out a snowflake that he learned to do at school. He was going onto year 1 after summer. Leah told him year 1 wasn't scary but Leah wasn't scared of anything. She was going to get her stitches taken off today and she didn't feel scared at all.

"I'm gonna ask Peri to print us some pictures of us with daddy. Do you think the new baby will play with us?"

"Babies are useless." Leah replied. "Ella has a baby sister and all she does is eat, make poo and sleep."

"We will leave the baby till it is playable then." Lucas agreed. Mike came into the room and looked at his grandchildren with fondness.

"Grandpa. Do you have any pictures we can have? Of us with mummy and daddy?"

"Why?" Mike asked suspicious. Leah and Lucas exchanged looks before Leah stood up.

"You promise not to tell daddy?" Mike half nodded and Leah moved out of the way to show the scrapbook. "We're making daddy a scrapbook of how much we love him. But its a surprise. He can't know about it, okay?" Mike sat down on the ground next to Lucas and stared in wonder at the book.

"You two came up with this all on your own?" He asked them.

"Yeah. Texas gave it to us and we're making it. So do you have any pictures, grandpa? We need pictures." Mike thought about it before pulling out an album from under the telly. He flipped through it before taking out a photo and handing it over to the kids.

"This is the day after Lucas was born. Ste brought little Leah to the hospital." He spoke softly smiling at the photo. A sixteen year old Amy was smiling tiredly at the camera with a little bundle in her arms whilst Ste stood next to her grinning like a kid with baby Leah on his shoulder.

"Perfect." Lucas mumbled and flipped to the beginning of the book where he glued the picture carefully in the middle. Mike observed as his grandchildren fussed around the scrapbook surprised yet proud. He liked Ste but this creativity clearly came from his Amy.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The restaurant was still not completed because Cindy decided to remodel it and Tony agreed. Ste stared at his boss with his mouth wide open as him, Tony, Cindy, Lynsey and Doug stood outside the building.

"What are we supposed to do then?" Lynsey asked annoyed.

"The restaurant will be done by the end of the week. I promise. And the money from the party should be plenty to cover you lot till then."

"You're not gonna pay us then? Because your stupid girlfriend decided to play extreme makeover!" Cindy scoffed from besides her boyfriend.

"I wouldn't talk like that if I were you. I'm doing you lot a bloody favour!"

"By firing us? How is that a favour?" Ste asked.

"Temporarily unemployed." Cindy corrected. "You'll be back at work in no time. Look, we can't afford to pay you and the builders at the same time. Especially when one group is not doing anything. Plus this way, you'll get to spend more time with your kids, Ste." Ste shut up immediately. He loved his Leah and Lucas.

But sometimes he needed a break. And his job offered that. Plus it was a good routine for Ste to be in. But Tony looked guilty enough as it was so Ste decided to let it go. After all. The man did so much for him already.

"Alright. I'm gonna go get a coffee then." Ste said to the other four and started to walk off but Doug called out to him. "Yeah?"

"I was umm...I was hoping we could talk actually." Doug said. "We could do it at the caff if it makes you feel better. I just really think we should talk." Ste saw Lynsey grin behind Doug's back.

"Yeah. Sure." The walk there was awkward and silent. Even when they got a table, Ste wasn't sure what to say and Doug seemed to be getting more and more antsy with every second. Once their coffees came Ste looked at his colleague. He was avoiding eye contact but his body language was screaming he wanted to talk. "This is a right conversation." Doug let himself smile a little.

"Yeah. I guess I don't really know how to start." He chuckled nervously and Ste watched him for a moment before he noticed someone walking through the door. It was as something inside of Ste stirred. Like a magnetic pull as his eyes looked up. Brendan Brady swaggered in. "I wanted to apologise for reacting like that. I never really considered how difficult it must be for you. I just wanted to be with you and I built up this image of you in my head." Ste noticed how good the older man looked in his grey Henley and jeans. Showing everything off. Fitting him nice and tight. Leaving only some aspects to the imagination. Brendan turned around from the counter and found Ste with his eyes. He smirked as Ste felt himself blush. The man probably knew the kind of thoughts that were going through the twenty one year olds head. "At the party, that was the first time I actually saw what you have to struggle with every day." Ste looked back at Doug trying to control his body that was filling up with goosebumps as he still felt Brendan's eyes on him. He noticed in the corner of his eye that the man sat not far from them instead of leaving the coffee house like he was planning to judging from his takeaway cup. "I'm sorry I put my feelings on you." Ste could feel the smugness coming off the Irishman. "It wasn't fair to you. I'm gonna be honest. I've heard stories about...your problems but I've never really believed until that night. And I'm really sorry that I didn't take that into account. I'm really sorry that I brought your kids into this. I'm just...I'm sorry I tried to guilt you into a relationship, Ste."

"Uhm." Ste blinked stunned for a moment. He looked down at his coffee. His brain short circuited but every atom in his body being pulled to the Brady on the other table.

"You don't have to say anything. I don't expect anything. I really don't. I just...I'm really sorry." Doug reached out and squeezed his hand. "I would like to remain friends though. I adore Leah and Lucas. And...you." He added quietly. "If you'd let me that is. To be your friend." Doug pulled those puppy dog eyes and all Ste could focus on was getting the American's clammy hand off him.

"Doug." Ste started carefully and pulled his hand away slowly. "Thank you for the apology. It's really nice of ya." Doug smiled lightly. "But I just don't really know what to think." Doug's smile slipped. "I'm not saying we can't be friends but maybe some space would be good for a little bit." Ste looked back down at his coffee again and scratched his cheek. "For me. With the restaurant and John Paul, I just think I should be really focusing on me kids. So until the restaurant is back up maybe we should just...keep to ourselves." Doug nodded.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course. I'm just...I guess I'm gonna go. Now." Ste smiled tightly still not looking at him. Doug stood up nearly spilling over their untouched coffees. "Thanks for talking to me. I was worried you wouldn't because I acted so crazy before."

"Sure." Ste took a sip feeling like Doug expected something from him. His coffee was lukewarm.

"Right. Okay. Bye." He walked away and Ste finally let out a breath of relief. He watched as Doug left the caff and pushed his coffee away before pulling his phone out. He had to plan his week now that he was off work. He looked at the screen and considered calling Mike. Leah's stitches were meant to be taken out today and Ste wanted to make sure that she wasn't scared or anything like that.

Someone sat in front of him and passed him a new coffee. Ste raised his eyebrows at the person. Brendan was looking straight at him with foam in his tache. Ste wasn't sure if he wanted to wipe it off with his tongue or his mouth. He smiled nevertheless.

"You got foam on your mustache." He told the man amused. Brendan didn't seem to be fazed however as he wiped it off with a napkin still staring at Ste. The twenty one year old felt giddy with the kind of attention he was getting from the Irishman. "What did I do to deserve such luxury?" He pointed to the hot drink.

"Figured yours was cold after that long heart to heart." Brendan replied in a low voice. Ste had to look away from him because the constant eye contact was creating a kind of tension that Ste felt overwhelmed by. "So what did the Yank cry about?" Ste scoffed.

"You always pry into other people's lives?"

"Only if I find them interesting."

"And you find me interesting?" Ste questioned, doubt lacing his voice.

"Yes, Steven." Brendan answered firmly. "I do." Ste felt his face get red again and he looked down trying to hide his blush.

"Why?" He asked quietly biting his lip nervous for the answer. Brendan kept silent for a beat too long and Ste had to look back up. The man had a soft expression on his face but his eyes were dark with his pupils wide and placed on Ste's mouth. Ste wet his lips out of reflex and felt himself lean forward slightly.

"You're...an intriguing young lad." Brendan's voice was so low Ste wasn't sure he heard him. The man himself was still staring at Ste's mouth and the Mancunian still leaned forward. Before he almost knocked over one of his coffees. Ste looked at the distance between him and Brendan and immediately leaned back.

"Thanks for the coffee, Brendan." He said and quickly got up. The man looked at him confused. "I'll see you around." Ste walked out of the café and paced fast in the direction of his flat. His heart was hammering in his chest but Ste had to remind himself that Brendan Brady was off limits.

He might not be straight but that was all that he showed the world.

He was a mystery.

He was dangerous.

Ste was sure of that. Brendan Brady was a very dangerous man. Anyone could see it from a mile off. Ste opened his flat door with shaky hands. The keys were jingling with each vibration and as soon as he got in, he fell against the closed door. Breathing heavily he reasoned with himself why he needed to get a grip.

Ste was an abomination. He didn't deserve anything. Not even a moment of hope. Not a moment of anything.

There was a sharp knock on the door startling him. Something jumped in his stomach. He turned to the door feeling a kind of wonderful sickness he's never felt before. There were a few seconds when he debated not opening the door but the pull was too strong. The moment he did, he was accosted by dry lips, facial hair and a strong scent of...blueberries. Ste wanted to laugh but the other man growled into the kiss and the twenty one year old felt himself being pushed against his now closed door. Strong arms wrapping themselves around his hips in a bruising hold. Ste felt this was bliss.

It was too long since he's kissed anyone.

But this felt unrealistic. It was an out of this world experience. Ste didn't even realise his eyes were closed but he was pretty sure angelic singing was happening because the other man prodded his mouth open with his tongue and Ste nearly buckled at how incredible it felt. His stomach was full of this strange, unfamiliar lightness as he moaned into his mouth.

"Brendan." He pushed him back a little to catch his breath. The man nipped at his bottom lip before pulling back. Not enough for Ste to feel cold without being in his arms but enough to not breath the same air. His eyes were darker than previously back at the caff and his breath was as shallow as Ste's. "I don't think this is a good idea." Ste whispered longing for those lips again.

"I want you, Steven. Don't you want me?" Brendan leaned forward close enough to brush his mouth against Ste's. His hands still on Ste's hips whilst the boy's were slowly creeping up the grey Henley. Brendan smirked smugly at him. "Atta boy."

"Shut up." Ste growled and pushed himself against the other man who was chuckling lowly into the kiss. Ste manoeuvred them into the direction of the bedroom, his hands clutching onto Brendan's neck desperately and the Irishman grinded his hips against Ste's whilst they were walking causing friction that made the boy moan. They finally reached the bedroom and Ste threw Brendan on the bed.

"Like it rough, Steven?" Brendan asked amused as Ste straddled him. "Your conquests must feel so special." Ste leaned forward and kissed him filthily.

"Thought I told you to shut up." He smirked when Brendan growled as he pulled back. But it was only to take his shirt off which Brendan smiled at smugly and let Ste take off his Henley throwing the shirts into a random direction. Ste came back to Brendan's mouth kissing hungrily, his hands roaming over the curly hairs on the man's chest and his hips rolling slowly against Brendan's. The wonderful friction returned again. Brendan's hands roamed over his arse pressing Ste's hips closer letting the boy feel the man's erection. Ste hissed as his own jeans were constricting his bulge. He undid Brendan's and his buttons at the same time whilst the man bit at his lower lip and played with Ste's nipples. Ste reached out with his other hand to his drawer to find lube and condoms. He barely used them in the last few years. Restricting himself from any pleasure. So the fact that he had a man who was willing to have sex with him in his bed again was kind of exciting. "You top?" Ste asked Brendan breathlessly. The man smirked, took the items from his hands and rolled them over.

"Why Steven. You want me to show you who's the boss here?" Ste rolled his eyes but he let the man kiss his jaw and move slowly downwards. Brendan pulled down Ste's trousers first before taking off his own and throwing them on the floor. Ste was surprised to see the older man naked under his jeans but he didn't spend much time thinking about it because in the next moment one of Brendan's strong hands was wrapped around his cock and he was tugging at it firmly with a glint in his eyes. Ste arched his back to the touch and let pit a gasp. If kissing Brendan was fantastic, getting a hand job from him was beyond sensational. It felt right. Like something finally slotted into place. Brendan leaned over him and kissed him slowly in rhythm to his hand movements. Ste was vaguely aware of the lube bottle being opened but it didn't really register with him until Brendan spread his thighs apart and pressed one of his long fingers against Ste's hole making the boy arch again feeling overstimulated. Brendan moved onto nibbling at his neck and collar bone as he put pressure to get Ste to open up. Ste blinked as Brendan's fingers slowly pushed in.

"Easy." He breathed out. "It's been a while." Brendan growled at that and pushed another finger in causing Ste to gasp again. "That's what ye call easy?"

"That's what I call wanting to get in you and mark you, Steven." He said huskily. The fingers working their way on opening Ste up. "You are so responsive, it's making me _very_ hungry for ya." He bit one of Ste's nipples lightly causing the boy to dig his nails into the man's back.

"Fuck. Brendan. Get the fuck in me." He hissed.

"Patience, Steven."

"Screw patience." Brendan chuckled letting his tongue roll the small bud in his mouth. "Brendan. Please."

"I like this. You begging. You want me to fuck you, Steven?" Ste started rocking on Brendan's fingers and into the man's hand.

"Yes. Please, I need you. Brendan, please."

"Careful. S'getting repetitive." Brendan muttered taking his hand off Ste's cock and quickly managed to put on the condom single handedly. He pulled his fingers out and positioned his cock at the base of Ste's hole before slowly pushing in. Ste made the neediest noise he wasn't even aware he could muster. His hands moving towards Brendan's arse dragging with his nails as the older man held on for dear life to his hips. "Fuck, Steven. The noises you make are so...delicious." Brendan muttered and bit Ste's bottom lip. "And this mouth. This pouty mouth. I just want to rip you apart. Break you for anyone else who tries to make you feel like this." His hips thrusted with each word slowly. "I'm gonna make you come so hard, Steven." Ste moaned as Brendan's hips started speeding up, his own cock leaking with precome. "I'm gonna fuck you through your orgasm and then make you come again."

"Brendan." Ste breathed.

"You feel so good. So tight. Perfect. Made just. For. Me." Brendan leaned down and bit hard on Ste's neck pushing the boy over the edge and making him spill into both of their stomachs. And true to his word, Brendan kept on thrusting into Ste through it hitting Ste's prostate making Ste come more than he's ever done so before. The amount of cum was unbelievable. Brendan kept on thrusting not stopping for a moment to let Ste breathe. "So beautiful. I want to see you like that again."

"I...fuck. Brendan." Ste blinked. Brendan chuckled and kissed him speeding up his thrusts. Ste's cock already keen enough to play again. Brendan finally let go of Ste's hips and started to speed up even faster. The orgasm building up for both them. "Brendan." Ste put his hands on the sides of his face as Brendan's pace kept on increasing. The man looked at him with lust deeply etched into his expression. "Come for me." He kissed him tightly.

"Fuck." Brendan closed his eyes as he felt himself orgasm. Ste thought he was gorgeous. And a second later he felt himself come again just from the pure look of bliss on the man's face. Brendan collapsed on top of him with a deep chuckle. Ste smiled into the man's shoulder and lightly scratched at Brendan's shoulder with his nails. Brendan dropped next to him, pulling out with a wet pop. He took the condom, tied it off and threw it on the ground somewhere. Ste curled himself around the man and Brendan put his arms around him as Ste nuzzled into his neck. "I don't want to spoil the mood by talking but yer know no one can find out about this. Right, Steven?" His voice had a warning tone in it. Ste nodded.

"No one. This is mine." He heard Brendan chuckle again. He liked that noise. He started kissing Brendan's neck, sucking slowly before something hard came into his teeth. Ste pulled away to look at the object. It was a necklace with a silver cross. "I didn't notice this before." He muttered. Brendan hummed in acknowledgement. "Who are ya?" Steven asked not really expecting an answer. "I know practically nothing about you."

"I could same the same." Brendan tilted Ste's face up to kiss him. "But you intrigue me, Steven." Ste smiled and they continued to kiss before someone's phone started to ring. The two men separated startled. "That yours?" Ste nodded and got off the bed. Brendan let him go very reluctantly and only with the promise of Ste coming back to bed straight away. Ste found his phone in his jeans and climbed right back beside the Irishman who went back onto Ste's neck. Ste picked up the phone with his other hand crawling back into Brendan's hair.

"Hello?" He asked breathlessly.

"Well, don't you sound like you're having a good time?" Amy's voice was amused. Brendan's hand creeped to Ste's cock again, the already existing cum drying on their stomachs.

"You need something, Ames?" Ste closed his eyes as Brendan's hand rolled over the tip of his cock. Amy laughed on the other side.

"Alright, I promise to not keep you too long. Can you try and get the kids into the dentist's? Me and Anne went last week and I realised that we do not eat as healthily as I thought-"

"Yeah, fine, whatever. Bye." Ste hang up and threw the phone into a random direction before coming back to Brendan's lips and grabbing onto the other man's shaft making him groan. Ste smirked into the kiss. He could get used to this.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste walked into the hospital feeling anxious again. After their third session of mind blowing fucking, Brendan dragged Ste into the bathtub to clean them up. That was an interesting experience considering the tub wasn't that big and Brendan kind of was. Ste spend half an hour after Brendan left cleaning up the water. He kissed him long and hard before taking his number and giving one last warning to never tell anyone about their encounter.

Mike, Leah and Lucas were sitting patiently with Lucas counting his fingers.

Ste felt like someone punched him in the gut. His kids. Seeing them there reminded him of what a colossal mistake being with Brendan was. No matter how good it felt.

Brendan had danger written on him in a neon sign that people in Mozambique could see.

And his kids would get in the cross fire. Because Ste loved them the most in this world.

"Daddy!" Lucas shouted and Leah waved pretending to be disinterested. Lucas cocked his head to the side. "Did you take a bath again?"

"Uh...yeah." Mike raised his eyebrows at him. "It's so hot outside, I had to. This weather is ridiculous. Where's the dodgy clouds? Where's the wind that can knock me down? It's just not right." He shook his head and sat down next to Leah. "How you doing, princess?" She shrugged.

"I'm okay, daddy. The stitches itch a little." She replied not looking at him. Ste frowned at his little girl. She seemed to be a little quiet. When the doctor called her name, Ste asked Mike and Lucas to wait for them whilst he went in with Leah. The doctor left them for a moment and Ste took her hand in his.

"Leah, is something wrong?" She licked her lips like Ste did. Sometimes genetics really didn't matter.

"I'm...I think I'm a little scared, daddy."

"Of what sweetheart? The doctor?"

"No." She sniffed and shook her head. "Of what will happen when we leave. When we go back to mummy and Auntie Anne."

"You're scared of year 2?" Ste asked confused and rubbed her back.

"No. I'm scared of what will happen to you. Everyone is really mean to you here. And there's no one here to stick up for you." Ste felt his heart breaking in two and hugged her tightly.

"My little girl." He whispered feeling tears come on. "It's not your job to protect me. It's mine. And I'll miss you and Lucas lots. You know that. But I have Leela and Tegan to help defend me. And there's Tony." He pulled back and wiped the tears from her face smiling down at her. "Leah, don't worry about me, alright? Worry about things like what to colour in next or what new torture you should put upon your little brother. And you let me worry about you. Okay?" She sniffed again but smiled at him and nodded. The stitches were out soon after that. Mike left though when Ste suggested they should go to the park and eat some ice cream. Ste thanked him for taking care of the kids and spend the rest of the day doing stupid stuff like bought lots of water bottles and started a water fight. Lucas was the most drenched though. Yet somehow the little boy was grinning the brightest.

-.-.-.-.-

Ste walked in the village trying to figure out what to do. He was bored. He actually admitted he was bored when Noah ran up to him.

"Hey, Ste. What are you up to?" Ste shrugged.

"Nothing really. Don't have much to do." Noah grinned.

"Why don't you come to the gym with me?" Ste cringed. "Come on. It'll be fun. I give a good work out. And not just in the bedroom." Noah crossed his arms smugly. Ste scrunched up his face.

"Gross. But alright. Just take it easy on me yeah. Not all of us are muscled like you."

"I prefer toned." Noah smiled at him and they started walking to cinergy. "So how are you? I heard you and Doug had a thing." Ste thought back to his last conversation with the American. It felt like a lifetime ago even though it was just the day before.

"Yeah. Umm...I think we've worked stuff out though."

"Oh?" Noah's voice was edgy. "So you two are together then?"

"No." Ste replied quickly wanting to change the subject.

"So does this mean you're looking for someone else? You've got hickeys all over your neck, you know." Ste caught sight of Brendan Brady walking to the club and shook his head.

"No. I'm not looking for anyone." He said turning to the building. "Wait, Noah. I don't have any work out clothes." Noah smiled at him and opened the door.

"Relax. You can borrow some of mine." They walked into the building where Cindy grinned at them. However her smile faded when she saw Ste.

"Oh. Hiya Ste." She forced the smile back on her face. "What are you doing here? Gonna yell at me again?"

"No. I'm gonna work out with Noah." He said pointing to the man. Awkwardness filling the silence. "Look, Cindy. I'm not gonna be mean to you but I'm not gonna deny that I'm unhappy with the situation. But I'm gonna try to be neutral. Okay?" She took a deep breath and smiled genuinely.

"Okay. Why don't you start on the machines? Don't let Noah push you too hard. He can go a little nuts." Noah scoffed and dragged Ste to the changing room. The workout itself was actually pretty fun and Ste enjoyed himself however his mind kept on thinking that he'd much rather having the same workout he had with Brendan yesterday than this one with Noah. Still, it helped release some of the pent up anger Ste carried on about John Paul. Not much, some.

However Noah was being really awkward and uncomfortable before Ste realised he was being hit on. He excused himself after the shower when Noah tried to ask him out.

"I've got to go and get my kids. Thanks for today." He said and it worked brilliantly. Noah retratected his invitation immediately and Ste almost cackled on his way to Danny's to think of his kids as kryptonite. He didn't realise someone was walking up the stairs behind him until someone put a hand on his hip. He jumped startled to see Brendan smirking at him.

"You should be careful, Steven. These stairs are easy to fall down from." He said huskily walking past him.

"Well maybe I would be careful if some people didn't try to scare me half dead." He muttered but judging from Brendan's chuckle he wasn't very quiet.

"Why would I want you dead?" They finally reached the Lomax's door and Brendan leaned close to Ste's ear. "I'm not done with you yet, Steven." He whispered, his hot breath on Ste's neck sent shivers down the boy's back. "And I highly doubt you're done with me." He pulled back with a smug face and Ste couldn't help himself. He reached forward, pulled Brendan by his neck and kissed him hard. The kiss was more of the two mouth smashing together painfully but it felt sweet somehow. Right.

Brendan pushed him away lightly and Ste was sure something bad would happen. He closed his eyes breathing heavily waiting for a blow or something to that kind but it never came. Instead he felt a small peck on his lips and when he opened his eyes, Brendan was closing his own door behind himself.

"Nope. Not done yet." Ste whispered touching his lips. Giddy feeling returning. He smiled as he told himself that it was such a bad idea to get involved with Brendan Brady.

-A/N

As usual, if you wanna get in contact, my tumblr & AO3 name: dominikadecember

I'm a lot easier to find on there.


	6. Get It Right

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY HOLLYOAKS CHARACTERS.**

 **MASSIVE WARNING: There is some abuse and it is not dealt with in a healthy manner.**

The next two days passed slowly for Ste. He didn't go out much, afraid he'd come across a situation he didn't like. Or worse. A situation he did like. And he kept on checking his phone.

Hoping for someone to text or call or anything really.

A certain Irishman on his mind. But nothing. He saw him sometimes around the village with Cheryl, Nate or his kids but Ste never approached. He felt like he'd be intruding.

He didn't like it when someone interrupted him whilst he was with Leah and Lucas. So he didn't want to interrupt himself. On Friday, Tony rang saying that the restaurant would open up again on Monday which gave him a peace of mind. He was about to walk into his family's house and share the good news when Danny stormed out with Tegan right behind him.

"What's going on?" He asked Leela who was running out after Sam.

"Dad's gonna kill Ziggy Roscoe." She said in a hurry.

"What?!" Ste quickly looked in the house where Peri was watching the telly bored. "Peri. Watch the kids, yeah?" She nodded and Ste ran after his family. Sam tried to placate Danny as he stormed into the Dog.

"Roscoe!" Danny shouted and Leela shook her head. Ziggy stood up from his seat next to Darren who quickly stood behind the bar and looked at the Lomaxes confused. However Ste noticed how his eyes softened when he looked at Tegan. "You think you can get my daughter pregnant-?!"

"Dad, please stop!" Tegan cried.

"And not take responsibility?! Imma teach you some fucking responsibility, you little shit!" Ste jumped and held Danny back as he advanced on the other man. Ziggy's eyes widened and he looked at Tegan shocked.

"You're pregnant?" He asked.

"You didn't know?" Danny sounded incredulous. He looked at Tegan who was being supported by Leela. Sam stood on the other side of Danny shaking her head.

"You're an idiot." She hissed at her husband. "If you wouldn't have been eavesdropping then our daughter wouldn't be in this situation now!"

"But-"

"She was asking me for help on how to tell the boy. Danny, honestly." Ste let go of his father and looked around the bar embarrassed for his family.

"Teegs." Ziggy started and she shook her head.

"The cat's out of the bag. I'm pregnant, Ziggy's the biological father. My own father is an idiot and I'm feeling a bit nauseous right now." She went to the bathroom, Leela following her sister straight away.

"Ste?" Sam asked. "Can you get the girls home? Me and Danny are going for a conversation."

"'Course." He sat down on the stool next to Ziggy's. The man himself dropped onto the stool with a heavy thud. Sam dragged Danny out of the pub. "You alright, mate?" Ste asked Ziggy.

"I'm gonna be a dad?" He sounded like he was in shock.

"Yeah. If you do the right thing. You don't have to though. Tegan will understand. But Danny will kill ya." Ziggy frowned at Ste.

"Of course I'm gonna do the right thing. I love Tegan."

"You do?" Ste was surprised to hear that.

"Yeah. She's the one who doesn't want to be with me. I would marry her in a heart beat." Ziggy smiled. "And now we're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah." Ste patted his shoulder. "But you know you won't just have Danny after ya if you hurt her."

"Of course." Tegan came back out of the ladies' with Leela still on her heel. "Teegs. D'you think we can talk?" Ziggy asked hopefully. She nodded and they went into a booth that was just abandoned. Leela hoped onto the seat next to Ste.

"Tegan and Roscoe?" He asked his sister.

"Yup." She grinned happily. "He's been pining for her ever since they met. But you know our Tegan. She doesn't believe that she can ever get a happily ever after for some reason. Everyone deserves everything except for her."

"That sounds familiar." Ste muttered. "So what happened? Between them?"

"A couple weeks back, they slept together. She won't tell me how it happened though."

"And are you okay with them?"

"You're talking about my stupid crush a couple years back?" Ste nodded smirking. Leela actually laughed at that. "That feels so long ago. Another lifetime. But no. Ziggy is too much in love with my sister for me to find him interesting." She smirked evilly at him. "Plus, if I get a guy then you'll be the only single one in the family."

"Wha? What about the kids?"

"Peri is charmed by young Declan. Lucas is married to Texas and I'm positive Leah has like fifteen wives and husbands in love with her."

"Uh, no. My Leah and Lucas are going to remain single until I am like in my 90s. And Declan is too old for Peri."

"He's sixteen and she's fourteen, Ste."

"Way too old."

"Ste. Amy already had two kids at that age."

"Yeah. Exactly and look how she's turned out?"

"You mean in a happy, stable relationship with a promising career in education?" Ste hurrumphed and crossed his arms. "Okay, enough about the kids growing up. Because it does actually scare me a little bit. I didn't say anything before because I didn't get a chance to but who gave you those lovely marks on your neck, not so saint anymore Ste." Ste blushed and looked over at the booth where Tegan and Ziggy were holding hands.

"None of your business." He mumbled.

"Oh God." She put on a horrified expression. "Please tell me it wasn't Doug."

"No! Of course not." Ste flinched at the mental images.

"John Paul?"

"Leela."

"No, you idiot! He just walked in with Sinead." Ste scrunched up his face and looked in their direction as John Paul and Sinead made their way over to one of the tables. "You know, I have half a mind to go over there and punch his dumb face."

"What's he doing with Sinead anyways?"

"Maybe she thinks she can turn him straight." Ste scoffed at that. "I'm serious. She goes around the village saying her vagina is magic. Careful or next thing you'll know she'll be proclaiming her love for you."

"Highly doubt that, sis. And even if, it wouldn't work." He grinned at her. "I like men and cock. Vaginas aren't really something I fancy." Someone chuckled next to them and Ste felt a shiver down his spine as he recognised the voice. He turned to see Brendan standing there with Cheryl both with huge grins on their faces. Ste felt his face flush the deepest red.

"Hiya." Cheryl said cheerfully. "You alright? You're looking a bit red there, love." She grinned at Ste who groaned and put his head in his hands. Leela laughed next to him but patted his shoulder.

"We're just talking about Ste's ex and the village prostitute thag has a talent to turn gay men straight." She explained still laughing.

"Really? That's quite a talent she has." Brendan sounded amused. "Don't be embarrassed, Steven. We all have our preferences." Ste put his hands down to glare at him. He knew of Brendan's preferences, all right.

"What are you two doing here anyways?" He asked Cheryl choosing to ignore the man.

"Just thought I'd get a pint with my big brother and celebrate our opening night."

"Is it tonight?" She grinned and nodded. "Wow, congratulations. But how come you're here and not there?"

"You see, Steven. You can't celebrate something as brilliant as this in her own club. It's just bad etiquette." Brendan looked completely serious as he explained and Ste nodded mockingly.

"Right, yeah. You gotta proper celebrate, innit? How can you do it in a club?"

"Sarcasm is the sincerest form of flattery"

"I thought imitation was."

"It changed."

"Huh. Guess no one told me."

"Well, I just did."

"Thank you, Brendan."

"You're welcome, Steven." Brendan replied smugly. Ste rolled his eyes and looked at Leela who was staring at him with big eyes and an unreadable expression on her face. He frowned at her but she quickly turned to Cheryl.

"That's really great about the club. I'm sure it's going to be great. People need something other than the SU bar because of all the students. Students are annoying and I would like to have fun where I can't look at an annoying twenty one year old face."

"Hey, I'm twenty one." Ste interjected. She eyed him for a moment.

"Just proving my point." She smiled sweetly.

"You know what? Just for that, I'm not cooking dinner next week."

"Noo! Stee!" She draped herself over him. "I'm sorry. You're the bestest funnest little brother I've ever had."

"Nope." Ste looked over at Tegan and Ziggy who were walking their way. He pushed Leela off and stood up. "You're alright, Teegs? Need me to pummel Roscoe?"

"Ste, you're almost as bad as dad." She laughed and Ziggy smiled shyly at her siblings. "Let's go home, okay?" Leela was quiet for a moment eyeing Ziggy warily.

"Alright. But you've got to convince Ste to cook for us. I may have been evil." She told Tegan and bounced out of the pub in a similar fashion to Lucas. Tegan looked curiously at Ste who just shrugged.

"She's always evil. Roscoe. You get your hand off my sister before our dad comes back in here and skins you alive." Ziggy immediately let go of Tegan and sent her an apologetic look. She shook her head at the situation.

"I didn't know that was on the menu here." Brendan muttered. "Quality pub." Tegan walked out after Leela and Ste turned to say goodbye to the Bradys when he bumped into Brendan's chest. He smelled like woods and whiskey tonight. Ste backed away immediately muttering an apology. "It's alright, Steven. It happens." He said amused and gave a small laugh before walking away leaving Ste bewildered. Cheryl smiled at him with a painful expression .

"Sorry about that, love. Brendan's a bit of a nutter when he's celebrating. See you later." She followed her brother hitting him on the back of the head. Ste stared for a moment confused before he remembered his sisters and ran out of the pub to catch up with them.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Tegan is pregnant with a Roscoe?!" Amy screeched and cackled when Ste called her on Saturday. Leah and Lucas were playing Monopoly in the living room. The two arguing over who's meant to go to jail. "Oh my days, Ste! That is hilarious."

"Danny doesn't think so. He came back yesterday with Sam and spent the entire night swearin' Ziggy out."

"At least it's not a McQueen." Ste laughed mockingly.

"Yer so hilarious."

"I know. Have you been to the dentist's with the kids yet?"

"I made an appointment for Tuesday." Ste pulled a Coke from the fridge. "But yah know what? I was watching BBC late last night and they had on this documentary, yeah, about how dentists try to create more problems the NHS won't fund so people gotta pay from their own pocket. I don't know who to trust now."

"That sounds interesting. Is it on iPlayer?"

"Probably. It was a repeat, I think. How's Phoenix?"

"Alright. But I think he's got hay fever, you know. Every time we take him outside he sneezes so much." Ste heard Mitzeee in the background singing and Amy laughed. "You're such a loony. Hey, speaking of telly, apparently Tony's restaurant was mentioned on Come Dine With Me."

"Really?" Ste frowned confused. "Why?"

"Someone ate there a couple of months ago and they liked the food. That's good, right? As soon as you guys open back up you'll have loads of business."

"I wouldn't be so optimistic, Amy." Ste grumbled. "With me luck, the kitchen will probably be destroyed again an hour after opening."

"With that bright outlook on life, I wonder why I ever let you go." Ste snickered when he heard Mitzeee screech _'S'cause he's gay, darlin''_ on the other side. "Right. Let me talk to me kids now." Ste passed the phone to Lucas who snatched it out of his hands and started talking about how Texas is his new favourite person and grandpa Danny talks in a really funny accent when he's angry. He shouted then that Leah was cheating at Monopoly because she was stealthily replacing his houses and hotels with her own pieces. Leah then jumped over the table at him, all the pieces going everywhere and thought for the phone. Ste thought about intervening but settled on drinking his Coke and letting the kids fight for the small electronic device whilst he watched with interest. At first it seemed Lucas would win as his foot fought against Leah's cheek but then she bit it hard and laughed victoriously as Lucas let go of the phone to tend to his injury. She grabbed it quickly and blew a raspberry at him.

"Hi mummy." She stayed silent for a moment as Ste bent over to pay his son on the head. "No. I wasn't scared. Daddy said it wouldn't hurt and it didn't. Mummy, what's a bloody bastard?" Ste choked on his Coke. "Grandpa Danny kept on calling Mr Ziggy that yesterday. Did you know Mr Ziggy works in a garage? Maybe he'll help Lucas build Bentley's." Ste closed his eyes knowing that Amy would tell him off for the language.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Wow." Ste said as he walked into the restaurant. The design was different. Before it was a lot more modern but now, there was dark wood panels and booths everywhere. The bar however was black marble. Tony grinned at him.

"Wait till you get to the kitchen." He told him. Doug was also awestruck like Ste who was pushed forward by their boss through the white door.

The kitchen was huge. Somehow within the last two weeks, the already big space was multiplied by five. There were more counters added and an extra sink. The fridges were all placed in one place instead of in random places. There were two more ovens as well and the walls were painted a soft blue. Ste let out a whistle.

"Cindy really worked her magic." He said to Tony looking around before his eyes settled on a locked drawer. "Are those...?" He tried it and luckily it was opened. "New knives. Toneh. This is amazing." He looked at the man who was grinning happily.

"I know. I'm real glad they managed to do everything so quickly as well." Doug smiled at Tony and went out to change into his whites whilst Tony and Ste spoke a little bit more about the new layout of the restaurant. He came back as Tony left and the rest of the day was spent in blissful contentment. For Ste anyways. He was lost in making a new menu. Tony decided that it was important since there was a new layout. However some customers came in and ordered things of the old menu so Doug worked on those orders.

Ste smiled as he looked through the cook books that were still there and sat at one of the counters. It was a bit difficult to write down new recipes and took most of his time but Ste didn't mind. The new kitchen made him so happy his dyslexia was the last thing on his mind.

His hours went by so quick, he didn't even realise that he was supposed to go and pick up the kids until Lynsey came in surprised he was still there. Ste rushed to Mike's, giving Tony ideas for a new menu on his way out and caught his kids outside of Mike's house with the man himself just walking out.

"Hey, we was just coming over." Mike said surprised.

"Sorry. Got busy at work." He bent down and hugged the two little ones. "Thanks, Mike. You should come by the restaurant when you've got time, you know. Tony got it done up well nice."

"Maybe next time." He smiled and hugged his grandchildren tight before bidding them goodbye. The kids wanted to go to the playground in the park and eat some ice cream so the three of them headed out in that direction with Ste telling the kids about the new kitchen, excitement evident in his voice as the two offsprings listened to their father enchanted. It was a magical walk for them and Ste thought how easy it would be to have them with him full time. He could take them to school before work and then pick them up after. They could spend time together. Ste would help them out with their homework as much as possible. Leah would grow up and want her own room. She'd want to spend more time with girls her age instead of just with her dad and her little brother who she stood up for all the time because Lucas was shy and a lot of people would have a hard time getting to know him. And because of that Lucas would act out in his teenagehood and steal cars like Ste. And Ste and Leah would have to come down to the police station and Ste would be disappointed but he'd also ask Lucas how he got past the new security system.

On second thought, perhaps it was better that the kids didn't spend so much time with him. Afterall. Ste destroyed everything and from his fantasy it's obvious he would destroy his children as well. Amy and Mitzeee were good parents. Mitzeee loving fiercly and protecting those she deemed worthy with Amy next to her trying to moral out her partner's crazy actions because she would act the same way sometimes. Mitzeee and Ste didn't hate each other but they weren't best friends either. When her and Amy got together at first, Ste believed Mitzeee was just playing with the blonde. He tried to reason with her but Amy wouldn't listen.

The two broke up for a little while when Mitzeee moved to London for her modeling career but she came back to the village soon after crying to Amy that it was the dumbest thing they've ever done. Ste wasn't convinced that Mitzeee was genuine but Amy was in love and the two got back together leaving Ste to still be untrusting of the brunette to not hurt his best friend. Their wedding took place soon after and both of them moved to London. The kids stayed behind with Ste as the two sorted out their living arrangements in the capital city. After the kids moved, the two women decided to have another child and Mitzeee became pregnant with some help from a fellow Hollyoaksian, Riley Costello who was a semi big football star in the city. However Mitzeee's career didn't even pause as she was further along in her pregnancy. In fact, she got more popular. Riley gave up his parental rights to Phoenix and Amy adopted the little boy however the two never even considered asking Ste to do the same. They both knew how much he loved Leah and Lucas. He smiled as his son ran to the swing yelling for Leah to push him.

The reason why Mitzeee didn't like Ste was pretty obvious. She thought he was a lowlife. Amy told her about the times Ste almost hit her, about the emotional abuse, about the mutual abuse in his relationship with John Paul, about Ste's legal history, about Ste's family with Pauline and Terry. Mitzeee thought Amy, Leah and Lucas could do better without Ste in their lives. However she warmed up to him over the years. Seeing and hearing about his progress to rehabilitate his anger issues and to do something with his life, made her more favourable towards him.

The reason why they got along was purely because Amy, Leah and Lucas forced it upon them.

"OW!" Lucas shouted as he fell off the swing onto the grounf face first. Leah running around the swing and crouching worried next to him, petting his head as Lucas started crying. Ste rushed over to him and sat his little boy up. "My head hurts." Lucas choked out in between the sobs. Ste looked over and felt lightly with his finger but there was no bump or anything like that. Just a small bruise forming on Lucas' forehead.

"Here. I'll kiss it better and it'll stop hurting. Okay?" Ste smiled at him and Lucas nodded still sobbing but a lot softer than before. Ste placed a light kiss on his son's head and Leah did the same.

"Now it'll stop hurting faster." She told Lucas with all seriousness as Ste wiped his tears away. She grabbed onto her little brother's hand and forced him to stand up. "Swings are dumb. Let's go on the slide and slide down on our tummies, Lucas. You can even go first." Ste breathed relief as they continued and sat down on the nearby bench. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out to find a text from an unknown number.

 _'Come by the club tonight.'_ Ste frowned looking at the message confused, his kids still fresh on his mind. He quickly typed up a reply.

 _'Whos this?'_ He looked over at Leah sliding down the slide whilst standing up and he shouted at her to be more careful as she almost fell over the metal toy. His phone vibrated a second later.

 _'I didn't think you'd forget me so quickly, Steven. My marks are still on you after all but they're fading. I need to redo them.'_ Ste's heart jumped to his throat and started beating like a relentless football fan. He felt himself flush as he thought back to Brendan's mouth on his neck. He was right. Ste's body was still covered in bruises that the older man left behind but they were slowly discolouring and disappearing leaving only memories for Ste to relive the experience by. He swallowed, feeling his mouth dry up and making an unpleasant clicking noise. He glanced at Leah and Lucas biting his lip. He heard someone calling his name and he found himself looking at Declan and Padraig.

"Hi, Ste." Declan smiled friendly whilst Padraig opted for a polite grimace before running off to Leah and Lucas on the slide.

"Hey, you alright?" Ste put his phone away trying to ignore the fact that he wanted to screw the boy's father.

"Yeah." Declan sat down next to him. "Kinda bored though, back in Ireland we always had a shit ton of stuff to do. My friends warned me small places were boring." He grinned at Ste. "Shoulda trusted them. I'd stay at home playing my Xbox all day if I could but Aunt Chez literally kicks me until I get out of the house." Ste laughed nervously not sure how to respond. Brendan's request playing in his head. "Honestly, that woman is fucking insane. But ever since ma passed, she's taken real good care of me and Paddy. Not to mention our da. He's such a pain." Declan threw his head back and groaned as if he was in literal pain. "Always on me to do stupid stuff like do well in school or look out for Paddy or get a nice lass like he did with ma. So annoyin'." Ste felt paralyzed. Like lightining just struck him with the most powerful shock ever and split him in two.

"Your dad must pull often then." He said, his voice shaking a bit but it was like Declan didn't notice at all.

"Maybe. I've never seen him with anyone, though. It's weird. I just see him with his mates sometimes."

"Mates?" Ste repeated dumbly.

"Yeah. He hanged out a lot with me cousin, Macca in Belfast. He's my ma's nephew and da took him under his wing a bit but then he sort of ditched him completely when we moved to Dublin." Declan kept on talking not aware of the fact that Ste felt like the teenager was stabbing him over and over with each word. "There dad found Vinnie. Vinnie was cool. You look a little bit like him, actually. But Vinnie didn't come over much 'cause grandad was always 'round. Me dad and him didn't really get along. Granda' passed about two months ago and aunt Chez wanted to move somewhere brand new so yeah." Declan laughed and looked at Ste. "I feel like I just shared my entire life story here. Sorry, Ste. But you're good to talk to. 'Cause you're not like an adult. Well, I mean you are with a job and kids but you're closer in age to me than any other mate I have here. Vinnie was kind of like that too. He died a couple years back. Car accident. Da never really talks about him. Must be tough. To lose a friend like that. You alright, Ste?" Declan asked, concern painting his face. Ste attempted to smile at him.

"Just hungry." He said even though if he ate anything right now, he was sure he'd throw it up.

"Oh, I feel you. I am always starving. Aunt Chez says that I get that from da as well 'cause he's always eating all the time." Ste droned Declan out and pulled his phone out.

 _'Soz got me kids nxt time mybe'_ he typed quickly and turned the phone on silent to focus on everything around him and ignore the Irishman. Declan kept on talking about his family but he barely mentioned Brendan anymore which Ste was grateful for. Instead the teenager spoke about Cheryl and Nate's relationship before coming back tot he topic of his boredom in the small Hollyoaks village. Ste looked over at the kids that were sitting on a rooftop of one of the laddered houses. His jaw dropped as hetried to figure out how they got up there.

"Sorry. It's my dad." Declan muttered and Ste turned his eyes at him to see the teenager picking up his phone. "Hello? Uh, no. We're just at the park. Ste's here with Leah and Lucas too." Ste turned his head away to roll his eyes. He didn't want the other man to know where he was. he didn't want to see the other man. He felt like an idiot. Thinking he was special because of what exactly? The sweet words Brendan whispered in his ear. He did the same with the other men too. Kept them a secret too. "Will you buy us lunch? I'm a growing boy and Ste's hungry too. Alright, see you soon." Ste stood up quickly. "Dad's gonna take us out...You off?" Ste rummaged through his head for an excuse

"Yeah, me and the kids were planning on going into the city." Declan stood up with big eyes.

"Let's all go."

"What?" Ste leered back.

"I'm so bored here. There is literally nothing to do. Plus, dad can drive us. Yeah, this is brilliant. I'll text him right now." Ste mouthed at air for a couple of moments before dropping himself back on the bench resigned to the situation. He watched as Leah climbed down the rooftop easily whereas Paddy and Lucas just jumped. She scrunched up her face at the two boys who were moaning in pain because they scraped their knees and palms. Lucas ran up to Ste and held out his hands to his father who felt something warm spread in his chest whenever his kids needed him. He rubbed some off the gravel and dirt out before kissing the small palms lightly. Lucas smiled happily at Ste.

"if you didn't jump, then daddy wouldn't have to kiss it better." Leah said and climbed into Ste's lap, Paddy sitting on the bench next to Ste in the same place Declan occupied a moment ago. The teenager himself leaned against the side of it texting someone furiously.

"But I wanted daddy to kiss it better." Lucas said like it was obvious and wiped his hands on his shorts. "Daddy makes everything better, Leah."

"I know that, Lucas." She replied annoyed. "But you shouldn't hurt yourself."

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't! Daddy, Leah is being mean."

"You're such a grasshoper, Lucas." Leah grumbled under her breath. Ste looked at her confused.

"A what?" He asked his daughter who sighed liked she was being put out.

"A tattletail." She explained exaspareted. "It's what Lily's older sister says." Ste hid his face in her hair laughing as Lucas and Leah started arguing about grasshopers and toads. They went like that for a while, sometimes with Padraig interluding, before Declan said that his dad was waiting in the parking lot. Ste cringed inwardly but stood up with Leah in his arms as she latched onto him with Lucas walking in front next to Declan and Paddy talking about how much he would like to own a toad. When Ste caught sight of Brendan, his breath hitched and Leah asked him if anything was wrong. The irishman was leaning on a black mercedes in a grey suit with a blue button up that was stretching tightly across his chest. He kissed his teeth at the sight of them.

"What the bloody hell is taking you lazy sods so long?" He grunted at them. "I gotta be back at the club by 7." Declan smirked at Ste in a _'See what I have to put up with?'_ matter of fashion. The twenty one year old smiled back tightly and tried to focus on anything but Brendan.

"Father, I'm telling you this out of the goodness of me heart. Time is on our side. 'Cause it's only one." The teenager ignored his father's scowl and turned to Ste. "You can go in the front with the old geezer. I'll jump in the back with the little ones. Me and Paddy have a fun car game anyways."

"It's not that long of a drive, Dec." Brendan said and got in the car. Ste put Leah down and made sure the two were sitting safely inside before going to his own seat not daring to look at the Irishman. "Where are we eating at anyways? Better be a good spot."

"Like it matters." Declan laughed. Ste noticed he was a really cheery teenager. He flashed in his memory to how he was at that age. The Lomax family not yet in his life. Amy ready to pop with Leah already around. Terry beating him down so hard he was out for two days. Declan was a very different teenager from Ste.

"Steven?" Ste snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Brendan who was staring at him intently.

"Hmm?" Ste looked around. They were in the parking lot with the kids waiting outside the car not paying attention to them. "Right." He quickly got out and smiled at the four, Brendan following his movements and Ste could feel those piercing blue eyes on him. "What's the plan then?"

"We'll just tag along with whatever you guys have to do." Declan said and Ste swallowed. He didn't really think of what to do. He scratched his chin trying to find an idea.

"I was planning on taking the kids to the cinema. There's that new superhero movie." Leah bounced excitedly.

"Daddy, you're the bestest!" Lucas jumped up and down next to her and they jumped on his legs.

"We're going to the cinema. Reggie Williams is going to be so jealous." Lucas told his sister who nodded. Declan looked over at his own father.

"That sounds cool. Come on old man." He stretched his hand out. "Don't be stingy." Brendan glared at his son as Ste tried to detangle his children from himself. "Spot out for the tickets."

"Don't you get pocket money, you little weasel?" Ste started to walk in the direction of the shopping centre as he heard the Brady boys arguing behind him. Paddy walked over and held onto Lucas' hand looking fascinated around the big stores. Ste had to supress the idea that they looked like a rather lively family. The cinema was on the second floor near the restaurant, Ste ushered the three kids up the escalator first ignoring Declan and Brendan still arguing behind him.

He looked at the times for the movie and the queue that was practically no existent. For a Monday afternoon during summer holidays, there were no children except for Leah, Lucas, Paddy and Declan. Ste frowned at that. Sure the weather was boiling but he'd thought more people would want to see this movie. Declan went up next to him and looked at the screen.

"Looks like the next one is in an hour. Plenty of time for us to eat."

"Do you ever think about anything else?" Brendan asked.

"Do you?" The teenager shot back. Brendan didn't answer, just glanced at Ste and looked at the tills.

"You lot decide where we're eating and I'll buy the tickets." Ste started to protest but Brendan was already charming the female cashier.

"McDonald's?" Declan suggested.

"Nandos!" Leah and Lucas shouted happily. "They have the best colouring books." Leah explained to Paddy. "And if you want, you can also draw on the table."

"No. No, you can't." Ste said making Leah stick her tongue out at him. Brendan came back pocketing the tickets.

"So? What's the verdict?" Ste was thankful the older man didn't stand close to him.

"Chicken wins." Declan declared. They set off to the restaurant with Declan asking Ste questions about his job with Lucas using Ste's arm as a rope. He loved it when Ste raised him up and down although it was getting more and more difficult as Lucas grew up. "I mean, being a chef must be so cool because basically you know what combination of spices can blow up the kitchen. How is that not bad ass? And you didn't even finish school! You've like got your life sorted already."

"Yeah but it was hell to get to this point. And sometimes I still go through that hell because not everything is all that easy, you know. I love me Leah and Lucas and they were the reason that I got meself together but not everyone is as lucky." He thought to Bobby McQueen who was basically abandoned by Mercedes and his father Riley Costello. Riley had serious issues with being a father.

"No. I get that. I just think it's awesome how you're only five years older than me and have everything sorted." Ste raised Lucas up who was still hanging onto his arm like a koala bear.

"He's five." Ste pointed out and they arrived at the restaurant. The waitress smiled politely at Ste and lit up when her eyes landed on Brendan.

"Hi, table for six?"

"Yeah." Declan said and she motioned for them to follow. They had a round booth with Brendan and Ste on each end. Declan next to his father, Paddy next to the teenager, Lucas next to him and Leah in between her brother and Ste. The waitress passed them the menus.

"Have you been to Nando's before?" She asked everyone but her eyes kept on coming back to Brendan who smirked at her attention.

"Never been, darlin'." He looked her over and the young girl blushed. Declan rolled his eyes and leaned over to help Paddy and Lucas read the menu. Leah was tugging at Ste's sleeve to get his attention but it was difficult because Ste understood how Brendan could affect someone. The waitress leaned over Brendan's side.

"Just choose your meal, then come up to the counter, give your table number, place your order and your meal should arrive soon." She smiled and straightened up. "D'you need anything else?" She looked around the table.

"Yeah." Ste spoke up. "Can we get any puzzles or colouring books?" She smiled brightly at him and Ste appreciated her enthusiasm and pleasant customer service.

"Sure. I'll bring them right away." She scurried off and Ste finally looked over at Leah who wanted a chicken wrap.

"That's gonna be too big, sweetie." Ste tried to reason.

"But I want it." She pouted. "Pleeeeease, daddy. Pleeeeease." Ste sighed as she stuck her bottom lip out looking too much like Ste. "I promise to not beat up Lucas for two whole days." The little boy looked offended before he nodding and muttering _'She's really strong.'_

"Alright. But no chips." She nodded happily. Ste stood up. "Anyone else ready? I'm gonna go up." Lucas shouted out chicken burger, Paddy asked for a wing platter. Declan said he'd go with but Brendan cuffed his shoulder and got up standing next to Ste. He took Declan's order (a double chicken and bacon burger with garlic bread, large chips and chicken wings) and made his way towards the queue. Ste followed him passing by the waitress on his way. She stopped him when he was near Brendan.

"I'm sorry." She smiled apologetically. "I just wanted to say you and your partner have a really lovely family together."

"Oh, ta." He felt awkward. "But he's not my partner." Her smile fell.

"Sorry, I feel really embarrassed now." She mumbled.

"S'alright. Umm..." Ste looked at the ground. "I'm gonna go order me food now." He walked away and stood next to Brendan who looked him over curiously. There was a couple of people in front of them. So they had to wait. Ste distracted himself from how good Brendan smelled with repeating the orders over and over in his head.

"Y'alright?" Brendan asked him quietly, his voice sending small vibrations through Ste's body. Ste looked at him but Brendan was staring straight ahead.

"Fine."

"How about I get Declan to babysit your lil bits tonight? You can come by the club then." Ste felt annoyed at the suggestion.

"Nah." He said and moved forward.

"Why not?" Brendan moved close to him but not close enough to look like anything was happening between them. Just close enough to look like they were waiting in the queue together. "What's happening in that pretty little head of yours, Steven?"

"I'm just not really interested in being a Vinnie copy." Ste hissed annoyed. "And I don't want to give up any free time that I have with me kids for a random shag with a closeted, dodgy Irishman." Brendan's face didn't show anything as Ste finally walked over to the till and smiled tightly at the guy behind the counter. He gave the orders one by one and looked at Brendan to place his. The older man recited his own order with a bored tone and pulled out his wallet but Ste beat him to it by passing his card over. When Brendan glared at him Ste shrugged. "You bought the tickets. S'only fair." Brendan grunted and grabbed the glasses not waiting for Ste to follow.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The rest of the meal went by fine with Brendan and Ste only speaking when asked to. The kids took up most of the space. Soon after, they were sitting in the cinema screen Brendan and Ste as far away from each other as possible. Ste tried to pay attention to the movie but it was difficult.

It wasn't like him and Brendan were in some sort of a relationship for Ste to demand things from him. They just fucked once and that was it. Just because Ste felt something stronger for the man, it didn't mean that it was reciprocated. It didn't mean anything. And besides, Ste shouldn't be throwing himself into anything. It was a mistake being with Brendan in the first place.

Ste leaned over and told his kids he was going to the loo quickly. They completely ignored him but Declan gave a thumbs up. He almost bumped into someone walking out, he was getting a headache from the confusion in his head. He splashed some water on his face and breathed heavily running a hand over his face to quiet his thoughts down for a moment.

He leaned on the wall across the sink and closed his eyes. His hands managed to ball themselves up into fists and he tried to get his palms to relax. It was no use. He sighed and made a move to leave the bathroom but when he opened his eyes, piercing blue mirrored his own and then there was a striking sensation in his sternum. Ste gasped as he became aware of the pain and nearly keeled over but Brendan held him upright and tutted quietly.

"You really hurt my feelings, Steven." He whispered in his ear. "That's not really fair now, is it?" Ste blinked and bit his lips to stop from making a sound. "You have a past too." Brendan's mouth kissed his ear lobe lightly. Ste tried to push him away but Brendan was a lot stronger than him.

"Get off me." Ste managed to choke out and it seemed to set something off in Brendan as he took a step back and sighed dropping his head on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Steven. I'm so sorry." He whispered. Ste flashed back to the time he hit John Paul. The McQueen wouldn't let him anywhere near him when it happened but Ste ran his hands up Brendan's arms up to his shoulder and laced them behind the man's neck.

"Brendan." Ste kissed him lightly. "You hit me again, I will get a bat and land you in a hospital." The older man nodded but he still wouldn't look at Ste. His hand spread across the sore bruise Ste was sure was formed there and rubbed it in circles.

"I'm sorry." He muttered and sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Me too." Brendan looked at him confused.

"What are you sorry for?" Ste put as much force as he could and brought up his knee fast to Brendan's groin. Ste held him like Brendan did so just a minute ago and run his hand over the small hairs on the back of the older man's neck. Brendan groaned in pain and held onto Ste for dear life.

"I should get back. The movie is probably over by now." Ste said and pulled out of Brendan's arms but the older man brought him back and kissed him hungrily before groaning again.

"Yeah. You better go, Steven." Ste chuckled at him. "Cheeky little fella." Brendan muttered and Ste walked back to the screen. None of the kids paid him any attention when he winced to sit back in his seat. Brendan came back about it five minutes later and Ste could not stop the satisfied smirk from crawling up his face as the older man walked with a small limp.

-A/N

I don't want there to be a lot of violence in this fic. I want it to be good and happy but I couldn't help myself writing this scene. Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. Nicky, you rule. Thank you. Thank you so much to Shell. You made me really happy. And to the guest reviewer. You made me laugh big time. Thank you.

My tumblr: dominikadecember


	7. What Broke Me This Time

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hollyoaks.** **WARNING: Violence, self loathing, traumatic events discussed and not dealt with.**

"Hi, Ste." Theresa said unsurely. Tony was off today and Ste agreed to cover for him at the restaurant as long as the kids could stay. Ste paused wiping down the bar.

"Hey." Once upon a time Ste and Theresa were actually mates. Before Ste and John Paul dated. Their relationship put a strain on every other one Ste had. Theresa included. She sat at the bar stool in front of him. "Ya want anythin'? Doug's kinda bored so he'll probably won't mind."

"Uh, no." She folded her hands in front of her on the bar and fumbled with her fingers. Ste eyed her for a moment. She was dressed up but looked nervous as hell.

"You alright?" He asked her.

"I..." She gave him a small smile. "I'm meeting Rae and I'm kind of...scared. Ever since the fiasco with Ethan dating us at the same time, we haven't really been good friends." She shrugged. "Not that it matters really. People go, people come. It's a way of life. We was probably bound to stop being friends at some point." Ste paused again. He tried to ignore the feeling that she was talking about him.

"Do you wanna stop being friends with her?" She shook her head. "Then tell her that. Communication is key." Theresa snorted.

"Since when are you so open-minded, Ste?"

"Anger management." He smiled at her and gave her a Coke from the fridge. "On me. Stop being so bloody nervous. It's making me shaky which is not a good position for someone who handles drinks." She actually laughed at that. Threw her head back and made a pig like sound. Ste opened his mouth to tell her a joke when he spotted Leela walk in happily into the restaurant. She came over to the bar and sat a seat away from Theresa.

"Little McQueen." She regarded the other blonde who gave a slight wave. "Ste. My dear little brother. I have some marvellous news for you." Ste raised an eyebrow at her sceptically. "I know what yer kids are up to."

"They're not up to anything. They're kids. You're just paranoid."

"Offended by that statement but I'll let it go for now." She sighed and flipped her blonde locks over her shoulder. "They're making something really sweet to show you how much they love ya."

"Aww." Theresa cooed. "That's adorable."

"I know, right? They were with me yesterday and they told me all about it. They also told me the horror that is dentistry."

"Right, yeah, that weren't my fault." Ste interjected. "How was I supposed to know that they had cavities?"

"Stop feeding them sugar and watch them when they brush their teeth." Leela reprimanded. "D'you know how many kids don't know how to brush their teeth properly? A lot."

"Since when do you know so much about kids?" Ste asked surprised.

"I do have Peri, yah know. Plus I've been reading a lot since Tegan told us about the baby. I couldn't be a good mum but I'll be a good aunt." Rae came into the restaurant and Theresa walked over to her bidding a small goodbye to Ste. He said bye and leaned over the counter as one of the new waitresses came up to the table to take the order. Tony decided to hire some new staff after the remodel. They were mostly sixth formers looking for a job and Ste remembered texting Declan to consider applying.

"If you want to be a good mum with Peri, you can still do that. Yeah, she's got Sam but that doesn't mean you can't take on that role once in a while." Leela looked sad for a moment contemplating his words.

"No." She said quietly but with utter conviction. "No. It's better I don't. I'd screw it up at the first chance." Ste leaned back as his phone started buzzing.

"The brilliant thing about being a parent. Everyone screws it up." He looked at his phone. There were two unread texts. One from Sam asking to make Mexican tonight and the other from Brendan.

 _'I need to fuck you again.'_ He smiled at the phone. Stupid text giving him butterflies.

"Are you ever going to tell me who this bloke is?" Ste looked up quickly at his sister.

"Wha?"

"The one that gave you all those vampire marks and is making you grin like a lovesick idiot. Come on. Who's the fella?"

"Your mum." Leela pouted.

"Fine, don't tell me." She muttered. Ste switched to Sam's text and showed it to her. "Oh. Well...stop smiling like that about food. And give me a burger."

"Yes, your majesty."

"Majesty? I like that." Ste rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen to place the order.

 _'Aw u miss me? 2 bad'_ He managed to text back.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hey, Ste." Lynsey said whilst he walked to PriceSlice. She was in her nurse uniform.

"Alright, Nurse Nolan?" He grinned at her. "I've never actually seen you in your uniform. Looks mint." She rolled her head around and clutched onto her neck.

"I know. Usually I get out of it but today was so busy. I didn't have any time." She moaned as they walked into the off licence.

"Was there some accident or somethin'?"

"No. Just a lot of annoying doctors trying to get everything done before they go off on holiday." She grabbed two bottles of cider. "And the stupid students! Can't put in a catheter properly? The don't do it!" Ste patted her shoulder. "I hate students."

"Same." He said looking at the pick and mix. "Everyone hates students."

"They're annoying."

"And loud."

"And incapable." Ste grinned.

"And indecent." Lynsey mirrored his grin.

"And incorrect. How are your little ones anyways?"

"Alive."

"That's good. Helps when the children are breathing." Ste nodded smiling. "Alright. I'll see you later, going to woo myself tonight.

"Nice. Later, Nurse Nolan." She gave him a half wave as she went to the till. Ste turned back to the pick and mix. He tried to find some healthy snacks for his kids but he knew Leah and Lucas would never touch almonds or cashews. They'd just pick out the raisins. He settled on the dead grapes and moved onto the freezer. Some ice cream couldn't hurt, could it? He was pulling out a three flavoured box when he heard John Paul laughing.

"Sure." It sounded like he was on the phone. "Hey, Frankie." Ste closed his eyes and prayed loudly in his head to turn invisible. "Can't tonight. There's a work outing but how about tomorrow?" He laughed again rounding to Ste's position in front of the freezer and his laughter died down. "Uhm. I'm, I'm, I've gotta go. Yeah, later." Ste didn't turn around to face him just stood there with his eyes closed. "Hi, Ste." The McQueen said softly. "How are you?" Ste scoffed at the fake politeness, he looked at the ice cream in his hands and decided to swap for mint chocolate. "Okay. Guess I'm gonna carry this conversation by myself like usual. I'm good by the way. Really happy."

"Good for you but I didn't ask."

"Ste, can you not be civil at least?" John Paul sounded annoyed and Ste couldn't help but feel a little bit of satisfaction at that.

"Why? You're me ex. The general rule is to hate each other." Ste finally looked at him. "It's good you're happy but don't expect me to throw you a party."

"Technically you already did." John Paul said with a winning glare in his eyes. "I especially enjoyed the cake. You should have had some." Ste thought to how he destroyed that first cake and wondered if the man knew about it. The hypothetical yes pissed him off even more.

"Fuck you, John Paul. And fuck you for using something I love against me."

"Hey." The McQueen put up his hands and grinned maliciously. "That's the rule, Ste." He grabbed the ice cream from Ste's hands and moved to purchase it leaving a furious Mancunian behind.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Peri suggested Leah and Lucas stayed over for the weekend and Ste was thankful to have the house to himself on Saturday when he came back from the shop. He needed to hit something and he didn't want to scare the kids.

He slammed the door shut behind him and looked for the wall that he could cause the least damage to. The wall that could damage him. He stared at the one in between the living room and the kitchen. It was good. Very good.

His hands curled up into fists and then the first hit came. It didn't hurt much as Ste's adrenaline pumped up. The second hit came faster. It reminded him of the blow he got from Brendan. He thought about that as his punches took up speed. He thought about how he wasn't special to him. Just another one in a long list of men he's pulled. He thought about John Paul. About his stupid face. About how he laughed at Ste's dyslexia. About how he sneered it was Ste's fault him and Danny happened. He thought about the McQueens coming after him. Screeching at him when he was all alone. His kids gone. Amy too. The wall started to turn red but there wasn't a single crack in it. Ste just wanted the bloody thing to crack. He kept on hitting, pulling his shoulder back further with each punch.

About how his kids had to have him as a father.

About how he couldn't even return Doug's feelings when Doug was a perfectly nice guy who he could settle down with.

About how he never fought back when Terry hit him.

About how good it felt to hit something.

About how good it felt to cause himself pain to the point where he almost passed out.

About how salty his tears tasted.

About how Amy was disappointed in him because she thought he could do so much more with his life.

About how he just wanted to be normal and not hurt anyone but the more he tried not to, the more someone got hurt.

About how his father was a bastard who had an affair but was a good man at the same time.

About how his kids were growing up into amazing human beings and it was better he wasn't a part of it.

About how much of a waste of space Ste actually was.

His hand went through the wall.

It was a surprise.

The sturdiest wall in the flat yet his hand was stuck in the hole.

"Wh..." He put a little pressure and tried to pull it out but it wouldn't move. "No." He frowned and put his left hand against the wall putting more force into the pull. He groaned in pain as he felt the debris and the wires scratch at his skin into the muscles. He looked at his arm that was covered in maroon red from all the scratches. His hands were bleeding badly as well. Scraped so badly, Ste could make out bone in between the flesh. Disgust overwhelmed him and he looked up

The wall looked worse than before. Blood was smeared all over. The hole wasn't very big but Ste punched through the old foundation where there were lots copper wires supporting it.

"Fuck." He hissed as he realised his landlord would not give him back his deposit. A moment later he realised he needed to clean the mess up so he went to the bathroom first filling up the bathtub. A shower would have been better but he just wanted to lay down and empty his head. His phone chimed distracting him.

 _'Open the door, Steven.'_ He turned the tap off not understanding the message.

 _'What?'_

 _'Open. The. Door.'_ He frowned and moved to his front door. No one was there. He stepped out into the small hall between his flat and the front door. There was no one there either. Ste stuck his head out before Brendan crowded him back inside with his mouth on Ste's. A dirty groan came out from the Irishman that went straight through Ste's body to his dick.

"Steven." He mouthed against his lips. Ste closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the older man until he felt Brendan step away from him and not come back. When he looked at him, Brendan's expression was unrecognisable. His eyes roaming over Ste and then landing on the damaged wall. "What happened?" He asked in firm voice. Ste bit his lip and looked between Brendan and the wall.

"I..." He choked out feeling himself well up. "I don't know." His voice cracked with each word. "I got...Every time." He moved to the kitchen, Brendan hot on his trail. "This isn't right. You're not supposed to see me like this. No one is supposed to."

"What is _this_ , Steven?" Brendan asked quietly. Ste shook his head and clutched onto his hair annoyed.

"Me being angry. Me being dumb. I shouldn't be around you. I shouldn't be around anyone."

"You're not making any sense."

"Yeah. S'a talent, really." Ste laughed and Brendan took a step back at the donkey like sound. "Could talk me way out of anythin' when I was younger. I weren't clever or anything. But I can talk. Talk till the lights go out." Brendan put a hand on Ste's cheek as the twenty one year old felt tears coming down again. "You're not supposed to see me." He whispered. "You're not supposed to be helping me."

"Who says?" Brendan asked. Ste swallowed a sob and looked down letting his tears fall to the ground. Brendan's hand curled around the back of his neck.

"Terry."

"Who's Terry?"

"Me stepdad." Ste let out. "He says I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve me kids. I don't deserve me job. And especially not someone to help a pathetic, little, good for nothing poof like me." Brendan pressed his entire body in front of Ste's getting blood on his clothes.

"Steven, look at me." Ste took a moment before he followed the request. Brendan had his smug little smirk on and his eyes were burning into Ste's. "Fuck Terry." He whispered and leaned in for a small peck. His eyes looking into Ste's for some sort of a reaction. The smirk playing in the corner of his mouth. He leaned in again with a small kiss and leaned back. Repeating the same action with his eyes. But the third time he leaned in, he hungrily attacked Ste's lips with his own and Ste gave in just as much. It was a desperate clash of teeth and tongues as the two men wanted each other more than anything in that moment. Ste's bloody hands coming up to Brendan's head and the Irishman's palms spreading fire all over the Mancunian through his fabrics.

 _'Yeah.'_ Thought Ste. _'Fuck Terry.'_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After a really heavy making out session, Brendan suggested Ste wash the blood off. Ste suggested Brendan help him out. Brendan responded by pulling him in the direction of the bathroom and stripping both of them in the process. Ste couldn't help the light feeling in the pit of his stomach as Brendan's tache was drawing across his skin with the Irishman growling every time he left a bite mark. But when they got into the bathtub, the whole atmosphere changed. Brendan was in behind Ste. His arms around the twenty one year old, cleaning the blood off as best as possible with soap and a shower gel Ste got half price for the kids because they liked the foam. It was a cramped space and Ste flinched every time Brendan came into contact with his wounds. It was silent between them as Ste's thoughts started to resurface. That he didn't deserve someone being this gentle with him.

"You look like you're about to kill a puppy." Brendan muttered and placed a soft kiss on Ste's nape. The boy gasped outraged and looked at the older man with horror.

"Why would anyone do that?" He turned back around shaking his head and drew his knees up to his chin. "S'wrong."

"Then what's going on in yer head, Steven?" Brendan didn't sound annoyed or bored or like he was passing the time. He sounded genuinely interested and maybe even concerned. Ste remained silent for a long while but Brendan never spoke. Gave him space to talk when Ste was ready.

"I was thinkin' about Leah's dollhouse." The Mancunian finally said. Brendan still kept quiet, his hands washing the blood off Ste. The water already red. "She was two and wanted one like they have in the adverts. Me and Amy couldn't afford to buy her one and we didn't want to ask Mike. Plus Lucas was getting ill a lot after he was born. But Leah...she only asked for it once. And when we said no, she just shut down. Stopped making noises. Stopped crying. She helped with everything she could but it was like living with a pet instead of a child. That doesn't sound right. Animals make noises. She didn't." Ste frowned as he flashed back to the memory. "So I said I would make her one for Christmas. And I did. I worked for it. Peri even helped me out. It wasn't like it was on telly. Not fancy at all. But Leah loved it. She came back to life that day. Amy was happy. Lucas even realised something was different and clapped his hands so much. But I had to ruin it. I always ruin everything. Pauline and Terry came 'round. Pauline's me mum. They said they came 'cause it was Christmas. So stupid, me. Believing them. Letting them in. Pauline laughed at the dollhouse and Terry started yelling at me. Asking me where I got the money to build it. He accused me of stealing cars again. Pauline went along with it. And then they started to demand money from us. I told Amy to take the kids to Mike's or Danny's. Instead she put the kids in their room. She was convinced that they wouldn't do anything to me as long as the kids were in the house and ran off to get help." Ste winced as he remembered that day vividly but Brendan's touch kept him firmly and safely in the present. "Terry never expected me to hit back. Pauline kept screaming how I shouldn't 'ave been born. Terry shouting at me that I was a good for nothing waste of space. He threw me on the dollhouse and I pulled him down with me and stabbed his eye out. That's when I saw little Leah behind the wall. She was so scared and upset." Ste sniffed as he started crying for the third time that day. "Upset about her dollhouse and scared of me. She wouldn't get near me for twenty six days and watched me carefully whenever I held Lucas. That was the last time I saw Pauline. I think Danny, Sam and Mike had something to do with that. Terry hasn't showed in three years. They may have gone from my life." He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "But I hear them everyday. And I hit. I hit John Paul. I almost hit Amy so many times. I hurt everyone I care about. It safer for me not to be around people. For others, for me kids. I don't ever want Leah or Lucas to see me like this. And the best way is to...to not let anyone in. I need to fix that hole as well. I don't want Lucas getting ideas and trying to get in there." Ste sighed feeling a little bit lighter on his chest from speaking but hid head was forming a headache.

"Me da abused me." Brendan spoke quietly, his fingertips softly running over Ste's now tense shoulders. "He was...evil. And I...I'm not a good man either, Steven. I've hurt a lot of people too." The older man took a deep breath and paused for a moment. "Macca. Vinnie. Random encounters." Ste assumed that was code for one night stands. "Not one man that ever came to me, left without a bruise. Not even my father." Ste could feel a strange relation to a satisfaction filling Brendan's voice. "He stopped when I was sixteen. Got too old for him. Chez never knew. Thank fuck. I don't think...I don't know how she would react. I'm damaged goods, I know but I don't want her to know that too. Or to feel sorry or beat herself up about it." Brendan sounded more emotional about his sister finding out about his abuse than when he spoke about what his father did. "But after Eileen passed, I moved with my boys. To be closer to Cheryl too. She moved to Dublin with Nate before me. Da was already there. Left after Cheryl's ma died. And I thought...I thought that it was something wrong with me. It never even crossed my mind that he could have...with other boys. But he always came at Deccy and Paddy with this, this look, that fucking look." Ste could feel Brendan's muscles straining behind him and he turned around. Brendan was looking upwards, his hands now balled up in fists and his jaw clenched. Ste took one of the hands into his and kissed the fist not taking his eyes off the Irishman. "It was the same look. I went at him. Knocked him about. Old man wasn't as strong. Especially with a drink. He said that I was wrong because I'm gay. But I did what a proper Catholic man was supposed to. I had a wife. Two kids. And I weren't happy. Someone said some rumours that Seamus Brady had a fag for a son. So he wanted to punish me." Brendan was back to speaking factually instead of emotionally. "Brenda, he called me. Then he pushed me down and whispered how I disgusted him." Brendan looked at Ste with empty eyes as the twenty one year old was wailing on the inside. "I'm sorry I hit you, Steven. I'm always sorry. I'm always the one who hurts others." Ste tried to smile but it was so difficult. He was feeling a lot in that moment. "Although no one ever had the guts to hit me back." Brendan let out a hollow laugh. "Quite a pair, you and I."

"I dreamed about you." Ste blurted out in a hoarse voice. Throat sore from the choked up emotions. Brendan's eyes filled up with interest. "For months. Before you came to Hollyoaks. I dreamed you told me we would meet in another life. And sometimes we was on this bridge." Ste wiped his face as hiccups started. "It was white and I think-" Hiccup. "I think there were locks on it. People-" Hiccup. "Couples were putting locks on it together. And we were-" Hiccup. "We were happy. How could I have dreamt all that before I ever met you?" Hiccup. Brendan's eyes were wide and his mouth parted in astonishment. He put a hand on Ste's cheek and stroke slowly with his thumb at Ste's stubble making a way to his mouth.

"The Ha'penny bridge." He muttered. "Have you ever been to Dublin, Steven?" Ste shook his head hiccuping. "Yet you knew we came from there. And you know about the bridge." Brendan pondered over this in his mind cocking his head to the side and watching Ste's Adam's apple as the boy hiccuped. He smiled a moment later. The most genuine smile Ste ever experienced that felt like sunshine on his already golden skin. "I think we should sleep for a bit, Steven. And when we wake up, you're going to feed me. Something fancy."

"Fancy?" Ste frowned his hiccups slowly calming down and Brendan got out of the tub. He held a hand out for the twenty one year old who looked for a towel. "I don't really have anything fancy. Didn't buy nothing." Brendan pulled him in and pressed their wet naked bodies together. He leaned down and gave Ste the filthiest kiss ever. His tongue prodding at Ste's mouth aggressively to open and let him in. Ste quickly reacted to the older man, hiccuping in the process.

"Not what I meant, Steven." He bit on Ste's bottom lip and pulled at it with his teeth. Ste smiled and put his hands around Brendan's neck making a sound of understanding. Brendan moved his hips slightly, just enough for there to be friction and Ste could feel his own dick waking up to the twitching of Brendan's. "Mmm. I'm hungry now." The Irishman's hand wrapped itself around Ste's cock and started stroking slowly before he pulled away frowning. Ste also frowned understanding the problem straight away.

"We need lube."

"Bedroom?" Brendan suggested and Ste grinned happily.

"Bedroom." He agreed, giggling when Brendan pulled Ste's thighs around Brendan's hips and carried the twenty one year old to the bedroom stopping every two seconds to kiss Ste's hiccup away.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"How long can I stay?" Brendan asked quietly with Ste wrapped around him. The sex was rough and fast. Both needing to be vicious and aggressive to let out steam. But the moment after immediately turned intimate. Ste curled up next to Brendan, his head on the man's shoulder. His hand above Brendan's rib cage.

"Depends. How long before you have to leave?" Brendan chuckled at him. It felt nice. A soft deep vibration. "Seriously. The kids are out tonight. No one will know you're here." He felt Brendan move and looked toward him to kiss him. It was a soft, small kiss that made Ste smile lazily.

"Careful, boy. I won't leave at this rate." Brendan said barely moving his mouth.

"Maybe that's the point. It's good when it's just you and me. Quiet in me head. Can I ask you something?" Brendan rolled his eyes but nodded slightly. "Why me? Am I just...convenient?" Brendan placed his thumb on Ste's lips.

"You're anything but." His thumb stroked his bottom lip slowly. "Not everyone is as interesting to me as you are, Steven. And you...you fit. With me. It's strange." Ste felt himself blush all over. He felt overwhelmed by something that was eerily similar to a love confession. But he knew that's not what Brendan meant. He may not have known him a long time but he felt like he knew the man. He understood that feeling of rightness. No one's ever made Ste burn with their touch. No one's ever made Ste feel normal.

"I need to fix the hole in the wall." Ste said bashfully looking at Brendan with the warmth that seemed to reappear more and more with each second spent with the older man.

"We'll fix it." Brendan muttered bringing Ste closer and kissing him again. The word _'we'_ taking Ste's breath. "It's just easy patching up. No problem." He murmured against Ste's mouth, the moustache tickling the twenty one year old making him laugh. "We'll go to the city, buy some material and come back. I'd love to see you in a work belt." Ste couldn't control himself and laughed loudly at that. His whole body vibrating with the sound.

"I think you're the one who's got muscles for it." Ste sat up and looked at Brendan who was staring at him with a hungry expression. "You know, for someone who wants to stay in the closet, you're not real careful being secretive about us." Something flashed quickly through Brendan's face. Something he couldn't really name. It was familiar though. Brendan didn't respond. Just stood up, naked giving Ste a lovely view of his arse, grabbed his phone and went to the bathroom. Ste confused started putting clothes on. He needed to get into the bathroom however to see how much cum he had in visible places and to wash it off.

He knocked on the bathroom door but Brendan was mumbling something incoherent so Ste went into the kitchen and made them some jam sandwiches. It wasn't anywhere near fancy but when Brendan came, he devoured them like Ste's face. After he was finished, he licked his fingers clean with Ste still eating.

"Why are you dressed?" He asked taking one of Ste's sandwiches.

"I thought we were going to get the stuff for the wall." Brendan smirked smugly.

"It's going to be delivered in an hour. D'you really think I'd have enough self-control in public to not get my hands on you, Steven?" Ste blushed at the suggestion although something clenched up in his chest. He did want to go out. With Brendan. Maybe just as mates. The thought quickly disappeared from his head as Brendan made it his own personal mission to declothe him again.

-A/N

Thank you so much to everyone. Everyone who follows, reads or reviews this story, Thank you all so much.

NickyM1: I honestly just wanna give you so many hugs. Thank you so much for being awesome. I like some of the canon so it might show up once in a while.

shun95145: I don't really plan on going into much detail but let's just say in my head JP is a fucking prick who manipulated everyone to his advantage. (I don't like the character.) Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to review. I really appreciated it. :)

Samia: Merci beaucoup. Je me manquent Stendan aussi. Je suis désolé, mais mon français est pas bon . Merci d'avoir lu mon histoire. Thank you so, so much.

This story was meant to be only ten chapters but I think it's going to be in the 15-20 chapter range. Thank you again so much. Love you all.


	8. Worried About Mistakes

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hollyoaks characters.**

 **Thank you so much for following this story. Thank you to NickyM1 for being a loyal reader and a loyal reviewer. Thank you Samia so much for the love. Love back at ya.**

 **In this chapter I wanted to try something a little bit different so WARNING the chapter does switch between the past and the present. I hope it's not too confusing. Also this is not meant to portray a realistic version of therapy or counselling.**

 **John Paul is a prick. But that's not unusual. I mean he's gotten with ANOTHER married dude? SERIOUSLY.**

 **This chapter was actually so much fun to write for me. And I hope you guys enjoy it.**

"Hello, Ste." Andrea smiled at him softly.

"Hiya." He looked around the room. Nothing changed. There was a clock not far from his seat. A couch on the other end. The door behind him. A large window behind Andrea. It was covered from the bottom half so he could still see outside but no one saw inside. "Been a while."

"Mm." Andrea made a noise in agreement. "What brings you back?" Ste thought over the past week.

"I'm confused." He settled. "And I don't really have a lot of people I can talk to." She nodded.

"What would you like to start with?"

"I had a couple of violent episodes recently. But I haven't hit anyone. Just destroyed a cake, a bin, a wall. But I haven't hit anyone." Andrea's face didn't flinch. Her smile still present. "That's not what I want to talk about though. I mean, it links in but not what I want to talk about."

"What is it you want to discuss?" Ste let out a deep breath and felt the life drain out of him. He dropped even further into the chair, feeling boneless.

"Brendan."

"Who's Brendan?"

"He's...He's complicated." Ste said quietly, looking down at his arm chair. "And he's made me life complicated. I punched a hole in the wall. And he fixed it. It feels like he's fixing me. Some parts of me." He sighed. "But he's breaking parts I didn't even know that existed." Ste closed his eyes. "It's no surprise me and John Paul don't get along anymore. But this week, I honestly wanted to put me hands around his fat neck."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Six days earlier found Ste covering for Tony again at the restaurant and redoing Leah's plats. She had to wash her hair because her and Lucas decided that it would be fun if they had a mud bath contest.

"Right." Ste frowned as Leah made an _'ow'_ noise again. "Next time you two decide to bathe in mud, remember this moment." Lucas was spinning in circles next to the table Ste and Leah were sat at.

"But it was so much fun!" Lucas giggled.

"You wait until I brush your hair." Ste muttered and tied the plat. "There. Lucas, your turn." The little boy widened his eyes and stopped spinning falling firmly on the ground, bursting out laughing. Ste shook his head and picked his son up. He sat him next to Leah who was humming happily and pulled out a colouring book. Doug came out of the kitchen and sat next to Ste. "You alright?"

"Bored. Mondays are always so slow." Doug smiled at Leah who looked at him curiously.

"Make-up?" She asked pulling out a make-up kit out of nowhere and climbing on the table towards the American. Doug sighed.

"Sure. But no magenta. Not really my colour." Ste paused in brushing Lucas' hair and stared at Doug with wide eyes. The American shrugged. "Leanne used to practice on me when she did hair and beauty at college." Leah laughed at that and started putting blush on him.

"You're funny." Lucas' hair finally didn't have any knots in it and Ste put the brush back in Leah's bag. He was about to tell Kira, one of the two waitresses working that day, to sort out the cutlery stock when John Paul walked into the restaurant. Ste froze immediately. John Paul wasn't alone. He was holding hands with another man and smiling. Kira gave them a booth near the window, far away from the bar and the table Ste was sat at but he had clear view of them.

The man was built. A lot of muscles. A dark stubble. His hair was black and flopped around his head unattractively in what seemed to be half curls. But when he smiled he looked like a ridiculously happy puppy.

Kira took their orders and Doug made a move to get up but Ste put a hand on his shoulder.

"I can do it." He said. The American looking at him strangely. "I can." Lucas was looking in John Paul's direction, frowning.

"Daddy, who's that? I think I know him."

"He's... That's Mr McQueen." Ste settled and stood up. "Doug, don't let me kids destroy the place." Doug who was pouting his lips for Leah's lipstick just waved him off. Ste went through to the back and prepared the two burgers quickly with chips. He considered spitting on the food or doing something gross to it before telling himself that there was no point.

Yes, JP came into a restaurant Ste worked at with his new boyfriend throwing his personal happiness again in Ste's face.

But somehow, it didn't get to Ste as much as it would have a couple days before.

Somehow Ste just didn't seem to care.

He put the food on the plates and Kira quickly delivered it before coming back with one of the plates. She looked apologetically at Ste.

"Wha's the ma'er?"

"I'm really sorry, Ste." She looked down and put the food down. "But Mr McQueen says it's not any good." The calmness Ste felt a minute ago evaporated immediately. Kira knew John Paul from school as he was her English teacher and Ste hated the man for putting one of his students in such an uncomfortable position.

"He hadn't even touched it!" Kira didn't respond as he groaned and put another burger on the grill. "Not worth the trouble. He better give you a good tip." He grumbled as she waited patiently in the kitchen. He put the second meal on another plate and she went back to deliver it. He looked at the first burger and offered it to Holly Cunningham (the other waitress) who walked into the kitchen looking for food.

"Thanks, Ste." She smiled at him. "Can you make one for Kira as well? She'll probs take it home." Just then Kira came back with the plate. Ste felt annoyed as hell.

"Are you serious?" He snapped at her.

"I'm sorry." She squeaked.

"Did he say what was wrong with it at least?" She shook her head nervous. "Right." Ste grabbed the plate, marched out of the kitchen and slammed it on the table making John Paul's new partner jump whilst the McQueen looked calmly up at him. Ste crossed his arms. "What's wrong with me food?" John Paul smiled lazily and leaned back in his seat.

"I don't like the presentation."

"Your boyfriend don't seem to mind it."

"I'm not worried you spat in his food."

"Do you really think I'd jeopardise me job like that?"

"I know what you're capable of and spitting in my food seems really fucking likely." Ste felt his fists clench.

"What are you even doing here? There are plenty of places you could go eat."

"That's my fault." JP's boyfriend piped up. "Hi. I'm Marcus." He held a hand out for Ste which was ignored. "Okay then. I dragged us in here. I thought this place was nice. And the food is really great." Ste smirked as John Paul rolled his eyes.

"Ta. I expect you to pay for those perfectly fine burgers." John Paul scoffed.

"Don't think so."

"There was nothing wrong with them."

"The service was lousy." Ste blinked trying to control his anger and not lash out at the bastard.

"Oy!" Lucas appeared out of nowhere and hit John Paul with a ketchup bottle in the groin. "Be nice to my daddy! You rude man." He ran off back to their own table but kept shooting daggers at the booth where John Paul was hunching over in pain. Ste smiled pleasantly at Marcus.

"S'nice to meet ya. But you should go before me kids start throwing bread." Marcus laughed nervously and pulled John Paul up dropping money on the table.

"By the way. I really didn't believe that you did anything to the food. John just gets a little intense sometimes." Ste raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything as Marcus smiled again and left with his boyfriend.

"Prick." Came out of Ste's mouth with the twenty one year old staring at the door.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"That sounds to me like a very unpleasant encounter." Andrea grimaced.

"You've no idea. What kind of a person walks into their ex's restaurant with their new boyfriend and then turns the food away? I mean, he knows how much my cooking means to me. It may be just a flipping burger but I still take pride in making it, don't I? And he has the nerve to come into my place of business and say things like that." Ste breathed heavily as he finished his rant. "But it's not really a surprise John Paul acting like a dim blob. I can't even remember why we were together in the first place, yah know. It seemed we fought more than we were happy." Andrea looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Last time we spoke, you also seemed to be very angry about the affair. However it seems that anger disappeared over the years."

"Honestly? I don't really blame him. He could have had the affair with someone other than me dad but like I said. We was miserable together most of the time. I was violent towards him. It's not a shock he went out to find someone better." Andrea didn't say anything to that. "But it was funny when Lucas did that. It was wrong. But it was funny too." Ste shook his head. "That was just the beginning of my week."

-.-.-.-.-.-

On Tuesday, Ste was walking to work when someone jumped on his back.

"Jesus!" He stumbled around as the other person laughed and jumped off. "Joel?" The young Scot laughed and clapped his back.

"You look like you've seen a ghost. I ain't been gone that long, 'ave I? Just two months." Ste rolled his eyes and moved to walk to work with Joel Dexter swinging his arm over Ste's shoulder. "How's it going? You missed me?"

"Sure. Your annoying face left an empty hole in me heart." Joel laughed as the two walked into the restaurant.

"Hey. What about Theresa? She must have been missing me." Holly and Kira eyed Joel lustfully as the girls came in. "Hello." Joel smiled at them but turned back to Ste. "Where's the boss?"

"I'm actually covering for him for the week. Him and Cindy are in Birmingham, I think."

"Cindy?" Joel raised his eyebrows. "As in Cindy Cunningham?"

"Yeah. They're together now."

"Ain't that exciting." Doug came into the restaurant and grinned widely as he spotted Joel. "Alright, Yankee?"

"Hey, man." They hugged quickly. "You're back?"

"Temporarily. I'm back for Warren's birthday. Which reminds me." He turned back to Ste. "I wanna give him a proper heart attack this year. Wanna make out in front of him?" Ste rolled his eyes again.

"It didn't work last time, it won't work now. Warren Fox is not a homophobe and has no problem with you being bi." Joel groaned and sat on a barstool depressed. Doug patted his head supportingly before going back to the kitchen. Joel stated after him concerned. "Why's Doug less of an annoying ponce?"

"He's come out." Ste shrugged.

"Come out of where?"

"The closet."

"Whose closet?" Ste stopped and gave him a meaningful look. "What?! Oh holy shit!" Joel gasped and laughed. "That is awesome! Wait. Do you think he'll make out with me in front of Warren?" Ste threw a cloth at him from behind the bar. It was a bit busier than the day before so Ste didn't really have a lot of time to entertain Joel. Especially since he had to do paperwork as well that Tony left behind. But Joel stick around the entire day.

Leah and Lucas shy at first but quickly warmed up to him. Joel was a very charming nineteen year old that Ste met in group therapy a couple years back. Danny was still unhappy about Ziggy Roscoe so he was scowling the entire time and glared at Joel's happy attitude. He left quickly after dropping them off. Joel, Lynsey and Doug actually played cards with the kids as Ste filled out paperwork and Doug retelling the story of how John Paul was a douchy bastard and how Lucas beat him off.

Around evening, Peri came in with Declan and they joined in on the card game. Declan and Joel lasting the longest and then having a fierce card competition. At a certain point, Ste left the paperwork behind and sat next to Joel watching amazed as the Scot and the Irish teen were slamming hard on the table.

"You really trying your luck, boyscout." Joel grinned as he reached the pile first again.

"You know nothing, geezer." Declan hissed as Joel took the pile. His phone rang. "One minute." He picked it up. "Yeah? I'm at Ste's work. I'm about to beat this bloke who thinks he's all that at cards. Sure. See ya." Joel sniggered. "Wha? You got something to say?"

"Just funny you think you can beat me." Ste shook his head as the game started back up again. Doug left soon after with Holly and Kira. Lynsey went back into the kitchen to make some food, Ste convincing her to make enough food for his family. Brendan walked into the restaurant just as Joel cheered in victory and kissed Ste's cheek. He roared in celebration. "I am the champion! No one shall ever beat me!" Ste laughed at his friend as he dropped next to him and draped his arm over Ste's shoulder again.

"Aw, I'm sorry you're such a loser, Declan." Peri laughed at the teen who blushed furiously but had a small smile on his face.

"Dad!" He shouted when he spotted him. Ste's eyes finding the older man who walked over with confidence and a glare pointed at Joel. "How about you play? I suck at cards."

"Hey, no." Ste chimed in. "You went strong. Joel just ran a casino out of his dad's car a couple years back." Ste grinned as Joel buried his head in his shoulder. He tried to not focus on Brendan who sat next to his son with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"That was such a bad idea." Joel murmured. "I'm telling ya kids. Never put a minibar in the boot of the car. I'm Joel, by the way." He introduced himself to Brendan whose body language seemed relaxed but the smile he gave Joel was completely fake. Ste's seen it before in public. It was too wide. All teeth.

"Brendan Brady. You're Warren's son?"

"Yeah. You're the new owner of the club, right?" Brendan nodded. "So how about it? Wanna play a game? Ste's still got some time before he has to close up. Right?"

"Mm. Hey, you wanna come to the family dinner? Leela would love to see you."

"Ah, Leela." Joel sighed dreamily clutching onto his chest. "Why are all the women and men I adore so gorgeous?" Ste glared.

"No hitting on me family. I've had enough people sleeping with them." Joel rolled his eyes and handed out the cards to Declan, Brendan, Ste, Peri and himself.

"I second that." Peri said. "There's enough drama at the moment. Hit on Theresa. Or Ste." She slammed her hand on the centre of the table loudly, startling everyone and grinned. "Too slow, old men." Leah clapped hapilly and moved to sit in her lap whilst Lucas climbed on Joel's shoulders.

"Pfft." Joel scoffed and looked up at Lucas who was grabbing onto his face. "We'll beat them right, little buddy?" Lucas looked seriously over at Peri and Leah who batted their eyelashes innocently.

"I don't know, uncle Joel. Peri is pretty good. She beats daddy all the time."

"Hey!" Ste cried outraged at that.

"Daddy. You're not good." Leah stared firmly. "Uncle Joel is really good. But Peri is super good."

"I won at Easter." Ste countered.

"We felt sorry for ya." Peri said and slammed her hand again. "Girl power. High five, partner." Her and Leah high fived and Lynsey came out of the kitchen. She put a large bag that smelled delicious on the bar holding a much smaller delicious smelling bag in her hand.

"Right. I'm off. Oh, hiya Been." She gave him a small wave. "Didn't know you was here. I woulda made you something." Brendan paused his part in the game and gave her the most charming smile making Ste consider clawing Lynsey's eyeballs out so she wouldn't get to see it.

"That's alright. Chez is making a Mexican fiesta with Paddy at home. Thank you though." She nodded at him.

"Ah, that's brilliant. Tell her I said hi. Ste, don't forget to check the temperatures."

"Got it. You get home safe, now."

"Aww, so sweet. I'm older than you, you muppet. I can fight me own battles. See you tomorrow." She patted Joel's shoulder and left the restaurant.

"Da', is aunt Chez really making us food?" Declan asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Nate's on watch. Don't worry." The Irish teen sighed relief but flinched when his father got to the pile before Joel. "Mine." Brendan growled at the Scot. Ste raised his eyebrows at that. Joel seemed to read something in the Irishman's expression because he retreated his hand quickly.

"Gee, _Bren_." Ste said, the ice blue eyes turning on him with questionably. "Didn't know you were so passionate about cards."

"There's a lot you don't know, Steven." Brendan replied huskily smirking a little and Ste had to remind himself not to get hard. Declan just rolled his eyes and resumed the game but Joel kept on glancing at Ste curiously throughout the game. It seemed that every time Joel was close to winning, Brendan came out strong. And he was quite aggressive. A couple of times he slammed Joel's hands so hard on the pile that there were red marks left afterwards. Ste wondered if perhaps Brendan was purposefully slow just so he could do that.

In the end, Peri was the one who won with Ste being the first one out. Then Declan who complained that he was an intermediate working with advanced levels except for Ste who was clearly a beginner.

"That hurt me feelings." Ste deadpanned as Joel nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Ste glanced at him. "Rude. Some friend you are laughing at me turmoil."

"Aw, I'll make it up to you tonight."

"How?"

"M'stayin' at yours obviously. I ain't going to dad's. He'd probably give me that crappy couch to sleep at."

"You're like a bloody princess."

"Damn right." Joel grinned but a second later he cried in pain when he lost his last card. "S'your fault, Hay."

"Actually I think it was Brendan's." Ste grinned happily at the man who smirked without looking back. The Irishman wasn't as aggressive with Peri and Leah as he was with Joel but he was trying to win. It was quite an interesting thing to watch. Leah pouted and made a mewl noise every time Brendan got the cards making the older man apologise to her each time and giving everyone else a round of laughter. Finally after Peri and Leah got the last cards Ste's phone rang. Danny texted him if he knew where Peri was.

"Alright. Gotta close up now. Everybody grab your stuff. Joel, take the food." The Scot let Lucas hang off his neck like a cape and grabbed the bag. Peri, Declan and Leah cleared the table with Brendan watching on the side, hovering awkwardly.

Ste put the paperwork in a folder and checked if everything in the back was locked up. The back exit was closed and the kitchen was immaculate. Lynsey cleaned it up gorgeously. He came back out and checked the windows over by the booths as Peri and Declan were putting the chairs on the tables. Leah was now hanging off Brendan's arm like a koala bear and Lucas wwas sticking his tongue out from behind Joel at her.

"Alright. Everything's good." Ste said to the group.

"What about the floor?" Ste shook his head.

"Holly mopped it back at lunch. I'll redo it in the morning tomorrow but it should be alright." They walked outside as Ste turned the lights off and locked the doors. They all headed in the same direction after that. Joel, Peri and Declan chatting happily with Lucas falling asleep against Joel's back and Leah yawning in Brendan's arms. "I can take her." Ste suggested to Brendan. He was walking a bit behind the teenagers.

"No." Leah shook her head and smuggled into Brendan. "M'like Brendan, daddy." Brendan chuckled and tightened his grip.

"Yer gonna have to rip her from me, Steven." He said to the twenty one year old. "This _friend_ of yours..." He motioned to Joel's back. "He's a good looking lad. I mean..." He smiled maliciously. "He's a good lad."

"Right." Ste wondered where this was going but Brendan didn't speak anymore. "Joel and I met in group therapy. The kids love him but forget each time 'cause they're so young." The man nodded and Leah finally closed her eyes. "Brendan. Are you jealous of him?" Ste asked quietly, his eyes firmly on the people in front.

"I don't know what you think I'd be jealous of. Have you seen me?" Brendan changed the topic, clearly not wanting to talk about it and the rest of the walk remained in silence. Ste not sure of how to respond.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Clearly he was jealous. I just wanted him to admit it, yah know." Ste sighed frustrated. "But he just wouldn't. And when me, Joel and the kids were walking back home, he was walking to the club and just walked past us. Didn't even say nothin'. But to be fair he looked like he was lost in thought and I didn't say anything either. Joel really caught onto us, though."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"What's going on with you?" Joel asked when Ste dropped next to him on the couch after tucking the kids in.

"Meaning?"

"Brendan Brady. You're doing him." Joel stated. Ste didn't move for a second.

"Why would you say that?" His voice had a hint of panic in it.

"Because he almost ripped me into shreds every time I touched ya." Joel told him. "He's bad news, Ste. He deals with people like my dad or the drug dealer, Danny Houston."

"Not surprising." Ste muttered looking down at his hands.

"And he's clearly not ready to come out. He's possessive over you. You're gonna get hurt." Ste looked at his friend's worried face. "Oh, hell. You proper fancy him already, don't ya?" Ste swallowed.

"I feel...I've never...Not like this."

"Of course not, Ste!" Joel stood up and paced annoyed. "It's a secret now. It's all exciting! What happens when someone else finds out? Are you two going to go off into the sunset together or somethin'?" He rubbed his face. "Look, I know that after John Paul and yer dad you weren't exactly open to anyone else."

"Come off it! S'not like that. Brendan is different than anyone I've ever been with. And honestly, I don't have to explain meself to anyone. I'm an adult. I can make bad choices if I want to."

"Yeah. But I'm your friend and I'm not going to let you do something stupid again. There's plenty of drugs around."

"Fuck off, yeah? I would never do anything like that. And I only slept with him a couple of times."

"Ste-"

"S'enough." Ste stood up. "I'm tired and I got another long day tomorrow."

"Just 'cause your family doesn't see what's going on, it doesn't mean that you're invisible."

"Don't you think I-?"

"No. Everyone else is wrapped up in their own lives. Amy is in London living a good life. Tony is busy with Cindy. Your family has the Tegan drama. Leah and Lucas are too little. And you aren't exactly rich in friends. Plus you quit therapy. You are barely holding it together and you're on a relationship with a closeted dangerous guy." Ste sat back down.

"I know. I know." He muttered. "I really like him though. It's like I'm being pulled towards him somehow all the time. Doug apparently has feeling for me. And when he was telling me, all I thought was that I did not give a single fuck. But when Brendan even looks at me...It's surreal. And I'm in way over me head." Joel sat next to him and patted his shoulder.

"Tell you what. You and I have mind blowing sex and you forget all about Brady." Ste laughed loudly and punched his shoulder lightly. "But honestly. Whatever you do, just know I'm on the other end of the phone. Judging you and making fun of your poor life choices but whenever you need me."

"Ta." Ste turned on the telly. "Does that apply to booty calls too?" His face ended up in the pillow after that."

-.-.-.-.-

"Your relationship with Joel seems to be very flirtatious." Ste shrugged.

"S'only 'cause when Joel wasn't sure what he wanted, I sort of helped him experiment. We were very much friends with benefits before I got together with John Paul. The benefits ended but the friendship stayed."

"I'm glad to hear that." Andrea smiled.

"Yeah." Ste thought for a moment. "The worst part is that he left yesterday and Leah's really sad 'cause he played princess party with her and now there's no one to do it."

"What about you?"

"I prefer the normal tea party. The princess one has tiaras that pinch me head." Andrea smiled.

"We've covered a lot today but I'm still not really understanding what brought you back. You said Brendan at the beginning." Ste nodded and looked off into space.

"Mm. Yeah."

-.-.-.-.-.-

The next day went by in a similar fashion with Joel hanging out at the restaurant till three and then left to finally see his father. However Thursday was a little bit more exciting.

Ste was walking back from the bank when his name was called from behind. He grinned pleased as Brendan came up to him.

"Alright?" Ste asked him. Brendan gave a small smile in return.

"Yeah. Just wanted to know when you'll have some free time." Ste looked around but no one was paying any attention to them.

"For what?" He smirked smugly. Brendan's pupils dilated and focused on his mouth still keeping a distance from Ste.

"You know what, Steven." Ste felt himself blush and looked away but his good mood quickly dissipated as his eyes landed on John Paul and Marcus walking his way.

"For fuck's sake." He muttered. Brendan frowned throwing him a questioning look but soon the reason for Ste's dampened mood became clear as it spoke.

"Ste. I see you're letting other people cook now? Good call." John Paul menaced ignoring Marcus' hand pulling. Marcus himself smiled apologetically at Ste. "Last time I think someone got food poisoning."

"Shouldn't you be off screwing married men?" Ste countered and put his hands in his jeans knowing the want to hit the McQueen would happen at any time.

"Ouch." Brendan muttered and John Paul glared at him.

"Word of advice. Stay away from him. Ste has a way of messing about with your head and then pretending like he is the innocent one."

"I'll take that under advisement." Brendan replied amused.

"I'm not kidding. Ste is a no good dyslexic bastard who will destroy you." The twenty one year old rolled his eyes bored. John Paul pulled out this speech many times. "He just takes everything you are and when you can't give anymore, he hits you."

"Right. Are you done? Because I don't have time for your whinging." Ste turned to leave but Brendan grabbed onto his arm and took a step closer to John Paul.

"I don't know who you are, I don't care. Really don't give a damn. But Steven Hay is a good man. Who takes care of his kids, the people he trusts and has taken enough crap from the people in this village." Brendan growled at the English teacher who took a step back into his new boyfriend.

"Well...You both deserve each other then." He sputtered out.

"You calling me queer, boy?" Brendan asked, his voice dangerously low. John Paul looked at Ste for the right answer but the Mancunian remained still curious as to what was going to happen. He barely became aware of seeing Joel, Doug and Declan somewhere in the background. John Paul gulped and turned his eyes back onto Brendan. Marcus holding onto his arm tightly.

"N-no? N-noth-nothing's wrong with-with being gay." John Paul stammered out. Brendan chuckled.

"Yer right about that." Brady turned around to Ste and pulled him in close. Ste followed mesmerized by the list in the older man's eyes and let him bend his head down to kiss him. It was a great kiss. Soft at first filled with satisfaction that John Paul was watching them. But Ste couldn't help himself and dragged his hands through Brendan's hair deepening the kiss as the older man groaned and bit on Ste's bottom lip, his tongue immediately caressing it a second after. Brendan's hands were placed on Ste's hips and gripped him tightly as Ste rose up on his tip toes to get better access. Kissing Brendan was like being ripped apart, dug through the pieces that were arranged into completely and then strapped back together in the best possible way. Ste made a mewling noise that was swallowed by the Irishman with a moan.

"I knew it!" Brendan pulled away to see his teenage son grinning widely still holding tightly onto Ste. "Well I didn't know it. I didn't even suspect but I knew something was up." Doug was crying. He was actually crying. Ste felt guilty because of that. And he felt even worse when he saw the disappointed look on Joel's face. But Brendan tightened his hold as if holding onto Ste was the only thing keeping him in control. Ste held onto the front of Brendan's jacket just as tight though.

"Congratulations." John Paul's voice was strained and he had a grimace on his face. "You and a drug dealer. Why am I even surprised?" He pulled Marcus away and they walked past Ste and Brendan who finally stepped out of each other's embrace.

"This is so awesome." Declan grinned. "I didn't even suspect to be honest. But this is so freaking cool!" Brendan shook his head at his son but his eyes firmly remained on Ste who was staring back thumbing his lip.

"You alright?" Ste asked the older man. "You wanna hit something?" Brendan cocked his head to the side. "Coming out of the closet can be tough. Especially if ya kid is next to you celebrating like he just won a trip to Disneyland."

"I don't wanna hit anyone, Steven." He took a step forward and placed his hand at the back of Ste's head. Ste laughed a little and leaned in to kiss him again, Declan whooping in the background before complaining how gross it was to watch his father make out with someone.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"What seems to be the problem with that?" Andrea frowned confused.

"The problem with that..." Ste sighed. After the multiple publicly indecent kissing sessions Ste had to go back to the restaurant where Doug wouldn't look or talk to him, Joel left to go pack, the girls didn't care and his kids, brought by Danny, were drawing. "I am falling for him. And I am so scared of what's going to happen." They spoke some over text this morning. Yesterday Ste was busy sending Joel off. But the news of Brendan Brady and Ste Hay spread quickly. Too quickly for Ste's liking so he set up this emergency appointment with his former therapist.

Andrea hummed thoughtfully.

"What would be the worst case scenario for you?"

"That Brendan doesn't want me. Or that this is just a joke." Ste shrugged. "And I don't think I can handle that." Andrea leaned forward.

"Ste, I want to say that just because past relationships didn't work, it doesn't mean that future ones will be as traumatic." Ste nodded but didn't believe that. He had it imprinted that everything he came across, he'd destroy. Even a man like Brendan. "We are out of time now. And if you would like to come back next week, I'd be more than happy to fit you in at the same time." Ste smiled, not committing to anything. He quickly left the room and sighed relieved as he stepped out onto the fresh air. His phone vibrating. He felt his stomach turn as he saw Danny's name.

"Yeah?"

"Are you dating Brendan Brady?" Ste groaned as his father started giving him a speech about the importance of honesty.

Tumblr & AO3: dominikadecember


	9. I Would Make A Better Liar

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Hollyoaks characters.**

 **A/N: Samia, thank you so much. Lots of hugs and kisses back at ya. NickyM1 as per usual, thank you so much for taking the time to review. I was hoping you'd like that the most.**

 **This chapter was a lot of fun to write and made me feel really happy. A lot of Stendan fics in my opinion are on point with how dark their storyline is and I kinda want to give them some sort of a happy universe.**

 **Which brings me to the less than stellar news. There are only two more chapters left and an epilogue. I promised myself I wouldn't spend more than a month on this fic and even though I am a bit over my deadline, I am happy with how it's turning out. Thank you so much to all that take the time to read this story. Love you all. Also this fic is unbeta'd so I apologise for the spelling & grammatical mistakes. **

Ste wouldn't say he avoided everyone. He just found more fun things to do than repeating the same conversation with fifteen different people. He needed to get away so he booked a hotel in Chester and tickets for the Chester Zoo. The kids were still sleeping when Ste carried them (Leah hanging off him in front, Lucas in the back) and the bags with him on the bus. It was quite early so he let them sleep. He sent off a mass text to his family, Amy, Lynsey and Brendan before switching off his phone.

 _'Going away 4 wknd with kids charger left home so fone dead ste'_

-.-.-.-.-

The hotel wasn't anything special. Just a small one but the kids were looking around awed when they woke up. The bed was king sized and extremely soft. There was even a small balcony and a minibar but Ste warned the two not to take anything out. He's never been in a hotel either but he knew from movies that the minibar always added to the bill.

Even though Ste paid for it already online, he didn't want to risk any additional charges. Lucas started jumping on the bed excited with Leah running to the balcony. She gasped and turned back to Ste.

"Daddy! You can see the zoo from here!"

"Really? Lucas, you're gonna break something." Ste put the bags on the bed and went over to his daughter. Only a small part of the zoo was visible really. The entrance. But it was enough to get Leah excited and Ste grinned. This meant that it wasn't too far away.

"Alright. How about we go down for breakfast and then head off there?" Lucas fell off the bed with a loud thump.

"I'm okay!" He yelled from behind the bed where Ste couldn't see him and sat up grinning. "I like breakfast."

"I know you do." Ste laughed and closed the balcony when Leah came back into the room.

"Daddy? Are we coming back to the room?" She picked up her small purse.

"Nah, we'll head out straight there. It should be open by ten." Ste grabbed his wallet, the room key and debated for a moment with his phone before grabbing the electronic device as well. It would be good for pictures. He could always turn it on airplane mode.

The restaurant was split in two. One section was outdoors and the other indoors near the indoor pool. Since the weather was still boiling hot, Leah suggested they stay indoors with the cold air (air conditioning) but sat by a window because she wanted to look at how people ate in the heat.

It was an open buffet so Ste grabbed the kids some food first. Lucas frowned at the eggs and only ate the small sausages. Ste stifled his laughter at that.

 _'Such a vegetarian, Ames.'_

Leah on the other hand ate lots of croissants and fruit. For a small girl, she had Brendan's apetite. Ste grabbed a lot of bacon and stared out the window munching on it like a snack. It was that crispy.

"Daddy. How come grandpa Danny says Mr Roscoe is a baddy?" Lucas asked curiously snapping Ste out of his thoughts.

"Well, s'cause him and Auntie Teegs are gonna have a little baby."

"I don't understand." Leah muttered.

"Okay. It's like...Grandpa Danny loves auntie Tegan really much, right?" The kids nodded still on track. "So grandpa Danny is really protective of her. He doesn't want her to get hurt."

"Will Mr Roscoe hurt Auntie?" Lucas asked with big eyes. Ste thought back to the night Ziggy found out Tegan was pregnant.

"I don't think so." Ste smiled at Lucas who seemed to be happy with that answer as he returned back to his food. Ste followed his suit but he regretted it a second later.

"Is Brendan going to be our new daddy?" Leah asked casually but her eyes firmly placed on Ste who was choking hard on his toast.

"What-" He reached for his water and had to gulp it all down before speaking again. Leah watching him, still awaiting an answer. "Why? Who told you that?"

"Declan came over after dinner yesterday to give Peri her DVD back. He said you and Brendan were kissing." Ste closed his eyes as she kept on talking. "Is Declan going to be our big brother? Can I put make-up on him? Is Paddy going to change his name to your name? Are you going to get married like mummy and Auntie Anne?" Ste started feeling panicky and looked around to get another bottle of water. "I want to be the flower girl. And I want a white dress."

"Leah." Ste hissed. "Please. Stop." She stopped immediately looking at her dad with a scared expression. Ste took a deep breath counting to ten. "Just because someone kisses someone it doesn't mean that the two people are a couple. As for me and Brendan..." He took another deep breath and tried to not scare his children anymore. "Me and Brendan are not a couple yet. I like him and he likes me. But it's...it's a very new relationship. I don't know anything about him and he knows nothing about me. So please don't say things like daddy Brendan or plan a wedding because I don't know what will happen between me and him."

"Daddy." Leah took his face into her small hands. "I want to wear a pretty white dress and be a flower girl." She said. Ste blinked confused.

"I'm not sure that I can give you that though, sweetheart."

"Daddy. I. Want. A. Pretty. White. Dress." She growled at him. "And if me calling Brendan ' _daddy Brendan_ ' will make it happen, then you're going to have to live with that." She let go of his face and turned to her little brother ignoring the stunned Ste. "What should we see first when we get in?"

"Monkeys!" Lucas grinned happily.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The zoo was huge. Ste was feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all. Thankfully he had a map so the three of them wouldn't get lost. They indeed went to see the monkeys first. Lucas had the best time because he thought one of the oldest gorillas spoke to him telepathically.

After the monkeys, they went to visit the new attraction at the zoo, islands which were recreated tropical environments of south east Asia. They even had a boat to get around which Ste was really thankful for as the water splashed them sometimes and cooled them down a little.

He swore to go and buy sunscreen after the zoo. Leah and Lucas were turning bright pink with each hour as the sun scorched down at them. After the islands, which took three hours to explore and they were nowhere near finished, Leah wanted to sea the penguins and the sea lions.

They were in a cooler environment and were quite crowded because of that at which Leah tried not to cry but it was obvious she really wanted to see the sea animals. Ste put her up on his shoulders and told her to hold on tight as he held Lucas up in his arms. Leah giggled happily being taller than most and having a better view of the animals.

"Daddy! I think that one just waved at me!" She laughed pointing to one of the sea lions.

After that they went for lunch at one of the restaurants inside. Leah and Lucas both talking about how they would like to work in a zoo with all these animals. They visited the spectacle bears, the giant otters who were Ste's favourite and you could see them underwater, meerkats, the giraffes, the elephants, the bird safari, the rhinoceros, the tigers, the lions when Lucas growled and shook his head mimicking one of the lions cleaning himself.

But the best was the aquarium where there were so many seahorses. Leah and Lucas stared at them in wonder whilst Ste red out the small information plack.

"Seahorsies." Lucas whispered his face pressed closed to the glass. "They're too small to ride on, daddy."

"Yes. So we won't, okay?" Lucas made a small noise that Ste took as agreement. "Oh, this is something cool. The male seahorses are the one's that carry the babies."

"Really?" Leah's voice was quiet and dreamy. Ste pulled his phone out and turned it on. Immediately his phone vibrated with texts and notifications of voicemails. He ignored those and turned on the camera app. Taking a photo of his kids staring in amazement at the sea animals. He wanted one where the pure wonder was etched onto their faces instead of posed. Leah turned around as soon as she heard the shutter noise. "We need a picture with you!" She startled Lucas who turned around and nodded vigorously.

"Yes. We need a picture with you." Ste looked around and spotted a cleaner near by.

"Hiya. Sorry to bother. Would you mind taking a picture of me and me kids for us?" The man smiled.

"No problem." Ste crouched down next to Leah and Lucas who grinned happily with their arms around their father. The cleaner took two more pictures just on case and gave Ste back his phone. "They are very nice. Good work." He whispered to Ste in broken English. Ste felt himself grin widely.

"Ta. They're me everything." After that the zoo was closing down so Ste asked if they wanted to go back to the hotel before remembering to get sunscreen. "I think we're going to be in a lot of pain tomorrow." He muttered looking at his own brightly pink skin. There was a gas station near by stocked in sunscreen with a three for two offer. Ste grabbed three bottles and they went back to the hotel. The kids a little more quiet, feeling the tiredness of the day. "Food now?" Lucas nodded as he yawned. The two chose their own plates this time. Leah going for fish with Lucas piling chicken on. There was another family at the hotel. A straight couple who had kids about Leah and Lucas' age but their children were a lot more energetic. And loud. The parents just ignored them. Lucas chose a table as far as possible away from them. "D'you guys wanna call mummy and tell her all about today when we get in?" Leah propped her head up on her left hand whilst she ate with her right. She dropped the fork and just ate with her hands at this point. Lucas also gave up the pretense of cutlery and just put his face close to the plate eating the food like a dog.

"'Morro'." Leah muttered. "Tired." Ste smiled fondly at them. He was tired as well but they clearly didn't expect the amount of energy they would go through.

After dinner they went up to their room, Ste ordering a bath for the two first. There were no protests or ' _ow, you're pulling my hair!_ ' or anything like that. As soon as Ste helped them put their pyjamas on, they climbed into the large bed and went immediately into slumber. Ste shook his head and grabbed a quick shower himself. He wasn't sleepy however when he came out. He grabbed his phone and listened to the voicemails. There were only two. One from Amy telling him how intelligent it was to leave a charger behind and to have fun. The other was just an advertisement.

There were eight texts waiting for him. First one was from Leela.

' _Lemme fucking sleep you fucking dipshit_

The second was a simple one from Tegan.

' _Have fun! Take lots of pictures! X_ '

Then one from Amy.

' _Dumbo. Anne says dumbo too. xx_ '

Leela sent another one.

' _first da fuq? Sending a text at such an ungodly hour on a FUCKING WEEKEND?! & 2ND are you avoiding Brendan? Trouble in rainbow paradise? He looks so sad every time he looks around and doesn't see you. And one more thing. You escaped my clutches on Friday cus of therapy but as soon as you get back into the village we r having a conversation about how you're doing BRENDAN FUCKING BRADY I MEAN the pornstache is a bit much but he is a fine looking mofo. We'll talk.'_

Ste huffed. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid. A bloody interrogation. The next text was from Brendan. And the next. But Ste saved those for last, nervous as to what the Irishman had to say. Lynsey just texted _'ok'_ and he got a text from his father.

 _'Ste, JP is engaged. I only know because Myra, Carmel and Mercedes have been round. Thankfully Sam wasn't in. I'll see you when you get back. Love you lots. Please don't do anything rash. '_

Ste dropped his phone onto the bed beside him and rubbed his hands over his face, groaning.

"So tired of this shit." He muttered. Lucas stirred a little but didn't wake up. Sure. John Paul was engaged. Sure.

Ste went out on the balcony and dialled Amy's number after making sure the door was closed. The sun was just settling down. She picked up on the fifth ring, laughter audible in the background.

"Ste?" She asked. Concern evident in her voice. "I thought your phone was dead."

"I lied." Ste said not even worried about her reaction. "John Paul is engaged." He heard her move to a quieter environment.

"Wha...? To who?"

"Not sure. But probably this bloke Marcus I've seen him around the village with." She remained quiet. Too shell shocked to say anything. "There's something I gotta tell ya." He sighed knowing that if there was one person he owed an honest explanation to, it was the mother of his kids. "There's this new family moved in about three weeks back. The Brady's. Cheryl Brady and her husband Nate. Not sure what his last name is. Cheryl's brother Brendan." His heart hammered as he said the name. "And her nephews Declan and Paddy. Cheryl and Brendan bought the club from Warren Fox." And then he told her. He told her the story of how at first he thought the Brady's were homophobic. Then how Doug told him how he felt. About John Paul's birthday party and the cake. About him and Brendan having sex. About Brendan hitting him. About him hitting Brendan back. About him punching through the wall. About him and Brendan having sex again. About Joel figuring it out. About Brendan being jealous. About Brendan coming out of the closet and kissing him right in front of John Paul. About John Paul and Marcus and John Paul being a prick again. About therapy not really giving him anything except a place to escape to from his family. About covering for Tony. About Noah being extra friendly towards him. About how everyone kept on warning him that Brendan was a bad guy who dealt in drugs. About how terrified he was of what was going to happen next. About how Leah got excited to have the Brady's in her life. He told Amy all of it. And she listened. To every word. Didn't interrupt. Didn't breathe at times. She just listened. He panted heavily when he was done and there were tears streaming down his face. "I don't know what is going on with me. But I feel so strongly about him."

"I ain't going to lie, Ste. The idea that someone who hits you and deals with drugs is around me kids is not something I like." Ste closed his eyes. He knew everyone would focus on that. It's what everyone focused on after he hit John Paul. "But I'm honestly thinking that John Paul is trying to one up you." Ste frowned.

"Wha?"

"Yeah! Think about it. You found yourself a brand new partner after all these years. Who from the sound of it is very intimidating. And he's angry. Because according to him, you're meant to wallow in self pity and self loathing. I mean getting engaged two days after your partner comes out of the closet and then getting his mother and his sisters to tell your dad to tell you?" Amy scoffed. "If ya ask me, he is trying to make your life miserable still." Ste pondered this in silence. "Have you ever...spoken to Danny about what happened between the three of you?"

"No. It has nothing to do with him."

"He had an affair with your boyfriend."

"Yeah and if I focus on that then I'll explode. I'll ruin everything. I can't focus on that."

"Why not?" Amy kept on pushing.

"'Cause I didn't have a good dad me whole life. I had Terry. And now that I finally do, I'm not going to destroy that, alright?" He took a deep breath and counted to ten. "Besides, it's not like I didn't have it coming, did I? Bloody waste of space. Hitting his boyfriend? I deserved it."

"Don't say things like that." She sounded muffled. Probably crying.

"But it's true, isn't it, Amy? Look at how I was with you. Look at how I'm with everyone. My life finally got under control. I barely saw anyone and I was fine. But then the kids came and I love them but everyone else loves them too and I have to see them lot. It's easy to pretend I'm alright when there isn't anyone around. But when they come, I see how they look at me. I see what they think of me. I know how much everyone would be better off if I weren't around."

"No. Leah and Lucas would not be better off. D'you know how much those two love you?" She was whispering furiously. "Ste, life dealt you a bad hand, a horrible hand, but you are still here. People our age are at uni getting drunk and doing dumb stuff and not knowing what they are going to do with their lives. We did the hard part. We had two amazing kids and we sorted our lives out in a way that will help us for the next steps in our lives." She took a deep breath. "You are amazing, Ste. I know that it's hard to believe because your past keeps on coming back but trust me. I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have you. And the kids wouldn't be here either." Ste closed his eyes. "Listen, if this Brendan person makes you crazy like Anne makes me, then you should go for it." Ste sniffed and frowned.

"Wha? Like date?"

"Sure. If that's what you want." She sniffed as well. "Ste, I love ya."

"I love ya too, Ames." He smiled. "Sounds like yer having a party."

"Yeah. My friend's birthday. I should probably get back." They stayed silent for a beat or two before Amy sighed. "I don't want to go back yet. I need to hear something good. Tell me something good." So Ste told her about the zoo, about all the animals they saw, about how Leah wanted to take a penguin home with her, about how Lucas pretended to be a meerkat to communicate with them, about how they were dead tired from today and about how they wanted to go back tomorrow but Ste wasn't sure because they were sunburned so much. "Aw, send me the pictures. I'll print them out for the kids and frame them in their rooms." Ste laughed at that. "Alright. I've really gotta go now. Love ya."

"Love ya too." The conversation ended leaving Ste emotionally and physically drained. It was dark now but the heat remained. Ste opened up the two texts from Brendan.

 _'I'll see you when you get back, Steven. Get a babysitter for Monday and come to the club. You've been keeping me waiting too long. And next time, pack a charger.'_

 _'Don't bother. Next time, I'll come with you and pack both. By the way, that ponce ex of yours is engaged. Who would want to marry that ugly mug? You traded up, Steven. Have you seen me? His probably crying because he can't grow quality staches like myself.'_

Ste felt a tightening in his stomach and his heart fluttered in his rib cage. Brendan wanted to go away with him somewhere. It wasn't implied or something that Ste would have to guess at. He grinned at the comments about John Paul and sent back a reply.

 _'ofc nt JP wld luk like a serial killer u luk wll fit with n w/o_ '

He thought for a second before typing up another message.

' _gnight Bren, c u on Mon, lukng 4wrd 2 it ;)_ '

Ste turned his phone off after that knowing if he didn't get to sleep now, he would regret it.

His dreams filled of the Irishman kissing him on the Dublin bridge.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Daddy, Leah's sitting on me."

"Daddy, Lucas won't let me put sunscreen on him."

"Daddy, Leah keeps on trying to put sunscreen on me."

"Guys, sunblock on now. Or we're not going." He sighed dramatically as Leah practically squeezed the entire bottle on Lucas' face who shrieked. "Would you be able to?" He was on the phone with Texas begging her to babysit tomorrow night. "I'll pay you. I just need two hours tops."

"Ste. It's not a problem. I can even stay overnight. But I would need to drag Leanne with me because she is in serious need of me time." Ste looked over at the two children who were now wrestling in sunblock on the ground.

"That'd be even better. They love torturing her." Texas laughed on the other side. "Seven thirty alright?"

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow." Ste sighed relieved and looked over at his children who were rolling around, screaming covered in the white substance. Their clothes ruined.

"So we're not going to the zoo then?" He asked them and they broke apart immediately.

"Zoo! I want to go to the zoo! I want to see the red pandas!" Lucas started crying. "Daddy! Please!"

"Please! We promise to be good!" Leah also had tears in her eyes.

"Only if you put on sunscreen and don't argue." They nodded and Ste grabbed some shirts out of his bag and passed it to them. "Get changed."

"These are too big." Lucas hiccupped.

"And I will look ugly." Leah murmured as she put on Ste's blue shirt. Ste grabbed a belt from her yesterday dress and tied it around her stomach.

"There." He smiled at his daughter. "Now you look great." She looked hesitant for a moment before giving him a kiss on the cheek and rubbing the remaining sunblock into her skin. Ste moved onto Lucas and rolled his sleeves up so the five year old's arms were visible but then Lucas decided he loved how his shirt was like a cape and asked if he could draw a huge L on it. "Go for it." Ste passed him a pencil. Unfortunately the pencil didn't work much to Lucas' dismay.

"I wanted to be like Batman." Lucas sighed as they watched the zebras.

"Well we can go visit the bats if you want." Leah suggested. Ste tried to ignore the judgemental looks from other parents as they scowled at how Leah and Lucas were dressed.

"Bats are not the same." He looked so disappointed. "I want to be a superhero." Leah patted his head.

"You're Phoenix' superhero, Lucas." She said supportively.

"I guess." He hang his head low as they walked over to see the jaguars at the other end of the zoo. The suburned skin hurt quite a lot when the kids woke up buy they grew used to it over the day. Around noon the kids wanted to call Amy and tell them all about what they saw. Ste got three texts when he turned his phone on. A text from Brendan, Leela and Amy.

He chose to ignore them all and just rang her up as they went into a restaurant. She picked up straight away.

"Alright?" She didn't sound upset or concerned.

"Hey. Got these two little strange children wanting to talk to you."

"Daaad." Leah rolled her eyes and took the phone from him as they settled into a table. "Hi, mummy! No. Daddy is just being weird. Mummy, listen. We're at the zoo. It's soooooooo much fun. We saw penguins."

"I wanted to tell." Lucas pouted as Leah kept on talking. Ste leaned over close to him.

"Why don't you tell her again? I'm sure mummy would love to hear it from you too." A waiter came over and smiled lightly as Ste ordered for his kids who were battling over the phone to talk to Amy. The lunch went by like that. Afterwards they walked around some more, got to the islands and before he knew it, it was time to go back to the hotel, grab their stuff and get back on the bus to Hollyoaks.

The kids thanked the hotel staff very much for the nice food and the nice room as Ste checked out. The hotel manager told Ste that he was raising a pair of adorable children. Ste didn't have the heart to tell her that they were only being so sweet so they could take the lollipops she had on the counter.

The bus ride was unusually long. The traffic ridiculous as everyone was either coming back from their holidays or just leaving. Leah and Lucas getting more and more agitated constricted in a metal box with the sun scorching heat down. They dragged their feet back home making the walk even longer.

"Okay." Ste opened the door and the kids immediately crashed on the living room floor. "How about some supper?" He looked in the fridge. There wasn't much. "Omlettes?" He looked over at Leah and Lucas who were laying still. "Are you gonna eat omlettes?"

"Hey, Lucas." Leah said tiredly.

"Wha?" The little boy replied just as tiredly.

"Eggs come from chicken's butts." Both of them burst out giggling a second later. Ste rolled his eyes and pulled the carton out.

"Texas and Leanne are going to stay over tomorrow. That alright?"

"I love Texas." Lucas mumbled. Ste grinned and turned his phone on again. He managed to snap more pictures that he sent over to Amy using his neighbour's WiFi. She messages back with a wink emoticon.

After the omlettes, putting the dirty clothes in the washing machine, doing the dishes, watching some telly with the kids, putting the kids to bed and putting the rubbish outside, Ste finally settled down and read the texts. Amy just said to not kidnap an animal. Leela said she wanted to beat Joh Paul to the ground. But Brendan's was the one that made him smile.

' _Dec and Paddy drew rainbow flags all over themselves. I'm blaming you, Steven._ '

Ste took a deep breath as his chest was tightening with something he couldn't identify. It was a good feeling. He felt brave enough to call him. Brendan picked up quickly with a gruff ' _'ello?_ '.

"Why is it my fault?" Ste smiled as he asked him. There was a beat of silence.

"Because, Steven..." The way Brendan pronounced Ste's full name send shivers down the Mancunian's spine. "If you weren't so _irresistible_ then my kids wouldn't know anything." Ste felt his smile slip.

"Do you regret it?" He asked the Irishman quietly. There was another moment of silence. This one wasn't playful like before however. This moment right there made Ste brace himself for the inevitable rejection.

"Never." Came a firm answer.

And Ste finally breathed.

-.-.-.-.-

Tony came back and the first thing he pointed out was how tanned Ste was.

"You already looked like some sun God but now?" Ste threw a napkin at him.

"How was your holiday?"

"Alright. It's good to get away sometimes. Healthy for a relationship. Healthy for me. How did everything here get on?"

"Alright. Holly and Kira are brilliant. Paperwork's all done for last week. Doug and Lynsey were fine. Everything was in order." Ste looked away for a moment. "In fact. If you ever wanna give me more responsibilities, I'd be on board." He glanced at Tony who was grinning widely. But the older man didn't have a chance to reply as Noah and Doug walked in. Doug stared at the floor and just mumbled a hello as he walked past whilst Noah sauntered up to Ste.

"Hi Tony. Ste, how was your weekend?"

"Good." Ste answered inching back from the muscled man. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I just found it odd that you didn't go away with Brendan seeing as you two are an item now." Tony gaped at Ste. "Trouble in paradise already? Doug will be pleased to hear that." Ste was growing irritated.

"Noah, do you need somethin'?" The live action figure eyed him up and down and smirked.

"No. I think I got what I came here for." He stormed out of the restaurant in the most dramatic way he could. Which just meant he stomped and slammed the door. It didn't come out as dramatically as Noah probably wanted because the door closed slowly precisely so it wouldn't slam. Ste tried not to laugh when he heard him make frustrated noise outside.

"Brendan Brady?" Tony brought him back to reality. "I didn't even know he was gay."

"It was... Yeah, he's gay. And we started seeing each other." Ste let out through clenched teeth. "Drop it, alright?"

"Is that why Doug is acting like his dog was run over?" Ste nodded annoyed. "This is brilliant." Ste shot his head up and stared at Tony like he grew a second head.

"What?"

"It's time you met someone else. And Brady's a good choice."

"He is?"

"Yeah. It's obvious. He protects the people he loves with everything he's got. You deserve someone good like that. John Paul can only love himself. That's why you two couldn't make it work. Well that and the other stuff." Ste blinked. Tony was a father figure for Ste throughout most of his life. He gave him encouragement and support when Ste needed it before Danny ever showed up. Even now with Danny in his life, Ste thought of Tony first. "Brendan, he's, look at how he's with Cheryl or his children. It's clear he'll do anything to keep them safe. And now you'll be a part of that. That's great." Ste stared dumbfounded at his boss.

"You think that it's a good idea? Me and Brendan?"

"Definitely. Now stop loitering and do some work." Ste smiled feeling good about everything. He didn't need anybody's approval but it certainly helped that Tony was on board. His day went by slowly yet pleasantly. Doug barely spoke to him but that was to be expected. Lynsey asked if Ste brought any souvenirs and lost interest the moment he said no. Mike said that the kids only spoke about how amazing their holiday trip was when he dropped them off.

After work Ste took the kids to the park and the two played on the playground to their heart's content. Even managed to make some friends for a moment or two.

But Ste was buzzing with anticipation. He wanted to see Brendan. He wanted to be with him already.

Around five the Hay family went back and Ste finally breathed with relief as he focused on getting ready to see the Irishman and have the life fucked out of him.

 **Tumblr & AO3: DominikaDecember**

 **Dommy OUT! *disappears into the night with a cape***


	10. This One's For The Lonely

**Disclaimer: I do not own any HO characters.** **I apologise for the delay. But here it is! Just one more chapter left with an epilogue. Do expect fluff because I will only give them fluff. Fuck everything else.**

 **I've been rewatching HO a lot and remembered how much I love Mitzeee so expect a lot more of my fav characters next chapter,**

 **Unbeta'd.**

Texas looked over at him and nodded whilst Leanne frowned.

"Wha? What is it?" Ste asked her practically ripping out his hair. He thought he looked good. It took him an hour to chose a decent shirt.

"S'just..." Leanne narrowed her eyes. Leah and Lucas were plating her hair behind. "You look really yellow." Ste felt panic rush through his head. "Like not even tanned. Just yellow." Texas hit her arm.

"Stop it." She hissed and Ste looked between them before something clicked in his head.

"Are you trying to throw me off 'cause of Doug?" He asked her in a accusatorial tone. Leanne shrugged but averted her eyes.

"Doug's a lot better than Brendan." She muttered. Leah pulled at her hair. "Ow!" Leanne shrieked.

"Sorry." The little girl didn't sound sorry in the slightest.

"So do I look alright?" Ste asked Texas who nodded with a smile.

"You look great. We'll see you tomorrow." She ushered him out of the flat. "Have fun." She whispered to stay out of Leanne's hearing before promptly slamming the door in his face.

Ste took a deep breath and started walking to the club. He got a text from Brendan earlier on that he still wanted to see Ste.

The Mancunian looked around nervously. He imagined everyone staring at him. Knowing where he was going. Knowing who he was going to see. Knowing what he was going to do. Knowing what he was going to do and who with.

It made him flinch a little every time he saw someone. He tried not to make any eye contact. And the walk to the club wasn't long.

He got in through the front entrance, the bouncer just waving him in. Surprisingly, the club was very busy for a Monday night. Lots of students around. Ste tried to ignore them and just went upstairs. The dancefloor and the bar full of imbecilic students either making out, grinding on each other or being loud and annoying.

He didn't see Brendan anywhere though. And that was the only person that mattered. He asked Jacqui where he was. She gave him an evil glare but pointed to the office door. Rhys sent him a wink to which both of them rolled their eyes.

He knocked on the door but it was too loud to hear a reply so he just walked in. Brendan was sitting from across a blonde man in his early twenties looking bored out of his mind but lit up when Ste walked in. He sat up in his seat, his eyes wide and aware with his mouth twitching slightly as if he wanted to smile but didn't want anyone to see.

"Kevin, piss off." His eyes on Ste who felt like Brendan was penetrating him with his piercing blue gaze.

"Uh, no?" Kevin turned back around from staring at Ste. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Your job." Brendan growled at him. "If Danny asks you to do him a favour again, you say no."

"I can't say no to Danny Houston." Ste closed the door and sat on the couch throwing his head back and staring at the ceiling.

"Danny is a reasonable man." There were scattered holes in the ceiling. He could feel Brendan's eyes on him.

"I have six stitches that prove otherwise." Kevin muttered. Ste felt a change in the atmosphere.

"He won't come near you, Kevin. I promise." Brendan sounded so serious Ste turned his head to the side curiously. The Irishman was staring at Kevin with a determination etched onto his face.

"Alright." Kevin said softly and stood up. "Thanks Brendan." He walked out, barely glancing at Ste. Brendan groaned and ran a hand over his face.

"M'sorry, Steven." He said and looked at the Mancunian who shrugged.

"S'alright. That's the downside of being in business with Danny Houston." Brendan's face darkened.

"I'm not in business with him. He's a mate."

"Ah."

"He's made some bad decisions."

"Mm." Ste didn't want to give any sort of response to Brendan when it came down to the subject of Danny Houston because he didn't really know what an appropriate response would be. Brendan cocked his head to the side and eyed him curiously. He got up and locked the office door, throwing the key in the direction of the desk. Ste tried not to smirk as Brendan stalked towards him. He stopped right in front of him. His knees pressed hard against the twenty one year old's. Ste's head still thrown back looking up at the Irishman.

"I didn't get to say hello." Brendan muttered and leaned over, hovering above an almost giddy Ste, his arms holding onto the couch on both sides of the Mancunian's head. He hesitated for a moment, looking to Ste's eyes almost as if asking permission and quickly flashing down Ste's mouth placing a small light kiss on the young man's lips. It was very light but it sent an electric jolt through Ste's body. Brendan pulled back, his eyes roaming over Ste's face looking for something to tell him to stop before kissing Ste lightly again.

The twenty one year old made an impatient noise and pulled the older man on top of him, startling Brendan who chuckled as he collapsed on top of Ste. Ste tried not to laugh as the man growled and rolled his hips into the young man.

Ste pulled back and grinned as Brendan's pupils were pitch black.

"Hello." Ste said happily at which the older man huffed a laugh and stood up again pulling Ste up with him.

"Clothes, Steven." Brendan growled as he started unbuttoning the yellow shirt. "This?" He held it up once Ste managed to get out of it. "Good for when crossing the street at night."

"Shut up." Ste shoved him playfully and grabbed at Brendan's red button down.

"Impatient are we? Thought we had all night." Brendan sounded amused.

"Too many buttons." Ste muttered not being able to get the shirt off. Brendan put his hands over Ste's and pushed them away unbuttoning the shirt himself. Ste loved the contrast between the two of them. His skin tanned to a golden brown whilst Brendan's was creamy white. His hands travelled over Brendan's shoulders as the man took his red shirt off. They came up to his neck which Ste had to lean in and start making marks on. It was like a blank canvas just for Ste's pleasure.

Brendan's hands came up to Ste's hips pulling them closer together.

"Brendan." Ste gasped out as he felt the older man's erection twitch against his own hard on.

"I want you so fucking much, Steven." Brendan groaned and pulled them together even closer than Ste knew it was possible. He felt like he was melting into the Irishman. "It's unfair you've made me wait so long." Ste smirked as he was working on another mark on Brendan's neck and Brendan unbuckled his belt.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Why is this door clo-Oh, hi Ste." Cheryl grinned widely as he tried to quickly put his shirt back on. He flushed and muttered a hello back whilst Brendan lazily readjusted his collar. His red shirt unbuttoned. The cross hanging freely in between the open space in front of Brendan's chest. His smugness evident in his eyes whilst his face was composed.

"Need something, sis?" He asked. His voice not revealing anything. Her grin widened as she took in the state her brother was in.

"The club's closing and I wanted to put the money in the safe." She was staring at the two with glee in her eyes. "You two need any more time?" Ste felt himself flush again. Brendan looked at him as if seriously considering the suggestion.

"Nah. Think we'll head back to ours." Brendan spoke to his sister but he was still eyeing Ste who realised he buttoned up his shirt the wrong way.

"Brilliant. Ste, you mind sticking around to help me close up?" He nodded in response. "Great. I'll get the money from the tills. Rhys! Get on home!" She screeched loudly as she closed the door back up making Brendan wince.

"You okay?" The Irishman threw the question into the air quietly. Ste finally happy with his buttons, turn to button up Brendan's shirt barely meeting his eyes. "Steven?"

"Just embarrassed, s'all." Ste muttered. He felt the older tense up under his fingers.

"About Cheryl?" Brendan's voice sounded strained just as much as his body. Ste nodded.

"Been a while since anyone's walked in on me." Brendan's body relaxed at that. "Bit dodgy." The older man didn't respond and just let Ste talk on. "I'm not used to this. Whenever someone walked in on me with anyone, it always turned into drama. And Cheryl just... She didn't care. You didn't care." Brendan pulled him close and kissed him lightly.

"I don't, Steven. As long as yer with me, I do not give a single fuck whether my sister walks in on us or whether that annoying ex of yours stares at us." Ste couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"That's...I've never had that." He confessed feeling a pang of hurt at his past partners. A same of shame always present. Even a slight. "Will you hold my hand in public if I ask you?"

"You really trust me to just hold your hand, Steven? I can barely control myself right now." Ste looked up to see Brendan smile at him with a lazy grin under his stache. "I don't particularly do hand holding. But for you I'll make an exception." Cheryl came back startling them both. Ste quickly finished buttoning up his red shirt for which Brendan thanked him in a long kiss. Cheryl cooed affectionately from the side as she opened up the safe.

"Fuck off, Chez." Brendan growled against Ste's mouth, biting on Ste's lower lip.

"That's so rude, love." She slammed the safe loudly. "Alright you two. Walking home now." Ste very reluctantly pulled away from Brendan and winked at the older man as he followed the Irishwoman out of the office. "I'm going to have to ask the cleaners tomorrow to sanitise that place." She mumbled to herself but loudly enough for Ste to hear. "How someone can have sex in a filthy place like that is beyond me comprehension."

"We weren't really focused on the filth, sis." Brendan said from behind Ste. His hand pressing against the twenty one year old's lower back with light pressure. Ste grinned at him as Cheryl rolled her eyes.

"Yer disgusting." She said as they passed by and she started locking up the door.

"Yer jealous." Brendan retorted nonchalantly

"Yer delusional, babe." She turned around to the two men and leaned in close to whisper in Ste's ear inconspicuously. "Careful, Ste. His ego will grow with every kind word you throw his way."

"Mm, good to know." Ste smiled innocently as Brendan glared between him and Cheryl.

"I don't have a big ego. I'm just flawless. Have you seen me?" Brendan said in all seriousness. Cheryl patted his cheek as she walked towards the stairs. Ste just smirked and refused to look at Brendan who was mumbling about how good looking he was.

The walk back was short and spend in silence. Cheryl lost in her own thoughts, Brendan hovering closely next to Ste. And the twenty one year old feeling nervous with each step closer back to the house. He spotted the curtain in his family's window moving lightly as the three of them walked past. He would probably get a ton of questions about it tomorrow from whoever was looking.

The place was dark with Nate sitting in front of the small TV in the kitchen which was connected to a small living room. The Englishman sat up immediately when they walked in and grinned at Cheryl.

"Thought I was going to have to send a police escort out for you." He said to her as she walked over and draped her arms over him.

"Aww, you're so sweet, babe." She said and kissed him softly. Ste averted his eyes uncomfortable, hiding behind Brendan's stiff body somewhat.

"Can you please stop being disgusting?" Brendan asked and turned around to face Ste. "You want anything, Steven?"

"Bye guys." Cheryl said as her and Nate walked up the stairs that were next to the kitchen. Brendan didn't even look in their direction. His eyes on Ste.

"We've got coffee. Or something stronger." Brendan leaned in close, his moustache lightly scratching at Ste's skin.

"Is this real?" Ste blurted out. Brendan pulled back slightly to look at him confused. "M'sorry. Didn't mean to ruin the moment. It's just...I don't believe I deserve-With everything-I'm not-And I can't believe that you're okay-" Brendan put a finger to his lips.

"Steven. Don't think about any of that right now. Please stop thinking. I want you spread out underneath me in my bed. That's what I care about." Ste couldn't help but gulp at that. The older man's pupils were fully dilated, darkening them already in the blackness. He was looking at the twenty one year old with such hunger and lust that Ste felt satisfactorily he was the cause of it.

"Where's your bed then?" He whispered breathlessly staring at Brendan's mouth that cornered up on the left into a side smirk.

"Good. Very good." He muttered an pressed his mouth against Ste's. His hands grabbing tightly onto Ste's short hairs.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste looked in the box and giggled.

"I think we've ran out." He told the man panting on the bed. Brendan was stretched out next to him as he stood up to dispose of the condoms. He found most of them flung carelessly around the room and put them in the empty box before throwing the box in the small bin. Brendan chuckled from the bed as Ste put his boxers back on.

"Isn't it a little bit late for modesty?" Ste rolled his eyes and dropped himself on the bed next to Brendan. The older man automatically putting his arm around him.

"S'not about that." He muttered glancing at Brendan's limp cock hanging out freely and proudly under the older man's stomach. "I just feel cold. Not everyone has extra fur to keep them warm like you, _Bren_." He joked trying to avoid talking about how insecure he felt in that moment. Brendan huffed and bit Ste's ear playfully but kicked the duvet up to cover them both. There was a flaw in Ste's deflection though. It was hot. Too hot. The night was well into a late hour but the warmth remaining from the daily sun and the sticky sweat from their numerous sessions of incredible sex gave a horrible sensation to Ste's skin. He put one leg above the covers giving him some balance in his body's temperature.

"Thought you were cold." Brendan stated.

"I am. But I'm hot as well." Ste explained. "What time is it?"

"Nearly four." Ste groaned and buried his face in Brendan's chest.

"I have to be up at seven."

"See, the benefit of my job is that I can sleep in as long as I like."

"I hate you." Ste sighed and let his head rest against Brendan's rib cage, hearing the man's heart beat in a slow, calming manner. "What's the protocol here now? Do I go? Do I stay? If I stay, do I have to sneak out in the morning? Or d'you want me to stay for breakfast?" Brendan sighed tired but moved his arm to hold Ste closer when the younger man started to pull away for fear of pushing him too much.

"Do you want to go?" He heard the vulnerability in the quiet question.

"No." Ste admitted just as quietly. "I want you. And I want us to be proper together. Not caring who thinks what. And sort of merge our families together too. But I don't think that's what you want."

"Your past relations are not me, Steven. So yer better stop assuming that." Brendan growled sounding annoyed. Ste looked to see him run a hand over his face. "I want you. I want this. I want an us. And I thought that we agreed that tonight was about that. It grates on me that you have to constantly question that." Ste remained silent as Brendan continued on. "There isn't a person on this planet that knows about what my father did except for you and me. I've been with a lot of...men and none have made me feel like you. None I've even considered being honest with. This thing between us...It's good. Isn't it?" Ste nodded. "Deccy will probably be still sleeping by the time you get up but Paddy will be up. Stay. For breakfast." Ste looked up to see Brendan staring firmly at the ceiling. It looked as if it pained him to say those words but he resolutely wanted to. "Stay for as long as you can, Steven. Because I'm going to fight for this. I'll even fight that Yankee. Even though it's not a contest because have you seen me?" Ste couldn't help but bark a donkey laugh at that that Brendan joined in on before kissing started back up again. But this time it was lazy and slow. Content.

And Ste's eyes began to droop shut. The last memory he had of that night was curling around Brendan who muttered sweet words into his ear.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Bloody Mercedes." Cheryl moaned as Ste nearly choked on his toast at the sight of Brendan walking into the kitchen with only a towel.

"What's she done to ya now?" Brendan passed by Ste with a wink before focusing back on his sister.

"She breathed in me direction. D'you know how offensive that is?" Nate shook his head. He was dressed smartly for a change. "I'm sick of the bloody McQueens. They multiply by the second."

"Steven dated one of them." Brendan sat on the stool next to him as Ste glared at the Irishman. Cheryl gasped and stared at Ste with wide eyes.

"How you managed that, love?" Ste opened his mouth but Brendan quickly replied for him.

"He was young. Naive. Didn't know a good thing like me would come his way." Ste glared again.

"Actually, I'll have ya know that not all McQueens are that horrible. JP yeah. Mercedes most of the time. Lindsay's sort of friends with her so she can't be pure evil." Cheryl scoffed at that, thinking the opposite. "Jacqui is nice. When she's not beating you up. Theresa's lovely. Carmel's a bit dim but sweet. Michaela is psychotic. Amy was best friends with her." He muttered annoyed. "And the rest of the McQueens are all too drunk to matter." He finished his toast and stood up. "Right, I'm off. Gotta get to me Leah and Lucas." He hesitated for a few moments before kissing Brendan chastely. The older man was surprised at the gesture. Ste hurriedly made his way to the door but Brendan followed.

"I'm sorry." Ste mumbled. "That was-" His words were cut off as Brendan leaned forward and sucked onto his bottom lip. Ste grinned realising that the Irishman had a strange fascination with it. Brendan pulled back after a few minutes with a smirk.

"Thought you had to go." His smirk smug. Ste couldn't help himself and shoved him lightly. "How about on Wednesday we come over to yours? Me and the boys?" Ste blinked blindsided feeling something light and warm bubble in the pit of his stomach.

"Uh, yeah. That'd... That'd be nice. The kids would love it."

"How about you, Steven? Would _you_ love it?" Brendan said huskily leaning back in.

"Depends." Ste replied his eyes fluttering to those pink, delicious lips.

"On what?" Brendan's hands came to rest at Ste's waist as his nose nudged the younger man's. Ste's hands started to play with the edge of his towel.

"If you can survive Leah."

"I think I can handle a six year old girl, Steven." Ste grinned. Brendan had no idea how evil his children could be.

"Sure." He finally closed the gap that has been teasing him mercilessly for the past few seconds. Each of their kisses always tasted different. The first one was like a delicious cake with the most incredible icing. The first one last night tasted like strawberries in sugar and cream. This one was like a minty sundae. When Ste woke up to Brendan's alarm clock, still curled up next to the man whose grip around him was deathly tight, he realised he didn't bring a tooth brush. When he pestered a sleeping Brendan about it, the man just waved him off and grumbled about it being too bloody early before turning around into his pillow giving Ste an eye full of his backside. So Ste just settled on using the toothpaste like mouthwash and grabbing a quick shower. His clothes stuck to him uncomfortably but this was the quickest way to dry. Plus, he did have to hurry. He pulled back from Brendan and grinned wickedly getting an idea forming in his head. Brendan looked at him confused then concerned. But before he could do or say anything, Ste tugged roughly on the towel landing it on the floor.

Three noises were heard at that. Cheryl's screech. Nate's _'I'm eating breakfast here!'_ and a groan from Declan who just came downstairs into the kitchen, covering his own eyes.

"Ugh. My da's butt is really not what I ever want to see." Brendan's cheeks coloured in embarrassment. "Ste. Control your urges!" Brendan quickly picked the towel back up and tied it around his waist glaring at Ste who batted his eyelashes innocently before opening the door and sending one last grin Brendan's way. He quickly rushed past when the Lomaxes door was opening. Not because he didn't want an inquisition from his family but because he needed to get to his kids quick.

He bumped into several people when he started running home. Luckily Texas was just finishing Leah's hair when he barged in. Leanne gave him a judgemental look from where she was washing the dishes. Lucas was sleeping standing up and leaning on the arm chair.

"Daddy!" Leah shouted happily. "Texas made my hair. I have two pony tails now. She's a good wife."

"Wha? Is she your wife now?" Ste asked confused as Texas smiled sweetly trying to wake Lucas up. "Yer just going through all me kids now, ain't ya?" He directed the question at the woman.

"I can't help it if they love me." She simply responded brushing through Lucas' hair. The little boy fell asleep standing in front of her.

"How were they, really?"

"Leah wanted to give me a makeover." Leanne chimed in. "She said my face was too ugly to attract anyone."

"Oh." Ste blinked. "Sorry?" He offered but Leanne rolled her eyes in displeasure clearly not satisfied with his lack of discipline over Leah. He looked down at the little girl who was pulling on her pig tails for fun. "Leah, don't tell people they're ugly." He said in his most stern voice but clearly it wasn't good enough because Texas snorted in covered up laughter.

"Okay, daddy." Leah answered in a tone which said that she would ignore her father's reprimand. Leanne coughed meaningfully in the background and Texas stood up.

"Alright. The kids are sorted. Everything is ready for them. We even worked on a special project for a little bit." Ste looked at her quizzically. "It's a surprise."

"Right. Well thanks so much for doing this." He found his wallet and pulled out three twenties which Texas shook her head at.

"Nope." She grabbed her bag. "I told you before and I'll tell you again. Save your money because I don't want it. I love Leah and Lucas. Spending time with them is really fun for me." Leanne rolled her eyes again standing in front of the door and tapping her foot impatiently.

"I feel dead guilty though." Ste tried to reason.

"I don't care. If you were straight, I'd try to marry you and adopt them." She smiled and waved at him before giving both Leah and Lucas a kiss and a hug.

"Come back soon!" Lucas shouted after her but because of his sleepy state it came out very slurred. Leah moved her head from side to side smacking herself in the face with the pig tails.

"Daddy. Why are you wearing the same clothes as yesterday?" She asked not stopping her movements. Ste looked down at his yellow shirt. He forgot he still hadn't changed clothes.

"Fu...Uhh...Flomp." He came out trying to stop himself from cursing. Leah and even sleepy Lucas looked at him curiously. "It's a word. That means I'm going to get changed. And brush me teeth. Quickly." He explained walking into his room and breathing with relief.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Doug had puppy eyes. They were honestly disturbing and stuck like glue to Ste. Who managed to ignore him as it was a busy day and Tony needed all hands on deck. Cindy even came in to help out with the waitressing. Lynsey finished her shift at the hospital early and started working early whilst Ste extended his by an hour giving Danny a quick text asking if he could watch the kids that long. Most of the time the restaurant did pretty well with not that many customers but during the holidays it often got this busy. Plus with the renovation of the restaurant there was a lot more space for more customers which on busy days like this were in full use. There even was a queue outside full of people waiting to get seated.

Tony got a couple of old tables from storage and set them outside as well but more and more people kept on coming.

"Hate days like these." Lynsey growled putting more chips in the deep fryer. "Constantly more and more orders."

"Aw, come on, Lyns." Ste said cheerfully. "This way the time passes quicker, innit." Lynsey paused for a moment, eyed him up and down, and smirked returning back to her task.

"Someone got laid last night." Both Doug and Ste cried out in paid when they registered what she said. Doug accidentally cut himself and Ste burned his hand as he missed a pan. "Please don't tell me it was the two of you? That would be horrible.".

"Thanks, Lynsey. I really fucking appreciate it." Doug snapped at her annoyed looking for a plaster in the first aid kit.

"Sorry, love. Just being honest." She didn't sound sorry. She sounded like she didn't care.

"Well knock it off." Ste jumped in feeling annoyed and got an icepack for his hand. "Let's just focus on our job and not on our personal lives."

"Ste." Kira popped her head in through the door. "Your kids, dad and Mr Brady are here. They're sitting at the same table. Just thought you should know." Ste felt his jaw drop as Lynsey snickered behind him and Doug swore.

"S'hard not to discuss a personal life when yours is just out the door." Lynsey said smugly. Ste put the made orders out trying to see the four people however he couldn't spot them over the small window. They probably had a booth. Danny was probably being overdramatic and overprotective with Tony hovering and ready to provide back up. But Leah and Lucas were the real worry. Lucas would probably try to climb on top of Brendan's head to eat his food whilst Leah stared at Brendan's moustache and attempted to pull it off a second later.

Ste made a small whine but he couldn't walk out of the kitchen when he had food to prepare. Doug hit his head on a shelf again before Ste's shift as finally over. They spent the rest of it in silence with Lynsey being smug throughout the entire hour. Finally when Ste's time was up, he breathed relieved and got out of the kitchen as quickly as possible but his phone rang pausing him in his steps.

"Hello?" He looked around the restaurant frantically spotting his family and Brendan in a corner.

"Ste. Don't freak out." Mitzeee's voice stopped him in his tracks. His eyes connected with Danny's. He was sitting on one side with Leah whilst Lucas was on the opposite standing next to Brendan on the bench. The Irishman holding his hands out to catch the little boy if he fell.

"What?" Ste asked feeling a sense of dread.

"I bought Amy a car." She said sounding proud. Ste let out an irritated sigh and started walking towards the four people. "Aren't I just the best wife in the universe?"

"No. The best wife in the universe wouldn't nearly do me off." He replied annoyed. She cackled on the other side.

"Maybe I have an agenda. Number one. Gimmeh the kids. I miss their beautiful voices. Yours is all Ste like."

"S'cause I am Ste, aren't I?" He picked Lucas up and sat next to Brendan with Lucas in his lap. The Irishman immediately put his arm at behind Ste. "Here." He passed the phone to Leah first. "D'you wanna talk to Mitzeee?" Leah beamed up and grabbed at the phone while Lucas played with Ste's hand.

"Auntie Anne!" Leah shouted happily into the phone making everyone at the table wince.

"Who's Mitzeee? Or auntie Anne?" Brendan asked Ste curious.

"Amy's wife. Her model name is Mitzeee. With three 'e's." He smiled at Brendan. "What are you doing here?" The older man shrugged nonchalantly.

"Just came in for lunch." Ste felt a smirk crawling up on his face. "Saw Daniel here waiting in that long line with the wee bits and decided to share my booth." He finished looking at Ste with a playful gliny in his eyes. The Mancunian looked at his father who shook his head.

"I've done nothing. Leela on the other hand is planning some grand invasion of privacy."

"Ah. Sisters." Brendan said.

"Tell me about it." Lucas muttered glaring at Leah who stuck her tongue out at him. Ste looked at Danny confused who shrugged.

"What's going on?" Ste turned Lucas to face him. "Did you two fight?"

"She wants to marry Texas." Lucas grumbled pouting.

"...There's this really nice lady, Auntie." Leah said loud enough for the three men to hear. "I think she's going to be my first wife."

"She's my wife first, Leah!" Lucas shouted.

"Lucas is being such a baby." Leah tried to roll her eyes.

"I'm not a baby!" Lucas tried to crawl over the table to get the phone but Ste pulled him back.

"Leah." Ste said firmly. "Stop it." She opened her mouth to say something but Mitzeee must have started speaking on the phone again because she went quiet.

"Okay." She looked down and passed the phone back to Ste. "Sorry, Lucas." Ste grabbed the phone. "Sorry you're such a baby." She said under her breath but everyone still heard and Lucas tried to crawl over the table again.

"Lucas, you want to talk to Mitzeee too?" Lucas grabbed the phone quickly.

"Auntie Anne, I am not a baby." He said straight away. Ste looked at Brendan who was trying to conceal a smirk but it was tugging upwards on the right.

"How come it's so busy today?" The Irishman asked.

"Happens during the holidays. Especially when it's a heat wave." Ste explained as Lucas climbed off his knees and moved to sit next to his sister putting the phone in between them where a faint singing was heard from. "Where are your boys at?" Brendan groaned stuffing his face with chips. Ste thought he'd never have seen a sexier sight.

"Nate took them to his mother's estate." The Irishman scrunched up his face annoyed. "Declan was so bored and driving everyone up the wall. Chez suggested they go somewhere out of the village." He inhaled more chips before he continued on. "Deccy is a good boy but making friends is not his strength. He doesn't have his old man's charm."

"Well, him and Peri have bonded a bit." Danny said sounding a bit defensive. "I suppose hanging out with someone younger though can be a bit embarrassing." Ste tried not to read into his father's words but Brendan's head cocked to the side.

"Ya know what they say, Daniel. Some people mature faster."

"I suppose." Danny said staring back unblinking.

"So where's the estate?" Ste asked breaking the tension. Brendan broke eye contact with his father to look at him with a different kind of intensity.

"Not sure, really. Whenever Nathan starts talking, I get this headache and need to stop listening to him." Ste coughed away his laughter. "Yer alright there, Steven? Maybe you need a lozenge?" Brendan was smirking again.

"Alright. Enough." Danny said. "Am I the only one who thinks you two are ridiculous?" Ste gave his father a blank look. "This man is way older than you. And he just came out to the world as gay. You barely dated in years. The two of you are not compatible." Ste thought about how different his biological father's reaction was to his substitute's. Tony was hovering and sending out worried glances their way but he encouraged a Ste and Brendan relationship.

"Dad." Ste spoke quietly briefly glazing over his children who were still on the phone and not paying attention. "This isn't any of your business." Danny shook his head.

"You're me son, Ste. I need to look out for ya." Brendan's hand moved from behind his shoulder to under the bench, squeezing his thigh in reassurance.

"I don't need anyone to look out for me. I'm a grown man with kids and a stable job, me." Ste tried to remain calm. "And this really isn't any of your business so please stay out of it."

"I agree." Brendan spoke. "It's admirable how much you love Steven and want to protect him but that's my job now." Ste felt a light sensation in his stomach. "I love my boys. I get it. Want to protect them at all cost. But I want to protect Steven too." The twenty one year old blushed at that.

"Me too." He said looking at where Brendan's hand was still on his thigh.

The rest of the lunch went by in silence between the three men.

With only Leah and Lucas talking.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Tuesday family dinner went by with Leela trying to drag Ste into a private conversation and him refuting every chance by calling on the kids.

Peri was annoyed with her biological mother acting like a teenager and distracted her at every chance she got. Ste promised himself to buy her something good for Christmas as a thank you. The rest of the family were focused on Tegan as her pregnancy was taking its toll on her.

"I remember when Amy was pregnant with the two. It was well bad." Ste said in between the desserts. "Got sick so often I was worried she'd throw up the baby."

"I was the same with both of you girls." Sam added. "Horrible sickness all around the clock. And the cravings. I wanted to munch on frog legs most of the time."

"Please stop talking about food." Tegan groaned looking a bit pale and everyone quickly changed the topic.

Ste got out of the house quickly before anyone had a chance to catch up to him practically running to the flat.

The next day he was at work worried about what he should make for the Brady Hay dinner. His small table wouldn't be able to cater to everyone. The kids could sit on the floor and then Brendan and Ste could sit at the table.

He groaned at the thought. It would be too date like. And Ste didn't want it to be a date. He wanted it to be a bonding exercise.

"Fuckin' hell." He muttered into the chicken fillet he was seasoning.

"What's up?" Doug asked. His voice strained. It was the first time since last week that Doug actually said more than one word to Ste.

"S'nothing." Ste shrugged. He didn't want to drag anyone into his emotional turmoil. Especially not a guy who had feelings for him.

"I know it's awkward..." Doug started carefully. "Between you and me...But...It doesn't mean I can't listen." Ste looked at him. He was wearing the most earnest expression on his face.

"It's about Brendan." Ste warned. Doug nodded but his face didn't flinch.

"Thought it was. Now come on. Tell me what's making you glare at the chicken so much." Ste thought about his options for the moment.

"Alright." Doug took a deep breath waiting with anticipation. "Brendan's coming for dinner. With his kids. And I don't have any place for them to sit in me flat. And I don't know what to make either." He turned back to his chicken. "This is dumb. I'm dumb."

"You're not dumb, Ste. Don't put yourself down." Doug stood next to him. "Listen. Anything you make, I'm sure everyone will love it."

"I know. Just don't know what they will love." He murmured. "Mitzeee always said me chilli was the best. Could make that."

"What's brought Mitzeee up?" Doug went back to his work station.

"I dunno. She rang yesterday and I've just been thinkin' a bit, 'aven't I?" Ste shrugged again. "She makes me Amy happy. I want that. For meself." He said realising in the moment how true his words are. "And I think that maybe I can have that. With him. Maybe..." Ste let himself smile a little. "Maybe we could even be a proper family one day." He said in a small voice feeling for the first time in a while hopeful again.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So." Declan said. He was sitting next to Ste on the couch. "Are you two like a proper couple now?" Ste looked at Brendan with wide eyes. "Are ya gonna be my new daddy?" The teenager smiled wickedly at the twenty one year old. "Bit young though, ain't ya? But da's always liked them young."

"Declan." Brendan warned. He was sitting on the floor playing cards with Lucas and Paddy, Leah playing with her dolls next to him.

"Wha? I'm just telling the truth. You married ma when youse was just two years older than I am now. I was at the wedding, yah know." Declan bragged to Ste. "Ma could barely stand 'cause I was two seconds away from popping outta her."

"He loves telling that story." Brendan muttered not looking in his direction.

"Well, duh. I was at me parents wedding. Not many people are as cool as me."

"We were at Mummy's and Auntie Anne's wedding." Leah said. "So was Phoenix."

"Who's Phoenix?" Declan asked her.

"Our little brother. Auntie Anne had him in her belly so he's not blood like Lucas but he's family." She spoke in a patronizing tone and sighed as if she was too good for that conversation. "Family doesn't need to be blood."

"It doesn't?" Paddy asked amazed as the little girl shook her head.

"Mm mm. Daddy isn't my blood but he's my daddy." She told the Irish boy. "He's the best daddy in the world." She looked at Brendan and Ste sat up worried. Leah had come into the habit of putting on a dangerous face when she was ready to battle with adults. Brendan didn't even notice, continued on playing the cards. "Brendan. Can I call you daddy Brendan?" The older man's cards flew into the air. Declan snickered besides Ste burying his head in the twenty one year old's shoulder.

"Leah. Stop." Ste tried to warn her. She batted her eyes at her father innocently but Ste wasn't fooled.

"I like daddy Brendan a lot more than daddy JP." She scrunched up her face in disgust and leaned in close to Brendan whispering as if she was telling him a secret but everyone in the room could hear her loud and clear. "I don't remember much but he was dumb. Are you dumb, daddy Brendan?"

"Steven, you wanna help me out here?" Brendan asked, his eyes locked in by Leah's. Ste grinned to himself as Declan's snickers turned into muted laughter. Lucas stared at Brendan with his mouth open as Paddy was grabbing all the cards for himself.

"You're the one who said you can handle me six year old. I warned ya she'd give you cheek." Brendan visibly swallowed before answering Leah who was still expecting an answer.

"I don't think I'm dumb?" Leah grinned at him widely.

"Can you and my daddy get married then? I want to wear a pretty white dress and throw flowers at people."

"Leah, sweetheart. I think it's a bit-." Brendan's speech was interrupted by the little girl grabbing his face into her small hands, similarly to how she handled Ste's face on Saturday.

"I. Want. A. Pretty. White. Dress." She growled out every single word. Ste blinked at how serious she seemed. "Okay, daddy Brendan?" Brendan remained quiet for a moment, everyone waiting with anticipation for his answer.

"Alright." Brendan sighed and shook his head. "You'll get a pretty white dress." Ste muffled his laughter as Leah stood up and dusted the imaginary dust of her dress.

"Of course I will. I'm Leah Barnes. I can do anything." She smiled and took her dolls into her room leaving the five males gaping after her. Declan burst out laughing immediately, Lucas and Paddy following and Brendan turned to look at Ste with an incredulous expression. He smiled at the older man.

"That is all Mitzeee."

"I've dealt with thugs. Me pals are of the dodgy kind. No one has played me like that before." He sounded disbelieving as well. Ste shrugged still smiling.

"Welcome to me life." He got up to put the kettle on as Declan fell on his seat weeping tears from laughing so hard. Lucas and Paddy climbed on top of him and pretended he was a bench which resulted in more laughter. Ste felt happy. He looked himself over in the window. He looked happy as well. Brendan came up and stood beside him facing the kids as Ste did a bit of washing up waiting for the water to boil.

"Sorry about Leah. She's a bit of a nutter."

"Nah. Little bit just loves ya." Ste looked to the side and saw Brendan was a lot closer than he previously imagined. "Can't blame her." Brendan's voice lowered as his eyes travelled to Ste's lips and darkened. "Yer a good looking lad. I mean..." Brendan smirked leaning in closer. "Yer a good lad." Ste glanced at the living room. The kids were completely occupied with themselves. He looked back at Brendan who was staring at him defiantly as if challenging Ste to make the first move. Now the younger man wasn't about to refuse himself the pleasure of the Irish charm.

He grabbed Brendan's neck and pulled him in close smashing their mouths together. Brendan's hands quickly came up into his hair and the older man grunted at the sweet sensation that was Ste's lips on his. The younger man slipped his tongue into Brendan's mouth sending a jolt of electricity down his body as both of their pink flesh touched and he couldn't help himself but let out a small whine. They broke apart when someone screamed to see Leah closing her eyes and running to hide behind Declan. The two men looked at each other confused and went back into the living room.

"They were eating each other's faces! It was worse than when mummy and Auntie Anne kiss!" Leah yelled still hiding behind Declan. Lucas and Paddy gaped at their fathers in shock whilst Declan looked disgusted and shook his head.

"You two are going to hell." He said and both of the men blushed in embarrassment as their children judged them. "To suck face in front of impressionable, young children. Disgusting. I think you need to go into a naughty corner and think about what you've done."

"You know wha'?" Ste grinned at Brendan. "I think 'e's right." He pushed Brendan, who chuckled at him, towards the bedroom as Declan groaned and Leah started sobbing about how gross her daddies were. Ste just rolled his eyes and allowed Brendan to push him down on the bed before climbing on top of him and attacking his mouth with his own flesh.

 **Special thank you to my beautiful audience esp NickyM1 and Samia**

 **Like I said, expect fluff and happiness. Next chapter will be up hopefully next week. I kind of don't want to finish this fic but I know I need to otherwise it will be just left unfinished forever and I don't want to do that. I want Stendan to have a happy ending. Even if it is just in my head.**

 **Love you all.**


	11. A Moment You'll Never Remember

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HO CHARACTERS. Special thank you to my three lovely reviewers. Samia. You're amazing. Thank you so much for taking the time to send me lots of kisses. They are kept as hostages now. shun95145, THANK YOU! NickyM1, you're just so fantastic and brilliant to review every single chapter. I am so grateful.**

 **I couldn't help myself. This fic will finish at the end of august. THAT IS THE FINAL END DATE I PROMISE. Unbeta'd. Thank you for reading and loving this story! Fluff ahead.**

"Tegan and Ziggy are engaged." Lynsey said jumping up on the bar. "John Paul is getting married to his new beau. Texas is being romanced by Dodger. Everyone has someone but me." Ste glared at her from the table he was sitting at. Tony signed him up for management training that was meant to be for three days only but the company he signed him up with sent a lot of reading material and practice questions.

"Do you actually want someone?" He asked trying to do some calculations. "I thought you said never again after you snogged Riley Costello at the last Christmas party."

"Ah, Riley." She sighed dreamily. "He was so hot." Tony walked in with a box.

"Are my ears burning? Talking about your boss like that may be unprofessional. Maybe you need management training too."

"Pah!" She scoffed. "I'm perfectly alright working part time for you and the hospital. I don't have any other life goals like Ste here."

"Oi. I just want a future for me and me kids."

"Oooh." Lynsey grinned. "You weren't talking like that before Brendan, you know." Ste blushed. It was over a week since the Brady Hay family dinner and Ste couldn't keep his distance from the Irishman. They spent every night together with Leah, Lucas, Paddy and sometimes Declan just being together and getting to know each other. In the biblical sense mostly. However Brendan opted out of the Lennox and Mike dinner on Friday explaining that Cheryl was complaining she forgot how he looked like. Ste didn't mind. He went to therapy and then onto ignoring his family knowing that next day he'd see Brendan again. "Did the new romance inspire you in other departments as well?"

"Right, Toneh. Why she here? Her shift ain't starting till 12."

"Covering Doug." Tony answered unpacking the box. "So get along children." Ste groaned and let his head fall on the papers in front of him. "Oh, come on, Ste. This will help you. I'm not going be in this place forever. I want to do something different and it would be good to know that someone I trust is taking care of this place."

"Why not just ask Dom to help? No offence, Ste." Lynsey suggested. Tony's expression darkened.

"Dom's busy in prison. I don't think he's coming out any time soon." He took the empty box and walked back into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah. Whatever happened there?" She asked Ste when their boss left the room.

"Burned down the old restaurant." Ste answered going back to his work. "I hate learning!"

"Someone's techy." Lynsey commented. "Trouble in the love's nest?" Brendan walked into the restaurant as she said that.

"Careful, Lynsey. I might think yer jealous." Ste smiled as Brendan sat next him and gave him a quick peck.

"I am jealous. Big time. Everyone is with someone and I am all poor and alone." She sighed and brushed her hair back dramatically. "No one pays attention to how beautiful I am."

"S'cause yer a trainwreck." Ste suggested and had an olive thrown at him. "Ow, you bloody cow! Now we's going to get rats."

"Well you'll feel right at home, council rat in a tracksuit." She stuck her tongue out at him and he grunted at her annoyed because he got another answer wrong. "Brendan, tell your boyfriend to stop worrying about that bloomin' test. It's not going to determine your ability to cook."

"I know that. I just want to do well, don't I? This stuff ma'ers." She rolled her eyes and hopped off the bar. Brendan took some of the papers into his hands and read them over.

"Management training? This what you want to do, Steven?" Ste leaned back in his seat and put his arms behind his head.

"Not really. But it wouldn't hurt to have more qualifications on me cv. Would make me grades look less bad." Lynsey started spinning around the empty restaurant looking bored.

"I am never covering Doug again! I hate having no customers!" She shouted but the two men just ignored her.

"What do you want to do anyways?" Brendan asked looking back down at the papers. Ste thought about it for a moment.

"Well, for me job I want to become a chef. Thought about going to college and getting me a culinary diploma. But I've gotta save up for it. Maybe next year." He shrugged. "I just don't like it because I'm not good at school. I'm really lucky Tony gave me a chance here. Came at the right time as well." He muttered, Brendan looking him over curiously. "He hired me right after me and John Paul broke up. It was funny though. 'Cause Toneh said he never even liked him but he likes you." Brendan's moustache twitched a little and his eyes softened.

"Anthony clearly has good taste. I mean what you did with that English prancing fairy is beyond me."

"Don't say things like that."

"Sorry." Ste sighed.

"We always talk about me past. Why not yours? What about the boys' mum? Or the men you've slept with?" Brendan shook his head and smirked a grimace. "Come on. I need a distraction from this and Lynsey is batty over there feeling sorry for herself." Brendan muttered something under his breath.

"Me da' beat into me to be a man a wife and kids are necessary. Eileen unfortunately was the victim. I got her pregnant by accident. Cheryl's ma' was ecstatic, you know. She wanted a baby in the family. Chez was a teenager by then and wanting to move to Dublin. Me and Eileen went on honeymoon there and took her with. But Declan came early so we went back to Belfast." His eyes staring off into distance as he remembered. "I weren't a good dad to him. Trusting Eileen to take care of him. After work I went out a lot. I used to work at a butcher's. Good money in that. Met a bunch of blokes. Fucked them. Messed them about afterwards so they'd keep their mouth shut. The worst one was Eileen's nephew."

"Macca, right?" The Irishman nodded.

"He had...He had feelings." Brendan spat out disgusted. "Poor boy. Never had a chance. Eileen always suspected. Never actually knew. Paddy was me trying to prove that I am straight. Prove to her. To Seamus." Ste put a hand on Brendan's shoulder. "She died a bit after. And I became a dad. It's difficult at times. Paddy barely remembers her. Declan needs a ma' sometimes. Chez does her best but you know. It's not the same. I met Danny Houston in Dublin. We went into business together. Clubs. Him and Seamus had a hand in Vinnie's crash. Don't know what exactly and don't have any proof. I tried to protect him. Kind of liked the kid. But he tried it on with everyone he could. And he ended up dead." Brendan grabbed Ste's hand and interlaced their fingers, slowly running his thumb over the inside of Ste's wrist. "Seamus couldn't take the guilt and his heart exploded." Brendan chuckled darkly. "Came here because I heard that Danny and Warren didn't like each other. But somehow ended up with them both drinking Guinness each night." He sighed and looked Ste directly in the eye. "Distracting enough for ya, Steven?" Ste leaned in and kissed him slowly. They broke apart but Ste didn't pull back. He pressed his forehead against Brendan's.

"Your father can't get you anymore. And if anyone tries to hurt ya, they need to deal with me first." Brendan smiled sadly.

"What if someone tries to hurt you, Steven?"

"Trust me, Brendan. I can handle anything thrown at me." Brendan closed his eyes. "D'you know what our problem is? We live in the past, yeah. We're both just looking back constantly. We need to forget about about it now 'cause the future is all I care about now." Brendan looked at him softly again.

"I like that. A future. I can do that. We can have a proper family." Ste felt himself blush and smile.

"We'd need a bigger place. For all the kids." Brendan grinned.

"Living together with my gay lover. I think I'd be alright with that."

"Me too." Ste muttered.

"Yeah?" Ste nodded. "Good." They kissed again. The paperwork in front of Ste forgotten.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Mummy!" Lucas and Leah ran at Amy out of Ste's hand. Brendan and Paddy slowly walked behind them. Amy grinned happily gathering up the two in her arms and spinning them around. Mitzeee standing next to them with Phoenix in her arms.

"Aw, my babies!" Amy laughed. Leah let go and started jumping on Mitzeee with Lucas hugging her legs. "Alright. That's all the love I get, eh?" Ste hugged her tight.

"What are you doing here?" He asked his beat friend.

"Just came by to visit for a couple of days. Missed them lot." She poked Ste's chest. "And you. But I see you're busy." She looked over Ste's shoulder.

"That 'tache is really attractive. You should shave it off." Mitzeee said grinning with her dimples.

"Maybe you can hold the razor." Brendan bit back smirking.

"Right. Brendan, this is Amy. Me best mate and the kids mum. That's Mitzeee. And the little one is Phoenix. Amy, this is Brendan and little Paddy. One of Brendan's boys." Brendan shook Amy's hand but Mitzeee just grinned even wider.

"Ya found yourself a right fella didn't ya, Scally Ste?" Ste rolled his eyes and went to open the flat. "Much better than that McQueen boy."

"I agree with you on that." Brendan muttered.

"All them McQueens are just plain trash, aren't they?" Amy tisked at that.

"Not in front of the kids."

"Yer right, sexy." She winked at the blonde and turned to the children. "Kids, go play somewhere else. Auntie Anne needs to talk about how much she don't like the McQueens." Leah held her hands out and Mitzeee placed crawling Phoenix in her little arms carefully.

"Come on, Paddy." She said. "Phoenix does this thing where he looks at you and giggles. It's really funny." Phoenix gurgled something, clapped his hands and giggled but he was falling from Leah's arms so Lucas quickly came over and helped carry him into the next room. Paddy following them.

"That was interesting." Brendan said staring after him. Amy walked into the kitchen as if she knew the place like the back of her hand and put the kettle on.

"Nah. Leah always does everything and Lucas follows his big sister like a puppy." Mitzeee dropped herself on the couch. Ste followed. She scrunched up her face in disgust. "I forgot how manky this place was. Amy, just lemme book a hotel or summin."

"No. We're here for a reason." She said putting two tea cups on the table where Brendan sat. "And that is the kids. I miss them more than anything. So we are going to be here." She said firmly and Ste narrowed his eyes.

"Someone's lying." He said and looked at Mitzeee who was staring at the floor. "Right. What's going on?" Amy sighed and pulled some papers out of her bag.

"Billy found me." She said. Ste frowned before realisation set in.

"That what? That piece of shit found ya?!" He stood up. "And what?! You came here so I can rip his insides out?!"

"No!" She stood up too. "I came here to see our kids and to get you to sign these! Why do you have to jump to conclusions all the time, Ste?" She threw the papers at him.

"Who's Billy?" Brendan asked Mitzeee sipping his tea.

"Leah's biological dad." She answered. Ste picked up the papers and looked them over. The letters not making any sense. "Oh, here. I'll read it before you lose it." Mitzeee ripped the papers out of his hands. "Billy signed away his parental rights. To you. All you have to do is just sign down here. And legally you are Leah's dad." Ste looked surprised at Mitzeee and then at Amy who grinned at him.

"Happy early birthday." She hugged him again.

"Right, the McQueens." Mitzeee sat opposite Brendan who looked at her amused. "Mercedes is a right cow. Avoid her at all cost. She tried to stalk me once but she is too low rent to follow through. Jacqui once beat me up because that thing spread rumours I stole her boyfriend. As if I'd date anyone she'd had. I have impeccable taste."

"Is this real?" Ste asked Amy who dragged him on the previously occupied couch.

"Yeah. He said he wanted to put things in order. And Leah is better off. You're a wonderful dad to her." Ste kissed Amy's cheek.

"Oi! You better keep your hands to yourself, you hear me?" Mitzeee warned turning back to Brendan. "I always thought that Jacqui and Rhys would snog each other sensless and I saw them holding hands by the Dog as we came in." She threw her head back and cackled. "I am always right, I tell ya. I can't wait to see everyone. Look at me."

"Looking alright." Brendan muttered staring into his cup.

"What? What you trying to say, Irish?" Ste let his head rest on Amy's shoulder listening to the exchange.

"Appearances can be deceiving. Anne." Brendan offered staring defiantly at Mitzeee challenging her. She narrowed her eyes before clicking her tongue and cackling again.

"I like him, Ste. He's a funny one."

"Right back at ya. You're an alpha. I'm an alpha. We could have a wonderful friendship." Brendan slurrped the remainings of his tea.

"Oh love. You've no idea." She smirked and Ste felt a shiver down his spine. "D'you know what they would call us? Britzeee. With three e's." Amy groaned into Ste's hair.

"Oh God." Ste said. "This is not going to be good for me health." Amy turned to look at Brendan.

"Right, well you've got me wife convinced you're worth Ste's time. Now it's my turn. Favourite artist?" Brendan crossed his arms.

"Johnny Cash."

"Who?" Amy asked Ste who shook his head. "Favourite food?"

"Anything. I've got a good appetite." Ste let out a small chuckle at that as he remembered that Brendan practically ate everything with Declan out of the fridge yesterday.

"What is your biggest fear?"

"Bugs and losing people." Ste answered that one. His head still on Amy's shoulder. "You done with your interrogation?"

"No. I've got one." Mitzeee interjected. "Do you see a future for you and the scally?"

"If by scally you mean Steven then yes. Now can I ask you a question?" Mitzeee made a reaffirming sound and Ste tried to ignore the pleasant flutter in his stomach at Brendan's answer. "What does Foxy have against ya?" Mitzeee crossed her arms and sat up straight.

"That man just likes to give me grief all the bloody time. He's angry because I dumped him for Amy. And I told him he was so disgusting he turned me gay." Brendan couldn't help but chuckle at that. "But I'm not. There's such a thing as pansexuality. In my career it is very well known. Plus everyone is jealous of the perfect relationship me and Amy have. Aren't they, love?"

"Of course. We are amazing. Oh, speaking off. I got offered that teaching job I was waiting on. I'm really happy. I can start as soon as mid September."

"That's great." Ste grinned up at her. "You've worked really hard."

"What job?" Mitzeee asked.

"Oh, has she not told you?" Ste asked innocently. "You two must not be as close as you think." He said to her standing up.

"Careful, boy. I might get me whip out and sort you out."

"You won't have a chance. Amy will tell me when you do and I'll just run off." He smiled as she hissed at him like a car and walked to the kids' bedroom. Paddy was lying on his stomach talking to Phoenix about pirates whilst Leah and Lucas were sticking something in a scrapbook. He shrugged and went back into the kitchen to get some snacks when he felt small arms around his waist. He smiled and turned around to see Amy smiling back at him.

"I have another surprise for ya." She said quietly taking a step back.

"You're going to kill me with all these surprises."

"This one is really good." She grinned. "Leah and Lucas got into that school as well. They'll get the best education and they get to go for cheaper because I'll be working there. Usually they don't do that but I just batted my eyes like Anne taught me."

"Amy. That's amazing." She nodded.

"Not done. The school has a different year schedule than normal schools. So they'll spend more time with you on holidays. Unless of course they want to go somewhere else." Ste didn't know what to say. He just hugged her close.

"Best. Ex. Ever." She laughed.

"I'll remember that. Alright, me and Anne are gonna see me dad. He was saying something about retirement last time I was here." Ste pulled away. "D'you mind watching Phoenix as well?"

"Ah. I see. You just buttered me up for babysitting duty."

"Actually if you could babysit tonight that would be great as well." Ste's jaw dropped but Amy batted her eyelashes at him and made out those big puppy eyes that Leah and Lucas inherited.

"Alright, fine."

"Yay! Thank you." She kissed his cheek and wondered back into the living room where she sat on Mitzeee's lap. "Ste agreed to babysit." Mitzeee wrapped her arms around Amy and grinned gratefully at the twenty one year old man.

"Ta. We haven't had a proper night out in ages."

"How could I say no?" Ste said deflated.

"You're right. You couldn't have." Mitzeee told him. "Right. We off to Mike's?" Amy nodded and both of the women stood up rushing out of the door immediately just sending a quick bye everyone's way. Brendan looked over at Ste.

"So. That's your family?"

"Yup."

"I can see what you meant about Mitzeee and Leah."

"Told you. Still planning on staying?" Ste held his breath as Brendan came over and sat next to him on the couch.

"Yeah. It's..." He put a hand on Ste's thigh watching how the younger man's muscle was spasming under the touch. "Quite entertaining." Ste smirked.

"Glad you enjoyed the view. Thought you might have lost interest."

"Now that, Steven, you never have to worry about." He murmured, his pupils fully dilated and focused on Ste's bottom lip before bitting on it hungrily pulling Ste in close to his chest making the Mancunian straddle him. Brendan let out a filthy grunt as Ste's hands found their way under his grey Henley.

"So gross!" Leah screeched and the two men broke up. "Stop kissing! Stop kissing right now!" She ran up to them and started slapping Ste and Brendan until Ste caught her hands.

"Leah, don't do that." He said but she was trying to get out of his grip and started to kick at Brendan's legs. "That's it." Ste got up, picked her up and put her over his shoulder. "Now you're going to stay up there 'till you calm down."

"I don't care! Kissing is super gross and you are not allowed to do it!" Ste put her down and frowned. She crossed her arms and glared at him with a big pout.

"Leah. You don't get like this when mummy and Mitzeee kiss."

"Because they aren't gross and make loud noises!" Brendan snickered still sitting on the couch whilst Ste felt mortified. "You two can only hold hands! No kissing!" She ran back into her room as Ste fell back next to Brendan.

"Oh, it's alright." Brendan patted his knee. "You just need to learn to keep your hands off me when the kids are around." Ste ran his hands over his face.

"I hate you." Brendan put his arm around Ste and turned the telly on.

"Sure you do."

-.-.-.-.-

On Friday, after therapy, Ste dragged Amy, Mitzeee and Phoenix with him, Leah and Lucas to the family dinner where Leela screeched happy and got her claws into Mitzeee who clawed them right back into the other woman.

"You've no idea what's been happening in the village." Leela said and they sat on the couch. "Nancy got a job as an English teacher at the school but she's been screwing Robbie Roscoe."

"Isn't he like twelve?" Mitzee sounded disguted.

"Sixteen. But she's his teacher." Ste rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone which was buzzing. Amy walked over to sit with Mike, Sam and Tegan at the table. Peri was nowhere to be seen and Danny was in the kitchen dunking his biscuit in tea and living on the edge.

' _Cmng 2 HO agn ov wknd, bettah hve fun planned'_

Ste couldn't help but snort at Joel's ridiculous text.

' _A &M r hre 2 lots of tea parties ur warned_'

He shot back quickly and walked over to his father.

"Alright?" Danny glanced at him before looking back down at his soaked biscuit. "S'a matter with you now?" Danny looked around at his family before answering.

"Doesn't it bother you?" Ste raised his eyebrows feeling surprised. "JP's engagement." He thought about it for a moment, calculating his father.

"Did you love him?" Ste asked not scared of the answer anymore. Danny didn't say anything. Just started at the cup. "To answer your question. No. Me and him have been over for a really long time. The only remaining feelings I have for him are anger. I'm finally moving on, dad." It didn't go unnoticed how Danny's fists clenched.

"Brendan." He hissed out. "It's not...that man is going to hurt you, Ste. I can feel it."

"Like you felt JP? Only him literally." Danny snapped his eyes to Ste, furious.

"Don't talk to me like that. I'm your father and I know a great deal more than you on this subject." Ste scoffed and looked at his children playing with their cousin who finally came downstairs. Danny's voice softened. "I do, Ste. I know men like Brendan and they are bad news. Trust me."

"You've been married to Sam for nearly thirty years." Ste crossed his arms. "And for most of them you've slept with other people. She forgave you time and time again. See, I never did." He turned to look at his father who seemed shocked to hear those words. "I wanted to have a dad so badly when I was growing up. One that wouldn't hit me. One that wouldn't be abusive towards me or my alcoholic mum. I never got that there are other ways a dad could hurt his kids, you know. The reason why you never see me when Leah and Lucas go back to London is because I don't trust you anymore. Not with me. I don't trust meself to not react violently." Danny shook his head. "And Brendan may be a mistake. But he's been honest with me. Which is more than I can say for you." He walked away to sit besides his sister before Danny had a chance to respond. Amy's eyes lingered on him for a moment but quickly turned away when he shook his head. He remained quiet trying to calm himself down when a thought formed in his head. His father was clearly against Brendan and he was being adamant about it. There must have been a reason for it. "I'll be right back." He told Amy and quickly walked out of the house ignoring the questioning looks. Brendan was at the club tonight because he missed a lot of shifts since he was spending so much time with Ste and their two families.

Ste quickly walked towards the loud building being waved straight on through by the usher. He saw that barman Kevin give him the stink eye as he walked to the office but Jacqui actually waved. Brendan looked surprised as Ste barged in and closed the door.

"Steven, what-?"

"Did you get off with me dad?" Ste asked straight away. Brendan blinked for a moment before bursting out into laughter. "That a yes?" Brendan's laughter died down but he was still smiling.

"No. It's a definitive no." Ste's shoulders slumped and he dropped himself into the chair opposite the Irishman's.

"Then I don't get it. Why doesn't he like ya?" Brendan swiveled a little in his chair.

"Never said he didn't try." Ste felt like someone punched all the air out of him as Brendan's smile dropped. "That time we came over. Me, Chez, Nate and the boys. The first time you and I met." Ste tried to swallow but his throat was suddenly very dry and clicked unpleasantly. "I had to go back to the club. Organise some stuff. And he said he was out for a walk. But I wasn't interested."

"Why?" Ste whispered out his heart beating hard because of his father's action and the fear of Brendan's answer.

"Wasn't scrawny enough for me." Brendan laughed again. "No. You know why, Steven. The moment I saw ya, no one compared. This relationship isn't just by chance. It's by choice." He looked down at the computer to avoid Ste's eyes. "You changed everything, Steven." He muttered quietly. Ste averted his eyes to the floor.

"I really like you." The Mancunian said in such low volume that he wasn't ever sure he spoke. But the Irishman leaned forward placing his elbows on the desk between them.

"Good." Ste smiled a little looking at smirking Brendan from under his lashes. "Now I know your you have to get back to the family dinner but I'm getting wee bit hungry meself." The older man rose from his chair and walked around the table to lean against the edge of it, right in front of Ste. "And I don't really feel like waiting till tomorrow." Ste grinned up at the man before something clicked in his head.

"Oh. Joel is coming back into the village. So he'll be hanging out with us a lot." Brendan's face darkened.

"That the friend from the card game?" He scratched his beard and crossed his arms as the twenty one year old nodded in affirmation. "I don't like him."

"Wha? He's one of me closest mates, Brendan."

"You slept with him." Ste rolled his eyes and stood up putting his hands on Brendan's tense shoulders. His thumbs edging at the exposed skin under Brendan's collar. He was wearing a grey suit with a light pink shirt that shimmered in the light.

"I like you jealous." He murmured. "But Joel is one of my friends. And the kids adore him so pack it in, alright?" Brendan shook his head lightly and stared down at the ground. "Brendan." Ste sang. "I'm the one who should be jealous. Me dad tried to get off with ya." Brendan uncrossed his arms to play with Ste's buckle.

"Don't remind me." He shuddered and looked at the boy with mischief in his eyes. "I guess I will have to hold your hand then. Especially in front of little Foxy." Ste frowned.

"You know he's Warren's son?" Brendan sighed exasperated.

"He mentioned that his lad came by for his birthday. Put two and four together. See, Steven. Double B is all about the brains and the gorgeous exterior." Ste couldn't help but snicker at that. "I'm serious. I've got it all. A 'tache, brains, kids, sister that won't leave me be, brother in law that loses whenever we play poker, a club."

"And me. Your handsome boyfriend and his baggage." Brendan's blue eyes softened.

"And you. My boyfriend, Ste, and his baggage." He whispered and kissed the Mancunian slowly trying to convey every ounce of good emotion he had in him. And Ste tried just as hard, pulling him close, feeling Brendan's skin under his eyelashes, his mouth, his fingertips.

Needless to say he came back to the Lomax house with a brighter attitude, messy hair, shirt inside out and a lot more bitemarks on his neck. Ignored the glare from his father or the interested look from his best friend and his sister and hanged out with Peri, Leah, Lucas and Phoenix for the rest of the evening.

As he was falling asleep in his bed, the smell of Brendan still lingered strongly on his pillow, he got another text that put a smile on his face.

 _'I really like you too, Steven._ '


	12. Faint Possibility Of Having Hope In This

**Disclaimer: I do not own any HO characters. Special thank you to my lovely and loyal reviewers NickyM1 & Samia. Unbeta'd. And this chapter is quite all over the place but in my head that's where Ste is at at the moment. His life is just very inconsistent and chaotic. And some angsty angst but fluff from Brendan's side. Love you all. Have fun reading! See you lot soon!**

"Morning." Mitzeee said as she clapped her hands together. "You are so cute." She told Lucas who was still sleepwalking to the telly to watch cartoons. Leah chose to sleep in and Phoenix was recovering from a lovely night of screaming his lungs out. Ste was sitting on the ground, leaning against the couch, with a bowl of cereal in his pyjamas. Amy was still sleeping as well. Mitzeee was in her pyjamas as well but somehow she managed to look like she just stepped out of a photoshoot. Lucas climbed in between Ste's legs and helped himself to his bowl. "I heard you was eating meat again, sweetie. Good for you." Mitzeee sat down next to Ste and spoke to a very sleepy Lucas. "I thought going veg at five was a bit drastic."

"Mitzeee." Ste pleaded. "It's not even eight. Please shut up."

"Fine. Only because you said please."

"Good enough. Ta." She leaned her head on his shoulder and they watched the morning cartoons like that with Mitzeee making comments that made Ste snort and Lucas spill the cereal at certain moments.

"You've seen the Irishman yesterday?"

"Mm."

"Good. I like him."

"Not that I want your approval but why?" Lucas put the bowl on the ground and slumped in Ste's arms plating with his father's hand.

"Because he loves you." She scratched her nose frowning adorably. "That McQueen idiot never looked at you like that." Ste looked surprised over at Mitzeee. "It's the same way I look at Amy. But I'm sorry to say love that your dad doesn't look like that at Sam. She looks at him in that way but he doesn't exactly reciprocate." Ste sighed.

"I know. Sam deserves better." There was a lull in the conversation for a moment. "D'you really think he loves me? We've only been together two weeks. Not even. Less than that."

"Love has no sense of time, Ste. Me and Amy? It took us months to admit we was in love. If we'd just said it after the first time we kissed, we could have saved ourselves a lot of drama."

"Yeah but don't you think all that drama shaped you two to be who you are now?"

"Perhaps." She agreed. "I think maybe the universe wanted us to see how bad it was when we weren't together so we'd really appreciate it when we were. D'you feel like that with Brendan?" Ste digested this for a moment, collecting his thoughts.

"I feel-" The little boy yawned loudly interrupting. "Hey Lucas. You awake yet?" He looked up at his dad and then at his stepmum before grinning widely.

"Auntie Anne! Can I have pancakes for breakfast?" He put on puppy eyes and Ste couldn't hold back a smile at how easily his son was manipulating Mitzeee who sighed tiredly.

"Alright. But you are leaving some for your mum and your sister."

"Okay." She got up and went to the kitchen. Lucas grinned up at Ste widely. "She makes the best pancakes, daddy. They all look like funny shapes. Neither you or mummy do that. Auntie Anne is the bestest pancake human on the planet." He got up and ran into his and Leah's room waking the little girl up. Ste just threw his head back and listened as the noises around him for wider with everyone in the small flat waking up.

He thought about the question Mitzeee asked him. He felt like he could spent the rest of his life with Brendan. But it was terrifying because they've only been together such a short time.

Although the more he got to know Brendan and his kids, the more he fell for them. The more he wanted them to be a part of his life.

It was scary how easily it all fit. It was scary how much Ste wanted this relationship to work out.

He glanced over at a sleepy Amy kissing Mitzeee before moving onto the bathroom whilst the brunette put pancakes on three plates and had baby food ready for Phoenix.

This family fit together well. Ste frowned and wondered if he fit well with his own. After all, his father was cheating scum who liked to go after men that Ste liked. His kids only saw him part time. His sisters didn't have a special bond with him like they did with each other even though they try very hard to create it. His niece liked him well enough. His stepmother helped him out a lot, finding a good anger management group after John Paul said he was going to the police.

But it was clear that Ste Hay was very much not a part of the Lomaxes immediate family. Or Minniver-Barnes.

Ste was always an outcast. Meant to be not seen or heard. Beaten into him over and over again how much of a waste of space he really was.

How could he think he'd fit into a family with a man who has been in the closet for years?

-.-.-.-.-

Mitzeee sent Ste and Joel away to the Dog with little Leah and dragged Lucas away with Phoenix into Chester to buy the boy some new clothes. Amy went to visit Michaela at the McQueen residence.

Joel immediately picked Leah up as soon as he saw her and didn't let go until they sat at the bar. Darren was sulking in a corner but his father, Jack, served them.

"What's new, princess?" Joel asked Leah. It was pretty obvious that she was his favourite out of the Hay family. She giggled, sitting in between him and Ste.

"You're the only one allowed to call me that." She said cheerfully. "Not even daddy, mummy, auntie Anne, daddy Brendan or Declan. Grandpa Mike tried it once but I told him only uncle Joel can call me a princess."

"S'true." Ste added eyeing the bottle of Coke in the fridge. "I was there."

"Daddy Brendan?" Joel asked, judgement evident in his voice making Ste tense up. He avoided looking at the young Scot. "Isn't it a bit early to be calling him that? What happens if he doesn't stick around? Brady doesn't exactly look like the reliable one."

"Drop it." Ste sighed.

"Nuh uh. Daddy Brendan is going to marry daddy." Leah said convinced. Joel eyed her for a moment.

"And your kids got attached as well? Ste. "What have you gotten yourself into?" He shook his head.

"Uncle Joel, please stop being mean. Daddy Brendan makes daddy happy. And a lot of the people here are always making daddy sad." She spoke in an angry voice. "It's not fair. Daddy is the best." Ste kissed the top of her head.

"Thank you, Leah." He muttered in her hair. She looked at him smiling.

"Can I have chocolate pudding?" She asked sweetly. Joel choked on his laughter as Ste's face fell.

"No. You had pancakes this morning." She crossed her arms and pouted.

"See if I defend you again." She stuck her tongue out at him and got off the bar stool stomping her way to the bathroom. Joel grinned at Ste.

"You might want to take care of your little missus." Ste shrugged.

"She'll get over it. What are you doing here anyways?"

"Me stepdad is back at mum's. Needed to get away." Ste nodded in understanding. The one thing that truly made their friendship bond strong was knowing how abusive each other's stepfathers were.

"Well, isn't it little Foxy?" A voice spoke behind them. Ste turned around grinning but his happy expression fell when he saw Brendan and Mitzeee with her right arm linked through the Irishman's left. Children unseen and a dangerously smug expression on her face. Joel glared at the Irishman.

"What did you do?" Ste groaned feeling dread in the pit of his stomach and let his head fall on the bar counter.

"Daddy Brendan!" A happy voice rang out and Ste looked up to see his daughter being scooped up into Brendan's arms.

"Hiya darling. How are you?" He said cheerfully. Joel's nostrils flared as he clearly wasn't Leah's favourite at the moment.

"Daddy Brendan? Can you buy me chocolate pudding?" She stuck her bottom lip out and her eyes were wide with hope. "Daddy won't let me have any."

"Steven, why wouldn't you allow your wonderful daughter have something as delicious as chocolate pudding?" His expression dead serious but his eyes dancing with mischief. Leah took Brendan's face into her small hands.

"That's what I was thinking." She whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.

"No." Ste said sternly causing his daughter to send him a dirty look. "You've had pancakes this morning and there's strawberry cheesecake for dessert at dinner. That's more than enough sugar." Brendan walked over to him.

"There's never more than enough sugar, Steven." He said and kissed his mouth lightly.

"Aw. Aren't they cute, Joel?" Mitzeee's dimples were having a party of their own from smiling so much. Joel just rolled his eyes.

"Where the kids?" Ste snapped. "And what are _you_ doing with Brendan?" She batted her eyelashes innocently. Ste knew Leah learned that from her.

"They're with Amy. Our shopping trip was cut short by Lucas throwing up pancakes all over my new outfit. So Amy is taking care of him and she suggested I go to bother you instead. I only saw Brendan walking to the club and suggested he'd join me, I swear." She dug her claws into Joel's shoulder. "And he was a perfect gentleman. Didn't take one look at my assets." Ste shook his head. "But now that I'm here. How about we grab a table and toast to the new success that is Brendan and Ste." She clapped her hands as no one reacted. "Goodie. Come on, Leah. I brought nail varnish for ya to play with." She said as she pulled the little girl out of Brendan's arms. Leah copied her gloating clap from seconds before at the nail varnish remark.

Joel made a grunt and followed the woman to a table on a corner not missing a chance to stare at her legs and arse. Brendan looked at Ste with a bewildered expression.

"Is she serious?" He asked the younger man pointing back at Mitzeee with his thumb.

"Trust me." Ste stood up and patted his shoulder. "It's easier to just do what she says." He started walking but he had a feeling the Irishman was definitely checking out his assets as well. Leah sitting on the window sill, was pulling items out of Mitzeee's bag that she had found interesting as they sat down. Brendan's hand brushing Ste's as they did so very faintly.

"So. We should drink to celebrate the occasion shouldn't we?"

"S'not even noon yet, Mitz." Joel said but she just ignored him and gestured a suddenly alive Darren towards her.

"One white wine. One old whisky, on the rocks. One cider, one apple juice and one Coke. And two portions of chips." She glanced over the table. "Make it four." Darren nodded writing everything down on what looked like a brand new notepad and hurried off. Mitzeee grinned at the three men in front of her. "So. How brilliant is it that Ste has found himself someone else besides that English stick in the mud?"

"What are you doing?" Ste asked her.

"What? Can't I rejoice in your final good life choices?"

"Too true." Brendan agreed and cocked his head to the side when Ste glared. "Something to say, Steven?"

"Oh, he probably doesn't want you and me to be friends. Ste thinks I'm a bad influence on everyone."

"You are on the kids. Leah manipulated everyone around her with ease." Ste muttered whilst the little girl painted her nails singing to herself.

"Nah, scally. That girl is pure innate talent. I only help it come out." She grinned at Darren who brought their drinks and food to the table. "Ta, love."

"I agree with one thing." Joel said when the Osborne left. "Glad that Ste and John Paul aren't together anymore."

"Why's that Little Foxy?" Brendan asked his index finger running over the rim of his whiskey glass. Joel grimaced at the name.

"Because that scum made him miserable. And he prances around the fucking village like he owns it or something." Mitzeee smacked his arm.

"Language. JP is the kind of man who likes to believe the world owes him for everything." She looked off into the distance. "Bloody arrogant prince who is hurt by everyone all the time but he never does anything wrong. He is just a victim of bad circumstances." She took a sip of her wine. "Idiotic nimrod."

"Tell us what you really think, Mitz." Ste muttered into his Coke. She looked at him for a moment before slamming her hand on the table and pointing a finger at him.

"Right. You were a bloody idiot thinking with your downstairs brain instead of the one up here." She pointed to his skull. "That man screwed you up so much and for years you did what he wanted you to. You blamed yourself, isolated yourself and basically pushed people away because you thought you weren't good enough but in reality, it's him who is not good enough. That poor bloke who's marrying him has no idea what kind of a horrible person John Paul is." She took a breath in between her monologue. "Remember he tried it on with a priest before he started dating you."

"Oh, yeah." Joel grinned. "That was funny. What was his name again?"

"Father Kieron." Ste supplied tiredly.

"Yeah. He moved right out of the village after that. I heard that JP also began a friendship with that street worker." Mitzeee cackled. "Good thing too. I thought Sinead would have gotten her claws into you, Ste. She always had a thing for ya. Even wanted you to teach her how to steal a car. Remember that?" Ste ran his hands over his face. "Anyways, how John Paul got a job at a _school_ is beyond me comprehension. How do you allow a massive imbecile with a huge ego near children?"

"The schools are short staffed." Brendan added.

"Even so." Joel shook his head. "The entire time him and Ste were together it was all how Ste didn't try hard enough. How Ste didn't trust him. How Ste was constantly focused on the kids. And then when they broke up he had the audacity to blame Ste for his cheating. Wouldn't take responsibility for it." Ste let his head fall on the table.

"Oh and the way he pronounces hummus. It grates on me nerves." Mitzeee scoffed. "Some English teacher."

"All of the McQueens are crazy." Joel added. "Why would anyone get involved with them?"

"He was desperate." Mitzeee explained. "But I heard Theresa was fishing around you, Joel."

"She's a pretty girl, I admit. But not really me type."

"Oh and what is? Ste?" Mitzeee mocked.

"Please. Ste and I are ancient history. I'm too pretty for him now." Mitzeee cackled in the air.

"I'm sorry. Did I hear correctly? You and Steven?" Ste tensed up at that and picked his head up to stare at Brendan who was watching Joel with a steel gaze. The Scot moved uncomfortably in his place.

"Long time ago."

"It didn't really mean anything." Ste quickly said and Brendan's eyes moved to him. "We're far better off as mates, innit?"

"Yeah. I like me men not smelling of garlic."

"I like garlic." Brendan murmured in Ste's direction making the younger man flush. His hand crept up on Brendan's thigh gently receiving a heated look in return.

"Aw, aren't they cute?" Mitzeee cooed. "Eugh. Speaking of dogs." Ste looked in the direction she was glaring at. John Paul and Mercedes McQueen walked into the Dog laughing loudly with Sinead and Marcus behind them discussing something.

"Don't do anything." Ste warned everyone at the table. Brendan's hand clamped over his as he tried to pull it off his thigh. Ste looked at him quizzically.

"If you don't want me to do anything..." He said, amusement filling his eyes.

"Oi!" Mercedes screeched in that harpy voice of hers. "Osborne! Get off yer lazy arse and get us some pints. We're celebrating the happy couple. Finally got a venue for the wedding." Ste didn't even bother to look over, just tightened his grip on Brendan's thigh and drank his Coke calmly. He had other priorities than people who didn't matter.

"Fucking slag." Mitzeee hissed. Leah put her nail varnish away and walked over to Brendan who finally let go of Ste's hand. "Her existence ruins everyone's mood."

"Daddy Brendan." Leah said loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Can I pleeeeease get some chocolate pudding?" Brendan looked over at Ste who sighed dejected and nodded.

"Sure, darling." He stood up and walked with her hand in hand to the bar where Frankie was glaring at some students. Everyone hated students. Ste watched his daughter and the man he was in a relationship with get along with a small smile. Maybe things could be good. Mitzeee threw some chips at Joel wasting food.

"You want me to do you in, bitch?" He growled at her.

"The fuck's your problem with Brendan?" She growled back.

"He's friends with my old man. That's reason enough to not trust him."

"He makes Ste happy you prick. Get over it."

"Fuck off, you century old cunt." She slapped the back of his head so hard his teeth hit the bottle of cider he was drinking very loudly. "Are you mental?" He asked her caressing his teeth.

"I need Ste to be happy-"

"Ste's sitting right here." The Mancunian interrupted but he was completely ignored.

"Because when he's happy, my wife, the love of my life and the mother of my and his children is happy. Plus that man is clearly in love with Ste already. So make a bloody effort to like Brendan." The Irishman was coming back holding Leah's chocolate pudding whilst the little girl skipped towards the table. "And next time you call me a cunt, I'm going to fuck you up with my brand new Gucci heels." Leah smiled at Ste as she climbed on his knees to sit herself comfortably. Brendan slid into his previous seat and passed the pudding over to her glancing between the three adults.

"Did I miss something?" Ste shook his head.

"Leah, at least use a napkin." He moaned as her face was already covered in chocolate.

"So, Brendan." Joel started earning a worried look from Ste and a warning glance from a grinning Mitzeee. "What do you like to do in your spare time? Besides hanging out with drug dealing thugs like me dad." He winced as a kick was heard under the table from Mitzeee's direction.

"I enjoy walks in the park and skipping over fields of daisies, Little Foxy. You?"

"Taking care of me friends." Joel growled.

"In every way possible." Brendan implied.

"Brendan." Ste warned. The older man rolled his eyes.

"I like Knight Rider." Everyone at the table went quiet. Ste and Joel looked at each other confused whilst Mitzeee frowned in disgust.

"That Hasselhoff show? Really? Isn't it like well old or something?" Brendan nodded.

"My favourite show. All I wanted was a Knight Rider car when I was a kid for Christmas. Instead me da got me an action figure." Ste felt pain in his chest at a remark about the monstrous man.

"I'll draw you a Knight Rider car, daddy." Leah said as she licked the chocolate off her hands.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Brendan smiled softly at her.

"Aren't ya a sweet little family?" Mercedes McQueen walked over in her high heels. "All loving and proper. It's not really your style, though. Is it, jail bird?" She grimaced at Ste.

"Oh look. It's the village slag with the other village slag." Mitzeee grinned sipping her wine.

"Who you calling a slag, you daft cow?!" Mercedes shot back.

"Alright!" Ste interrupted. "Merc. Please go back to your table. Mitz, shut up." Mercedes gave Mitzeee a look over before walking away but Leah threw her chocolate pudding in the McQueens direction. Mercedes turned around with a serial killer face and stomped back towards her when the little girl shrieked and jumped into Brendan's arms crying.

"She's going to hurt me!" She sobbed and everyone at the pub glared at poor Mercedes. Except of course for Mitzeee who was grinning still and Ste who was rolling his eyes. "Please don't let the mean witch hurt me, daddy!" John Paul came over to get his sister.

"Come on, Merc. They're not worth it." Leah looked at John Paul with big watery eyes.

"Why are you so mean to me?! You're both horrible people!" She started crying again into Brendan's chest as the Irishman glared at the McQueens.

"You should walk away before I take your head for making this little girl cry." He growled. Ste couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped when John Paul and Mercedes ran off with their tails between their legs.

"I just want to say something here." Everyone at the table, even hiccuping Leah, turned to look at him. "All of you are crazy and acting like we're in some soap. This isn't Emmerdale." He stood up. "Joel, I like Brendan. You don't have to but it would make my life easier. Mitzeee, stop interfering. Whatever happens will happen. Leah, don't do that ever again. If you do, I'm taking away your tea set. Brendan, stop being jealous and don't help them lot be manipulative. Now I'm going to take a piss and pretend that everything is normal." Mitzeee opened her mouth but he walked away not giving her a chance.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Harry Potter?" Brendan raised his eyebrow. Declan nodded.

"We've been doing what everyone else but me wants for ages! It's either aunt Chez or Nate or you or Pad or Ste or Leah or Lucas or basically everyone on this planet besides Declan fucking Brady!" Declan shouted annoyed.

"Oi." Brendan snapped his fingers. "What'd I tell ya about cursing?"

"That it's awesome? I don't know. I don't listen to ya when you talk, do I?!" He huffed heavily and crossed his arms angrily throwing himself on the couch. Brendan made a strangling gesture above him. Ste put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down a little.

"We can watch Harry Potter. I like the movies." He told Declan. "Never got into the books though. I'm dyslexic, aren't I so it's a bit hard, innit."

"D'you know what? I can download the audiobooks for ya." The teenager said excited as Ste sat next to him. "Seriously, the books are so worth it. The movies are good but the books are like a thousand times better." Leah and Lucas were sitting at the table colouring a big poster. "Seriously. Everyone is so sassy. It's brill." They were in the Brady household this night. Cheryl insisted on it. She was ordering pizza online near the kids. Nate nowhere to be seen with an excuse to have gone and visit his parents. Phoenix also came by but he was sleeping so he wasn't much of a bother at the moment.

"The kids are too young for it." Brendan insisted.

"Oh, knock it off, Bren. We know you're mother hen." Cheryl said from her computer. "Let Deccy watch what he wants. If the kids get scared they can go and watch that Maleficent movie I bought in me room." Brendan growled throwing his head back and grinded his teeth together before giving a curt nod.

"Yes!" Declan shouted and went to put the Philosopher's Stone into the DVD player. Brendan sat next to Ste and the younger man took his hand into his own interlacing their fingers. Declan jumped back at the seat he previously occupied and Cheryl sat in the armchair next to the couch curling up into herself.

"Aw, I remember when you were this cute. Not anymore though." She pointed at Declan who shushed her. Ste smiled to himself. Cheryl wasn't such bad company. She reminded him a bit of Lynsey to be honest. He wondered for a moment whether the two were friends. Pizza came quickly enough but Ste didn't pay much attention.

He was growing more and more tired with each second. Brendan's warmth next to him a pleasant sensation in comparison to the heatwave outdoors and the four fans placed in the living room.

"You need a bed, Steven." Brendan muttered in his ear, they were still holding hands by the third movie. Leah, Lucas and Paddy hidden away in the small Irish boy's room most likely sleeping. Declan was still going strong. Cheryl said goodnight and took Phoenix with her by the end of the first movie.

"No. I'm alright." He said shaking his head, his pride getting in the way. He didn't want to admit how tired he was.

"You sure? 'Cause you look like you could pass out at any moment."

"I'm only twenty one, old man. I'm not going down so easily." Declan shushed them and they went back to watching Harry and Seamus talking about the Fat Lady. However Ste nodded off halfway through the movie. He woke up around 2 in the morning facing the alarm clock in Brendan's bed. He turned around to see the man himself facing the other wall and sleeping soundly.

Ste felt his worries come back. He didn't know if he fit into Brendan's life. He didn't know where his place was anymore.

He shuffled closer to the other man.

"I love you, Brendan." He whispered very quietly not realising how true those words were until that very moment.

He was terrified of how easily he could love him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm me." He whispered again a tear falling down his face. Brendan moved slightly but he was still in deep slumber. "You always take care of me. But if you give me a chance to do that for you..." Ste swallowed. "I promise you won't regret it. I'm sorry you're stuck with me. I want to help. I want to murder your father for what he's done. I really love you, Brendan Brady. You deserve so much better than me." He turned around feeling too much to be able to digest. He looked at that clock trying not to cry.

2:03 am it flashed.

That was the time Ste realised he would never be able to forgive himself for his past sins.

That was the time when Brendan turned around in his sleep and pulled him close pressing a soft kiss to his nape.

2:04 am

With that simple gesture, Brendan Brady made Ste believe he belonged.

2:05 am

And Ste was safe.


	13. Found Life Worth Living For Someone Else

**Disclaimer: I do not own any HO stuff. Thank you to NickyM1 & Samia for loyally reviewing every chapter. I love you both so much. Without you guys I probably wouldn't last on this fic so long. This chapter was really difficult for me to write. There's a lot of emotions there even if you guys can't really see it. But yeah. I feel like there's a lot. So without any further delays! Read on! Next chapter shall be up next Tuesday and will be longer. And fluffier. Unbeta'd.**

P.S. There is some smut. ;D

Brendan was a cuddler. Ste didn't know that. For all the time they've spent together, the times they slept together, he had no idea that this devilishly good looking man would want to snuggle like he was touch starved.

"Brendan." Ste sang lightly trying to wake him up and untangle their limbs only for the Irishman to tangle them back together.

"No." Came out a sleepy reply as Brendan scratched his beard lightly across Ste's shoulder. "Fuck everything. Stay here where no one can do anything." Ste frowned and run his hand over Brendan's hair.

"D'you think someone can do something to us?"

"Someone always does something." It was at that moment that Ste realised Brendan was still sleeping. "I don't want to go out there." Ste's heart hurt at how small that sentence sounded.

"It's okay. We won't." He kissed Brendan's forehead lightly and run his fingers through the black hair. "We'll stay here where it's safe."

"Always...Safe with you." Brendan muttered. "Accept me...when I even...don't...me..." The Irishman drifted off to sleep and smuggled closer to Ste which was becoming a problem for the young man's bladder. He held off until he felt he would piss the bed and moved slowly from under Brendan's hold to which the Irishman grunted unhappily. The bathroom was not far from Brendan's bedroom but he could see the rest of the household up already. The kids in the kitchen. Except for Phoenix who was in the living room with Amy and Mitzeee who appeared out of nowhere. They spotted him when he was leaving the bedroom.

"Ste. You minx." Amy winked at him. "Us and Cheryl had an idea. We'd take the kids out for the day. After all, me and Anne are going back tomorrow morning and won't see Leah and Lucas for another month."

"Yeah, Paddy and Declan will come too. So you can spend as much time as possible with your lover boy." Mitzeee grinned. Ste grimaced.

"S'too early for this. But yeah. That'd be good." He scratched his arm and went quickly to the bathroom hearing excited chatter from the three women behind him. He looked to the mirror above the sink as he washed his hands after flushing the toilet. He had dark circles under his eyes.

Nightmare memories of Terry kept on waking him up. Memories of him himself losing it. He grabbed the mouthwash. He didn't have a toothbrush so that was the next best thing. He heard the front door shut not soon after and made his way back to the living room hoping to say goodbye to his kids but the flat was completely empty. Feeling a pang of disappointment he went back to Brendan's bedroom. The Irishman still asleep.

He stirred awake when Ste tried to sneak back into bed unnoticed.

"Mornin'." Ste grinned at Brendan.

"Mm." The man grunted in reply watching him for a moment too long that Ste's grin began to slip. Brendan's hand came up to stroke the Mancunian's hair out of his forehead before tracing the circles under his eyes. "You need to get more sleep, Steven."

"Sorry." Ste said sheepishly. "Don't sleep easily in strange places, I guess." Brendan's face passed an expression for a moment before returning to the sleepy one and he moved closer. His hand travelling down Ste's neck to his shirt collar.

"Then we better familiarise you with the place. Shirt off." Ste grinned again and obliged. It was a wonder how comfortable with his body he was around Brendan whereas with John Paul he constantly felt insecure and ashamed. Putting more layers on. Even wearing heavy tracksuits in the summer. This year the heat was unbearable and Ste had to result to wearing loose clothing. "Yer thinkin' too much." Brendan murmured, his 'tache tickling Ste's upper lip as he kissed him. His hand running over Ste's smooth chest. It was a wonderful comparison.

Smooth, softly etched with muscles skin and coarse hands that were more delicate than velvet.

"Brendan." Ste whispered into his mouth, feeling himself get hard as the older man's thumb got caught in his navel. Brendan kissed him again moving so close their bodies were pressed together and Ste felt the older man's erection large and proud in his underwear. Ste moved to suck on the man's neck causing friction between the two and making them both groan in tiny ecstasy.

Ste thought that Brendan wanted to give him a hand job but that changed his mind. He grabbed Ste's thigh and hooked his leg over his own thrusting into the man.

"Fuck, Steven." Ste couldn't help but feel smug at the needy sounds Brendan was making whilst they both rocked against each other. Ste making art of Brendan's neck with purple bruises. Brendan always left a lot on Ste. It was only fair the Mancunian returned the favour. The friction between the fabric started to increase as both of the men started to get desperate to make each other come.

"Brendan..." Ste panted into his ear and pressed his nails hard into the man's back feeling a climax come on. He kissed him hard as he came making sure to keep his eyes open even though it was difficult whilst feeling the pleasant sensation of him spurting. But it was worth it to see Brendan blissed out of his mouth coming within seconds. His eyes half closed, focused on Ste's mouth, his mouth slightly parted and tilting a little to the right as if on a way to smirk.

Brendan was fit on daily basis but when he came he was absolutely stunning. He smiled and gave light kisses to Ste which were returned enthusiastically as they laid next to each other trying to get their breath back.

"That didn't last nearly as long as I wanted it to." Brendan said displeased. Ste grimaced as his own boxers were sticking to him.

"Eugh. I didn't think this through. Gonna need to borrow some pants." Brendan's eyes glinted dangerously at that. "And I need to clean meself up." He started to get up but Brendan pushed him back down hovering above him. Ste held his breath as he wanted for the man's next move. His chest excited with anticipation. Brendan did smirk then and pulled Ste's dirty boxers off, using them to clean him up before he did the same with his own underwear and shirt.

He collapsed next to Ste facing the ceiling and closing his eyes. Ste couldn't help himself and put his hand over the man's chest curling up next to him. He knew that he could and he was never giving that option up. Especially when one of Brendan's arms came around wrapping around him and the other linked with the one across his chest.

"Kids are off with Chez, Amy and Mitzeee somewhere." Brendan chuckled. "What?"

"I'm a really horrible father. I forgot that there were children in this house." Ste shook his head slightly but closes his eyes feeling content.

"How about a nap till the next session, Brendan?" He suggested changing the subject. He felt the Irishman's lips on the top of his head.

"Perfect, Steven. And next time will be longer." Ste laughed.

"Sure, geezer."

"Oi."

"My geezer."

"I ought to teach you a lesson in respecting your elders, Steven."

"You can try your best. After we nap."

-.-.-.-.-

If a month ago someone asked Ste if he would ever be in a relationship, he'd ask them if they were mental.

If they asked if he would ever stop punishing himself for his mistakes, he'd say that would be impossible.

If they asked whether Ste's existence mattered, he'd reply in a flat no.

"Why?" Brendan asked. His voice non judgemental or angry but plainly curious. Ste shrugged.

"Never saw the point in meself." He looked at the jam sandwiches Brendan made. "Everyone around me found their purpose early on and I'm still not sure what I want out of life." Brendan nodded.

"I wanted to be a pilot when I was young." He said, mouth full. Ste grinned at him.

"You told me that."

"I did?" Ste nodded smiling, feeling giddy at how surprised Brendan seemed. "I didn't even remember." The older man mumbled finishing off his sandwich and looking hungrily at Ste's half finished one.

"Tell me again." Ste requested. Brendan eyed him for a moment before sighing in defeat.

"Not much to tell. I wanted to be a pilot. Own my own helicopter. Could fly wherever I wanted to get away from Seamus. It was right after me ma passed. Only thing is..." Brendan leaned forward. "I don't really like to fly." Ste looked at him surprised.

"Wha? How come? Brendan shrugged this time.

"Something about being trapped in a metal box thousands of feet above ground. Always have to get something to relax me before I get on a plane."

"Like what?"

"Whisky usually does it." Ste shook his head.

"Too strong for me, that is." Brendan smiled softly.

"Good."

"Good?"

"More for me." Ste gasped outraged as Brendan chuckled and walked around the counter.

"You cheeky git." He told the man who was rounding on him fast with a spark of amusement in his eyes before stealing the rest of Ste's sandwich and eating it in front of him shamelessly whilst the twenty one year old gaped with his mouth open. "You're ridiculous." He muttered looking away when Brendan started licking his fingers clean very slowly. Brendan's chest moved in silent laughter.

"So. What now?" He asked Ste quietly. His hand tugging at shirt's sleeve and his eyes not meeting Ste's giving him a chance to appreciate the ice blue in them. They were so different from his own. Brendan's could pin anyone with just one look whilst Ste's were a constantly changing blue like ocean waves changing colours with each movement.

"Do the washing, innit?" Brendan smiled.

"I meant...With us. What's next?"

"Sex?"

"Not..." Brendan chuckled and shook his he'd. "With...You and me."

"Hmm." Ste thought about it and pulled Brendan closer by dragging his hand around the older man. "I want...I think I want to..." Ste bit his bottom lip afraid to say what he was really thinking. Afraid to be honest because it would probably scare Brendan off.

"Tell me." Brendan whispered still not looking at him. Ste felt his heart beat hard against his chest as he considered whether to be honest or change the subject. In the end the latter won. His cowardice and past experience of being burned were the driving force. He leaned forward and buried his nose in Brendan's neck. "That's the opposite if telling, Steven." Ste huffed a laugh and pulled back feeling safe as Brendan's arms rested on his shoulders, thumbs hooked on Ste's cheekbones.

"I want..." Brendan looked at him with encouragement and Ste swallowed hard. "I want us to be together. Me and you." He said firmly and proud of the fact his voice didn't break. "I want to be in a house or somethin'. With a room for Declan and Paddy and Leah and Lucas for when they come visit on holidays. Leah will probably want her own room at some point but Lucas and Paddy could share. 'Cause Declan is gonna want his own space. Teenagers, innit?" He chuckled staring at a point above Brendan's shoulder, thinking. "I want...I want to not just fall asleep next to you but wake up. I want to argue. I want angry sex. I want the make up sex. I want a lot of sex. 'Cause you're proper fit, you." Brendan made a small noise in reply. "I want...No. No." Ste shook his head. "I _need_...I _need_ someone to love me because I can't do it myself. And I think..." Ste looked Brendan straight in the eye. "I think you're the same as me. I think you know what I mean when I say I don't deserve anyone. I think you understand when I say I'm destructive to everyone. I think you get what it's like. To have that anger and hate inside you screaming to get out. I think you and I are a lot alike." Ste smiled as Brendan's eyes dropped. "And I've never met anyone like that. Or dreamt before I even met them. I always thought something was wrong with me. I still do." Brendan opened his mouth to say something but Ste shook his head. "But when I'm around you...I feel alright. I feel like it's okay to be wrong. Like it's okay to not be normal. Does that answer your question?" Brendan was silent for a long moment. So long Ste was sure he scared him off. So long that he started to slowly prepare for the inevitable break up. He started to put back the bricks in the wall he let down a few minutes ago. He just gave what constituted in his messed up view as a love confession yet Brendan was silent. They didn't move away though. Their bodies still connected. Physically touching but both of their minds somewhere else.

The clock in the living room was ticking loudly. Too loudly. It was a small object. A square little black box with three arrows. The smallest one was hammering out loudly each second that it took as Ste waited for Brendan to respond somehow.

He gave the older man a love confession of sorts. The silence was deadly and starting to feel familiarly violent before Brendan finally spoke. He hummed softly and pressed his forehead against Ste's.

"Yes. I understand all too well." He pressed his lips against Ste's lightly. "We could get a dog?"

"A dog?" Ste asked shell shocked from Brendan's respond.

"Or a cat. I like cats. They don't...They don't bother you unless they want food. But dogs are always happy and would tire the kids out." He kissed Ste again. "I won't hold your hand. I can't promise a blissfully happy life. The arguing will happen." He murmured kissing Ste once more. "I want me and you. You and me. I want it so badly, Steven. And it's terrifying because for the first time..." Brendan smiled a little, his mouth curving to the right. "It feels like I'm doing something right." He pulled away and frowned at the table. "Chez will have my head if she comes back to a tip. I better clean this shit up." Ste watched as Brendan went around the kitchen washing up with wide eyes. Because Brendan Brady just gave his own messed up version of a love confession in return.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste turned the cross over in his hand as Brendan's chest rose and fell.

"D'you actually believe?" Ste asked quietly.

"Mm?"

"In God. Do you believe?"

"Have to. M'Irish. We're Catholic by law." Ste smiled a little at that.

"Brendan." The man was quiet for a moment.

"My ma did. She said that when I really needed to pray, God would listen. I never believed her. I prayed for it to stop for so long that I..." Ste looked at his face that was pinched as if speaking was giving him emotional turmoil. "Eventually I stopped. If God exists, it's clear he ain't listening to me. I believe. It's in me. But I'm not going to send my boys to Sunday school." Ste wrapped his hand over the small cross.

"Did you go?"

"Every Sunday for seventeen years with a bible and a bright attitude to welcome baby Jesus into me heart. Except...it weren't quite like that." Ste held his breath. "None of it was like..." Brendan's voice cut off like he couldn't talk anymore.

"Me mum took me to church once." Ste spoke softly. "We were on holiday. Just me and her. But not really. It was the only time she left Terry. And the only time she was sober. We were somewhere by the sea. Don't really remember. I think it was a friend or a cousin of hers we stayed with." He wrapped the chain around his fingers and unwrapped it. "We went for mass. There was like barely any people there but the priest still went on. Talked about love and forgiveness. It sent her right back. But the church was real nice. All wooden. Even had a wooden cup for the wine." Ste sat up. "But I don't believe in God. I believe in something. But I don't think it's God." He looked out the window at the bright sun. "No. Not God."

Brendan remained quiet but his hand rubbed circles at Ste's lower spine comfortingly.

-.-.-.-.-

The two were sitting in the living room watching Jeremy Kyle for lack of nothing better to do. Their conversations seemed to dim for the moment and they made Ste feel like he knew Brendan all his life and not just a few weeks.

He was laying in the man's lap, a pillow in between to make himself more comfortable, and the Irishman's left hand fingers slowly moved through his hair whilst the right one rested on the back of the couch.

They were dressed this time. Agreed that it might be best in case someone came back but in reality it was because neither one wanted unwanted eyes on the masterpieces of their lover's body. Yet neither one was willing to admit it out loud.

"Every episode there's like five DNA test. Aren't they like expensive?" Ste asked frowning at the telly.

"They go for sixty quid some. Jezza has more than enough money."

"Ah. Doesn't that seem dumb though? He spends so much money."

"He gets more in return. S'entertainment, innit?"

"But it's not even that. It's horrible. He's horrible. Why are we watching it?" He reached out for the remote in Brendan's right hand but the older man just put his arm behind the couch. "Brendan." Ste whined. The older man just raised his eyebrows in response, eyes glued to the telly. "I don't want to watch this."

"That's a shame 'cause I'm very interested in whether or not one of the twins slept with her stepbrother." Ste pouted but Brendan didn't see it.

"She probably did and gave him herpes." He mumbled annoyed turning back to the screen. That's when Brendan poked his side with the remote and Ste let out a giggle as his tickling zone was activated. He didn't look at the older man but he could practically feel the evil grin radiating off Brendan's face. His side was prodded again and Ste grabbed Brendan's arm holding it still. An ensuing battle on the horizon. "Don't." Ste warned, thick tension crackling in the air. They were both very still for a moment.

And then Brendan abandoned the remote choosing to strike with his own hands instead. Ste thrashed around as laughter bubbled in his stomach. Before jumping off the couch. Brendan just looked at him with an innocent expression on his face. They stared at each other before Ste grabbed the remote and changed the channel to some movie. Brendan growled and got up to round on Ste who grinned victoriously and backed up with the remote. However at one point his back hit the kitchen counter telling him he couldn't go any further and Ste gulped as Brendan was the one wearing a smug smirk. His eyes were dark with lust as he slowly took more steps closer to the Mancunian. Brendan was rounding on him like Ste was his pray.

Which to be fair, he was. But he wasn't going down without a fight. Brendan was in front of him, his body pressing close to Ste's sending it buzzing, excited with anticipating vibrations. Ste's breathing got shallower as Brendan leaned forward, dark eyes half closed and staring intently at Ste's mouth. He brought his hands to rest behind Ste on the counter trapping the young man in a cage built from his own body and cocked his head slowly to the side.

"Steven." He said huskily. "Give me the remote." Ste shook his head, the plastic object digging uncomfortably into his arse as Brendan pushed his body closer giving Ste a vivid feel of his limp cock twitching against Ste's already half hard one. "Steven." Brendan leaned in so close his lips barely brushed Ste's as he spoke. Ste wanted badly to lean forward and smash them together but he didn't want to give Brendan the satisfaction and he certainly didn't want to give Brendan the remote.

"Don't think so, mate." Ste replied whispering. His tongue lightly latching onto Brendan's lips for a second making the other man pant once right into Ste's face. He was glad to notice Brendan's erection was quickly catching up to his own that would have been tenting in his pants if Brendan wasn't pressing up to him. The Irishman chuckled, breathing heavily on Ste, his eyes flicking to the twenty one year old's. Blue meeting blue.

"Then I think we have ourselves a problem." He got out strangled.

"Mm." Ste agreed smiling against the older man's mouth.

"Fucking hell." Brendan muttered barely audibly and smashed painfully against Ste, teeth clanking awkwardly as he bit at Ste's lower lip to get access inside. Ste retaliated just as fervidly by throwing the remote on the ground and gripping Brendan's hair so firmly, it had to be painful.

They pulled away breathing heavily but just because they stopped kissing it didn't mean they stopped wanting each other. Brendan pulled back and left a bewildered Ste in the kitchen for a moment before returning with lube and condoms.

"Here?" Ste asked doubtful. Brendan smirked and cupped Ste's hard on that now was indeed tenting his pants.

"No one's watching." Ste gasped as Brendan's hand started moving through the fabric.

"Would be fucking weird if they were." He let out through shudders. Brendan chuckled and pulled Ste's pants down looking hungrily as the young man's cock sprung free. Ste watched him curiously not sure what to expect but his body ready for anything.

Brendan straightened up, his eyes still taking Ste's erection in. He uncapped the bottle slowly and Ste suddenly understood. Brendan was going to make him come untouched. Which was an exhilarating yet frightening thought because Ste never experienced something like that. Brendan caught his unsure expression.

"Let me take care of you, Steven." He murmured, his eyes fixed on Ste's. The young man nodded slowly. He trusted Brendan in more ways than one. The Irishman kissed him. Slowly and lovingly. "Okay." He whispered nodding as well.

-.-.-.-.-

"I have to go." Ste said quietly. His head listening to Brendan's heart beating. Brendan's arm around him pushing him clothes. They were lying on the kitchen floor barely clothed, covered in sweat and dry cum. "Take a shower. Clean up."

"Mm." Brendan didn't move.

"Today is good. I like today."

"Mm." The clock was ticking still. But not nearly as loud as before. It was nice and soothing. Lulling Ste into a slow slumber. "This isn't going to end. Right?" Brendan's voice wavered with uncertainty. "Me and you. We're going to be alright."

"Yeah." Ste smiled and nuzzled into Brendan's neck. "Yeah, we are."


	14. Don't Be So Hard On Yourself

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HO OR ITS' CHARACTERS. BELIEVE ME DAMMIT. Unbeta'd like usual. Let me get these out first. NickyM1, you are just like a huge fluff ball full of fluff and fluffing fluff you. 3 Shun95145, YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOO going to like melt from all the cute and happy in this chapter :3 Samia, Chaque fois que vous écrivez, je pleure des larmes de joie. Sorry for the horrible French.  
**  
 **The next chapter will be up next Monday and it will be the last chapter. However I may write an epilogue. I don't know yet. But yeah. THIS CHAPTER WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE AND SO SWEET AND UGH I JUST WANT BRENDAN AND STE TO BE OKAY AND BE GAY AND BAKE BREAD AND HAVE THE KIDS ALL THE TIME AND THEN TRY TO HAVE SNEAKY SEX AND UGH I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY FOR FUCK'S SAKE!**

 **Ehem...Read on :D**

"Daddy Brendan! Will you be my prince?" Leah asked holding a plastic crown in her hands. Brendan exhaled deeply and shook his head.

"M'not a prince sweetheart. M'a monster." He said somberly. Leah put the crown down next to her and then brought her little hands around Brendan's neck, kissing his cheek.

"You're our monster. Like daddy." She said cheerfully. Ste stared at Paddy running in a circle wearing one of Leah's dresses that Mitzeee left before her, Amy and Phoenix went back to London. She left clothes for Leah and Lucas that she bought before they left.

"Leah, can I have it?" Paddy asked twirling around. "It's so pretty. Can I have it?"

"Pad." Brendan sighed letting Leah put the crown in his hair. "You can't wear Leah's dresses." Paddy stopped twirling and looked at his father sad.

"I think he looks nice." Ste said getting a glare from his partner.

"Thank you!" Paddy beamed and resumed his twirling. Lucas walked into the room wearing a dress as well. He also had his hair up in a messy bun and red lipstick smeared everywhere. Paddy stopped and gasped, staring at him. "What is that?" He pointed to Lucas' face.

"Leah made me a model." Lucas jumped to the side. "I'm really pretty now." Ste fell backwards on the couch watching the two small boys.

"I want to be really pretty. Leah can you make me really pretty?" The small girl busy with taking out her teaset and placing a cup in Brendan's hand looked over at Paddy.

"You're really pretty already. But I can give you a makeover."

"Okay!" Brendan sighed as Leah was clearly the dominant force in a household full of males. Even surpassing alpha Brendan. Ste inhaled sharply as Lucas jumped onto his chest.

"Daddy. Can we get ice cream tomorrow?" He asked. His lipstick covered face dangerously close to Ste's face with big blue eyes looking innocent.

"Only if you're good."

"I'm always good." Lucas whispered serious and jumped off joining Paddy in spinning around who paused for a moment and sat down on the ground staring at Ste.

"What do I call you?" He cocked his head to the side similarly to how his father gestured. Ste froze in his trying to sit upright and Brendan froze in his pretending to drink Leah's imaginary tea with his arm midway to his mouth.

"What?" Brendan asked shortly.

"What do you mean, Paddy?" Ste asked with a touch more of delicacy.

"Leah calls da' daddy Brendan. Declan calls you Ste. What do I call you?" Lucas fell onto the carpet dizzy.

"What do you want to call him?" The small boy asked the other small boy who thought about it for a moment before smiling.

"Dad?" He asked unsurely with a small smile.

"You don't want to call him daddy?"

"I don't like it. I like dad and da."

"Okay." Lucas said firmly. "Dad and da for you. Da and Ste for Declan. Daddy and daddy Brendan for Leah."

"What about you Lucas? What do you want to call my da?" Ste realised in the midst of their conversation that Lucas barely called Brendan anything.

"Well daddy is obviously daddy. And your da is..." Lucas rolled around staring at Brendan who was looking curiously back at him. Leah disappeared to get her makeup kit. "He can be uncle Brendan for now. But if your daddy makes my daddy cry, I'll get sick on you." Ste smiled and leaned back on the couch as the two small boys spoke.

"Enjoying yourself?" Brendan asked him.

"Yeah. I actually am." Ste replied, the smile remaining on his face.

-.-.-.-.-

"Ste." Leela clicked her fingers in front of his face. "Ste!"

"What?" He asked looking over at the certificate in his hand. He passed that dumb business course that Tony signed him up for. It wasn't much but it still made Ste feel a little proud of himself.

"Can I have her number?"

"Who? What are you on about again?" Leela groaned and threw her head back frustrated.

"Your therapist. You said she does couple's counselling and mum and dad need it." Ste blinked at her for a couple of seconds.

"Yeah. Sure." He pulled his phone out and found the number. "Here." He passed the phone to her so she could write it in her own. "Why are you asking for them anyways? Shouldn't they be trying to solve their problems?" Leela sighed and rested her face on her hand.

"You know dad. He never tries to resolve the problem. Just ignores it and hopes for the best. And mum isn't any better. They're both avoiders. Me and Teegs are planning an intervention. You should join."

"No. Thank you but no."

"Okay. And how is your therapy going?"

"Good." He said.

"That's it? That's all I'm going to get?"

"Yup." He turned back to the certificate and rolled it up. "How are you?"

"Fine. I'll let it go for now. I'm good. Just you know. Existing."

"Oookay."

"No. I mean. I'm looking for purpose. That's my new mission." Ste looked at her confused. "Well it's 'cause like...I'm feeling so bored with my life at the moment. So I'm looking for purpose."

"Purpose for what? A job? A life direction?"

"Anything really." She blew a raspberry into the air. "Wanna help me search for meaning of life?"

"Nope. I got a job to do." He left her sitting outside the kitchen and immediately regretted walking into the room. The scorching heat from the sun was bad enough but the kitchen was a hundred times worse. It felt like a live sauna. Doug was frantically staring at boiling pots frozen in one spot. "Doug. What are you doing?"

"I don't know." He looked panicked. "My parents are coming. They're coming here, Ste."

"Oh. What's wrong with that?" Ste frowned turning the stove off. As far as he knew, Doug's parents were normal.

"They don't know I'm gay."

"Okay."

"And they think I'm engaged to Leanne!" He cried out, panic in his voice.

"What?!" Ste felt his eyes budge out of his head. "What did you tell them that for?!"

"I was scared, I was rejected by you, you started dating Brendan, I was hurt and they called and I wanted to tell them but it just came out!" Doug was actually crying at this point. "You have no idea, Ste. It's easy for you. You're already out! My parents, they'll take away my trust fund! I need that money for my future!" Ste closed his eyes and counted to ten to calm down whilst Doug kept on speaking. "And now they're coming here and they want to help me plan my wedding. What am I supposed to do?" Doug sat down on the stool and stared out the window. "I'm going to have to marry Leanne. Oh God." Ste rolled his eyes and turned back to the food. Doug just sat there silently staring out the window whilst Ste worked. When the food was ready and served to customers, Ste turned back to Doug.

"Here's what you do. You welcome your parents. Tell them you love them and tell them you're gay. If they really love you, they won't care. If they don't, they'll take the money. But you have a steady job at the moment so you can save up for your future. And marrying Leanne is like the worst idea. She got real proper terrifying last time she was engaged." He took a breath. "Coming out is never easy but I've not met anyone yet who regretted it." He thought back to his own coming out.

He told Amy after they argued and she squeeled like crazy. The next day she bought him magazines of hunky men working out. Her coming out was even funnier. He spent his entire wages on magazines with Mitzeee and put the pictures up on every inch of her room writing ' _This is what you're getting into_ ' in one of her red lipsticks on her mirror.

"You don't get it, Ste. You've got it so _easy_. Not everyone accepts this. My parents... They aren't... You have your family. You have Amy. You have Leah and Lucas. You have so much. You don't know what it's like to not have anything. How scary it is." Ste rolled his eyes at Doug's dramatics. "You have no idea what it's like."

"Are you fucking serious?" Ste looked at him. "Yeah. I've no fucking clue. Because it's not like I basically was a punching bag for me stepdad me whole life being called a fag. Not like when him and mum found out and I landed in the hospital for two weeks. Me kids had to see me like that, Doug. Not like when I lost all me friends except for Amy because they were either scared I would give them HIV or tried to pull them. I know what it's like to have nothing. To be looked down at 'cause of who I am. The only difference between me and you is that your parents might not give you money where I was scared for me life. Me kids life. I know how difficult it is. Just because my life is alright at this moment, it does not mean it's easy. Don't ever say that. Just because something looks easy, it doesn't mean it is. Right?" He turned back to the food ignoring the American behind him.

"I'm sorry." Doug said in a small voice.

"I don't need your apology, Doug. Just stop thinking you're the centre of the universe and be honest with who you are."

"It's not that easy."

"Actually." Ste turned to him and smiled thinking about his kids and Brendan and the Brady boys. "It is a lot easier than you think."

-.-.-.-.-

"Can we go to the beach, daddy?" Lucas asked colouring in a pineapple whilst Leah listened to Holly's iPod and mouthed the words.

"Not today, Lucas."

"What about on the weekend? We could even ask uncle Brendan and Declan and Paddy to come with." He jumped excited in his seat. "Pleeeeease. It's so hot. Pleeeeease." Tony appeared out of nowhere.

"That would be a good idea actually. You should go. I'll even give you the Friday off." Ste thought about it for a moment.

"It could be fun." Ste debated in his head. "But I don't know. I don't have a car." Tony dropped himself in a seat across from him.

"I do. And Brendan does as well. Why don't you go and ask him?" Ste narrowed his eyes at Tony.

"Why are you trying to get rid of me?" Tony put on an innocent face. "Toneh. What are you-?" He stopped speaking when he saw John Paul walk through the door with his hand in Marcus'. "I think I understand now." Tony turned around to look behind him and faced Ste with a guilty expression.

"I didn't want to tell you."

"Who's gonna make the food if not me?"

"I was hoping to convince Lynsey or Doug." Tony scratched his ear.

"It's fine. As long as I don't have to talk to him, I do not care." Tony nodded and walked over to the table JP and Marcus were sat at. Lucas nudged him to bring back the attention to him.

"So can we? Go to the beach?" Ste found himself nodding as the little boy beamed happily. Ste pulled his phone out and sent a text to Andrea that he wouldn't be able to attend the session on Friday. She wouldn't pick up her phone since she was probably in session so Ste had a choice of leaving her a voice mail or sending a text and there was a higher chance of her seeing the text first.

He looked over at John Paul and Marcus who seemed happy and in love. Little touches that sent out the message they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Andrea quickly replied with a quick ' _Looking forward to see you next week, Ste._ ' a moment later. Ste wondered for a moment what it would be like. Planning a wedding. He imagined he would fit the gay stereotype and go Leanne about the entire thing.

Brendan wouldn't say much but he'd secretly get up at night and mess around with everything. Partly for fun and partly because he thought he knew better. Ste smiled to himself a little, his eyes still on the happy couple but his mind on his Irishman. He let himself wonder and fantasize for a couple of moments. It was nice and pleasant and it sparked a glimmer of hope in Ste. He's been feeling that a lot. Hope.

"Daddy. Call daddy Brendan." Leah said. She stopped listening to the iPod and Lucas must have updated her on their weekend plans. Ste thumbed the name on his screen for a while debating on whether or not to invite the Brady bunch. He liked the idea of spending some time together with his kids in private but he adored Paddy, Declan was really interesting to have conversations with and Brendan was...Brendan. Just his presence made Ste's mood light up.

"Yeah?" Brendan sounded distracted. Rushed. Annoyed.

"Hey. It's me. It's Ste." Lucas looked at him strangely as Brendan kept silent. "Hi." Brendan chuckled on the other side.

"Yes, Steven. I know it's you. I wouldn't have picked up otherwise." Ste frowned as Brendan's voice remained annoyed.

"Oh. Is everything alright?"

"No." Brendan growled. "Apparently my dear sis thinks this club is some fuckin' charity project. She booked it for a weekend in the last week of August for bachelor party and a wedding reception for free! She's shut down the club for a private event on the busiest nights we have! Right before the fucking students go back to putting knowledge in their drug induced little brains. We're not even providing the food! Foxy, for fuck's sake, stop wasting my whisky. Danny, you gonna help me out here or what?" Ste heard replies from male voices but he couldn't exactly understand what they were saying. "Hold on, Steven. Foxy, if Danny goes near Kevin, you can throw whisky at him then. Not before. Stop wasting my product that costs more than your fucking car insurance!"

"Screw you, Brady!" Ste heard Warren Fox yell loud enough.

"Never happening. Yer fucking ugly as hell, Foxy." Brendan must have moved into his office because Ste heard him go from a loud place with male laughter and music to complete silence. Brendan inhaled deeply. "Sorry, Steven. You know us lads."

"Yeah." Ste didn't feel like pointing out that he didn't actually know. His only male friend was Joel and he moved away. There was also Tony but he was more like a dad than a friend. And Doug was...not a friend. More like an acquaintance.

"You okay?" Brendan asked quietly.

"Yeah." Ste repeated himself sounding hollow, eyes stopping on the happy couple again. He felt irritation itch at his skin. He shouldn't have called. Brendan probably won't want to come. "So you've got your hands full at the moment?"

"Mm. Always got time for you, Steven." Brendan said suggestively. Leah kicked him under the table accidentally whilst getting off her seat to give Holly back her iPod. Ste cleared his throat.

' _Now or never._ ' He thought to himself.

"I've got my certificate. From that business course. That Tony made me sign up for."

"Good lad. Anthony."

"Mm." An awkward silence fell upon them for a few minutes. Ste looked down at the table and fidgeted with the napkin, his voice caught in his throat. He didn't know how to ask.

"That's really good. Seriously. We should celebrate." Brendan broke the silence. Ste wondered if he sensed his inner struggle.

"Lucas and Leah want to go to the beach this weekend." He blurted out. Brendan didn't respond at all. "'Cause it's so hot, innit? So we're gonna go on Friday. Do you...? Would you...? You and the boys...? D'you think we should...?" Ste closed his eyes and let his head drop on the table. Lucas giggled at his father. "D'youandboyscomewith?" Lucas giggled again. Ste exhaled heavily, thinking about how imbecilic he sounded.

"Steven?" Brendan asked unsurely. "Are you asking if I'll go away for a weekend with you and both of our kids?"

"I don't even know." Ste murmured quietly. "I think I'm trying."

"That's...Steven, that's something couples do."

"Aren't we a couple, Brendan?" Ste asked feeling his heart in his throat. "Me and you?" He squeezed his eyes shut. "You said we'd go one day. Away. Together. On holiday." His voice getting quieter by the second.

' _SHUT. UP._ ' Ste was thinking in his head. Every word seemed to make the situation worse and more awkward.

"We are. A couple. A fucking good lookin' one. You're my...uh...You're my boyfriend. And I'm yours. If we have to call it." Ste felt something warm spread against his chest and he was sure his eyes watered under the closed eyelids a little bit. "Don't make me repeat it. Please don't make me say it again."

"Okay." Ste whispered in a raspy voice. "I won't."

"Good. That's...good. The beach. Good idea. Deccy will be in. He's so bored. Paddy can't swim so we gotta buy those arm floaters. Where's the nearest beach?"

"I don't know. I have to look."

"I'll come 'round tonight with Paddy and we'll figure it out. Dec's going with Cheryl and Nate to a football match."

"Chez at a football match?"

"Nate's parents are gonna be there or something. She's still trying to impress them. Dunno why. She's me baby sister. She's brilliant." Ste smiled to himself listening to Brendan defend Cheryl. "She cares more than that fuckin' ice queen mother-in-law. She is loyal, smart, she works all the fuckin' time. If they don't appreciate her, then they can fuck off."

" _Ya taking a dump in he'e, Brady? The fuck's takin' you so long?_ " Ste heard Warren Fox's voice come through loud and clear. He must have been next to Brendan.

"Calm yourself, princess. I'm having some me time." Ste heard some clattering and then Warren Fox spoke a clear goodbye to him before he disconnected the phone.

Ste looked up smiling to see his children stare at him with big eyes. He actually forgot they were there. JP and Marcus were still there however Tony had gone somewhere. The happy couple were holding hands but Ste noticed JP glaring at him when Marcus looked away. Lynsey came out of the kitchen and passed him a bunch of papers.

"Holiday forms. Tony filled them out. Just sign." Ste grinned at her and signed quickly as Leah asked her why horse hair was used in wigs. "They're stronger, honey. Animals are just overall better than humans."

-.-.-.-.-

"I've been lookin'." Brendan announced the moment he walked in. Ste was busy drying Lucas' hair. After work they went to the park and right before they were meant to go home, Lucas decided it would be more fun to throw himself into a mud puddle. How the mud puddle existed without rain in the last month was beyond his understanding but there was one and Lucas decided he loved it. "For where we should go. Hey, Lucas. What did you do?" Paddy ran over to Leah and hugged her half way. Brendan kissed Ste lightly as a hello and shook a KFC bucket smelling like chicken.

"I MUDDLED!" Lucas yelled happily beaming at Brendan. "Can I muddle at the beach, uncle Brendan?" Ste started drying Lucas' arms.

"Sure, buddy." Brendan flicked the little boy's nose lightly, earning a giggle in response and sat down next to Ste on the couch. "I like West Kirby. It's small but nice. And there are like a lot of B&B's around. Less than an hour away."

"Sounds good." Ste nodded wrapping the wet towel around Lucas' arms. "Go hang it up and you can have popcorn." Lucas grinned and ran to the bathroom past a wrestling Leah and Paddy on the floor. "How much is it?" Brendan shook his head.

"I booked it already."

"Wha? Brendan. It was my idea to go. I should pay."

"Too bad." He smiled smugly.

"I should pay at least half."

"It's already paid for so there's no point."

"Yeah, there is-"

"No. Steven, why can't I just do something nice?"

"Because I feel like I owe you."

"You don't." Brendan cut him off and lowered his voice as Lucas jumped in with a vicious roar into the wrestling match that was Leah and Paddy. "Besides. We have our own room which I plan on taking full advantage off. You can repay me in a more _physical_ manner." Ste gulped and smirked a little. His eyes travelling to Brendan's lips then back up to his eyes.

"What? Am I your personal trollop?" Brendan's eyes followed Ste's actions and travelled to his mouth.

"Steven. You know you're way too expensive to be a toy boy." He leaned in, smiling and Ste couldn't help but lean into the man himself, kissing him sweetly, laughing lightly as the three kids were rolling around screaming in war.

-.-.-.-.-

Ste told Tegan the next day he wouldn't come for Friday dinner which she passed on to the rest of the family which resulted in an angry voice mail from Danny, a bunch of curious texts from Leela and a sad face emoji from Peri followed by a picture of an empty plate. But it didn't matter because on Friday midday he had packed his kids stuff and just waited for the Brady boys to come.

"Daddy. Can I have gum?" Leah asked sitting on her bag. She packed it herself and then watched wearily as Ste packed Lucas' as if she didn't trust him.

"Me too! Me too! Me too!" Lucas bounced in front of the TV. He was squeezing some last minute cartoons in.

"No. You always swallow it and then it'll get stuck inside for seven years and stick your organs together." Ste said frustrated looking for the sunblock. He realised after a second that he used it all when the three of them were at the zoo.

"How are we all going to fit in daddy's car?" Leah asked curious.

"I don't know, Leah. Maybe we'll put you in the boot."

"No fair!" Lucas pouted as Leah gloated. "I want to ride in a boot."

"Daddy means the trunk, Lucas." Leah said exasperated rolling her eyes. "And I'm the oldest so I'm going to sit in the front."

"What kind of a car does uncle Brendan have? Is it a Bentley?"

"I don't know, Lucas. Where's me money?"

"On the table!" Leah and Lucas shouted in unison. Ste grinned sheepishly as indeed he saw his keys, his wallet and his phone on the table. Just then someone knocked on the door startling him. Leah skipped to open it and cackled dragging a Declan inside. The teenager glared at her as he walked in. He was wearing a shirt of some cartoon Ste never even heard of.

"I lost a bet with Peri." He mumbled at Ste. "This character is the most hated for her satanic sacrifices." Leah cackled and picked up her bag but it was almost as big as her so she nearly fell over under its' weight.

"Ow." She mumbled as she accidentally hit her nose. Declan took the bag from her.

"Come on. Da's waiting in the car. Air conditioning." The teen explained at everyone's questioning looks. "This was a brilliant idea to be honest. I can't wait to go and cool down at the beach." Lucas and Leah followed Declan out the door as Ste grabbed his and Lucas' bag along with his keys, wallet and phone. He turned the TV off quickly and locked the flat catching up to the kids soon after who were walking towards a silver Mercedes. Brendan was clearly having a heated discussion with Paddy from his body language.

Declan opened the trunk and Brendan noticed the small family. He grinned and rolled his window down.

"Hiya." Ste said feeling giddy.

"Hello. You got everything?" Brendan asked as Declan took the two remaining bags and put them in the boot as well.

"Just need sunblock."

"We'll get that there."

"How are we all fitting in your five person car, Brendan?" Ste asked a little worried but Brendan's grin widened.

"Just hope in. Paddy and Lucas in the middle. Declan and Leah at the windows."

"And me?" Ste asked smugly as the kids piled inside the car. Brendan leaned out of the car.

"You're up here with me, Steven." He growled, reaching up to his neck and kissing him filthy, making Ste moan which of course resulted in Leah screaming, Lucas crying, Paddy making hyperventilating noises and Declan groaning in mental anguish. Brendan pulled away annoyed. "Fine! We've stopped! Jesus!" Ste grinned and walked around the car to the front passenger side. Brendan turned around to the kids and Ste curious, followed his lead. Declan helped Leah and Lucas get their seatbelts on but his own extended so much it went around his torso as well as small Paddy's.

"Handy." Ste muttered earning a chuckle from Brendan.

"You'd know best, Steven." Ste shook his head but felt himself smile. "Alright. Let's go. If we're lucky we can still hit the beach."

"I brought my toys to play with the sand." Lucas told the car. "D'you know how to make a sand castle, uncle Brendan?"

"I told you." Leah said, exasperated again. "Daddy Brendan is not a prince. He doesn't know what castles look like. Daddy will help you. Can we listen to music? I'm bored."

"Sure, lovey." Brendan turned the radio on. " _Padraig_ , if you stick gum on me brand new interior, you will regret it for a very long time." Paddy crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out. "Friggin' kids." Brendan muttered.

"Can I have a juice box?"

"Are we there yet?"

"I hope there'll be some girls there. I love you people but I need to be with me own kind."

"I'm bored!" Brendan huffed as the four people in the back made a lot of noise and complained too much for a lifetime. Ste looked out the passing scenery and smiled.

"Quiet! I can't hear the bloody navigation." Brendan was clearly getting more and more agitated and Ste couldn't help but think that this was good. Their little made up family. It felt right. The kids squabbling with the adults. The teenager ignoring everyone. The pouting, the agitation.

Lucas and Paddy even started to dare each other who could belch the loudest but Leah said she would eat them in their sleep if they made her sit through that.

After that everyone got really quiet and the only sounds were the GPS, the radio and everyone breathing in a blissfully air conditioned car.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Hi. We've got a reservation." Ste said. Brendan parked the car right behind the bed and breakfast hotel which was dedicated to customers only. The beach was a seven minute walk. Ste could see it from the front door.

"Name?" Asked cheerfully the teenage desk clerk. Declan perked up at the sight of her and puffed out his chest.

"Brady-Hay." Brendan answered from the back of the group. Lucas hanging off his back whilst Leah and Paddy attempted to climb each other both failing miserably. The girl who introduced herself as Ella gave Ste three room keys.

"This one is the king. And these are the twins. The twins are adjoing but I'm afraid the king size isn't."

"That's alright." Ste smiled trying to hide the dirty images coming up in his head. "We'll manage."

"Great. You're the only residents at the moment on the first floor. We serve a full English breakfast buffet from eight till ten. Lunch is from twelve till two and supper is from five till seven. D'you need anything else?"

"Can you help my brother?" Leah asked sweetly pointing at Declan. "He's drooling."

"What? No! Shut up, Leah!" Declan shouted and picked up all six bags by himself stomping upstairs. The teenage girl hid her laughter as best as possible but a faint blush coloured her cheeks.

"Is there a shop near by?" Brendan asked. Leah and Paddy following Declan with silent giggles. "We need some arm floaters and sunscreens."

"Arm floaties!" Lucas yelled happily and wriggled off Brendan running after his age group.

"There's a small booth that provides swimwear equipment at the edge of the beach. You'll see it when you follow the trail. It's right next to the food booth. There's usually a motorcycle there as well. But the sunscreen can be bought from the gas station around the corner if you'd like to get it at a cheaper price."

"Brilliant. Thank you, Ella." Brendan smiled at her charmingly and Ste rolled his eyes as the teenage girl blushed again.

"Stop trying to pull." Ste hissed as they were walking up the stairs. The kids were making a lot of noise since Ste still had the keys in his hand.

"Mm. I think I like it when you get jealous." Brendan smirked and tutted up the stairs quicker leaving a gobsmacked Ste behind.

The younger man felt satisfied when he saw that he still had the keys to the room. He opened the kids' rooms first ignoring an impatient Brendan who was staring at him annoyed.

The kids' rooms were nice. Both white large, a TV in each, two beds and a door in the middle whilst the bathrooms were placed at the sides. They had the view of the small city.

"Daddy! There's our car!" Leah said excited pointing out the window. Brendan walked over and nodded appeased.

"No one's tried to knick it yet." Declan came through the adjoining door.

"We should keep this open." He told Leah and Lucas. "Just in case you need somethin'. Or want a sleepover. Holy shitballs!" He clapped his hands together. "Let's build a fort from our room to your room!"

"Yeah! Let's do it!" Paddy jumped up and down excited. "Da. Get out. You and dad aren't invited." The little boy started to push his father out of the room. Ste smirked and left of his own free will as Brendan was outraged that he couldn't have fun like his kids.

Their own room was quite big as well, TV in the corner, bathroom to the side, view of the beach and there was a giant comfortable looking bed in the middle.

"Fucking hell." Ste breathed out and proceeded to throw himself smack in the middle of it.

"Nice view." Brendan's voice sounded amused but Ste just waved him off and rolled himself around the bed.

"Piss off, _Bren_. This is a childhood fantasy I'm working on here." Ste started moving his legs and arms around the bed trying to create an angel. Brendan was standing at the small table where they put their bags and raised an eyebrow. He looked delicious. Ste didn't want to pop a boner around the kids so he didn't notice just how much. The older man was wearing jeans that hung low on his hips and a black short sleeve. "Though, I have some other fantasies in a giant comfortable bed that we could work on." He grinned as Brendan's eyes roamed him over making Ste's skin buzz.

"You're so hot and cold. One minute I should piss off and the next you're drooling for me." He advanced on Ste so that he was standing right in front of him. His knee bumped Ste's leg's apart and he cocked his head to the side. "Starting to feel used here, Steven." Ste sat up and pulled Brendan down to his level, kissing him slowly. Brendan propped himself up on his arms trapping Ste in and made the filthiest groan ever when their tongues touched. Brendan growled and pushed against Ste to get him up further up on the bed and pressed himself along Ste's body once they hit the pillows. Ste's hand travelled to Brendan's arse pressing his groin closer.

"Lube. And condoms." Ste panted as Brendan grinded against him. "I want to ride you, Brendan. Fuck, I want to ride you." Brendan smirked and pinned Ste's arms above his head.

"Maybe I'll let you next round." Ste would have objected but at that moment, when Brendan's 'tache was scratching his jaw lightly, he was really turned on by how controlling his lover was.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"Leah, eat your beans." Ste said downing his breakfast.

"They look runny." She crossed her arms. "I want the hash browns."

"You didn't want the hash browns. You wanted the beans."

"But now I want the hash browns." She said louder.

"You can have them after you finish your plate."

"No." She turned around in her chair and faced the wall.

"Leah." Brendan sat down next to her with a huge plate. Lucas and Paddy joining on the other side. Declan was sitting at the other end of the room talking with Ella.

"Here you go, darlin'." Brendan put some hash browns and bacon on Leah's plate careful not to touch the beans. She turned around and beamed at him, grabbing at the food with her hands.

"Thank you, daddy Brendan. You're my favourite person ever."

"Da got me ice cream as well." Paddy bragged happy.

"AND I GOT JUICE!" Lucas shouted excited slurrping it down. "CAN I GET MORE JUICE?!" He asked and squealed when Brendan nodded, running out of his chair to the buffet. However he walked carefully back with it, eyes wide to catch any spills. Brendan looked over at Ste and lost his smile when he caught Ste's expression.

"What?"

"Are you going to be the fun parent?" Ste asked. Brendan looked over at the three small rascals immersed in their food.

"I have two modes when it comes to children, Steven. I'm either on their level or I ignore their existence. I'm not good with kids. Unless I produced them."

"You're gwood with ush, uncwe Bwendan." Lucas said in between the chewing.

"That's 'cause you like me. Not many people like me."

"We like you. Daddy likes you. Mummy and Auntie Anne like you. That's enough." Leah said with a tone of finality. They ate in silence for a moment with Ste stealing glances at Brendan who was annihilating his food. When Lucas, Paddy and Leah went to the buffet again Ste spoke quietly.

"I'd be okay with it." Brendan looked up at him mid-chew. "You being the fun parent. I'd be okay with it. M'not good with kids either. Never really was one. Lucas and Leah...it's easier for me to tell them what's right and wrong than trying to be friendly with them. I mean. I love them. Obviously. But I'm not good...at playing with them. You are. I'd be okay with you being the fun parent." Ste finished and went up to the buffet himself when the kids came back. Brendan stared at him wide eyed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They set out to go to the beach around ten but even then the weather was getting more and more humid. Ste bought four packs of arm floaters and four bottles of sunblock from the booth before they went to set up. They found a nice spot.

Declan immediately went into the water but came back five minutes later complaining about how cold it was. Ste got a towel out and forced the teenager with a glare to put it around himself. Brendan got two large blankets out and Leah found rocks to pin them down to the ground.

"Deccy, get a coffee." Brendan pulled out a fiver.

"S-ss-sss-ssss'fine." The teen spoke through his chattering teeth. Lucas hugged Declan.

"Get warm soon." He said pushing his cheek against Declan's toweled arm. "I'll go get coffee with you. What is coffee?"

"D-d-d-de-evil-l-l-l-l-l's dri-i-i-ink."

"You don't like coffee?" Ste asked. Declan nodded but it was hard to tell because of the shaking. "Maybe they have tea or hot chocolate." Lucas gasped and started jumping.

"HOT CHOCOLATE! HOT CHOCOLATE! DECLAN, LET'S GET HOT CHOCOLATE!" Declan stood up and took Lucas' hand, holding the other one towards Brendan who rolled his eyes and gave him a tenner. It was entertaining watching them walk to the food booth. Declan shaking from the cold wrapped in his towel holding onto a small Lucas who was jumping up and down from excited over hot chocolate.

"Daaad?" Paddy got the puppy eyes out. "Can you blow up my arm floaters? Pleeeease." Leah sat on one of the blankets and pulled out Lucas' plastic bucket. Ste nodded and took the sunblock out of the bag.

"Sure. But daddy Brendan has to put sunblock on all of you." Paddy and Leah groaned and Brendan even made a face but took the bottle. He sat on the blanket to get on the same level as Leah and Paddy. Ste opened up one of the bags and stared at the sea. It was quite something. He hadn't see something like that in years. Never thought he would actually not feel guilty over wanting a family holiday. Over _having_ a family holiday. And it did really feel like a family holiday. Him, Brendan, Declan, Leah, Paddy and Lucas. They felt like a family.

"That lad keeps on looking at us." Brendan muttered standing up. Leah and Paddy having white stripes on their faces looking like small warriors. Leah even growled like Brendan to get into the character. Ste looked over in the direction. There was a group a couple of feet away setting up with a guy in his twenties looking in their direction.

"He's probably staring at you because you're so hot." Ste said sarcastically turning back as he tried to blow up Paddy's arm floats. He dropped one on the ground by accident and bent down to pick it up but Brendan made a growling noise when he did so. Ste straightened up quickly frowning at his boyfriend. "S'the matter?" Brendan was glaring in a direction of the stranger. "Brendan." Ste tugged on his shirt.

"He's not looking at me. He's looking at you." Brendan hissed narrowing his eyes even further. "I'm gonna go over there and teach that bloke a lesson to keep his fuckin' eyes to himself. Be right back." He made a move to do so but Ste threw the other arm float at his face startling Brendan.

"Blow it up. Or you're swimming with Paddy and Lucas clinging onto yer neck for dear life." Brendan transferred his glare to Ste. "You can put sunblock on me afterwards and he'll go green with envy 'cause you get to see me naked."

"EW!" Leah shrieked overhearing. "Stop being so gross!" She was frowning at them. "Declan! Daddy and daddy are being gross again!" She complained as the teenager came back with Lucas, both holding cups of hot chocolate. Declan looking a bit better.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves." He said simply and sat next to Leah grabbing the sunblock holding the cup to her. "Lucas, c'mere. You're turning red already."

"S'cause I've got porcelain skin." Lucas said proudly but stood in front of Declan. "Auntie Anne says so. What does porcelain skin mean? Am I a doll?"

"No." Ste laughed sitting down and blowing up another pack of floaters for Lucas. He didn't want to risk his son drowning for fun. "Just means you need to be careful with the sun."

"Ste. That bloke's staring at you like a peace of meat." Declan said putting sunblock on himself. Brendan growled and helped his son before taking of his shirt and putting it on himself.

"Should teach the lad to stop objectifying people." He muttered.

"Da. Keep your jealousy far away from me." Declan told him stretching out on the blanket, putting the wet towel out to dry.

"Leah! That's my bucket!" Lucas screeched and tried to attack her but the little girl put a hand on his forehead and somehow managed to keep him away from him without moving a muscle.

"Steven, help me out here." Brendan passed him the sunblock. "Can't get me back, now can I?" Ste shook his head smiling putting the half blown up arm float aside. "What about you?" The Irishman asked looking him over after he was finished. Ste shrugged, clinging onto his white shirt carefully and Brendan stretched out like his son.

"M'not really comfortable." He muttered quietly only for Brendan to hear, finishing the arm floaters.

"When can we go into the water?" Paddy asked.

"We'll see how warm it's in an hour." Ste told him, ignoring the questioning look from his boyfriend. "Then hopefully you can go and swim. Lucas, share with Leah. You have more toys."

"But I wanted the bucket!" Lucas said angrily, his hands too short to reach Leah.

"Lucas can't have the bucket. Lucas can't have the bucket." Leah sang.

"Leah. Knock it off." Ste said tiredly and grabbed Lucas mid way sitting the little boy next to him. "Here." He gave Lucas a book of stickers he bought on Thursday. "Go crazy." He put sunblock on his legs, arms, face, neck and ears quickly.

"STICKERS." Lucas whispered, his eyes going wide. Paddy came over and they both stared in amazement at the many stickers. "We **_have_** to use them." He whispered to the Irish boy.

"We can't tell Leah." Paddy whispered back. They looked over at Leah to see if she was paying attention to them but she was busy making sand mountains. Ste shook his head and took out a pad of paper.

"What are you doing?" Brendan asked him.

"Menu for a private event. I always do them when someone hires Tony's to cater." He answered.

"What's the event?" Ste hesitated.

"Uh...It's John Paul's wedding." He didn't have to look at Brendan to know the man had an incredulous expression on his face.

"He's getting married already?" Declan asked. "That's quick."

"Well, Tony says that they set the date for end of September." Ste wrote cake ideas on his pad.

"What? That's not a lot of time to plan a wedding. Right?" Ste shrugged.

"They're probably not doing much. The McQueens usually do weddings in their garden. Myra likes to keep everything in the family." He wrote down a bunch of starters before he started to theorise brand new ones. It started off with planning JP's wedding meal but Ste felt so comfortable and happy that soon he lost himself in trying to think of new dishes. His dyslexia didn't even agitate him.

"Daad." Paddy poked him. Ste looked up from the pad into his small face looking eager. "Can I go into the water now?"

"Has it been an hour?" Ste asked surprised and looked over to see Brendan lying on his stomach and Declan was being buried in the sand by Leah. Lucas was sleeping under Brendan's shirt. Ste also noticed there were a lot more people on the beach, it was hotter and the man Brendan was glaring at was still staring at them.

"Yush. Can I?" Ste smiled and leaned over to the Irishman.

"Brendan. Me and Paddy are gonna go into the water." Brendan made a noise of acknowledgement. "Don't fall asleep."

"Fuck off." Brendan growled sleepily.

"Here." Ste passed the arm floaters to Paddy who put them on excited. Ste checked on Lucas who was in a fetal position snoring softly, his head using the sticker book as a pillow. Ste moved the shirt off his face enough for Lucas to get fresh air. Paddy stood up grinning with the arm floaters.

"Let's go." Ste stood up and took Paddy's hand as they walked to the water which was closer to them now than when they came. The water was icy at first and Paddy squealed whilst Ste hissed but after a moment of standing in it, they adjusted to the temperature. "It's not as cold anymore."

"Yeah. D'you want to go in further?"

"Yup!" They walked in, the waves trying to knock them down. "This is so much fun! None of my friends have ever been on the sea. Can I pee in it?" Ste looked around.

"Just don't let anyone see you." He said quietly.

"Okay. I'll do it later." They stopped when they were up to Ste's waist. "I'm floating! I can't touch the ground anymore!" Paddy yelled excited. "Can we go further?" Ste thought about it. His shirt was still on and he didn't want to take Paddy in too deep.

"Alright. But not too much." He held onto Paddy's hand as they moved. "You want to try swimming?"

"Sure. You know how?"

"Yeah. When I was younger me and me mates used to skeeve off and go to the lake." Ste was walking backwards, the waves trying to topple him off balance by hitting his back. "You need to lift your legs so they hit the surface."

"But won't I fall in?"

"Nope. I got you. And you have the floaters, 'member?" Paddy took a brave deep breath and lifted himself up. "Good. Now swimming is about moving your body forward. You keep your legs straight and move them up and down like scissors. Wanna try it?" After half an hour Paddy was feeling exhausted so Ste suggested they went back to the blankets, dry off and get some food but someone approached them first.

"Hi." Ste recognised the man as the one who was staring at them. "I saw you two over here and wondered if you wanted to come and play with me and my mates." Paddy clasped onto Ste's hand tight and the twenty one year old felt protective over the young boy.

"Nah, you're alright. Cheers." He tried to get around the man.

"The guy you're with. Is he your dad or something?" Ste stopped and eyed him. "He's like ancient. And you're...You're hot." The man smirked and stared at Ste, cocky. "I'm James."

"Good for you." Ste moved again pulling Paddy with him.

"The fuck?" He heard the guy swear.

"What's wrong with him?" Paddy asked quietly.

"I don't know, Pad. Some people are just off." He pulled Paddy all the way to the beach making the young boy giggle. Brendan was snoring loudly, his back dangerously red. Declan and Leah were nowhere to be seen, Lucas was still sleeping in the same position Ste left him in. "Alright, you lie down and dry off." He told Paddy who took the floaters off and lied next to his father smiling.

"This was so much fun. I can't wait to go back in."

"We'll get some food later on and we'll see." Ste said sitting down next to Brendan and squirted sunblock over his back startling the man awake.

"Jesus, Steven!" Brendan shouted.

"You fell asleep, you knob." He spread the cream as gently as possible. "Your skin is super sunburned. So shut it."

"Fuckin' hell." Brendan muttered.

"Da, I was swimming." Paddy said sounding faint. "It was so much fun." Ste put sunscreen on Brendan's legs as well before walking over to Paddy and putting sunscreen on him too. His own shirt was wet and clung to him annoyingly.

"That's marvellous. You did well, Pad."

"Thanks, da. But that creepy man was really weird and almost ruined it."

"What creepy man?" Brendan looked over at Ste who rolled his eyes and went to check on Lucas. "The one who was leering over ya, weren't it? What'd he do? Was he tryin' it on?"

"He tried." Ste said. "Didn't exactly go his way. Where are Leah and Declan?"

"They're not here?" Brendan looked around. "Huh." He fell back on the blanket. Ste laid down next to him staring at the sky. "Gissa kiss." Brendan muttered.

"What?"

"Gissa kiss." Ste turned his head to the side, smiling at the Irishman's face and scooted closer, kissing him. Brendan's hand rested on Ste's hip, grip firm as the two men made out. Of course then cold water was thrown over them. "THE FUCK?!" Brendan sat up as Ste tried to blink the water out of his eyes. Declan and Leah were standing above them shaking their heads.

"Control your fucking urges. Or we'll control them for ya." Declan said and Leah crossed her arms annunciating the point.

"Where'd you two go anyways?" Ste sat up.

"Pee." Leah said sitting on the dry blanket. "I needed to pee and not in the seeeeeeeeeeea. I want to go in, can I go in? LUCAS! WAKE UP!" She shook her little brother awake.

"Floff." The little boy sat up, blinked and then laid back down, hiding himself under the shirt.

"Daadddy! I want to go into the sea."

"You know what, darlin'. I could go for a swim." Brendan said. "Your daddy would probably drown himself."

"Nuh uh." Paddy defended Ste. "Dad is really good at swimming. He was teaching me."

"Well, he can rest then. Must have worn himself out." Ste tried not to read into the suggestive tone of voice.

"I'll go in too. I feel brave enough now." Declan declared and soon the three of them were going in. Leah refusing to use the floaters because she was in the orange swim group at school and that was the best group according to her. Ste took his phone out and snapped pictures of Brendan, Leah and Declan in the sea. A picture of Paddy slowly drying and Lucas sleeping peacefully.

Everything was imperfectly perfect.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They came back to Hollyoaks the next evening. Sunburned and exhausted but feeling rested as well.

"I'm going to sleep in my bed for like a thousand years." Declan announced as soon as they got to the village.

"What would you say if we stayed over at Steven's?" Ste looked at Brendan surprised.

"As long as I get my own bed, I'm still going to sleep for like a thousand years." Brendan caught Ste's eye and smiled. Genuinely smiled.

"Amy's room has been empty for years and she had the best bed. As long as Paddy doesn't mind sharing with Leah and Lucas."

"I like pancakes." Paddy said tiredly.

"I take that as a yes." Ste smiled as Brendan pulled in to park near Ste's flat. The two men got out of the car quickly, kids following slowly. Lucas basically hanging off Declan's arm. Ste passed him the keys so they could head straight inside whilst him and Brendan took the bags inside. He stopped Brendan right before they headed in. "I love you."

It was easy. Simple. Three normal words.

Yet it wasn't.

It felt as if Ste gave a bit of himself away in that moment. And it was terrifying.

It was horrific. It was blissful. It was awful. It was amazing.

"I love you, too." Brendan kissed him. "Now come on. I need to sleep and I can't do it alone anymore."

"What? Am I your bloomin' pillow?"

"Thought I made that obvious." Brendan smirked and Ste couldn't help but kiss the smug arrogant bastard.

"DAD! LEAH'S LICKING MY FACE!" Paddy started screaming.

"YOU TASTE LIKE BANANAS!"

"IT'S MY SHAMPOO! STOP LICKING ME!"

"NO! I WANT BANANAS!"


	15. If You Only Die Once I Wanna Die With U

**Disclaimer: I don't own HO.** **Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh I can't do this. There is going to be an epilogue. I plan for it to be up on Friday. THIS Friday. But it's going to be all like future skips cus yeah i wants to do that.** **This chapter is basically august. And some porn. And it's tots unbeta'd. Thank you Samia and NickyM1 for being amazing and loyal reviewers who take the time to do that. I love you guys. You're brilliant and make me want to write this story forever. Also, Danny Lomax in this chapter sucks. John Paul McQueen always sucks. That's all. This chapter was so much fun for me to write and I think it has to be my favourite. So, I'll see ya guys on FRIDAY! With the fluffy epilogue ;D**

"Steven." Ste scrunched up his face. Someone was trying to make him open his eyes and that was just not right. "Steven."

"G'way." He mumbled nuzzling into the pillow.

"Your phone's buzzin'."

"Nn." The pillow smelled nice and it was lullying him back to sleep.

"Alright. Hello, Amy." The pillow spoke softly. "He's right here but he's cloncked out. Yeah, I'll tell him. Mm. You too." The pillow wrapped itself around Ste again. "She's checking in."

"L've you." Ste mumbled in a sigh. The pillow chuckled and kissed his forehead.

"Love you too." He smiled and let the faint memory of a bridge full of locks take him back into dream land.

-.-.-.-.-

"Chez. You can't just give our club away for free!" Brendan was pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Ste made a huge plate of scrambled eggs that the Bradys devoured. Leah was eating hers like a lady and Lucas was sleeping above it. It's been a week since the trip to the seaside and their little family was spending as much time together as possible.

"Declan. What's 12 times 12?" Leah asked the teenage boy who thought about it for a second.

"144. Why?"

"No reason. Daddy, when is Grandad picking us up?"

"In a few minutes." Ste replied looking for his keys in the couch. "Why do I always lose everythin'?" He muttered.

"Cheryl. Do you not understand how much money we're gonna lose?" Brendan was speaking. "Who the hell are you even giving our club to?" Ste cried victoriously as he pulled a chain from the couch. Brendan stopped pacing in the kitchen.

"Wha? Leah, s'this yours?" The little girl shook her head.

"It looks like Auntie Anne's." Ste frowned at her, then the necklace and then the couch.

"Why would Mitzeee...?" Realisation fell over him. "Oh, can't they snog each other somewhere other than me couch? That is just evil."

"Like you and daddy Brendan." Leah muttered. Ste rolled his eyes and turned back to the couch trying to find his keys. Soon, there was knocking at the door. "Grandad!" Leah yelled and ran to the door opening it up to reveal Mike standing on the other side.

"Hey lump cake. You and your brother ready?" She nodded and ran back to Lucas hitting him on the head to wake him up. Mike walked into the flat nodding at Brendan who was still on the phone but was a lot more quiet now. "How was the weekend?" Mike asked Ste picking Ste's keys up from the ground next to the couch.

"Ta. It was brilliant. Real loved it." Mike raised his eyebrows. "Honestly, it was proper nice. We went to Chester, played some games, t'was nice."

"Good. Ste, there's something you should know." Mike started but Leah interrupted him.

"We're ready!" She ran to Brendan and kissed his cheek. Lucas just grumbled and hugged Ste's leg before flopping to Mike's leg.

"Bye, daddy." Leah hugged Ste tightly and then ran out the door.

"Too much energy." Lucas muttered.

"I'll see you later, Ste." Mike said and picked up Lucas bidding a small goodbye to everyone. Ste scowled at the door confused by Mike's behaviour.

"Shit! My phone!" Ste went into his bedroom looking around frantically trying to spot the electronic. Paddy and Declan laughing in the living room.

-.-.-.-.-

"Hey, Doug. Hi Noah." Ste stopped walking to the kitchen. "Leanne, why are you wearing a wedding dress?" Noah crossed his arms and made a judgemental face.

"Me and Doug got married last night." She beamed from the table. "And we're celebrating!" She hiccupped. Doug was in a tux and looking miserable.

"What?"

"My parents." Doug said as a way of explaining. In the past week Ste has met Mr and Mrs Carter and they seemed like nice people who loved their son very much.

"But...I thought you was going to tell them you're gay."

"I started." Doug sobbed. "I started." Noah shook his head disappointed.

"They found a legally ordained minister and instead of standing up for himself, Doug here got Ethan and Riley as his best men. Dennis was really upset he wasn't chosen." Tony walked in from his office.

"Ah, Ste. You've congratulated the happy couple yet?"

"You got fucking married to _Leanne_." Ste rubbed the back of his neck. "Good luck with that, Doug."

"Ste. It wasn't my fault."

"You lied to your parents and decided to say _'I do'_ to Leanne. Pretty sure your whole future life is your fault." He sighed. "You know what? I don't care. I have other things to worry about." He started to stalk off to the kitchen but Tony caught his arm.

"Listen, Ste. That order. For the McQueens. It's actually a lot sooner than I thought." He said quietly.

"Wha? Like early September or somethin'?"

"No." Tony looked away awkwardly. "It's in three weeks. End of August."

"Oh." Ste blinked. "Okay. S'fine." He shrugged and went into the kitchen. He looked at his work station and was strangely relieved how unbothered he was by this news. He was more concerned about what Mike wanted to talk about and how Leah almost cut off Lucas' hair last night and getting Declan to come buy some bedsheets that the teen would like and helping Tegan with her pregnancy and teaching Cheryl to make gnocchi because apparently Nate hinted he wanted something special for his birthday and Cheryl found the recipe at random.

There were so many other things Ste cared about now. John Paul McQueen didn't even register on the list.

And that was incredible.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Lucas, don't feed the pigeons." Ste scolded as him, Mike and the kids were in the park. The sun was scolding hot so they sat on a bench in the shade and Ste bought ice cream for everybody.

"Don't feed the pigeons, Lucas." Leah mimicked. "Daddy, when me and Lucas go back to London will you call us?"

"Of course."

"And will you blow us kisses?"

"You know I will."

"Will come visit one day? We could go and ride on trains all day." Ste smiled at her.

"Yeah, I love trains." Mike was looking a bit shifty so Ste focused back on him. "Hey, what were you trying to say this mornin'?" The older man glanced at the kids for a moment.

"I'm...I'm moving. Ste. Leaving Hollyoaks." Ste's jaw dropped.

"Wh-wh-why?"

"I'm taking this job at a brewery on a small Scottish isle. A mate of mine said they need someone and I could use a place somewhere away from...the village." Ste stared at Mike who was looking at Leah trying to lick her own nose. "Leaving on Wednesday."

"That's...That's really quick, Mike."

"I know. But I don't really have anything keeping me here."

"What about us, Grandad?" Lucas asked trying to sneak his ice cream waffle to a nearby pigeon. Mike smiled and patted his back.

"Well, you and Leah will be going back to London soon. And you can come and visit any time you want of course. I didn't want to go without having a last day with me grandkids."

"Grandad, will you still love us when we're far away?" Leah asked sad. Mike took her small hand in his large one.

"No matter how far away any of us are from each other, you can be sure of that lump cake. I will always love you, Lucas and Phoenix with my whole heart. Your daddy is the same way. And I guess now Brendan." Mike sent a small smile to Ste. "A lot of people love you, Leah." She cocked her head to the side still sad.

"I know. But it's hard to believe it when everyone is so far away." She mumbled and got up sighing. "I'm going to go on the swings and push other people down until they cry." Ste had enough self awareness to tell her not to do that but she just waved him off. Lucas was lying down on the bench reaching out towards the pigeon who brought a friend with it.

"I can't believe you're leaving. What about your job here?"

"I quit last Monday."

"Wha?" Ste was gobsmacked. "But...wha...I can't...Me head is just going mile a minute, here."

"I know, it's a big change but I think it'll be good. For me to get away from he'e. This village does more harm than good. Toxic."

"That's...true." Ste thought about his life. "But it has some good in it." Mike smirked.

"Yer gonna be alright, laddie. You and yer fella. You look good together. Happy."

"Ta." He thought about his father's reaction. Danny didn't speak to him at all. It was awkward at family dinners and it was laughable when Danny came to pick Leah and Lucas up but Brendan was the one to open the door. His face must have spoken what he was thinking because Mike nodded.

"Danny's just looking out for ya. He just wants ya to be safe." Ste shook his head.

"Nah. That's not what Danny wants." Mike gave him a calculating look. "He's..." He glanced at Lucas who wasn't paying any attention because a crowd of pigeons was around his hand now. "...interested."

"He's wha?"

"Interested."

"In...your b...?" Ste nodded. Mike sighed and closed his eyes. "This fucking village." He muttered. "Get out of here. When you get a chance, go somewhere good. Either by himself or with yer fella. Because this place will bury ya."

"TOO MANY BIRDS! LEAH! HELP ME!" Lucas yelled terrified making Mike laugh. Ste stared at the grandfather of his children for a while lost in his thoughts. Getting out of Hollyoaks and going somewhere else permanently? He never considered it as an option. Hollyoaks was what he knew best. It's where he went through hell. It's what made him the man he was.

That wasn't entirely true.

The village made him a self-hating, self-loathing, self-punishing shell of a man. It taught him what hate, anger and pure, unadulterated rage. It taught him to either repress the darkness inside him or lash out and let the beast take over. It taught him he could be a monster and a victim at the same time. It taught him evil. It taught him how to be corrupted and corrupt in turn.

But then it felt like the universe stopped thinking of him as a waste of space. Like the universe was trying to give Ste something back. Like it was trying to make up for all the shit that happened to Ste and that he made happen to others.

Brendan let him not hate himself for a moment. He made him forget.

Brendan made him the man he was right then. A man who was hopeful. A man who saw a future. A man who didn't want to hide himself anymore. A man who was trying to work on himself. To be better for everyone. Be a better father, be a better friend, be a better brother, be a better lover, be a better boyfriend and basically be a better person.

The village didn't seem as such an awful place anymore.

"Thank you." Ste said to Mike who looked at him startled. "For helping me with me parents when I was younger. For helping me be a dad. For giving me a chance to do so. And for helping me with Leah and Lucas. Thank you, Mike. Honestly." He smiled at the man. "I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for you, Amy and Tony saving me back then." Mike blushed at the words.

"Knock it off, boy, or I'm gonna start getting ideas it's me you were after all these years, not me daughter." He said, not meeting Ste's eyes. Leah was running after the pigeons saving her brother from the evil monsters.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Cheryl was hyperventilating when Ste, Leah and Lucas came over to the Brady household.

Over the past week a new schedule was added to Ste's time table. On Mondays, Ste and the kids came over to the Brady household and they all has dinner together. Then Brendan and Paddy (and quite often Declan) would come back to Ste's flat with them.

"Ste. Babe. I am an absolute disaster. How do you kitchen?"

"Uh..." Brendan walked down the stairs and grinned as he saw his sister freaking out. Leah and Lucas jumped on the couch next to Paddy watching telly.

"I want to do something nice for my husband." She pulled Ste into the kitchen not giving Brendan enough time to get close or for Ste to kiss him as a hello. "He's always so nice to me. And the one thing he wants more than anything is a home cooked meal. I know that. He won't ask me for it. But his mother. That cow. She makes amazing gnocchi." Cheryl shook her head and her voice went up an octave. "What kind of an evil shrew does that to her daughter-in-law?!" Ste tried to get her to release her grip from his wrist but Cheryl was fiercely holding on. "I have no idea what gnocchi even is? Is it a salad?! What is it?"

"Chez. Jesus." Brendan interrupted, holding his hands up and slowly walking towards her. "Calm yourself down."

"No! You remember what ma used to say to Eileen? Keep a man interested through his stomach."

"Bunch of bull if ya ask me." Brendan responded and Ste managed to get himself free. "I was interested in different reproductive organs."

"And now yer dating a chef!" Cheryl pointed at Ste sounding hysterical. "I'm such a horrible wife." She started sobbing. "No kids, no cooking skills, I look like a tramp, I'm loud and obnoxious and he's going to leave me. I just know it." Brendan rolled his eyes but put his hands around his sister.

"Steven, can you make this _thing_ by yourself?" Ste nodded and Brendan moved his crying sister upstairs.

"Is she gonna be alright?" The Mancunian asked no one in particular staring after them.

"She'll be fine. She cries every week." Paddy replied careless watching his movie. Ste looked around the kitchen and found the ingredients for the dish. He texted Cheryl earlier the ingredients to purchase. Normal gnocchi was just an entrée and wouldn't be able to fulfil everyone (especially the Brady bunch) so Ste found a recipe for gnocchi bolognaise that was quick and easy to make.

An hour later everything was ready and Cheryl was a little calmer. She was staring at Ste like he was her last hope as she was waiting for Nate to come back home. Declan was in the cinema and he texted that he would be back home late, staying in his own bedroom instead of at Ste's.

"D'you think he'll like it?" Cheryl asked Brendan with big eyes. She was clutching onto him tightly and Ste still didn't get to kiss him.

"No. He'll get food poisoning and go back to his English rich land with mummy." Cheryl slapped Brendan's forehead painfully.

"Don't be rude, Bren. You like Nate."

"Like is too strong." Cheryl hit him again and Brendan actually flinched this time. Even Ste could hear the loud, painful smack. Ste looked at the three dishes full of gnocchi bolognaise and sprinkled cheese on top.

"This is going to be so yummy." Leah muttered climbing in her tip toes to look at the dishes.

"Mmm. Are you a vegetarian like Lucas back with mummy too?"

"No. Lucas just doesn't like when Auntie Anne makes beef. Or chicken. Or lamb. Because you make it a thousand times better." Leah looked up at him. "Daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, monkey." He crouched down and hugged her tight. "Wanna help me serve?" Nathan walked in through the door and Cheryl threw herself into his arms. Brendan took that chance to jump over the couch and put his hands on Ste's neck drawing him in close for a head spinning kiss. Ste couldn't help but smile as Brendan bit his bottom lip. "Hello." He said to the older man once they came up for air.

"Mm." Brendan nodded, his nose brushing against Ste's. "Smells nice."

"Of course. Daddy made it." Leah berated Brendan and attempted to climb onto the kitchen counter to get plates.

"Very right." Cheryl was screeching loudly but no one could actually make anything out what she was saying. Even Nate took a step back with a concerned look on his face.

"Happy birthday, uncle Nate." Paddy supplied not looking away from the TV. Lucas mumbled something that sounded similar but it was too quiet to hear.

"Thanks. That's really nice of you lot." Ste leaned into Brendan.

"Was I supposed to get him a gift?" He whispered lowly.

"Got him a fancy hat and said it was from both of us. Bloody English. Wearing hats." Brendan shook his head. Ste smirked a little at that.

"Cheryl." Nate spoke firmly yet in a caring manner. "I can't understand what you're saying. Take some deep breaths and calmly tell me what's the matter."

"Aw." Ste couldn't help but admire with how much love the Englishman looked at the female Brady in his eyes. Cheryl indeed took some deep breaths, a lot of deep breaths, before speaking again.

"I tried to make something special for you but I can't cook so Ste made it and please don't leave me." Nate sighed and took her face into his hands.

"Cheryl. Love of my moon. Star of my sky. How many times have we had this conversation?" She hung her head low.

"I just think you're too good for me." Nate looked over her shoulder at Brendan and Ste who were staring at them unashamed.

"You guys get started without us." He took his wife's hand and they went upstairs with Cheryl still sobbing every few minutes. Brendan was still staring after them but Ste focused on the food and put it on the table where Leah managed to get the plates out.

"It's not right." Brendan said as he sat down.

"What isn't?" Ste asked putting a large portion out for Paddy who jumped at it like a dog ignoring cutlery and using his face to eat.

"That my baby sister is upstairs doing...things and we ain't." Ste rolled his eyes.

"What things?" Leah asked interested.

"Play fighting." Ste immediately replied. "Adult couples play fight a lot."

"Why?" Brendan looked at Ste amused and expectant of the answer as well.

"Because it's fun for them."

"Who wins when you and daddy Brendan fight?" Ste paused staring at her wide eyed.

"Does it uh...Does it matter?" His voice wavered slightly.

"I win." Brendan leered revealing all his teeth in a Cheshire cat grin. "I always win." Ste narrowed his eyes at the Irishman.

"Oh. Daddy needs to work on himself then." It was pretty obvious that both Brendan and Ste thought of the Mancunian getting himself off judging from how Ste blushed and Brendan choked on air. Leah looked between the two of them curiously. Brendan cleared his throat.

"So the McQueen is the one having his wedding at the club." He said staring at Ste intently.

"Yeah. Tony said that they're doing that at the end of August not September. He messed that up."

"Ah." A silence fell upon them.

"Well, your club is nice. It's lovely of Cheryl to do that for them."

"Mm." Brendan looked down at his food. "I just really don't understand how you could have been with someone like that. Someone so...so..." Ste raised his eyebrows surprised. "So ordinary."

"Uh. I don't know."

"But seriously. He is...so...not interesting. And you are. How did you two even...I don't get it." Ste stared at him for a full minute before responding.

"Brendan. I don't care about John Paul. I love you."

"No, I get that. I do. But I don't get how you were ever interested in him." Ste shrugged.

"I don't know. I just was."

"You deserve better. And you did get better." Brendan angrily cut his food up in pieces and as a result he missed the stunned look Ste threw him.

"I did." He smiled as the Irishman eyed his knife suspiciously as if the knife could turn on him at any second.

-.-.-.-.-

Declan was hanging out with Peri at the restaurant when Ste was cooking. He hired them as his test monkeys for the food he was preparing.

"I don't understand why you just don't poison him." Peri huffed out. Her and Declan were wolfing down a vegetable lasagna. Declan had the Brady appetite but Peri was no loser. She challenged him to seconds and thirds and fourths.

"'Cause he don't matter, innit? 'Sides. I don't wanna go prison."

"Yeah. Youth offenders is enough for the century." John Paul walked into the kitchen getting a glare from Peri and Declan. Doug was staring at a pot of water he was supposed to boil an hour ago and Ste froze. "Then again. You can't really leave a life of crime behind." John Paul smiled into an awkward grimace. Ste rolled his eyes.

"D'you want somethin'?" JP looked at Peri and Declan disgusted.

"Just came to see what you're planning on preparing for my wedding. Marcus wants it to be special."

"With you as the groom, it'll be specially horrid." Peri said very clearly just so John Paul could hear but the English teacher ignored her and focused on Declan.

"You're going to be in our sixth form this September, right?" Declan gave him a flat look in return. "Well, with that attitude I'm not sure how well you're going to do there."

"Wha?" Ste frowned. "Declan, you're taking English for A levels?"

"No." The teen replied frowning as well.

"He's taking media. And I just happen to be teaching it this year." JP said proudly.

"You've any qualifications to teach it?" Ste asked putting ribs in blood sauce on a plate for Declan and Peri to eat.

"It's none of your business." JP replied.

"Media's not just putting a DVD in and making them watch it, yah know." Ste passed Peri a knife but she shook her head.

"Why do you even care?"

"'Cause I care about Declan." Ste shrugged. "You should get some trainin' or somethin'." Declan grinned at him, face smeared in sauce and meat in between the teeth. "I was thinking of doing ribs in blood sauce or veg lasagna for the main. The entrée could be gnocchi. Got the idea for it from Cheryl." JP crossed his arms defiantly.

"I need a pescatarian option. And chicken instead of ribs." Ste bottled the urge to argue that chicken won't go well with the lemon tart he was planning for desert.

"Alright. D'you want me to make your cake or are ya gonna get someone else to do it?" JP grinned maliciously and got a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Well, I'm going to have to try a lot of different places. The cake is the most important part."

"I thought it was the proclamation of eternally lasting love." Peri intruded waving the bone around and reaching for the next rib. "Silly me. Aren't I silly, Dec?"

"Extremely." Ste thought Declan would be worried about being rude to JP since he was going to be his teacher but the Irish lad seemed to take it as a personal challenge instead. "Love, devotion. Who cares about that stuff when there's cake." Peri looked at him wide eyed.

"Dude. I actually believe that." She whispered. His eyes widened too.

"Dude. I do too." They stared at each other for a while. "It's good to find someone who knows what's important in life." Ste snorted and turned back to JP.

"Anything else?" The McQueen looked him up and down.

"Just don't fuck it up."

"Get out of my kitchen." JP smirked but he left without saying anything else. Peri belched loudly and threw another empty bone on the plate.

"That was nice." She said. "If this food wasn't this delicious I'd throw it up on his shoes."

"Ta." Ste smiled at her.

"Ste, you ever watched Being Human?" Declan asked out of the blue.

"No. Why?"

"Just thought you'd enjoy it." Peri lit up immediately.

"Oh my God! I love it so much!" She squealed. "I can't believe it ended. I liked the US version some as well but the UK one was aaaaaaamazing. I have the boxset. I can lend it to you, Ste."

"I'm alright. Thanks."

"You should watch it though! Maybe you and Brendan can do like a TV show marathon thing together."

"Peri, me and Brendan have more important things to do than a TV show marathon."

"I forgot adults have sex." She said dismissively and Declan made an outraged noise.

"Gross! That's me dad! And me future stepdad! Gross!"

"It's perfectly natural." The two started bickering about it in between themselves whilst Ste poked Doug but the American didn't even nudge.

"Doug, you need me to call your missus?" He joked but Doug just kept on staring at the water. Ste sighed and patted his shoulder. "You'll be alright. In forty years or so." Doug still didn't reply. Holly came in and dropped off some orders which Ste tended to straight away as Doug was immobilised. Peri and Declan hang around till midday and then they disappeared with a quick goodbye.

Ste put the McQueen order to the side and did the job of two chefs trying to coax Doug to speak. The restaurant got busier with each hour and when Lynsey came in, she groaned at the sight of Doug.

"This is unacceptable. Why is he allowed to sulk?"

"Feel sorry for him." Ste explained.

"Fair enough." She agreed.

-.-.-.-.-

"Ste. We should...we should talk." Danny said when dropped Leah and Lucas off. "You and me. In private." Ste thought about it for the moment. Andrea did suggest to talk about what happened between them but Ste drew away from it.

"Dad. I don't want to talk to ya." Ste replied looking over at Leah af Lucas who had their faces painted.

"Ste. Come on. You can't shut me out. It's not fair on me. Or you. And our family."

"What you on about? You still see me kids. I still see me sisters." Danny shook his head. "It works."

"But it's not the same." Danny whispered furiously taking a step closer to Ste who looked at the floor. "Even since you and Brady got together, you have been slipping from me. Pushing me away. I'm your father. I want to be in your life."

"Dad." Ste hissed. "I'm not ready to talk to you. Alright?" He was starting to feel angry and under attack.

"Brendan's been poisoning you against me." Danny muttered under his breath and Ste narrowed his eyes. "I just want us to be a family again." Ste took a deep breath and counted to ten.

"I do have a family. Me, Leah and Lucas. We're a family. Brendan, Paddy and Declan are my family. Leela, Peri, Sam, Tegan and the new baby are my family. Tony is my family. Amy, Mike, Phoenix and Mitzeee are my family." He took a step back. "I'm not ready to talk to you. Respect that."

"Ste, do you not care about how I feel?"

"Not really. You fucked my boyfriend. And now yer tryin' to sully Brendan. He's a good man. Don't talk about him like that." Ste walked away from Danny before the man could speak again. Leah and Lucas were telling Tony about how Danny took them to get their faces painted with excitement. "Toneh. D'you mind if I take tomorrow off?" Ste asked once his two rascals got quiet. He heard the door close behind Danny but he didn't turn to look. Tony looked surprised at the door then at him.

"Why?"

"Mike's leaving and I thought me and the kids could spend it with him. I could make it up and come in the evening." Tony remained silent for a few moments.

"I don't know." The older man said slowly. "Doug's pretty useless at the moment."

"Please. Mike's going away and who knows how long till I see him again." Ste even put his bottom lip out in a pout. Tony hummed.

"Alright. You come in around five, stay till nine and we're solid. But Thursday you're back to normal, ya hear?" Ste grinned at him.

"Thanks Toneh. You're the best."

"That's obvious." Leah looked at Ste from a neon orange nail varnish bottle she produced out of nowhere.

"Isn't grandpa Danny picking us up tomorrow?" She asked.

"Don't you want to say goodbye to grandpa Mike?" Ste asked in return putting a stray hair from her loose pony behind her ear and effectively dodging her question.

"Yes. But I love grandpa Danny too. I don't want you and him fighting."

"Leah." Ste sighed. "Sometimes people, especially adults, they hurt each other. We fight about the dumbest things." He glanced at Tony who was staring at him curiously. "But sometimes it's not about dumb things. It's not about dumb things at all. It's about something bigger. Something important that just hides under the dust." Ste licked his lips. "You know how when you don't clean your dolls, dust gathers on them, right? More and more layers with time." Leah nodded. "Well it's like that sometimes. If you don't clean the dust right away, then another layer of it will settle down. You will only clean what's on the surface. Not the dust that is there for ages."

"I don't understand." Lucas said. "Are you and grandad dusty?" Ste smiled bitterly at his son.

"We have a lot of problems. And instead of dealing with them, just more problems pile on."

"Then why not deal with them?" Leah asked. Ste huffed out a large puff of air.

"'Cause we both hurt each other a lot. So we try to ignore or be passive aggressive. And it's scary also. To say how you really feel. It's terrifying for me."

"Why?" Lucas asked, face curious. Ste thought about Terry. Every beating, every mockery, every fag bashing. Pauline cackling in the background when he cried. About the lads at school getting into fights with him. The teachers rooting for the ones beating him down instead of trying to help him when he begged for help. The school counsellor saying he is just going through the phase when he told her he wanted to die. Feelings beaten to shut him down in Youth Offenders.

Ste smiled at Lucas. He didn't want his children knowing any of that. He wanted them to be happy and safe.

"How about tonight we make a paella? Aunt Leela will go crazy and probably put on some Spanish music." Leah and Lucas looked at each other.

"Okay, daddy." Leah answered. "You can make paella."

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Can you do me a favour?" Ste asked Brendan as the older man hovered above him. Brendan groaned and dropped his body on top of Ste who grunted.

"Whenever someone asks me that, I get this raging blood turning feeling in me stomach." Brendan muttered. "What is it?" He asked looking up at Ste.

"Can you watch Leah and Lucas tomorrow from five till nine?" Brendan frowned.

"In the morning?"

"No." Ste smiled, thumbing Brendan's 'tache.

"Alright. How come?"

"I'm doing my shift at the restaurant late tomorrow so me and the kids can go and see Mike before he heads off."

"Yeah, bring them to the club. Paddy and Dec are hanging out with me tomorrow anyways. So what are you going to do now that Mike's going away?" Ste shrugged.

"Dunno. Probably get a babysitter. Or bring them with me to work. They're alright at the restaurant." Brendan dropped next to him.

"What about you and your dad? How's that going?" Ste closed his eyes.

"I didn't have a dad for so long. Then I got one. A bit late but better late than never, right?" Ste chuckled darkly. "He says he wants to work things out. But I think... It doesn't feel like he does. It feels like he wants me to admit that he's done nothing wrong."

"Steven. He's reaching out to you. Doesn't that mean something?" Ste thought about it for a moment.

"I want...I want to look at my father and not remember him and John Paul in my bed. I'm...I'm fucking angry, Brendan. And he doesn't understand."

"Did you tell him?" Ste froze for a moment.

"Wha?"

"Did you tell him any of this?"

"No." Ste admitted quietly. "I'm... I think if I do...I'll react...violently." Brendan put his hand on Ste's cheek. "I'm not ready."

"Okay." They remained quiet for a moment.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Steven. Now, I think you owe me." Ste laughed quietly and leaned over to kiss him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Brendan and Ste were walking out of the flat with Leah, Lucas and Paddy in front when Brendan shook Ste's world up.

"Hold my hand." Brendan held it out to Ste. The younger man looked at him bewildered.

"Wha?" Brendan shrugged.

"I wanna know what it feels like." Ste eyed him for a minute before taking Brendan's hand in his. It was a little larger than Ste's. Longer fingers. Skin just as hard and blistered from time as his own in the palm but smooth and soft on the other side. Ste's fingers fit in well in between Brendan's. It felt nice. It felt right. Ste looked up at Brendan who was staring at their hands curiously. "Hmm." Ste felt his hand sweat into Brendan's.

"We gotta get going." Ste said softly. Brendan's eyes remained on their clasped hands.

"Mhm." A second later he pulled Ste towards him and smashed their mouths together startling the younger man. The kids made grossed out noises but Ste chuckled into the Irishman's mouth. His other hand coming up to the back of Brendan's head as their tongues touched. "I like it." Brendan muttered when they broke away.

"That's good." Ste muttered back. Leah started running in circles and crying.

"Wasp! Wasp!" She was screaming. Lucas and Paddy ran to the closed door and huddled. Ste pulled away from Brendan and waved the flying insect away whilst Brendan pulled the little girl in his arms where she sobbed uncontrollably.

"I think we just found something Leah's scared off." Ste said surprised. His daughter always seemed so fearless. The dominant force. Had everyone wrapped around her little finger. But a small wasp terrified her.

"It's alright, darlin'." Brendan muttered. "Little things like that are only as scary as you make it out to be." Leah snuggled closer to Brendan. "'Sides, your daddy got rid of it. See?" Leah peeked from under Brendan's chin.

"Thank you, daddy." She smiled at Ste and skipped away leaving Brendan and Ste confused. Paddy and Lucas running after her, laughing. Ste shook his head and started to walk after his children, Brendan joining him a second later. Their fingers brushing next to each other the whole way but neither reaching out to take their hands. Neither needing to. Both content just like that.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Mike's goodbye was nice and sweet. Leah and Lucas threw out everything Mike put in the suitcases and at the very last moment they jumped into the suitcases crying for him to take them with. They cried a lot when he got on the bus.

"You two are me pride and joy." He said to them. "I love you both so much and I have never regretted your existence." He had tears in his eyes. "I'll see you both sooner than you think. And I'll call you a lot too." Leah and Lucas wrapped their small arms around him.

"You're our favourite grandpa." Leah said through her sobs. Lucas hiccuped but nodded as well. "Phoenix is so jealous he didn't spend so much time with you like we do. He's not special like us. And grandpa Danny makes daddy sad and you only always helped daddy and you love mummy and Auntie Anne and you tell us stories about stuff and you're the bestest and we love you so much and we'll miss you."

"I'll miss you both so much. Once I get settled there, you guys can come and stay. There's lots of green and you can see the sea."

"We love you, grandpa." Lucas hiccuped. "You're better than Santa Clause." Mike laughed and held them for a couple more minutes before straightening up and facing Ste.

"So..." Mike started but Ste hugged him straight away.

"I am really grateful. For everything." He told the man who was startled at first. "I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you and Tony." Mike hugged him back tight.

"You're a good kid, Ste." He pulled away and sniffed. "Don't fuck up. And keep in touch."

"You too. And don't drink all the lager." It was a nice goodbye. But Leah and Lucas were still sniffing when Ste took them to the club. Brendan was reprimanding that barman Kevin for something whilst Declan was playing cards with Rhys and Paddy. Jacqui was nowhere to be seen. Leah and Lucas went and crowded against Paddy on both sides crying into his arms whilst the little Irish boy didn't seem surprised. In fact, he actually leaned into the two siblings to support them.

"Mike's gone?" Brendan asked Ste.

"Yeah, left about half an hour ago."

"You alright?" Ste thought about it.

"I am, yeah. I gotta get to work. Thanks for watching them." He noticed the barman eye Brendan lustfully and narrowed his eyes. "Good lookin' staff, you got here." Brendan raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Seriously, is he dumb or somethin'? I'm standing right here and he's blatantly staring at your arse." Ste shook his head. "Fucking dipshit." Brendan pulled him close.

"Are ya jealous?" He asked lowly with that smug smirk on his face.

"Of course." Ste said without missing a beat.

"Good. Now ya know how crazy you make me." Ste smiled and leaned in close pressing his mouth against the older man's lips in a soft kiss that quickly turned into a filthy one with Ste prodding Brendan's mouth open with his tongue and grabbing his hips to pull him against him. Brendan's hands travelled to the back of Ste's neck gripping him tightly.

"I need to go." Ste murmured against Brendan's lips.

"Yeah." Brendan panted but Ste shook his head and went back in to get more kissing earning a chuckle from the older man.

"You know there's people here!" Declan shouted from the couch startling the two men.

"Huh, I actually forgot." Brendan admitted. His mouth was swollen from the contact and looked so delicious Ste wanted to get him to himself. "See you at home?" Ste grinned.

"Home?" Brendan flushed and looked down.

"I-I-I meant-The flat." Ste pecked him lightly, putting his hands on the side of Brendan's head.

"I'll see you at home." He waved bye to the kids and left quickly to go to the restaurant. His mind filled with making space for Brendan, Declan and Paddy at the flat.

-.-.-.-.-.-

The next morning went by really quickly because Ste woke up a bit later than usual. He ran around the flat dressing the kids up, getting them ready for Leela, letting Brendan sleep in and putting an extra set of keys on the night stand so the man could have his own instead of borrowing Ste's. Declan was sleeping in as well but Paddy asked if he could go with Leela as well. She agreed straight away, giddy at the thought of getting some information on Brendan from the boy. So he wrote a note for the Irishman, dropped the three kids off and made his way to his work place.

"Yah alright there, Hay?" Ste looked around him to see Danny Houston and Warren Fox stand on either of his sides with two identically evil looking grins.

"Perfect. Can I help ya?" Ste thought about his means of escaping. He could take on Danny somewhat but Warren was another story and the two of them together meant he was fucked.

"Don't stress too much." Warren spoke, putting his arm on Ste's shoulder and steering him to a bench in a spot where local drug dealers were known to practice what they preached. Doug worked here back in the day when he was selling. "We just came to have a friendly chat."

"That sounds nice." Ste said feeling more and more anxious by the minute. Maybe if he yelled loudly someone would hear?

"See, our best bud, Brendan, he's been keeping you all to himself. Never giving us a chance to talk. You know. Man to man."

"Wonder why." Ste said shakingly. Danny tutted at that.

"That is the question. But now that we've got you here, we thought we'd have a nice friendly chat." The man grimaced at him. "I ain't gonna lie. I think gays are disgusting."

"I'm indifferent." Warren interjected.

"But Brendan and I've known each other for a long time. He's one of me closest friends. And as long as he doesn't do a boy in front of me, I can live with it."

"It's the boy that can't." Warren grinned revealing his teeth. "You catch my drift?"

"Sure. What does this have to do with me?" Ste's voice was trembling but he was glad of the fact that he had control over his body shakes.

"I ain't gonna kill ya, Hay. But if ya hurt my oldest friend, Brendan Brady, I will find ya. And I will skin ya. And then I'll shove ya gay skin up your fucking arse. Got it?" Ste nodded very slightly, afraid to make any bigger movements.

"I'll just knock ya about. You look like a soft lad." Warren eyed him with a calculative eye. "And I don't especially like the fact you and me Joel are friends with benefits. That's off, right? If yer screwing around on Brendan?"

"I'd never!" Ste protested. "Joel's just me mate. Been for years now. And I love Brendan. I'm in love with him. I wouldn't hurt him." Ste looked at Danny. "I promise. He's me everything besides me kids." Warren shoved him lightly.

"'Nough of that kind of talk, Ste." He muttered. "Yer a man." Warren was looking at the ground. "You have our blessing."

"Wha?" Ste looked at the two men.

"See, I told you that this wasn't why Brendan didn't invite us over. Who gives a fuck if their friends approve?" Danny hissed at Warren who stood up immediately.

"What you getting at me for? Yer the one who suggested we introduce ourselves when the boy's alone."

"The fuck are you two doing?" Ste asked getting an incredulous look from the both of them. "Whatever. I don't care." He sighed and stood up. "I'm late for me shift so I'll make this quick. I love Brendan. Brendan loves me. I won't hurt him. He won't hurt me. It's nice he's got mates like you two looking out for him. But it really is unnecessary. If you ever want to stop by for something good to eat, Tony's restaurant is offering a 9 chicken wing platter in several different sauces as a side to your usual burger. Thank you very much." Ste moved past them to get to the restaurant.

"They better be good!" He heard from both men in unison behind him.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste had Saturday off. Leela and Tegan offered to take Leah and Lucas to Alton Towers for the day. He decided to spend the day clearing out the flag for Brendan, Paddy and Declan. He knew that they all had rooms over at Cheryl's and Nate's. It was their home but Ste wanted them to feel like the flat was their home too.

Brendan was at work. Declan, Paddy and Peri tagged along to Alton Towers so Ste had the entire day to sort through everything. He started with the kids' room. Leah and Lucas always shared it, even when they were babies. Ste put some of the toys to the side and the games back in their boxes. He moved some things to the side so Paddy had space if he ever wanted to bring anything over. He already had some clothes left over that he fit in next to Lucas'. They actually started sharing clothes not caring about the fact that Lucas was smaller than Paddy.

Amy's old room was pretty empty. Ste kept all towels and linen in there. Declan didn't leave anything behind when he stayed over. Ste tried not to feel disappointed. Declan probably wanted his own space which was probably at Cheryl's with a bigger room and not a cramped council flat that was a dump. Ste went into his own bedroom after straightening up the living room and looked through his wardrobe. He didn't have a lot so it was easy to make space. He heard Brendan walk into the flat around noon.

"Steven?"

"In here." Ste moved his one and only suitcase on top of the wardrobe.

"Now that's a sight." Brendan said when he came into the room.

"D'you only ever think about sex?" Ste asked dusting his hands off on his shirt.

"Just when you're around." Brendan grinned cockily. "Had some time for lunch. Thought I'd come here. What are you doing?"

"Don't get angry, yeah." Brendan frowned but nodded. "I've been making some space for you guys to put your stuff here. I mean, I know that obviously you live with Chez and Nate but you've been spending so much time here, I thought...Well, I thought you could leave some things here. Like yer suits. And Paddy's toys, that. Or Declan could put up some posters if he...wanted...to..." Ste's voice got quieter with each word as he took in Brendan's unreadable expression. "I'm sorry." He muttered. Brendan shook his head and pushed him down on the bed. Ste looked up at him startled and Brendan attacked him with his mouth immediately palming Ste's cock through his track suit bottoms making the younger man whine and lift his hips up to the man's touch.

Within seconds they were both naked and Brendan had his fingers opening Ste up, his tongue still covering the Mancunian's lips, their erections painfully hard rubbing against each other. Ste grabbed the lube Brendan tossed to the side and poured a generous amount on both of their cocks so the friction would be more pleasant.

"Fuck." Brendan groaned as he lined up his cock at Ste's hole and pushed in. There was nothing gentle about this. Brendan was fierce and rough, pinning Ste's arms to the side whilst he moved in and out. Ste gave just as good as he got. Snapping his hips up so that every thrust was more powerful, the bed knocking hard against the wall with each movement.

"Brendan." Ste panted into the Irishman's ear, digging his nails into Brendan's hands as they intertwined. His cock leaking precome already feeling his orgasm build up. "I'm gonna..." He gasped as Brendan's thrusts started hitting his prostate.

"Do it." Brendan bit his neck, his thrust more erratic. "Come for me, Steven. I want to hear you scream." Ste's eyes rolled in the back of his head as a shout ripped from his lungs and he felt himself spill over in between the two bodies. Brendan grunted a couple more times before making the most animalistic sound Ste ever heard him and he felt him come inside of him. Brendan kept on thrusting through his own orgasm only stopping when he spent all of himself. He collapsed on top of Ste nuzzling into his neck, his cock limping inside of Ste who moaned feeling overstimulated as the Irishman's body pressed against his own shaft. "Sorry." Brendan muttered but he didn't move at all. Sweat and come covering them both.

"That was interesting." Ste giggled. "I did not expect a lunchtime fuck." Brendan nuzzled in closer. "When d'you have to get back?"

"When they call me." Brendan answered sounding sleepy. "I'll get some of my stuff in later." Ste ran his hand over the small hairs on Brendan's nape.

"I love you, Brendan."

"You say that quite often lately."

"Well, get used to it. I'm going to say it every day. Because you deserve this. You deserve to be loved and happy. And I want to be the person to give that to you." Brendan remained silent but his hold on Ste tightened. "I love you. And if anyone doesn't like that then they can just leave. Oh, Danny and Warren also gave me that best friend talk. The _'if you hurt him, you die'_ talk."

"Fucking ijits." Brendan muttered into Ste's skin.

"I love you."

"I love you. I'm gonna nap. Nap with me."

"Okay."

"Steven."

"Yeah?"

"You know you don't ever have to apologise to me, right?" Brendan raised his head to look down at Ste's stunned face. "Nothing you do or say will ever make me stop loving you. You and me, we're going to be alright. You're a good man and I love you and I'm going to give you a future you deserve." The twenty one year old felt his eyes water and he smiled at the Irishman.

"I know. I love you." Brendan kissed him lightly and dropped his head back to Ste's neck, nuzzling into it.

"I love you." The Irishman grumbled.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Andrea cocked her head to the side.

"It sounds like everything with Brendan is going really well."

"Mm." Ste nodded. "S'like with him it's easy to open up. Like I don't have to be someone else."

"D'you feel like that with other people?" Ste huffed out a puff of air.

"Yeah. With Tony, I always gotta keep the anger in. Amy, she don't know anything about how I hate meself. John Paul was basically me trying to be open about who I am and then apologising for it because it didn't fit with his idea of what the world should be like." He thought about how the McQueen finally approved of the meals he prepared but was iffy about the wedding cakes Ste made samples off. "And there's me family. Me kids, they accept me. But they think I'm this superhero. Apparently kids think that about their parents. That they can't do nothing wrong. I never did." The idea was laughable. "Leela and Tegan just think of me as their little estranged brother. Peri likes me well enough but she's still a kid herself. And then there's me dad." Ste took a deep breath. "He... With him I always had to shut everything off."

"I wonder why that is." Andrea said simply.

"I wanted him to be me dad. I wanted him to be proud of me." Ste felt himself well up. "I wanted to have a proper dad. I know blood don't matter. Tony's been like a father figure to me but I wanted to have what I didn't get when I was a kid. I wanted a dad." He sniffled.

"But he didn't fit in that role."

"Nope. He disappointed me and I realised. I'll never have that. But me kids will." He said defiantly. "I'm going to be the best dad ever to Leah and Lucas and Paddy and Declan if they'll let me. I want to do right by them. Because it weren't done right by me."

"What wasn't?"

"Fatherhood." A moment of silence passed. "I think I can do that."

"With Brendan?"

"Yeah. I think I'm becoming real dependant on him." He admitted. "But I love him. I can't imagine a life without him anymore. Yeah, everything with us is moving really fast but it doesn't feel fast to us. To me, that is." Ste smiled. "He makes me forget what hating myself is like. He makes me forget that there are horrible things in the world. I think that's progress." Andrea smiled at him.

"Ste, I have to admit. It is really wonderful to see you positive like this."

"Ta." He bit his lip. "I should talk to me dad."

"Do you feel ready to do that?"

"No. But I'm making a lot of changes. Why not another one?"

-.-.-.-.-.-

In the end, Ste delayed the talk with Danny for two weeks. He avoided family dinners dropping Leah and Lucas off but making some excuses to not stay, which Sam shook her head at, and had dinner with the Bradys. Lynsey also started to join those. He was in the kitchen with Brendan on a Thursday night slowly packing Leah's and Lucas' bags. Amy and Mitzeee were coming to pick them up on Monday because it was a bank holiday. Brendan watched over Leah and Lucas taking over for Mike.

"That time. At the beach. You didn't want to take your shirt off. Why?" Ste looked down at the floor and shrugged.

"S'embarrassing really." Brendan didn't move away. Just waited for an answer. "I get a bit self-conscious, me. Especially in public. 'Cause I know I'm not all muscly. I've worked out but me body, it stays the same. Nothing ever changes. So yeah." Ste opened the kitchen window more as the weather was getting hotter with the end of August instead of cooling down. "It don't matter. Don't worry about it." Brendan put his hands on Ste's waist dragging the man towards him.

"I like you scrawny." Brendan smirked.

"Oi. I ain't scrawny." Ste objected and Brendan's smirk turned into a full grown grin but he shook his head and the grin slipped.

"I think you are..." Brendan cleared his throat and looked down at the ground. "You're beautiful, Steven. And I'm going to spend my entire life just showing you that if I have to." He muttered and Ste's heart skipped.

"I think you're well fit too." He whispered to the older man making him chuckle. "I wonder what you'll like when you're seventy or somethin'. Probably get a tubby and wrinkly. Whilst I'm still gorgeous and young."

"You're like ten, eleven years younger than me."

"But you'll get old first." Ste smiled brightly at him. Brendan rolled his eyes but they turned soft when he looked at Ste again.

"I like this. Talking about our future. Together. I like it." He admitted.

"Me too. I'm really happy, Brendan. But we don't fight a lot. Is that bad?" Brendan looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Fights are gonna happen either way but right now I'm going to be happy they aren't. I've thought with Eileen enough for a thousand lifetimes. And you with the McQueen. You still fight with him." Ste nodded.

"He actually rang the restaurant and said my cake testings gave Mercedes food poisoning. My food is excellent. Nah, it's amazing. Fucking twat trying to do me head in." Ste sighed as Brendan's hold on him tightened and he let his hands wonder through the Irishman's hair.

"He's just a little pisshead trying to get a rise out of you. The wedding's on Sunday."

"Yeah. And then he'll be gone for a whole week and I'll have some peace."

"You ready to send the kids off?"

"Yeah. Suppose." Ste looked away for a moment. "This part's always the hardest, you know. Saying goodbye to them. Not seeing them everyday. Not helping them with homework. I know I ain't the smartest person but I want to do things like that."

"Steven. You're plenty smart. And gorgeous. So stop saying things like that. I know it's not the same but Paddy and Dec will probably ask you for help a lot." Ste opened his mouth to speak but Brendan continued on talking. "Leah and Lucas love you more than anything and they know that you love them too. The thing is those two are not going to let you out of their lives." Brendan grinned. "You're their dad. You are going to be the person they come to when Amy or Mitzeee drive them insane. And they will. I've met them." Leah walked out of her room with a stack of books on top of her head. Declan looked at her amazed from the game he was playing in the living room.

"Holy shit." The teen swore. "That's badass."

"Language." Brendan said halfheartedly staring at the little girl. "Leah, darlin', promise me something."

"What?" She asked walking in circles, the books perfectly still on top of her head.

"Don't ever grow up to be a woman."

"Too late, daddy." She beamed and started dancing, books falling down immediately.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Dad." Ste went up to him in the cafe. Danny looked up at him startled. "Can we talk?" Danny's eyes widened in panic.

"Uh...right now?" Danny sounded unsure. "I'm not...This isn't a great time."

"I won't take long." Ste sat at the table. It was hidden under the stair from the general public but Danny could see the front door from his spot which he was looking at every two seconds. "I wanted to say, I'm really angry. I feel betrayed by what you did still to this day even though it happened years back. I wanted you to be this dad that I built up in me head but I've come to realise that you're not. You're just a normal fuck up like me. A cheating fuck up but a fuck up nonetheless." Ste took a deep breath. "But I'm trying to move on with my life. So I'm going to try and let go of the anger. It's not easy. It ain't going to be easy. What I'm trying to say." Ste gritted his teeth. "I'm going to try to forgive you. Because I want you in my life. Even a fucked up version of you." Danny opened his mouth to speak but a shadow fell over the table and someone leaned in to kiss him. Ste's eyes widened as he realised it was John Paul who sat down next to Danny.

"This wedding is seriously screwing with my brain." He grinned at Danny but it fell when he noticed Ste sitting there. "Shit."

"Ste..." Danny bit his lip. "This isn't...This...Just let me explain." Ste shook his head.

"Whatever. Forget what I said. I don't. No." He walked away not wanting to get involved with the two men again.

-.-.-.-.-.-

"Woah." Amy sighed as she took everything in. "That is...I am so glad I am out of this place."

"I know." Ste nodded. "The worst part is, the wedding is still happening. Poor Marcus." Amy looked at the building. Her and Ste were hanging on the communal carpet hanger. They used to climb them all the time when they were younger and just sit and smoke and drink.

"D'you know what? It don't matter. 'Cause you don't have anything to do with it anymore."

"Suppose. How's yer dad?"

"Good. He sounds really happy and drunk all the time though. Speaking off, d'you mind if I send Leah and Lucas for the October half-term there?"

"Figured you might wanna do that. Yeah. S'fine." Amy looked him over.

"Are you happy?" She asked sounding incredulous. Ste blushed and looked at the ground. She gasped and squealed. "OH MY GOSH! YOU SLAG! Keeping this news from me! And he's practically moved in! Next thing I'll know you'll be getting married."

"Oi, too early for that." Ste laughed. "But I did think about it."

"I KNEW IT!" She cackled. "Oh, this is so cute. And such good payback for when you tortured me over Anne." She jumped off the hanger. "C'mon. I need to get back home. Gotta go for training tomorrow." Ste jumped down next to her.

"Look at you. A teacher. So proud."

"Ta." She blushed. "I didn't think I'd be able to do it. Because of everything that happened. But here I am. I never imagined I'd be here." Ste grinned.

"I always did." He walked to the flat where Mitzeee and Brendan were engaged in some very tense eye contact chess. "Amy's ready to leave off." Mitzeee didn't even blink.

"Good. The last time I spend in this place hole, the better." She said. Ste shook his head and went to hug his little girl.

"You stay good. And take care of everyone." She hugged him tightly. "You are my favourite girl in this entire world. You know that right?"

"Of course." She pulled away and beamed. "I'm Leah Barnes. I'm fantastic and if anyone doesn't like me then tough. I love me." Ste grinned at her. "Daddy, me and Lucas have something for you." She said in all seriousness and Ste saw his son run with a scrapbook that was nearly half his size. "We wanted to give you a present to cheer you up because everyone in this village is so dumb and stupid and mean but then you met daddy Brendan and you became happy."

"But we still wanted to do this because we wanted to do something and Paddy and Declan and Peri joined as well. Because you are important to us." Lucas said sounding serious as well. "And we love you and anytime you feel sad, or you miss us, just look in here." Ste took the book into his hands and the first photo was a picture of him, Leah, Amy and baby Lucas from the day Lucas was born. Ste shook his head and blinked away the tears that were threatening to break down from just a simple photo. He looked at his children who were smiling at him.

"Thank you." He croaked out and hugged them so tight they started to complain about not having enough air. "Sorry." He pulled away, wiping the tears that escaped. "Remember to send me kisses every night. And call me at least once a week."

"Yes, daddy." Leah kissed his cheek. "Bye bye." She ran to hug Brendan who broke his staring contest with Mitzeee to hug back. "Bye daddy Brendan. Thank you for making my daddy happy." Brendan held the little girl tightly. Lucas pulled on Ste's sleeve and whispered in his ear.

"I think Declan and Paddy are really cool big brothers. I want to be like that to Phoenix." Ste nodded.

"You will definitely be. And you'll be back soon as well."

"And they'll still be here?" Lucas asked quietly, his eyes big but his head down as if not sure if he was supposed to ask. Ste thought about it.

Things change so quickly in life. People get attached and then they get ripped apart when others leave. Especially kids. They get hurt and abandoned.

But Ste knew. He knew that Brendan was going to be in his life forever. Even if Brendan left, he'd still stay there. He was there before Ste even met him.

"Yeah." Ste told Lucas. "They'll be here. And they'll be here the next time you come. And the time after that. They're not going anywhere." Lucas glanced at Brendan and hugged Ste.

"I love you, daddy."

"Love you too." Lucas walked unsurely towards Brendan who was staring at him concerned.

"Goodbye, daddy Brendan." The little boy said and held his hand out towards the Irishman bravely. "Don't hurt my daddy."

"I won't." Brendan replied shaking the small hand. Lucas hugged his leg after that.

"I like you."

"I like you too." Brendan chuckled. Soon the kids were buckled in the car waving goodbye to Ste who walked a little after the car and Brendan who remained at the door step. He finally stopped smiling when the car was out of sight. Declan came up next to him and patted his shoulder.

"It's totally understandable if you wanna get drunk and cry." The teen said.

"Ta." Ste sighed and walked slowly back to the flat. Brendan made him a cup of tea and sat him down in front of the TV passing him the scrapbook. The kids put in lots of pictures from this summer. Receipts from everything they went to. Ste smiled at all of them but he noticed tears falling down onto the papers. The last picture was of Brendan and Ste at the beach. Ste writing something down and Brendan leaning over his shoulder. Both men wearing small smiles. The picture before that was of Declan, Leah, Lucas, Peri and Paddy laying down in the park in a circle with Declan's arms outstretched taking the photo. They were all grinning happily. Underneath, it was written in messy handwriting;

 _'the kidz, fenixs not here yet, we just drew hym'_.

Next to that was a small drawing of a stick figure that Ste assumed was meant to be Phoenix.

He looked at Brendan who was eating a cookie and glancing at him nervously every two seconds.

"I love you." Ste told him. "This is gonna work. Right?" Brendan leaned in close and kissed him sweetly.

"'Course it is. Our story won't be over for a very long time." He kissed him again. "I love you, Steven. We'll be alright."

The scrapbook found itself placed on top of the telly shining brightly at everyone in the room. A reminder of a beginning to one of the most incredible stories to have happened in a lifetime.


	16. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hollyoaks.** **Unbeta'd. I apologise for the delay. Had some health issues. But here it is. It is full of fluff so be careful. Thank you all so much for reading. Love to all Stendan fans everywhere.**

 **This story was a really fun journey for me. Thank you all for not giving up on it. Thank you to those who reviewed. Thank you to those who read. Thank you to those who followed. And thank you to all who will read my little addition to the Stendan fandom. Thank you so much.**

Ste was dreaming again. Of an Irish lover kissing him senseless on the Ha'penny bridge. It was a magical, defining moment and Ste longed for it. He craved it with every fibre of his being.

"I can't live my life without you." The Irishman said.

Ste shot up in his bed, sweating like crazy looking frantically around, his heart beating fast.

"S'matter?" His Irishman asked sitting up next to him. Ste ran a hand over his face.

"I had a dream about ya." Ste said. "Remember those dreams I told ya about? The ones before we even met?" The older man nodded, his eye lids half open. "It was the same one. On the bridge."

"What happened?"

"We were...I think you was telling me you loved me." The older man scoffed.

"No surprise there."

"No. But it was. Like a proper love declaration." They laid back down. "It changed everything." Ste said quietly. "I want to go there one day. See it in real life." He shifted so his body laid across Brendan's. "Can we go there?"

"Whatever you want, Steven." Brendan muttered. "Sleep. We have a long way to go tomorrow."

"Why does Declan have to go so far away for uni? I mean what's wrong with going to school near by? Even Manchester would be alright with me."

"You're gonna miss him?"

"Maybe." Ste grumbled.

"Well, Paddy is not going away for like the next ten years. And Leah and Lucas. Besides. Declan will probably be back a lot too 'cause of food and laundry. I remember the lads spend most time at home than uni." Ste sighed displeased.

"I just got used to having a family, me."

"Go to sleep, Steven." Brendan murmured already drifting off. Ste eyed him for a minute before following suit.

-.-.-.-.-

Dublin was an interesting city. Brendan pointed everywhere taking him around. He claimed that every pub was his local. Paddy stayed back in Hollyoaks with Cheryl and Nate pouting until Ste promised he'd bring him back something.

"This was me dad's pub." Brendan said at one point. Brought him inside. It was dusty, old and creepy. The Irishman spoke as if in a trance about how his father caught him trying to sneak a drink one time and made him drink the entire bottle in front of him and his friends. "They laughed when I ran for the bog. Seamus told 'em. ' _Ah lads. He's no man. He's a wee girl.'_ Chanted ' _Brenda, Brenda!_ '. The lot joining in. I can still hear it in me head." Brendan muttered. " _'Brenda'_."

Ste grabbed a piece of wood and broke it away startling the Irishman out of his stupor.

"It don't matter now does it?" He looked at Brendan. "It's all just dust. Breaks away." He threw one of the chairs across the room and they both watched as it broke into pieces. "He can't get you anymore. He can't hurt ya. I won't let 'im." Ste said defiantly. "If he comes back as a ghost, yeah, he is going to deal with me. And I bought a lot of salt because Declan made me watch that show about them two brothers and it prepared me. And iron. Iron gets rid of ghosts." Ste muttered to himself as Brendan walked towards him.

"Mm." The older man picked up a stool and threw it in the same direction Ste threw the chair. "The past has a way of holding me back."

"Yeah. I get that." Ste thought to his past sins. "But our relationship taught me that the future is a lot more interesting to look forward to." He smiled at the Irishman before a thought occurred to him. "D'you know what would show your homophobic, abusive, disgusting dick'ead of a dad?" Brendan's mouth slowly rose up in a predatory grin and his hands made their way towards Ste's jacket pulling him closer.

"What?"

"If we fucked like bunnies over every inch of this place. Though it ain't real sanitary, innit." Ste scrunched up his face looking around.

"We'll go back to the hotel and take a shower." Brendan pulled Ste towards him smashing their lips together.

Seamus Brady would have cried from how his son and his gay lover tainted the pub with their homosexual love.

-.-.-.-.-

They visited the bridge at night. It wasn't anything special. Just some iron over a river. Lots of love locks.

"D'you want one?" Brendan asked amused as Ste thumbed over a very small one. "Chez would paint it pink for us."

"Shut up." Ste shushed him staring at the lock. "And don't flatter yerself." He looked over at the Irishman. "I like ya but I don't want to share a lock with ya." Brendan shook his head and leaned on the railing.

"So. Is it what you dreamed about?"

"Yup. Down to every detail." Ste breathed in the cold air nipping at his skin. "Why do people call it the Liffey Bridge?"

"'Cause it crosses the Liffey River." Brendan pointed to the dark water.

"Ah. That's nice." Ste eyed Brendan from the corner of his eye. "D'you know wha'? Those dreams. I think they were trying to tell me somethin'. Like you and me. Getting together. It weren't that horrible. But maybe in some different time it was. In some different life I think...I think you and I had the worst type of relationship." Ste nodded. "Yeah. It always felt like there was so much in those dreams. Like we suffered a lot. But we always sort of drifted back to each other. And this place." Ste tapped the railing. "This bridge, it seems...I think it was a really good place for us in that life. I think that it saved us. Allowed us to be happy."

"Sounds like some real magical bridge." Brendan commented.

"It feels like it is. S'why I wanted to come here so much. To see it. To thank it."

"You wanted to thank an inanimate object." Brendan said in a flat tone.

"If you can build a shrine to the Knight Rider car then I can thank a bridge for saving us in a different life." Ste snapped. "Bloody trans ams." He shook his head. They stood there for a moment in silence both staring out into the dark whilst people walked by. "D'you know what's weird?"

"Your yellow shirt that you won't let me bin." Ste gave him an unamused glare. Brendan inhaled an exasperated breath and crossed his arms. "What?"

"I was just going to say." Ste said enunciating each word. "It's weird. That I didn't even know you existed but I dreamt of ya. And I knew that we would be together. Like from that time Declan hit Lucas with the football. I knew. 'Cause youse so devilishly good looking." Ste grinned and leaned to the side cocking his head as he did so in front of Brendan's face, catching the reluctant smirk forming on the Irishman. Ste straightened up and leaned his body against the railing. "S'weird how much I love you. And so quickly. S'all so weird."

"D'you regret it?" Brendan asked quietly trying to hide the insecurity in his voice.

"'Course not." Ste replied not missing a beat. "You always go there first. Stop thinking that I regret being with ya."

"You and Danny actually got on before we got together." Brendan started counting on his fingers. "You are too good to me. You deserve better than me. Danny and Foxy are constantly at Tony's making you work extra. Chez goes to ya whenever she wants homemade food which is practically all the time. I eat all yer food. Paddy and Declan are a handful." Brendan looked at him. "Your life was so much easier when I weren't in it."

"No." Ste shook his head. "Me life was miserable. It's always miserable without ya." He pulled a small paper box out of his jacket that rattled a little and leaned back against the railing. His shoulder next to Brendan's. "Here." He passed the box to the Irishman who looked at him curiously. "Present." Ste smiled feeling himself dimple at the older man.

"What is it?" Brendan looked at him curiously.

"I was baking some pretzels with Paddy yesterday mornin' and I thought about you and...umm..." Ste's eyes shifted a little to the love locks, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach. "I made this for ya." Brendan's eyebrows furred together as he opened the box up. His eyes widened as he saw the contents of it and looked at Ste with disbelief and hope mixed together.

"Steven..." Ste grinned up at him.

"Brendan Brady." He took the object from the box. "Will you..." He held it up between the two of them. "Marry me?"

"You made a fucking engagement ring out of dough?" Brendan asked laughing incredulously. "Jesus, Steven."

"Not the reaction I was expecting." Ste frowned. "I was thinking more along the lines of how romantic I am, innit."

"You...you git." Brendan pulled him in by the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. Their tongues intertwining and dancing in celebration. "Fuck. Yes." Brendan panted in between.

"Good." Ste smirked into the older man's mouth and grabbed onto his hip with one hand. "Wait. D'you want it?" He held up the ring. Brendan grinned and put it in his pocket.

"You made me a ring out of dough." He murmured. "I fucking love you, Steven."

"Good. Very good." Ste felt his chest expand with happiness. "We're getting married." He sang as Brendan chuckled and wrapped himself around the Irishman. "Does this mean Leah is gonna get her white dress?" He asked Brendan a little scared. The older man refrained from answering for a second looking at Ste in silence.

"Maybe we should just keep this to ourselves for a little bit." Brendan said slowly. "Until we're sure we can handle the family."

"Agreed." Ste nodded. "D'you think we could get away with doing stuff on 'ere?" Brendan huffed a laugh and shook his head.

"Only if we want to get arrested."

"Okay. Then we need to get back to the room. Now. Because I want to ride my fiancé." Brendan's eyes darkened and he kissed him slowly with his eyes open and boring into Ste's.

"C'mon." He grabbed his hand and pulled him back towards the hotel.

-.-.-.-.-

"I want to get married on an ice rink." Ste announced. Leah frowned and banged her spoon against her bowl.

"What about my pretty white dress?" She asked. Brendan nodded.

"What about her pretty white dress, Steven?"

"Well, what do you want? A church wedding?" Brendan shrugged passing the PSP console back to Declan who rolled his eyes. They were playing some game on it.

"Sure. They're legal now." Ste gaped at Brendan. As did Cheryl, Nate and Declan. "What?"

"You...Bren, babe." Cheryl spoke slowly. "Ya didn't even want a church wedding with Eileen."

"Steven's not Eileen, Chez." Brendan spoke quickly. "What do ya think?" He looked to the twenty one year old.

"Planning a wedding is so boring." Declan muttered. "I mean, I'm happy for ya two but like this isn't what I came home for."

"No. You came so we would do your laundry." Ste supplied. "Alright. A church wedding. That can be arranged. Right? But I want an ice rink."

"Ice rinks are dumb." Brendan said.

"You're dumb." Ste shot back. "We could rent one for the reception."

"There's going to be a reception? How many people are we inviting?" The Irishman frowned. "I've got Chez, Nate, Danny, Foxy, the boys, Rhys and Jacqui."

"Danny? Danny Houston?" Ste raised his eyebrows writing down the names. "You want to invite a homophobic drug dealer to a homosexual catholic wedding?"

"He's me mate." Brendan shrugged.

"Alright. For me it'd be Leah, Lucas, Amy, Mitzeee, Phoenix, Sam, Leela, Tegan, Ziggy, Little Rose, Tony, Cindy, Holly, Texas and Dodger, Leanne and Doug, Joel, Lynsey. Maybe Rae and Theresa."

"No McQueens." Brendan said. "I don't want those leeches anywhere near our holy union."

"Aww. So sweet." Ste looked at his guest list. "And possessive."

"What about your dad?" Brendan asked.

"What about him?"

"Steven. I know you want him there."

"I'll invite him." Ste turned to Cheryl. "Can you help me with all this?" Brendan made an outraged sound.

"What about me? It's our wedding. Chez, piss off. I'll book the church. Father Des is a good man. He'll even preform the ceremony." Brendan looked at the guest list. "We can book that ice rink place in Chester. They have a bowling alley as well." Everyone gaped at Brendan again. "What?" He threw his hands up exasperated. "Can't I be excited to marry the man I love?!"

"You can, love. S'just weird." Cheryl commented.

"Since you and Ste got together you've become a completely different person." Nate added. "It's still difficult to get used to it. But we're not saying it's wrong. In fact it's really nice. To see you happy and not...what's the word, honey?" He turned to Cheryl.

"A gay bashing closeted homosexual, babe." She supplied with a grin. Brendan made a face at the married couple. Lucas yawned loudly and climbed onto Paddy, curling himself around the boy. "I think Lucas is in a serious need of a food nap."

"He's still young, Aunt Chez." Paddy said patting Lucas' back. "I remember being six. It was very hard."

"You're seven, Pad." Declan said with a straight face.

"I know. I'm wise and old now." Leah stood up and walked around the table to stand next to Paddy's chair.

"Come on, Paddy. Let's tuck him in." The three little children walked upstairs with the adults staring after them.

"Can I just say that they are the most interesting thing about our family?" Declan supplied.

"Agreed." Nate said.

-.-.-.-.-

The wedding happened two days after Christmas. Ste was holding Phoenix and trying to get him to stop crying whilst Brendan was changing Rose.

"Remind me why we agreed to babysit the day before our wedding?" Ste hissed as the nearly two year old boy was screaming bloody murder. "I am so glad Leah, Lucas, Paddy and Declan are no longer babies."

"Yup. Okay, sweet girl." Brendan picked Rose up. "If you shit yerself anymore, I'm calling on some scientists to study ya."

"Tegan and Ziggy said she poops like crazy." Phoenix finally started to calm down. "We didn't even have a bachelor party." Ste grumbled rocking the small boy. Brendan looked him over. "I would have liked to have had one."

"Steven, if you want to stay a bachelor, all you have to do is say so."

"Not funny." Brendan chuckled and Ste put Phoenix down in the play pen. "Alright. We should get ready. Right?" Brendan shook his head staring at the kids. Lucas bounced into the room.

"Can I have ice cream after the wedding?" Leah ran into the room and pushed him onto the ground.

"No ice cream! I can't have you making my dress dirty!" She ran out of the room as the little boy stood up and muttered under his breath that his sister was pure evil.

"Eloped. We should have just eloped." Ste said with the Irishman nodding next to him.

-.-.-.-.-

Father Des was a nice man. Everyone was late for the ceremony except for Brendan and Ste so the two just got Father Des to quickly marry the two whilst no one was there.

"WAIT." Amy said in a loud voice. "I COME HERE ESPECIALLY FOR THIS AND YOU TWO GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME HERE?" Her voice echoed through the church. She wasn't the only one annoyed. The rest of the party was glaring at the two men. Leah the most as she crossed her arms over her dress.

"You were late." Ste shrugged. "We should go eat some cake."

"You fucking wankers!" Joel yelled. "You couldn't have waited?!"

"This is a church." Father Des reprimanded.

"He's right. Let's just go and get some food." Brendan agreed, grabbed Ste's hand and pulled him forward past all their angry family and friends. "We've got an ice rink rented!" He yelled making Paddy and Lucas ran quickly to their side, their allegiance shifted from angry to excited.

-.-.-.-.-.-

They agreed to find a new place. Brendan wanted a flat but none in Hollyoaks were big enough to fit their entire family so She suggested they look at some houses but none appealed to them. Paddy came along sometimes. Sometimes it was Cheryl, Tony, Leela or Lynsey.

Finally after being annoyed at the indecisiveness, Leela suggested they look for places in Chester.

"S'not that far away so you don't have to quit working at Tony's and Brendan can still get to the club." She reasoned.

They found a house on the edge of Chester that was only twenty minutes by car from the village and a bus stop near by.

It was perfect. Had a basement converted into a bedroom and a bathroom, large living room, small loo and kitchen on the ground floor. Four bedrooms upstairs with one bathroom in the master bedroom and one main one in the hallway. And the attic was converted into a loft with a bathroom as well. The staircases were off to the side so they weren't in the way. There was a large front and back garden that was in serious need of repairing as the grass was over seven inches high and weeds scaring the children.

Unlike other English houses this one was manor like style detached completely from others with trees in the front garden.

"This place is amazing." Ste said in awe as he looked at the beautiful kitchen. It was somewhat furnished with oldish furniture that looked more dingy than the furniture in Ste's flat. "How did you hear about it?" Brendan was leaning on the wall taking it in whilst the estate agent was on her phone in the living room.

"Danny. We could have it for cheap too. Buy it. 'Cause a family was murdered here and the owner wants to get rid of it quick. Think it was like the brother of the mother or something." Ste paused.

"That explains all the blood in the master bedroom."

"It don't matter, does it? We can paint over it. This whole place could use a redo. Trip to IKEA is in order." Brendan said. "But I like it. Steven, this is the only place I've liked since we started looking."

"Bit dodgy, though. Family murdered. Danny Houston involved." Brendan rolled his eyes. "Alright. I'll stop. And I do like it. S'gonna be expensive, this."

"Mm. We'll make do." Brendan grinned. "Got lots of vouchers off Chez for Homebase." Ste shook his head and kissed his husband hard.

"You're me favourite person on this planet."

"Good. Better stay that way." Brendan murmured and looked to the estate agent. "D'you want to go to the murder bedroom and make it a little more ours?" Ste glanced at the woman.

"It would be nice to not have dead family on my mind when we move in." They moved quietly to not make the woman aware of their activities. The bedroom was then tainted with a lot more semen than blood.

-.-.-.-.-

"Brendan?" Ste asked shaking his husband who groaned. The Mancunian frowned standing next to the bed. "You alright?"

"Fuck off." The Irishman grunted, his head buried in his pillow.

"Wha?" He put the back of his hand against Brendan's face or what was visible from the pillow. "You got a fever." Ste laughed lightly.

"Fuck off, Steven." Brendan grumbled again.

"I'm gonna make you a cuppa." He went downstairs to the living room and popped the kettle on looking for some medicine in one of the cupboards. Paddy came into the kitchen yawning.

"Mornin'." Ste grinned at his sixteen year old son.

"No, it ain't." Paddy sulked taking a bag of frozen chips out of the freezer. "I've got five essays due on Monday. One for English, one for English lit, one for media, one for sociology and one that is meant to be a twelve thousand chapter for me fic."

"Your wha?" Ste frowned as Paddy put tin foil on a baking tray and basically threw the entire contents of the frozen chip bag onto it.

"Fanfic. My god, dad." Paddy rolled his eyes. Ste shook his head and made some garlic sandwiches. "Is da ill or somethin'?" Ste grinned at him as he put the chips in the oven.

"Yup. I get to nurse him back to health."

"So gross. Like so disgusting."

"Hey. Me and your father are in love. That's not disgusting." Ste poked Paddy's stomach. "It's beautiful." He put the sandwiches, medicine and tea on a small tray he bought in secret at IKEA. "You're just jealous."

"I'm your son!" Paddy cried outraged and Ste just stuck his tongue out walking upstairs. "I am so telling Leah about how much of a bully you are!" Ste ignored him and walked back into his bedroom where Brendan was sniffling.

"Come on. Sit up." Ste ordered. "Got food and paracetamol to bring your fever down." Brendan didn't move one iota and just started having a coughing fit. Ste put the tray on top of the night stand, grabbing the tea and the pills and came over to sit besides Brendan who turned his head away. "Don't be fussy. Here." The Irishman glanced at him with one eye. "Come on. I made you garlic sandwiches. I know how much you like garlic." Ste whispered grinning reminding his lover of when they had one of their best sex sessions in their kitchen. To be fair all of their sex sessions were the best but this one was special because they spent the entire day fucking in every single room christening their new house. Brendan rolled over and sat up taking the pills and swallowing them straight away before downing the hot tea. Ste smirked. "Careful or yer gonna burn your tonsils out." Brendan just flipped him off. "Alright. Get some sleep. The sandwiches are right here. I'll check on you in an hour." Ste stood up and smiled. "S'weird though, don't ya think? The kids have gotten ill loads of times and we've both taken care of them but neither one of us has in all the time we've been together. But now you have." Ste shrugged. "S'probably 'cause you're getting old."

"Steven?" Brendan croaked out in a throaty voice.

"Yes, Brendan?" Ste batted his eyelashes.

"Fuck off."

"Yes, Brendan." Ste grinned at him. "But you sleep. You understand me?" The Irishman nodded and put the tea to the side. "Love you." Brendan laid back down and Ste closed the door walking to Paddy's room. "Hey." The teenager looked up at him from where he was lying on the floor with his laptop. "I'm going to go and get some stuff from the shop for da. If he moves, you have my full permission to tie him to the bed." Paddy opened his mouth to speak but then closed it and nodded.

Ste picked up a couple of hot water bottles, some cold compressors, lots of different cough syrups, cough drops, cold and flu powders, paracetamol, ibuprofen, neurofen, whatever he saw that looked like it would help, he put in the basket. He went straight to the cashier because the self checkout machines would scream every two seconds. The woman at the till smiled at him politely.

"Morning."

"Mornin'." He said cheerfully.

"Someone ill at home?" She asked amused.

"Mm. Me husband. Right old git. I'm gonna make like a medicine shake and force it down his throat." She grinned at him.

"Good luck with that, love. Man flu is the worst. Me own man always goes like he's dyin'. Overreaction much?" Ste grinned and paid her the money before strolling back to the house. Paddy was dressed and hurrying to get out.

"I'm going to the library." He told Ste. "Gonna come back when that man's mind returns to normal."

"Wha? What happened?"

"He's vomiting and trying to eat the vomit back up claiming he's Rocky! I know you two are crazy but this goes way beyond my responsibilities." He pushed past Ste pit the door and left whilst the Mancunian looked up at the staircase wondering if he should go up and check on Brendan or get started on making some stuff to get him better.

A loud thump upstairs followed by a high pitched whine made his choice obvious. He ran upstairs quickly to see Brendan lying on the ground next to a bucket on the verge of falling over. Ste quickly set the bucket straight trying not to look at the vomit too much but there was another stench in the air.

"What are you...?" He looked down at Brendan whose skin was a lot more chalk like than he remembered. "Brendan?"

"I just wanted to take a piss." Brendan let out a wail of anguish. "I just wanted to piss." He sobbed into the carpet. Ste rolled his eyes and grabbed a hold of Brendan getting him up and slinging one of his arms over his own shoulder whilst the other supported his waist.

"C'mon." They walked slowly to the bathroom. "Next time just piss the bed. Sheets are easy to change." Brendan murmured something. "Huh?"

"I already did." He said quietly and Ste realised the stench was the smell of dry urine on Brendan's clothes. "Wouldn't let Paddy help me."

"Ah. Alright." Ste sat Brendan down on the toilet and pulled his pants down. "Hands up." He took Brendan's shirt as well. "Gonna put these in the wash." He turned the tub.

"Oh Jesus, Steven. I'm not going to lie down in me own filth like some prissy prince." Ste hit his forehead lightly but it still made the older man wince. "Ow."

"I like baths. And yer going to get in. I bought some muscle relaxing salts last week. Radox."

"Steven."

"You stink. So get in the bloody bath." He put one of the bath bombs Amy sent over in the tub as well as the salts. Brendan groaned but held a hand out for Ste to help him move. Once he was inside the tub, Ste made moves to clean up their bedroom starting with washing the sheets, scrubbing the mattress and getting rid of the puke from the bucket. He made a knock out cocktail with all the pills he bought and vitamins, tea, filled up the hot water bottle, more sandwiches, got some fresh clothes for Brendan and fresh linen to put on the bed which he dried with Leah's hair dryer. He put the hot water bottle under the duvet and went to check on Brendan who fell asleep in the tub and was barely above the water.

"Brendan?" Ste shook the man. The Irishman blinked at him awake. It always took his breath away how completely stunning Brendan was. Especially in vulnerable moments like these. His eyes so clear with no thoughts weighing them down for a fraction of a second. "Want me to do your hair?" Ste grinned at him earning a glare from the older man and a sneeze followed by fifteen deep coughs.

"I hate you." Brendan rasped out. Ste reached for the shampoo.

"Aw." He splurted out the content on top of the Irishman's head earning a delighted sigh from him as the cool liquid eased his suffering a little. Ste's fingers worked their magic. "This is fun. I've not done it since the kids was young." Brendan made a noise in acknowledgement. "I like it. You always take care of me and now I get to take care of you. Scally Ste to the rescue!" He washed the white foam off. "Alright, come on. Back to bed with you."

"Don't wanna move." Brendan muttered.

"Too bad. Come on." After a couple of minutes Brendan was in new pyjamas and ready to go back to bed. Ste smiled up at his husband and helped him get under the covers. "You've got a bucket here. I cleaned it so it don't smell so gross. Drink this." Ste passed him the drug cocktail and Brendan made a face. "Down it."

"But-"

"Do it." Brendan eyed him for a moment before drinking the entire pint and grimacing as he did so. "Good. Now, there's some sandwiches here. If you need to go pee, yell for me. Don't try to go by yerself. There's a hot water bottle in case your fever spikes but I also got cold compressors. There's carrot juice here too." Ste pointed to the bottles on the nightstand. "Paracetamol, ibuprofen, aspirin, vitamin c, cough syrup and I have more stuff downstairs. Oh and tissue." Ste pulled two packs out of his pocket. "D'you want me to get the telly in here?"

"No." Brendan croaked watching Ste carefully.

"You sure? I know that the sound can be like in the background and put you to sleep or somethin'." Brendan shook his head. "Alright. I'm right downstairs if you need me."

"Steven, just..." Brendan tugged at his hand. "C'mere." Ste jumped over the man and put his arm around him.

"Were you really trying to eat your own sick?" Brendan chuckled lightly and nuzzled into Ste.

"It's fun scaring children." He replied. "I love you, Steven."

"Aww." Ste cooed and kissed the top of Brendan's head. "I love you too."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Brendan walked into the bedroom and stopped immediately when he saw his favourite suit on the bed covered in what looked like was cat hair.

"Steven!" He yelled and the Mancunian ran into the bedroom immediately.

"What's the matter?" He asked wide eyed. Brendan pointed to his suit. "Wha? Is that...Is that cat hair?"

"Do we have a cat that you didn't tell me about?" Ste shook his head before realisation dawned upon him.

"Lucas!" He yelled and went into the fifteen year old boy's bedroom. The blonde looked up at his fathers from under his locks innocently batting his eyes.

"Wha?"

"Where is it?"

"Where's-?"

"The cat. Where's the cat?" Brendan crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes at the teenager. "It ruined my suit." Lucas shrugged.

"I don't know anything about that. I don't have a cat."

"Lucas." Both men growled in unison. The teenage boy sighed and deflated.

"Her name's Lily. You can't take her away now that she's got a name."

"Where is she?" Ste asked feeling annoyed by the second. Lucas pointed upstairs. "If you wanted a cat, all you had to do was ask us if it was okay." Brendan walked to the loft to get the animal whilst Ste reprimanded Lucas. "What if something happened to it? Like it ate something bad and died or brought rats and lizards into the house? What have you been feeding her?" Brendan came back downstairs cradling a small yellow kitten against his chest. It was comical and adorable at the same time. "Aww, she's so cute." Ste cooed. Brendan nodded.

"We're keeping her, right?"

"'Course. You just need to buy lots and lots of lint rollers for yer suits."

"Isn't this nice? Everything worked out great." Lucas grinned at them.

"No telly for a week for ya." Brendan told him. "And clean my suit."

"Daad!" Ste grinned at his husband who was mesmerized by the kitten licking his long fingers.

"Welcome home, Lily."

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ste was on the bus to go home after a long day at work and trying to ignore the really loud teenagers in the back of the bus. His phone vibrated making him more annoyed.

"Hey. I'm just on the bus now." He said quickly rubbing his eyes.

"I got glasses." Brendan murmured. "I went to the fucking eyw doctor and she prescribed me glasses and I picked them up today and now I have glasses. I'm old, Steven."

"Yer ain't old, Brendan. Lots of people have glasses." Ste said tiredly. "Can you put some spaghetti on the stove so I'll just get a head start on the dinner?"

"Sure. Glasses make me look ancient."

"Brendan, you are hot as fuck with or without glasses." Ste yawned into the window ignoring the scandalised look from the old lady in the seat across from him. "Who are you trying to look young for anyways? Kevin? Some other scrawny on the side?"

"Yer hilarious."

"I know. Did anything come in the mail for me?"

"No, why?" Ste sighed. The loud teenagers laughing loudly in the back.

"You know how I did the diploma to become a qualified chef on the open university? They said they would mail me the certificate and it's been two weeks." Ste said. "I'm just worried I spent all that time and money on nothing."

"You didn't. You know you didn't. You got a lot out of it and worked really hard, Steven. The thing will probably come in a while."

"I hope so. It was really busy today. I miss working only four hours a day. These twelve hour shifts don't agree with me."

"At least you don't have to work nights." Brendan bit. "I'm going to go into the club and all those fucking annoying students will laugh 'cause I'm so old." Ste closed his eyes and pressed his head against the window.

"Oh my God. Will you stop?" He moaned.

"I look like I'm in me seventies. Me hair is getting gray too."

"Oh for fuck's sake." Ste ended the conversation and turned off his phone. When he got home, his husband was pouting in glasses looking incredibly attractive whilst the uncooked pasta was thrown on top of the stove and Paddy was commenting about how passive aggressive behaviour between his fathers was ruining his telly watching from the couch and Leah shouting for everyone that uni applications were dumb. Paddy agreed whilst Lucas laughed because he had one more year before he had to go through that process. Lily brushing against Ste's legs to get some food and attention.

-.-.-.-.-

"Steven." Brendan murmured humming above him. "Come on. You cannot be late for Peri's party."

"I can and I will." Ste said turning back to the pillows. "My little niece/sister is not engaged." Brendan kissed his shoulder.

"Come on. There's no guarantee she'll go through with it. He survived my scare tactics though." Brendan plastered himself across his husband's back. "That has to count for something." Ste eyed him.

"You just shocked me." He murmured.

"Did I? Sorry. Must have been all that friction on the carpet." Brendan bit his ear and grinded his hips into Ste's backside. "You may not be twenty one anymore but still got the stamina of one."

"Oi, fuck off. You're the fifty year old. I'm still youthful and gorgeous." He murmured but raised his hips up and his hand travelled to the nightstand drawer for lube. "I thought you wanted to go to the party."

"We can be a little late." Brendan muttered hungrily into his ear as his erection grew and Ste chuckled. They were very late to the party.

-.-.-.-.-

Ste sat with his granddaughter in the back garden watching her daddy kick the ball around with his brothers.

"Grandpa, how did you and grandpa Brendan fall in love?" She asked swinging her legs back and forth. Her siblings and cousins running around or sitting in strolleys. Her aunts joining the football game. Ste looked at his husband who was smirking as Declan was losing badly to Leah and half listening to Joel. Brendan was seventy three now. Ste sixty two. Their life together has been good. Arguments, fights, great sex, a home, a stable marriage never unwavering, love so toxic and codependent it scared others but to them was a sense of strength to become better people together.

"I was always in love with him." Ste smiled as Brendan's hearing aid was acting up a little and the Irishman had to reset it. His face annoyed. It scared so many of Leah's boyfriends, intimidated all of Declan's friends. "There was never a point where I weren't."

"Hmm?" His granddaughter cocked her head to the side looking so much like the older Brady. "That doesn't really make sense."

"Well, sometimes you can love someone before you even meet them. Like we all loved you before you were born." The little girl brightened up.

"Yeah. That's okay then." She jumped off the bench and ran to her siblings and cousins. Ste stared after her for two seconds before walking over to his husband and sitting next to him.

"What did Eileen want?" Brendan asked putting his arm around Ste's shoulder.

"The story of us." Ste smiled.

"What did you say?" Brendan asked curiously.

"That there's no beginning and no end. We happen every lifetime."

"Good."

"Good." The two men smiled at each other before Ste placed a kiss on his husband's lips. "I love you, Brendan Brady."

"Love you too, Steven Hay."

Not all was well. There were still problems that happened all the time. Fights and arguments. Worry about little things, about big things.

But the important thing was that the two faced them together.

Until the next lifetime where they found each other again.

 **P.S. Catch up with me on tumblr if you'd like: dominikadecember**

 **Also, I'm really tempted to watch the Robron story line in Emmerdale but I'm not sure because I don't like Emmerdale. Stendan is my baby though. I think you can expect some oneshots in the future. I don't know what future but yeah. This pairing has made my life** **worse** **better. Thank you all again so much for being amazing people.**


End file.
